I have edited one of my previous oneshots that I had written on wattpad for another couple (Avneil). I have wanted to see scenes and read stories focusing on Abhiras insecurities and fears. So this is my attempt to satiate my own wish! lol. hope its decent enough for you folks to give it a read. In this FF, Armaan has not spoken of leaving home to marry her etc.
INSECURITIES
It was just a few days after Abhira had proposed to Armaan and they were back together and trying to convince Kaveri for their shaadi. Armaan had more time off since Kaveri had relieved him of some of the cases and handed them to Rohit who had just returned. Armaan decided to make good use of the time he had and take Abhira out for dinner to enjoy a meal. They had both been stressed too with Ruhi returning to PH and Rohits behaviour. And he knew they could use some time together.
Armaan had picked a really nice hotel with live music. They reached the hotel , ordered food and were waiting for it to come.
Suddenly Abhira noticed 2 pretty girls at the nearby table who were all eyeing Armaan like he was candy. Ofcourse she knew Armaan was incredibly handsome but that didn't mean they could check him out so blatantly that too when they could see that he was here with her! She tried to distract herself, but it was tough especially considering how obvious these girls were being and Armaan looked completely oblivious to the attention. He was trying to make some small talk but Abhira was very distracted and getting upset. She decided to excuse herself to the bathroom and compose herself. She got up and walked to the bathroom. She went into one of the rooms and tried some deep breathing techniques. She knew it wasn't Armaan’s fault that the girls were checking him out, but she was getting very upset. Just as she was about to step out she heard the same 2 girls come in and talk- A- Dude, that guy on the table near us is so hot! B- I know right! I think I'm gonna go make a move A- But he looks like he's come with his girlfriend na .B- Who cares! She doesn’t even look classy. I doubt he's going to be interested in her! Either she is just a friend or he's forced to be with her. Once he sees that he has better options, he'll ditch her! No guy has ever turned me down! A- Don't you think you're being overconfident?!B-Dude its confidence. Plus have you seen that chick he's with, She is not even wearing makeup and her clothes don’t even look branded. Who steps out looking like that when they are with such a hot guy . Plus he looks rich AF too. A- The guy is definitely hot. If I didn't have a boyfriend I would make a move too! B- I don't have anything like that to worry about, so I'm going for it!
Abhira who had heard this exchange felt even more upset. She looked at herself in the mirror and only saw flaws. She had always been a tomboy growing up. She didn’t enjoy make up or have any knowledge of branded clothes and accessories. She was a middle-class girl. But Armaan was not in her league. He was from a khandaani rich family. He was at the top of his career, and he was really attractive and hot while she knew she was just an average jane. She knew in the back of her mind that Armaan had told her he loved her but for some reason now she was feeling very insecure. Even his first choice had been someone like a Ruhi type of girl- who matched his status and looks. She had always felt like she did not deserve Armaan and hearing all this stuff made her feel worse. She had always felt guilty about the way they got married and how she landed in his life. Although she knew that things were different now and Armaan had told her that he wanted to be with her and he loved her.
Another lingering thought she had been having was that she was not his first love and he may have been in other relationships too since he was older than her but she on the other hand was very inexperienced. She had never even casually dated, let alone love/relationships. She was always seen as one of the bros in her school and college. No one had ever asked her out. And she was feeling everything for the first time with Armaan- the attraction, the butterflies in her stomach everytime she was near him and the tingly feeling, the goosebumps she got when he hugged her or gave her a small peck. It was all super new to her and she didn't know how to move further. She was nervous and she didn't know how to make the next move or what to do. She didn't want to disappoint him and that thought made her more nervous. She looked at herself in the mirror with all these thoughts running in her head. And she was trying to shake herself out of it. She took a few more calming breaths and told herself that she was overthinking, things would get better. She washed her face and quickly made her way back to the table. She had just got seated when the girl from earlier made her way over and suddenly she walked past Armaan and pretended to trip and accidentally knockoff the glass of water.
Armaan being a gentleman, immediately stood up to make sure that she was ok. Armaan- Are you ok?
Girl Oh ya, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Btw my name is XYZ(immaterial !) and she put out her hand. Armaan- oh hi, I am Armaan Poddar
Girl- Obviously flirting- its very nice to meet you Armaan.SO what do you do?
Armaan- was a bit surprised by why this girl was flirting with him- he didn't want to be rude though so he replied- I'm a lawyer.
Girl- Oh wow, No wonder you look so smart!
