Part 66
*Disclaimer: The next 2-3 chapters focus on fertility treatments and the emotional turmoil that comes with it. Read with discretion. Also, I am not an expert in fertility or gynaecology so please forgive any inaccuracies.*
Hope Valley Clinic – one week later, Thursday, November 15, 11 am
"So Ishita, I'm just going to palpate your abdomen and you let me know if you feel any pain or tenderness."
"Yes doctor, I know the drill."
Ishita leaned back on the examination table and opened her procedural gown to expose her abdomen. Her family doctor, Sangeeta Kumar, wheeled her chair around from her computer and stood up, hanging her stethescope around her neck. She carefully palpated around Ishita's abdomen, asking if she felt any pain or tenderness, to which Ishita replied in the negative.
"Looks like you've recovered really well," Dr. Sangeeta said when she was done with her physical exam.
Ishita sat up and wrapped the gown around her torso, as the doctor inputed her findings into the electronic medical record.
"Your physical recovery has been better than we could've hoped for," Sangeeta explained. "Your blood work is optimal, you're reporting no pain or discomfort, and your scans are clear as well. No lingering abscesses or clots from the gunshot wounds. And your neurological exam was clear too. The concussion has healed as well."
"That's great news," Ishita smiled.
"Can you tell me how you're doing mentally?" Sangeeta sat down on her chair and faced Ishita on the exam table. "How have your panic attacks been? Are you doing the breathing exercises we talked about?"
"Yes. The attacks are getting less and less. I haven't had one since last week. In fact, the last one I had lasted less than five minutes."
"That's great... You know, considering your recovery – both physical and mental – I'm going to decrease the dosage of your medications."
Dr. Sangeeta scribbled a note on her prescription pad and tore off the paper.
"Is there anything else you'd like to discuss before the end of your appointment?" she asked. "We still have fifteen more minutes."
"Well..." Ishita began, "I usually get a yearly ultrasound to make sure my ovarian tumors aren't recurring. If we have time, can we get that done now? So I don't have to schedule another appointment for this."
"Oh yes, I recall. Dr. Anjali Awasthi sent me those records from Chennai. Let me just get the portable ultrasound."
The doctor returned with said machine and a tube of ultrasound gel. As Ishita lied back down and opened her procedural gown, Dr. Sangeeta squirted a blob of cool blue gel on her lower belly. She brought down the probe onto the gel and slid it back and forth across her belly, examining the sonogram on the ultrasound monitor.
"Your tumors were in your right ovary and left fallopian tube, correct?" she asked.
Ishita nodded.
"The good news is there are no tumors or abnormal growths. Now, there is a bit of scarring in both places, but not enough to indicate damage. Are you feeling any discomfort or pain?"
"No, not at all. Just the regular cramps when I get my period."
Sangeeta put away the ultrasound probe and wiped the gel away from Ishita's belly.
"And are your periods usually regular?" she asked.
"Pretty much." Ishita unlocked her phone and opened her period app. "My cycle is usually around 25 to 30 days."
"That's pretty regular. How long do your periods last and how heavy is the bleeding?"
"About four to five days. And the bleeding is average I suppose."
"Any other symptoms that bother you throughout your cycle?"
"No, just an occasional cramp here or there."
"Considering the fact that your cycles are regular and you're feeling no unusual pain, I'm not worried about the minimal scarring. Especially since it isn't getting worse or affecting any other organs."
Sangeeta typed a note in her computer. "And Ishita, are you on any birth control or do you use contraception?"
Ishita's spine stiffened. "No doctor..." she murmured. "My husband and I are monogamous. As far as preventing pregnancy is concerned... I um... I'm infertile. I mean... If I can't get pregnant then there's no use for birth control, right?"
"Well..." Dr. Sangeeta turned away from her computer and wheeled her chair closer to her patient. "I don't think infertile is the right word here."
Ishita scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion.
"What I mean is... based on the damage to your right ovary because of the tumors and the scarring in your left fallopian tube, your chances of conceiving are very low, but you can't equate that to being infertile," the doctor explained. "Even people on birth control or those who have IUDs can end up conceiving. No birth control or contraception is 100% effective."
"Wait... Are you saying I could get... pregnant?" Ishita asked, shocked.
"I'm saying that if you want to prevent a pregnancy, you should make sure to use some sort of contraception. Without any contraception, your chances of conceiving may be much lower than the average woman, but not zero. Infertility isn't black or white."
