Adhya and her persistent hatred - Page 4

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Life is not a warfield. You cannot go on a warpath over every little argument that you have with your partner especially when you have a kid in the picture. That’s why there’s a considerable period taken to ‘plan’ the family, but once you start it, there’re very little room for errors. A child’s needs triumph most of the things in life. And providing justifications to a partner’s allegations with examples (the ones Anuj had time and again) is not losing self-respect. One IS answerable to one’s family. That’s how a family works. Providing explanation is PART of it. Except for parents’, there’re no unconditional love in the world. Period. That doesn’t mean anyone tries to deliberately berate one’s partner. Questioning each other and providing justifications make a relationship healhier, only if one has the intention to stay in it and work on it, else yeah, we can go on warpath very well and lose everyone in life and stay alone.

P.S. - Just realized in Adhya’s case, even her parents’ love is not unconditional. Comes with so many criteria.

P.P.S. - I absolutely love the idea and people’s decisions to stay alone by CHOICE. And my statements above do not include them who stay alone by CHOICE. My statements are for those who chose to have relationships and then screwed them over with their own versions of ideologies and ended up staying alone against their initial preference and finally adjusting to it with a ‘grapes are sour’ attitude.

Funnily, Anupama walked out of the relationship never to turn the last 5 years, broke off the marriage because she was questioned, what happened now that she wants to get back together?

So, even Anupama is maintaining a relationship of convenience, isn't it?

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Aren’t we supposed to revisit the worst part of the story during counselling which primarily leads to the path of healing ? What makes you think avoidance is the most advised and suitable path towards comeback ?

We are not the ones who need therapy for the Shahs’ behavior so us re-visiting doesn’t help either, kidding 😄

The post to which I responded read thus -

“And why doesn't Anupama remember the times when adhya was mistreated by shah's, especially baa and the times when pakhi used to misbehave with her almost slapped her??”

So my answer was what good does it do for Anupama to remember. Anupama is taking Aadhya to task for a misdoing. Remembering how Aadhya was treated by the Shahs 5 years ago is not the question here and Aadhya is not in a therapy session here in this episode. She is being scolded for a wrong doing.

And remembering how Aadhya was treated doesn’t give Aadhya a carte blanche reason to act out how she pleases. She put Pari in danger and could have caused Pari to die. All those young school shooters here have a reason why they behave the way they do, they carry mental trauma and anguish but that doesn’t excuse them nor give them a reason to hurt others. (And no, I am not comparing Aadhya to the school shooters, that is an example. Choti Anu is Anu’s daughter and will never be shown to harm anyone seriously, Ma ka sanskar is too deeply ingrained in her.)

Two wrongs never make a right. And Aadhya hurting Pari cos she was mistreated by the Shahs is not a good enough reason to cause Pari harm. We can empathize with Aadhya but we cannot excuse her behavior.

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

Funnily, Anupama walked out of the relationship never to turn the last 5 years, broke off the marriage because she was questioned, what happened now that she wants to get back together?

So, even Anupama is maintaining a relationship of convenience, isn't it?

Sane upma burnt family pic too few weeks back but she has no guilt for doing that.

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Life is not a warfield. You cannot go on a warpath over every little argument that you have with your partner especially when you have a kid in the picture. That’s why there’s a considerable period taken to ‘plan’ the family, but once you start it, there’re very little room for errors. A child’s needs triumph most of the things in life. And providing justifications to a partner’s allegations with examples (the ones Anuj had time and again) is not losing self-respect. One IS answerable to one’s family. That’s how a family works. Providing explanation is PART of it. Except for parents’, there’re no unconditional love in the world. Period. That doesn’t mean anyone tries to deliberately berate one’s partner. Questioning each other and providing justifications make a relationship healhier, only if one has the intention to stay in it and work on it, else yeah, we can go on warpath very well and lose everyone in life and stay alone.

P.S. - Just realized in Adhya’s case, even her parents’ love is not unconditional. Comes with so many criteria.

P.P.S. - I absolutely love the idea and people’s decisions to stay alone by CHOICE. And my statements above do not include them who stay alone by CHOICE. My statements are for those who chose to have relationships and then screwed them over with their own versions of ideologies and ended up staying alone against their initial preference and finally adjusting to it with a ‘grapes are sour’ attitude.

If you read my post again, I do reiterate there that both the mother and father are at fault, both should have explained to the child to rid her of her insecurities, and to reassure her of their love. That is not what happened.

And no, I am not saying a partner should leave the spouse cos of a minor misunderstanding, Anuj has held Anupama responsible over and over again, when she let Aadhya go with Maya he blamed Anupama, and he disappeared after the child and cohabited with Maya. He blamed Anumpama again when the accident happened. A man who cannot trust his wife and consistently shows his mistrust must not really love or understand her, me thinks.

I agree with you, marriage means compromise and commitment on the part of both spouses, having children may strain the relationship at least at the beginning for some as it is an adjustment phase but it is a joint effort to make the marriage work.