Armaan- little uncomfortable- Thanks, I guess. He was just about to sit down at the table.
Abhira- meanwhile was watching the whole exchange getting more and more worked up, upset. Suddenly the music changed, and there was an announcement for couples to hit the dance floor. Girl- Would you like to join me for a dance?
Armaan- No thanks. I'm actually here with ...Girl-cuts him off- I know you are here with her, but I'm sure she wont mind if I borrow you for 1 dance. Anyway, you guys look like you are still waiting for your food.
Armaan- looks at Abhira- who looked visibly very upset and a little jealous- and thought he would rile her up a little, to tease her for a change since it was usually him at the receiving end of her wit and humor. (unfortunately, he didn't know what a TERRIBLE decision he was making)-Sure, he said with a mischievous smile for he was only thinking of the fun banter that he could have with Abhira later.
And he led her to the dance floor. As he danced with the girl, his eyes were only on Abhira. He could see that she looked upset and was thinking of all the ways he could tease her about getting jealous. The girl realized he was not even looking at her, so she turned them around so that she could block his view and was trying to make small talk and flirt with him.
Abhira meanwhile was watching all this and thinking- The girl was right- she is incredibly pretty and confident. she just walked up and made her move and just like she said Armaan couldn't refuse her. No guy would refuse her! What am I even doing with Armaan? He deserves better. Not some average jane who has been imposed upon him. He has probably forced himself to try to love me only because he thinks of me as his responsibility and because I have been with him for all these months. She also had flashbacks of his dance with Ruhi at the first event they had gone to as a married couple. Thinking of that and as she watched Armaan and the girl dance, her eyes were tearing up and she couldn't watch any longer. She wanted to get up and leave. Meanwhile- Armaan was getting sick of this girl’s incessant chatter and flirting. He couldn't wait for the dance to be over. He was trying to look at his silly girl’s cute jealous expression like the time in her college, but this girl was blocking his view. Finally the music stopped and Armaan said ok I'm going to head back to my table.Just before he could leave- the girl pulled him back and was about to kiss his cheek but Armaan pushed her away.
Girl- You don't have to go back, why don't we head out and have a good time? (and winked at him)
Armaan- now he was very uncomfortable and upset and replied curtly- I agreed to the dance just to be polite, but you are crossing the line. I am not interested. Excuse me, I need to go
Girl- Are you serious? Why do you want to go back to dining with that chick you came with when you can hang out with me?
Armaan- now he was pissed- look Miss, that chick is the love of my life, and I have absolutely no interest in spending any more time with you.
And he turned to leave. But when he looked at the table Abhira was no longer there.
Girl- Look, she is not even at the table. So forget her and lets dance.
Armaan- Let me go he said angrily, and yanked his hand away and ran out of the restaurant looking for his Abhira
Armaan- ran out but didn't see her. Now he was feeling extremely guilty- "how stupid can you be Armaan! Because of your stupid act to see her jealousy you have hurt her and she has left! After all the drama in life, you finally had a chance to spend a romantic evening with her and what have you done?!" Armaan cursed himself! He asked the watchman- who told him that he just saw a lady leave in the auto. Armaan figured she must have gone home so he took the car and headed back.But once he reached home he grew more worried because Abhira was not there. His parents were surprised to see him back without Abhira and he quickly made some excuse and ran back out. Now he wondered- Abhira where are you?!
As he was pondering where she could go, Manisha saw him and asked- Arey, Armaan tum aur Abhira toh dinner date peh gaye the na. But ab tumakele khade ho. What happened? Armaan- Voh chachi, I'm an idiot. I did something to upset her and she left.
Manisha - Aisa kya hua? sab kuch bata mujhe.
Armaan tells her the whole story
Manisha - Armaan, ye tumne kya kiya?! Itnaa kuch hua hai already tum donon ke beech. Pehle divorce, phir uska itne din akele rehna,tumhaari almost shaadi with Ruhi and then mummysa ka heart attack and her disapproval. That Ruhi is also back now to create drama. Instead of spending some happy moments with her, this is what you do. Woh bacchi kitnaa hurt hogayi hogi. I didnt expect this from you Armaan.
Armaan- Sorry chachi, I know I messed up. but maine socha nahi ki voh itni upset ho jayegi. Voh Abhira hai, itni strong hai, phir itni choti baat ke liye kaise itni upset kaise ho gayi. mujhe laga voh apne cute nakhre karegi, phir humaara usual nok jhok hoga.