"Then why did that doctor in Chennai say... I mean she said it was virtually impossible for me to have a child."
"Virtually being the key word. Maybe at that time, your scans were different, and your body couldn't have handled a pregnancy. But your body has changed in two years. You have healed, and the scarring has lessened. Even today, your chances are low, much lower than the usual adult female, but with the right fertility treatments you could conceive. Like I said, fertility isn't determined in a hard yes or no. There's lots of gray areas."
Ishita had no response. She didn't know what to say.
"It looks like I've thrown a lot of information at you," Dr. Sangeeta realized. "The bottom line is that if you want to ensure that you prevent a pregnancy, you should use contraception. Otherwise, you can continue without it. It's entirely your decision."
When the appointment ended, Ishita changed back into her saree and left with copies of her newest scans and bloodwork as well as the revised prescription. Romi waited in her car in the parking lot.
"Romi? Tum aaye ho mujhe lene?" Ishita asked, getting into the passenger seat. "Mujhe lagaa Raman aa rahe the."
"Bhai ka virtual appointment prepone ho gaya. Toh unhone mujhe bhej diya," Romi explained, switching the gear from park to drive. "Are we going home?"
"No. We're going to my clinic," Ishita smiled.
Last week, Raman and Ishita had finally reached a middle ground. Having finally confronted his own fears, Raman had agreed for Ishita to take on light duty at her clinic. She could perform consultations, appointments, and light procedures, but no overtime, extra shifts, or long surgeries that required her to stay on her feet for hours. And someone would drive her to and from her clinic for the first few days.
In return, Raman had agreed to talk to a psychiatrist to work through his PTSD. His first appointment was today. Ishita's panic attacks had pretty much stopped. Adi's nightmares were almost gone. And Raman could finally breathe, much to Ishita's relief.
"How was your appointment bhabhi?" Romi asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.
"It went better than anyone could've hoped," Ishita beamed. "No residual trauma from the gunshot wounds or the concussion."
"That's incredible." Romi turned the car onto the freeway and punched the gas pedal. "You know bhabhi, I've never seen your clinic before. Is it like the ones on all those medical dramas? Oh my god, are all the doctors sleeping with each other like on Grey's Anatomy?"
"Romi!" Ishita gasped, hitting his shoulder with the back of her hand. "Watch your mouth!"
"What?" Romi shrugged. "I didn't mean you, of course."
Ishita rolled her eyes. "First of all, that doesn't happen in any clinic or hospital anywhere. TV shows are lying to you. Second of all, pretty much everyone I work with is married. Except for our medical secretary... Sarika."
Romi's smile dropped. And it didn't escape his bhabhi's eye.
"Kya hua? Tumhara chehra kyun utar gaya?" Ishita asked.
"Uh... kuch nahi." Romi cleared his throat. "I'm just disappointed that you work in such a boring place," he joked.
"Kuch bhi Romi!" she laughed. "I work in a very interesting place."
"It's a dentist's office with cavities and teeth and surgical stuff. How interesting could it be, bhabhi?"
"And you work in an office with spreadsheets and accountants and stubborn clients. How interesting could that be?" Ishita raised an eyebrow at her brother-in-law.
"Touché bhabhi. Touché."
Romi pulled the car into the parking lot of the Batra Medical Center and turned off the engine. Ishita grabbed her purse and white coat and left the passenger seat, only for Romi to exit the car and follow.
"Tum kahan aa rahe ho?" she asked.
"Aapke saath andar aa raha hoon. Bhai ne strict instructions di thi aapko andar tak chodne ki," he replied.
Ishita rolled her eyes but decided not to argue. It would be futile anyway. She led him inside and made way towards her office.
"Dr. Bhalla! It's so good to see you again!" A female voice sounded from behind them.
Ishita turned around to see Sarika approaching her with a bright smile and a stack of files in hand. "Hi Sarika! It's good to be back."
Romi turned around at the voice and all movement stopped. Sarika's feet stopped in her tracks and she dropped her stack of files, as her vision focused on the man in front of her. His jaw dropped. Her eyes popped out of her head.
"Sarika?"
"Romi?"
Ishita was taken aback at the sudden interaction. "Tum dono ek doosre ko pehle se jaante ho-"
"No!"
"Nahi!"
They answered too quickly.
"Aapne abhi aate aate baat ki na apni secretary ke baare mein? Sarika?" Romi said. "Toh maine guess kiya ki yeh wahi hogi."