I, like you, totally respect those who choose to be single or who walk away from a toxic relationship but that doesn’t mean there can be no friction or argument between happily married spouses. How much one tolerates or puts up with is also dependent on each individual. If someone told me their husband, heaven forbid, ran after any child (adopted or biological) to live with another woman, I would tell them to leave him 😄 sorry, if that sounds decadent. But that is my tolerance level, absolute fidelity in thought, word and deed. Anupama forgave him and that grated. So yes, Anuj’s living with Shrew irks me, if he truly loved Anupama, he wouldn’t have needed another woman (again my thinking, pardon me), now he is engaged to Shrew, he shouldn’t be running after Anupama until he is completely out of that relationship with Shrew. Black and white is how I see devoted relationships to be but do understand that life is not like that and there are shades of grey, and that practicality and other drivers may affect how one leads his/her life.

Originally posted by: zohakhan7

Sane upma burnt family pic too few weeks back but she has no guilt for doing that.

Anupama is no longer part of that family unit and the pic does not belong to her. Shrew was wrong in removing that pic from Anuj’s wallet without his knowledge and handing it to Anupama. If Shrew was jealous, the right thing to do would have been to confront her so called fiancé not go hand the pic to Anupama. Childish or churlish?

The truth is every character in the show is making lots of mistakes from his/her place.

The titular character is beyond my comprehension, Anuj is always helpless, a once-upon-a-time sensible Shruti now comes off as a desperate woman with a monotonous signature dialog -- "Meri aur Anuj ki shaadi", and Aadhya living with never-ending hate for her first foster mom! And Yashdeep willingly going back to loving Anupama despite knowing he is inviting only troubles in his life.

Shah family is the best. What they are from inside is what they are from outside too. No double standards!

Originally posted by: invest_probe

Apologies for butting in. But why is Toshu & Pakhi's hate for Anupama laid on her door? I dont get this truly.

It appears that from day 1, these two kids have been taught to hate and belittle their mom by their dad and grandma.

However poorly, she has stood by them and tried to help them. Yet at every turn her attempts to teach them morals and straight path have been been undercut by the hatred within the Vanraj and Baa

I do not like Anupama's hectoring, or resorting to slaps or gaali....neither can I stand for one second her utter lack of spine, or her not even telling the freaking shah kids and kid-in-laws how they abandoned her years ago

She saw them and it was as if nothing had happened

I utterly detest this in this show as well as other shows (no FL can be a FL unless she is a doormat)

In short there is lot to blame Anupama for, but holding her responsible for mistakes of others - be it Shahs or Anuj or the Dhillons is unfair

You completely missed the point. The point was not anupmaaa being responsible for their behavior but how she REACTS to them. She never reminded them of her deed, never ran away leaving them in childhood.

You yourself highlighted how she has stood by them and helped them, but she never does that with Adhya

This is what she is being criticised for, the hypocrisy and double standards.

Originally posted by: Time_to_move_on

The truth is every character in the show is making lots of mistakes from his/her place.

The titular character is beyond my comprehension, Anuj is always helpless, a once-upon-a-time sensible Shruti now comes off as a desperate woman with a monotonous signature dialog -- "Meri aur Anuj ki shaadi", and Aadhya living with never-ending hate for her first foster mom! And Yashdeep willingly going back to loving Anupama despite knowing he is inviting only troubles in his life.

Shah family is the best. What they are from inside is what they are from outside too. No double standards!

They are all making mistakes - if the characters followed a strict moral compass even that would vary as viewers expect and tolerate different levels of behavior.

If everyone was sweet and nice and behaved reasonably, there would be no soap that could drag on from India to Amerika and back to India 😄

Yes, prefer “what you see is what you get Shahs” over all the other morally upright or pretending to be morally upright characters. If you have flaws, admit it (not in melodramatic fashion please 😅) and move on.

Aside: Can’t stand Yashdeep by the way, no particular reason except that sappy do good people who then lose it self righteously rub the wrong way.

Originally posted by: Harish111

You completely missed the point. The point was not anupmaaa being responsible for their behavior but how she REACTS to them. She never reminded them of her deed, never ran away leaving them in childhood.

You yourself highlighted how she has stood by them and helped them, but she never does that with Adhya

This is what she is being criticised for, the hypocrisy and double standards.

Aah, get what you were saying. Anupama did and does try to set right Toshu and Paakhi too, has never worked on them and I don’t believe Anupama uses an effective manner in setting any of her children straight including Dimpy and Samar at some point.

AND Anupama’s lukewarm methods might not work on Aadhya either UNLESS Aadhya is being groomed to be the next Anupama if there is indeed going to be a time leap. If Aadhya is going to become Choti Anu then these choking half sentences of Anupama and her half hearted attempts to make Aadhya understand the folly of her ways will work wonders and the girl will be a changed angel in no time.

whatever said and done anupama is a spineless unfaithful woman who was mentally associated with vanraj and shahs even after getting married to anuj, anuj and CA were never her priority, she enjoyed to be abused and insulted in that process she ignored who treated her like a queen with respect, was never used to that. she is a bloody preacher, who does not follow her own preachings good for nothing, useless woman who just brought down fall to self and others around her, we can wake up the people who are sleeping but what to do with those who pretend to be asleep anupama is that