Manisha- exasperated - choti baat?! Armaan , I know ki tumne ye masti main kiya hai but you still haven't understood Abhira completely. Koi bhi ladki yeh sab tolerate nahi karegi. Especially someone in Abhira’s shoes. Uske aankhon ke saamne tumne almost Ruhi seh shaadi ki. Ab tum kisi random ladki ke saath dance kar rahe the. Armaan uss bacchi ke liye tum uski puri duniya ho. She has no one except you to count on and she has almost lost you once already. As it is, usko difficult raha hoga to accept that you had a past with Ruhi which you hid from her, yet she trusted you and gave you a chance. And now she has to deal with Ruhi back here too. Just because voh kehti ya dikhati nahi hai doesn’t mean she is not sensitive. I have seen her pretend to be ok while breaking apart when you divorced her and then she had to tolerate Ruhi interfering in your marriage repeatedly. Please don’t ever make her feel insecure even in masti or fun because she will not be able to handle it. I know Armaan ki tum us se bahut pyaar karte ho and Abhira bhi kahin na kahin yeh jaanti hai. But all this relationship stuff is very new to her. Useh iss sab me adjust karne ke liye thoda vakt lagega. Uske life mein shaayad tumse pehle koi nahi tha.sirf uski mumma thi. Voh bahar jitna bhi khud ko bindaas aur confident dikhaye, she is just a young girl. I know she will still be really nervous about your new relationship especially when there are so many barriers-with mummysa not approving your marriage yet.
Armaan feels even more guilty now and thinks to himself “Armaan what rubbish have you done? Tumne anjaane main Abhira ko bahut hurt kiya hai. Chachi ki baton se kaafi cheezein are becoming more clear to me, how did I not see this earlier! She has tolerated a lot because of my indecisiveness and stupidity. And I should have realized she can also get nervous. No wonder she's so hesitant when I try to get intimate. But doesn't she know that I love her and how important she is to me. I really need to find her and talk to her”
Manisha tries to call her but Abhira ka phone unreachable hai.
Manisha- socho Armaan, who kahaan ja sakti hai?
Armaan suddenly has a realization of where she could have gone.
Armaan – chachi, I know where she may be. Aap fikr mat karo. I'll go find her. But if she comes here, just call me.
Manisha- thik hai tum apna dhyaan rakho aur meri bacchii ka bhi
Armaan- goes to his special bench because he knows Abhira loved that spot too and as soon as he reached, there she was - sitting with her back to him, watching the city lights. Just from her posture he knew she was sad, upset. That made his heart clench.
Armaan- Abhira, he called out and ran towards her.
As she stood up and turned to face him, he ran up to her and engulfed her in a tight bear hug. Both of them just stood there not saying a word.
A minute later, Armaan steps back and looks at her and his heart breaks.
She's standing there with tear tracks on her face looking extremely tired and worn out.
Armaan- guides her to the bench and sits down facing her and holds her hands. Abhira kya hua? Tum aise bina bataye kyun agayi wahan se? Abhira-didn't reply
Armaan- softly- Abhira- main tumse puch raha hoon- kya hua? tum kyun agayi vahan seh?
Abhira- looking down- says nothing- Armaan- decides to give her some time and space to compose herself and answer- he just held her hands.
Abhira- mujhe kuch thik nahi laga toh main chali gayi.
Armaan- hey, hey, look here. Look at me. Tum meri Abhira ho,humesha sach bolne waali, jo mujhse humesha bina filter sab kuch bolti hai. Tum mujhse kuch bhi share kar sakti ho. Toh poori baat batao mujhe. Tum itni upset kyun ho?
Abhira- kuch baat nahi hai, chalo hum ghar chlate hai and she got up.
Armaan- turned her back and made her sit down again. Abhira, please jaan, I know ki uss ladki ko mujhse flirt katre dekhke aur dance dekh kar tum upset hogayi. I'm really sorry. Main masti kar raha tha kyunki tum jab jealous hoti ho toh bahut cute lagti ho isliye, but I didnt mean to get you so upset. I'm really sorry. Meri galti hai. Mein gadha hun, bewakuf hun. I am really really sorry. I should have understood that this was insensitive and not funny.
Abhira- saw his sincerity and said - its fine Armaan, shaayad maine hi overereact kiya.
Armaan- nahi Abhira- please mujhse baat karo. Please mujhe batao ki tum kya soch rahi ho.
Abhira – unable to keep her emotions in check anymore bursts out and says- Armaan, tum mere saath kya kar rahe ho?
Armaan- what do you mean?