"Aur ma'am, aapne bhi apne devar ki baatein ki hai. Main aapke pati ko mil chuki hoon toh maine bhi bas andaaza lagaaya ki aapka devar Romi hoga," Sarika explained. "Main chalti hoon. Yeh files Dr. Batra tak pohchaani hai."
She hastily gathered the scattered files and scampered away, even as Romi's gaze followed her retreating figure.
"Um... Main bhi chalta hoon bhabhi," Romi stuttered. "I've got work in the office."
"Okay Romi, I'll see you at home."
Ishita proceeded to her office while Romi exited the building. If she had the mental capacity, she would've focused on the awkwardness and tension that had transpired in Romi and Sarika's interaction, but her mind was preoccupied with what she had heard during her appointment.
Your chances are low... but with the right fertility treatments you could conceive...
Ishita sat down at her chair and tossed her purse onto her desk. Motherhood was the central pillar of her life, and thus, the biggest heartbreak of her life was her infertility. But what she had just found out changed everything. She could get pregnant. She could actually nurture a child in her body and nourish it with her own blood and milk. Tears pooled in her eyes and she swiped them away by closing her eyelids.
An image materialized in her head. Her belly swelling with a child. Raman's hand on her belly feeling the baby kick. The cries of her toddler radiating through her house at all hours. The child's giggles and the squeaks of its toys lighting up her house. Her long-lost dream come true.
Immediately, her eyes shot open and guilt creeped up her throat. She already had a baby. She had two babies, in fact. Adi and Ruhi. They were two pieces of her heart and she loved them to bits. They had fulfilled every incompleteness she had perceived in herself and filled her life with happiness. How could she crave for another child when she already had the best babies in the world? How unfair would that be to her children?
She was a complete woman. And she truly believed that. She didn't need a biological child to prove that. So why did this yearning hope make her heart flutter?
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Iyer House – 9 pm
"Ruhi! Enough now!" Ishita scolded. "It is time for bed. Kal school hai aapka! Dekho Adi bhaiya toh already brush karne chale gaye."
"Just five more minutes Ishimaa. Please?!" Ruhi shook a rattle in Kshitija's face who peered at her with wide curious eyes.
Ishita sighed. She had been trying for the last half hour to get her kids to sleep. While Adi had finally given in five minutes ago and left to brush his teeth, Ruhi refused to let go of her baby cousin. She and Shravu were crouched down by her crib, shaking rattles and snapping their fingers, eliciting wondrous reactions from Kshitija.
"Ruhi, aadhe ghante se aapka five minutes, five minutes chal raha hai," Ishita said. "Ab bahot ho gaya. It's time to go home."
"This isn't fair mumma!" Ruhi groaned. "Shravu gets to stay here and play. Why can't I?"
"Aisa nahi hai, Ruhi beta," Vandu called out from the couch. "Shravu bhi abhi sone hi jaa raha hai. Right, Shravu?" She raised her eyebrow at her son.
Ishita managed to pry her daughter home soon enough and drag her home for bedtime.
"This isn't fair mumma. I wish I also had a baby sister like Shravu," Ruhi complained while changing into her pajamas.
Both Ruhi and Adi had gone to sleep after a quick bedtime story, but even as Ishita returned to her room, her daughter's words rang in her ears. Was it a sign? Maybe?
"Madrasan, tu sun bhi rahi hai ya nahi?" Raman's voice shook her to the present.
"Haan sun rahi hoon..." Ishita sat down across him on the couch and forced herself to concentrate. "You were talking about your appointment today?"
"Yeah. It was... interesting, for a lack of better word. Not sure if it is helping."
"You don't want to continue?"
"I'll try a couple more sessions. If it doesn't help, then I'm going to stop."
"Okay. Fair enough. Whatever helps you."
"How was your appointment today?" Raman scooched closer and clasped her hand.
"It went very well. Gunshot wounds are healed. Concussion is all better. And the doctor did an ultrasound as well for the yearly checkup of my tumors. Everything's good there as well. No recurring tumors."
"That's good to hear." He squeezed Ishita's hand in relief.
Ishita took a deep breath before continuing. "There's something else."
"What?" A vertical line of concern appeared between his brows. "Is everything okay? Something to worry about?"
"No, not exactly. I um... There is a chance that I could possibly get... pregnant."
"What?! Really?" Raman was shocked. "What did she say exactly?"
Ishita recounted her conversation with her doctor, and Raman listened intently.
"Aur phir abhi Ruhi ne bhi kaha, 'I wish I had a baby sister like Shravu,'" she ended her monologue.
"Tumhe hurt hua?" Raman draped an arm around her shoulders.
"It didn't hurt me, Raman. I'm just... confused," she revealed. "Jab se mujhe pregnancy ki samaj aayi hai, tab se mujhe pataa tha ki mujhe ek din maa banna hai. But then life happened and I lost that fortune. But now that I know it could be a possibility... I can't stop thinking about it."
"Do you think... you want to have a baby?" he asked hesitantly.
Ishita pried his arm from around her shoulder and intertwined her fingers with his hand, turning on the couch to face him.
"If it was really possible, and if it was in my fate, then I'd love to experience a pregnancy once in my life. I'd love to raise a baby with you. A symbol of our love." She squeezed his hand and brought their intertwined hands up to her mouth, planting a light kiss.
"But I don't ever want Adi or Ruhi to feel like they're not enough for me," she continued. "I'm a complete woman, Raman. And Adi-Ruhi are my kids. I shouldn't be having this yearning for a baby. Kitna hypocritical hoga agar ek taraf main yeh kahun ki dil ke rishte khoon ke rishton se badh kar hote hai aur dusri taraf mujhe khud ka apna baccha chahiye."
Her face fell in self-doubt and Raman's eyes softened.
"Idhar aa madrasan." He scooched over and held her close, bringing an arm around the back of her waist. "Dekh meri taraf."
When Ishita looked over and met his eyes, Raman tucked away an errant strand of her hair before making his point. "Pata hai jab se Adi paida hua tha na tab se meri wish thi ki meri ek beti bhi ho. Main humesha chaahta tha ki mera ek doosra baccha ho. Lekin iska matlab yeh kabhi nahin tha ki mere dil mein Adi ke liye pyaar ki koi kami thi. Wanting another kid doesn't mean that you'll love your other two children any less."
The guilt and doubt fogging her mind slowly cleared up, and hope lighted up in Ishita's eyes.
"Ishita listen," Raman continued. "I would love to have a baby with you. We've both missed out on so many parts of both Ruhi and Adi's childhoods. You haven't even seen either of their baby phases. Having a baby would be a life-long adventure for both of us. But even if we didn't, I wouldn't be sad. I already have so much to be thankful for, and I'm more than happy with everything we have. At the end of the day, this is your body and completely your decision. I'll support you regardless."
Ishita nodded, deep in thought. "I... I honestly don't know what to do."
"You don't have to decide anything right now. Take as much time as you need. Hmm?"
Raman kissed her on the temple before walking over to the dresser and emptying his pockets of his keys and wallet to get ready for bed. In the very next instant, Ishita shot up from the couch.
"Yes!" she exclaimed.
Raman turned around unbuttoning the cufflinks on his sleeves, eyebrows scrunching in confusion. "What?"
"Yes. I want to have a baby," she clarified.
His face lit up like a thousand-watt bulb. "Really?"
Ishita nodded. "Yes. Yes, absolutely." She stepped closer to him and gently clutched his sleeves. "I've always wanted to get pregnant and have a baby. And if there's even a slight chance this can happen, then I want to try. What do you say?" She bit her lip nervously.
"I think it's a great idea!" he laughed, pulling her into his arms.
Ishita snaked her hands up his back and hugged him tight. "So... are we trying to have a baby?"
"Yes! We're trying to have a baby."
Raman untangled himself from his wife's arms, and she yelped as she found herself lifted into a bridal carry.
"What are you doing?" Ishita asked.
"We're trying to have a baby, aren't we?" he smirked.
"Wait... You mean, we're trying right now?"
"I mean, there's no time like the present, is there?" he drawled with a subtle wink.
"You and your one-track mind," she laughed, even as she tightened her arms around his neck.
When his lips descended on hers, that was all she wrote.
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JANUARY (two months later)
Akash Ganga Society Compound – Lohri, Saturday, 13 Jan
The fire of Lohri crackled in the middle of the compound, its warmth radiating through the chill breeze of January. The society building was decorated with streamers and lights, and painted in vibrant colors, with beats of the drums sounding throughout. The Bhallas, Iyers, and their relatives danced to the bhangra beats, throwing popcorn into the Lohri fire. An aura of celebration and livelihood disseminated through the compound.