Abhira- I mean, why are you with me? tum mere saath apna time kyun waste kar rahe ho.
Armaan- Abhira, tum aise kyun bol rahi ho? What do you mean by time waste... You know I love you.
Abhira- are you sure about that Armaan? Maybe you only THINK that you love me?
Armaan- kya?!
Abhira- in a defeated tone- haan, I mean why would you love me of all people?
Armaan- Abhira- tum ye kaise sawaal kar rahi ho? I love you. I love you for the amazing person that you are. Tumse zyada strong ladki maine aaj tak nahi dekhi. And you have the biggest and most pure heart. Tum meri zindagi ki roshni ho, khushi ho.
Abhira- Armaan I'm not strong. It was just circumstances, and I was forced to be the way I am. I got shoved into your life because mumma died and made you promise to take care of me. Phir one after another kuch na kuch hua, we have lived together for many months before the divorce so you got used to having me around. Aadat hogayi hai tumhe meri. But just because I fell in love with you, doesn’t mean you need to feel the same way. See, I know you care a lot about me. You want to protect me kyunki mera aur koi nahi hai. But maybe that isn’t love na. I feel like tumhe sirf lagta ha ki tum mujhse pyaar karte ho. But we are very different people. The truth is I can never keep you happy. Mujhe tumhare aur tumhaare family ke saath rahkar family waali feeling aayi isliye mein shaayad selfish hogayi hoon and mein tum sab ko chod ke nahi jaa paayi. But ab bas ho gaya, I know you deserve much better. Tumhe zabardasti mere saath rahne ki and mujhse pyaar karne ki zarurat nahi hai. Pyaar zabardasti seh toh nahi hota na.
Armaan- getting worked up- Abhira, ye kya bakwaas bole ja rahi ho tum? Tumhe lagta hai ki main tumhaare saath zabardasti rah raha hoon? Really?
Abhira- haan
Armaan- shaking her shoulders- kyun lagta hai tumhe aise?
Abhira- Armaan we have nothing in common. Naa main good looking hoon, na tumhare status ki hoon. I am struggling to make my career. Mere vajah seh dadisa tumse naaraz hai, tumhaare cases cheen liye unhone. Upar seh mein aafat ki pudiya hoon, kuch siyappa karti rahti hoon, ziddi hoon, and you have to keep getting me out of sticky situations. I'm a middle class person, I don’t match you in status, looks ,career, nothing! I have too many issues and tum itne acche ho ki tumne mujhe iss sab ke bavajood accept kiya, mujhe fix karne ki koshish ki. But I'm not fixable. I dont deserve this love, your family. I need to step aside. Otherwise, mere saath rahoge toh soon you will grow to resent me because of my flaws.
Armaan gripped her shoulders tight- he didn't know what to say to Abhira. He was both angry and upset. He didn't know what to say to her so he just slammed his lips onto hers hoping he could convey how he felt about her.
Abhira was in shock and didn't react initially.
But Armaan kissed her until she started responding. After a few minutes they broke apart panting.
Armaan- forces Abhira to look at him. Listen to me Abhira. And Listen carefully. Haan ye sach hai ki tum meri life main zimmedari ban ke aayi.Haan humaare rishte ki shuruat normal nahi thi. But jo bhi hua hai- usme ek toh destiny ka haath hai aur baaki humaare choices hai. Tumhaare saath rahna ye mera choice hai. Maine yeh choice sirf aur sirf apne liye kia hai- kyunki mujhe tumhaare saath rahna bahut accha lagta hai. Maine tumhe pasand kiya hai not because it’s some responsibility. I love the person you are. Haan tum impulsive ho, ziddi ho, danger magnet ho but tum bahut strong ho, khud ke liye or dusron ke liye stand leti ho, sahi cheez ke liye ladti ho. Sabse pyaar karti ho. Tum khud broken ho but despite that you had the strength and grace to accept my baggage and flaws. Tum ne hamesha sirf sahi cheez karne ki koshish ki ,no matter how much it hurt you aur kabhi jataya bhi nahi. Tumne mera saath tab diya when everyone else was judging me-that too bina kisi sawaal ke. You just trusted me and stood by me. I don't know ki tum itni selfless, itni nisswarth kaise ho but I love you for it. Tum mujhe challenge karti ho, mujhe apne unique perspective seh humesha sochne par majbur karti ho to see things from a different point of view. Tumne mujhe khul ke hasna sikhaya hai, present mein jeena sikhaya hai, khud ke Khushi and haq keliye baat karna sikhaya hai. Tumhari middle