"Bhalla ji, taiyyari bahot badhiya ki hai aapne," Vishwa said, hugging his friend.
"Thank you Iyer saab," Omprakash beamed. "Waise iska asli credit Toshi ji ko jaata hai. Unhone hi saari taiyyari ki hai. Taiyyari karte karte unka blood pressure kaafi badh gaya tha. Aur mera bhi."
"Madhu ka bhi yahin haal hai. Kal Pongal ke liye preparations karne mein usne bhi bahot stress liya hai. Upar se Vandu aur Bala bhi baccho ke saath ghar chale gaye, toh hum dono akele pad gaye hai. She's just doing everything she can to keep busy."
"Iyer saab, aapko kabhi bhi baccho ki yaad aaye, toh aap humaare ghar aa jaana. Adi-Ruhi se ghar mein humesha ronak bani rehti hai. Aur Romi-Rinki bhi kisi bacchon se kam nahi hai."
As the fathers laughed away, the mothers were engaged in their own tug of war.
"Santoshi, kal early morning tumko humaare ghar pahochna hai. Pongal ka function hai, aur badi dhoom-dhaam se manaayenge," Madhu urged.
"Woh sab baad mein dekhenge madrasan," Toshi retorted. "Abhi toh tu Lohri ka mazaa le. Simi! Woh mithaai ki thaali la na!" she called out.
Madhu opened her mouth to protest, but by then Simi had come by with a tray of sweets, and Toshi grabbed a laddoo and stuffed it into her frenemy's mouth.
"Tu bada bolti hai madrasan by god," she quipped.
Meanwhile, Ishita brought over another tray of sweets to Amit Tandon and his sister Trisha who were in conversation with Raman.
"Tandon saab, Trisha, aap logon ne yeh gujiya khaayi hai? Lijiye na?"
"Thank you bhabhi, lekin aap ko bhi khaana padega," Trisha insisted. "Aap kab se sab ki khatirdaari mein lagi hai. Ab aap bhi lijiye."
As Raman urged Tandon to have a sweet, Trisha and Ishita fed each other a bite.
"Trisha, Pathak kahan hai? Woh kahin dikhai nahi diya mujhe," Ishita asked, once she was done chewing.
"He's on his way, bhabhi," she replied. "He had a meeting with a client which ran late."
Their small talk continued until Tandon and Trisha were roped into a conversation with Mihir and Mihika, while Raman pulled Ishita aside, having set down the tray of sweets.
"I don't want to talk right now." She wrenched her hand free and made to turn away, only for her husband to pull her back.
"Then when Ishita?" he asked. "You shut down yesterday and now you won't talk to me. How long is this going to continue?"
"Until you drop this topic."
Raman sighed and rubbed in forehead in frustration. "I'm not dropping it. Madrasan, we've been trying without intervention for three months. Don't you think it's time to see a specialist now?"
"We can keep trying naturally," she insisted. "In fact, I haven't even taken a test this week yet. It might be positive this time."
"Listen Ishita..." Raman brought his hands up her arms and held her close. "Getting treatment from a fertility expert will help us. We already knew our chances of conceiving naturally were low to begin with."
"You mean my chances of conceiving were low," she threw back at him, voice laced with accusation and a twinge of sadness.
But Raman wasn't fazed. "No. I meant our chances."
Ever since they had started trying for a baby, he had been careful never to imply that she was the problem. That she was inadequate or incomplete in any way. Even if she felt that way. Even when she blamed herself for their failures.
Ishita sighed and closed her eyes. This was all her fault. She was a woman, and she couldn't do the one thing a woman's body was made for. The universe was screaming at her that she wasn't a woman enough. She didn't need a random doctor poking down around her lady parts, judging her, making her feel even more incompetent.
"What if it doesn't work, Raman?" she asked, scared to hope. "I don't want to set us up for disappointment."
"And what if it does work?" he countered.
Their conversation was cut short when Mihika pulled Ishita away for a dance, but later that night, Ishita finally agreed to see a fertility expert, when she threw away a used pregnancy test in the trash and slumped down on the bed in disappointment.
It had said: NOT PREGNANT
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BlissHubs Fertility Clinic – a week later, 3 pm
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Bhalla."
Ishita and Raman whirled their heads around to the entrance of the office to see a thin but well-built middle-aged man walk in dressed in a casual blazer, white shirt, and formal pants. His hair was styled into small curls, and his skin spotted with freckles. As he took his seat at the desk, Ishita and Raman wheeled their chairs in closer.
"My name is Dr. Manoj Paul, one of the fertility experts here," he said introducing himself. "I see that you guys are looking to have a baby, huh? You've come to the right place."
He unlocked his iPad and pulled up the Bhallas' electronic file.
"So I've reviewed your file, and I understand that, Mrs. Bhalla, you have some previous medical history of ovarian tumors, right?"
Ishita nodded. She found Raman's hand under the table who intertwined their fingers and gave a reassuring squeeze.
"I've formulated a plan of the possible options based on your history. So this first appointment is just to go over those options, and then you guys can decide how you'd like to proceed. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Sounds good."
"So the first and most common option is that we start with hormonal treatment," Dr. Paul explained. "This would involve fertility shots for Mrs. Bhalla. You'd take regular shots of hormones to help develop a viable pregnancy. This includes inducing ovulation, creating a hospitable environment in the uterus, and such. In this time, you both would have to follow a strict schedule as far as sexual activity is concerned. Sometimes you can engage, sometimes you must abstain."
"Should I be taking any other supplements along with those shots?" Ishita asked. "I've been taking folic acid and iron."
"That's good. It also helps to take calcium and vitamin D to help with baby's bone development. I'll suggest that you take a prenatal vitamin with those as well."
"Can you suggest the best one?" Raman asked.
"Absolutely. If we continue with the hormonal treatment, then I'll prescribe the best prenatal vitamins."
He made a quick note in his iPad before continuing.
"Now, in the event that hormonal treatment doesn't work, our next step would be IVF or in-vitro fertilization. You may have heard about this in popular media. Basically we extract an egg from the mother and sperm from the father. We fertilize the embryo in the lab and then implant it in the uterus."
Ishita and Raman kept nodding along with the doctor.
"Now, I am worried about the scarring in Ishita's ovaries and oviducts. It means your egg count is low and there might be trouble for the pregnancy to develop. If the hormone treatments and IVF doesn't work, then there is a surgery that can be performed to remove the scarring. It's called a fimbrioplasty and that can help-"
"No surgeries doc," Raman interrupted him. "Ishita has already had two abdominal surgeries in the past three years. First for her tumors, then after she got shot. Will her body be able to handle another one?"
"I understand your concerns, Raman. But I wouldn't be suggesting this if I didn't think Ishita could handle it. It is a minially invasive surgery performed right here in our clinic. She can go home right after and she'll be good as new in a week. But nonetheless, ho sakta hai shaayad uski naubat hi naa aaye. I'm hoping that you can get pregnant without the surgery. This would be a last effort, only if nothing else works."
Raman gulped. Ishita nodded.
"And finally," Dr. Paul continued. "If you guys don't want to undergo too many treatments then you have other options like surrogacy or adoption-"
"No!" they both spoke up at the same time startling Dr. Manoj.
"Actually... We're here because... because I want to be pregnant," Ishita explained. "Surrogacy defeats the purpose."
"Okay then... Understood," he replied. "I am picking up what you're yelling down. No surrogacy."
He made another note in his iPad before addressing his patients.
"So how would you guys like to proceed?" he asked.
"What would you suggest?" Raman asked.
"I think the first step should be fertility shots. It's the most non-invasive and is usually quite effective."
"You ready for this?" Raman asked turning to his wife.
Ishita took a deep breath. "I am ready. Let's do this."
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FEBRUARY
Bhalla House – Wednesday, 5 pm
"Adi, you forgot to add this expression before multiplying," Raman said.
"But shouldn't addition come after multiplication?" Adi asked. "BODMAS? A comes after M?"
"Yes, but this sum is in brackets. And B comes first."
Adi groaned in exasperation as he erased his answer in the notebook. His father sat beside him on the dining table, teaching order of operations and helping him prepare for his math test the next day. Meanwhile, Ishita made dinner in the kitchen, kneading dough on the counter and stirring aloo & tinde sabji on the stove.
"Is this okay, dad?" Adi asked, working on another math problem.
"Yes, you're doing good. Keep going."
The scratching of Adi's pencil and the sizzle of the vegetables cooking were the only sounds in the kitchen. Until Raman spoke up in a gruff voice.
"Adi, how many times do we have to go over this?" he sighed. "What is five squared? Is it ten?"