class hone ke vajah seh, today I know what matters most is the little joys of life. And paison ka kya hai, aaj hai, kal na ho. Vaise bhi , mujhe pata hai tum aage bahut paise bhi kamaogi kyunki tum ek brilliant lawyer ho. I know that eventually you will get to great heights Abhira! And aur tumne kya bola- looks! Abhira, tum bahut khubsurat ho. Mujhe toh yakeen hi nahi hota, ki tumhaare jitni pretty ladki mujhse pyaar karti hai! Abhira, mehenge kapdon mein and make up mein toh koi bhi sundar lag sakta hai. But meri hulk ki mameri behen sabse unique hai. tumhaari khubsurti tumhaari saadgi mein hai,tumhaari shararaton mein hai, tumhaare zindadili mein hai. Tum toh har andaaz mein sabse pyaari ho- jab tum clumsily yahaan wahaan girti padti rehti ho, jab tum apne jugaad ke chakkar mein apne chehre peh mitti ya grease laga leti ho, jab tum mujhe ya chorus gang ko tease karti ho and dil kholke hasti ho- Khud ko meri nazron seh dekhogi toh pata chalega ki tum kitni khubsurat ho! I feel SO lucky that I have you in my life. I know mujhe pyaar ka ehsaas samajhne mein vakt lag gaya but ab mein sure hoon ki mein kya feel karta hoon. Abhira, tumhi ne mujhse kaha tha na, ki hum donon ek dusre ko kabhi nahi chodenge. Abhira tum meri lifeline ho, tum ho toh main hoon. Tum nahi toh main bhi nahi. I don't know ki tumhe suddenly itna insecure kyun feel ho raha hai. Because the Abhira i know is bold, beautiful and confident. I need you to know ki tum mere liye sabse zyaada important ho. Please Abhira samjho iss baat ko...I love you. I need you. Aur meri family bhi tumhaare aane se hi complete hui hai.
In response to this, Abhira simply hugged him tight and was weeping in his arms.
Armaan- hugged her back just as fiercely- accha shh...rona band karo. And kisses her forehead, caressing her hair. He held her until she quietened down. And, then moved back to look at her. Even with red eyes, blotchy cheeks she was the most beautiful woman on the planet for him! He moved to place a kiss on her cheek and nuzzled her neck. He started placing a trail of kisses on her neck. One hand was in her hair while the other was tracing patterns on her waist. Just as he was about to kiss her lips, he looked at her and saw that even though her eyes were closed, her posture was a bit stiff and she looked a little hesitant.
Armaan pulled away and stopped his ministrations.
Armaan- Abhira, kya hua hai. I love you, tum mujhse bina jhijke sab kuch share jar sakti ho.
Abhira- sorry Armaan. Mujhe nahi pata ki aage kya karna hai.All this is very new to me. Tumhe shaayad pahle se experience hai but I dunno what to do and I'm scared to do something that you may not enjoy.
Armaan- just cups her face and whispers- You are such a silly girl! Firstly, mujhe koi experience nahi hai. Tum meri life ka pehla aur aakhri pyaar ho!
Abhira- but Ruhi…
Armaan- interrupting- Jab Ruhi ko mila tha, toh voh sirf infatuation tha but maine usko pyaar samajh neh ki galti kardi. I barely knew her, I didn’t even go on one date with her before she married Rohit and became my sister-in-law. And as soon as she did, I never saw her as a partner. But Rohit jab chala gaya toh I felt guilty about her state and felt I needed to be her friend. But uss chakkar mein maine bahut gadbad kardi. I got confused about how to feel and I know meri baut saari galtiyon ki vajah seh humaare rishte neh bahut suffer kiya hai. When we got divorced because of all the misunderstandings, I was pressured to marry Ruhi but believe me Abhira, I never could never ever feel anything for her. It was suffocating to be with her because it was only you on my mind always! Toh humaara yeh pyaar, yeh saath, yeh saare ehsaas- yeh sab mere liye bhi first time hi hai. Toh lets discover it all together. Koi jaldi nahi hai. Just go with the flow. And tum jo bhi karogi I'm sure I'll like it because its you! I love you! You are the only one for me.
Abhira blushes and says - I love you more.
Armaan leaned in again and this time Abhira didn’t hesitate,and they shared a loving kiss under the stars at their special bench.
Phew. Kaafi lamba hai, but hopefully some of you make till here. If you did get to this point, leave me a comment please. And even better, please write a FF of your own and tag me!
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