"Oh... sorry." Adi erased his answer and corrected it. "It's just that every time I see an exponent of two, my mind just thinks multiplied by two."
"You need to pay attention beta. If you make a mistake like this on a multi-step problem on the test, then you'll get the entire question wrong. You'll lose all the marks."
"Sorry-"
The clatter of metal utensils cut their conversation short. They looked over to the kitchen to find Ishita swaying on her feet with a palm clapped over her mouth and eyes squeezed shut painfully.
"Ishita, kya hua tumhe?"
"Are you okay, Ishimaa?"
Before she could answer, another wave of nausea swept over her and Ishita darted off to the bathroom. Raman and Adi followed her, but she slammed the bathroom door in their faces before hurling over the toilet.
Once she had emptied the contents of her stomach, she washed her face and gurgled her mouth with mouthwash. She opened the door breathing heavily and emerged with a pale face marred with sweat.
"Ishimaa, are you sick?" Adi asked instantly.
"No baccha." Ishita brought an arm around his shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. "I think I just ate something funky for lunch today. Humaare clinic mein ek nurse ki birthday party thi aur maine cake kuch zyada khaa liya."
"Madrasan, tu baith ja. Aaram kar," Raman insisted, guiding her to the kitchen table and pulling out her seat.
He couldn't even find it in himself to tease her about eating too much cake. After all, these symptoms were a side effect of the fertility shots she was taking for them. There was maybe one other possibility though...
"But what about dinner?" Ishita asked him, sitting down. "And who'll pick up Ruhi from her dance class?"
"I can call Romi or Rinki to bring her home. Meanwhile, I'll make dinner. Kya karna hai?"
"Tinde ki sabzi ready hai. Sirf rotiyaan banaani hai."
"Seriously Ishimaa? Tinde?" Adi groaned. This day was getting worse and worse. First math, now tinde.
"Adi, not now." Raman glared at his son.
"Sorry," he replied sheepishly realizing his folly. "But dad, if you're making dinner, then what about my math homework?"
"I'll help you," Ishita chimed in. "Show me what you're working on."
While Raman went to work in the kitchen, Ishita helped Adi through his math problems, much to his relief. It was much easier doing math with Ishimaa then with Papa. She was much gentler.
Meanwhile, Ishita kept alternating between muffling her mouth to supress waves of nausea and rubbing her forehead to relieve a dull headache. She couldn't tell whether this was a side effect of the fertility shots or a symptom of pregnancy. She was too scared to hope it would be the latter.
That night, she decided to test the theory.
"Go on madrasan. Take the test. We'll look at the result together," Raman said.
Ishita took a deep breath and nodded at him before going into the bathroom with a fresh pregnancy test. She came back two minutes later clutching the test in her hand.
"You ready?" she asked.
"Let's see it."
He came over and placed his hand on the small of her back, as she turned over the pregnancy test with a pounding heart.
NOT PREGNANT
Frustrated and disappointed, she hurled the test into the garbage can, sniffing at the tears pooling in her eyes.
"It's okay... It's okay Ishita..."
Raman wrapped her in a hug and rubbed her back, as she sniffled and hiccupped in his chest.
"We'll keep trying," he whispered, kissing her forehead.
.....................................................................................................................
MARCH
Raman's office – Monday, 12 pm
"Bhai! Lunch is here!" Mihir stormed into Raman's office with a tiffin box. "Aaj mummyji ne butter paneer aur aloo kulche bheje hai! By god, pet mein chuhe daud rahe hai! Mummyji kya kulche banaati hai, makhan lagaa ke..."
Mihir laid out their lunch on the table, as he continued to rave on about Toshi's cooking.
"Come on over bhai!" he cried out, beckoning his elder brother.
"I'll come over..." Raman shut his laptop and opened the mini-fridge in his office. "...but I'm not eating that. I have my own lunch."
"Wmph?!" Mihir garbled, mouth full of paneer. Once he finished chewing, he asked, "Since when do you bring your own lunch?"
Raman sat down beside Mihir and unwrapped his lunch, which only increased the latter's confusion.
"You're eating your own lunch, and that too a salad? Agar mummyji ko pataa chala toh woh bolengi ki aap asli Punjabi nahin hai," Mihir chuckled.
"Kabhi kabhi health ka bhi khayaal rakhna padta hai, saale. Khudko hi dekh le. Teri tond nikal rahi hai." Raman poked his brother's belly.
Mihir swatted his hand away. "Main ekdum fit hoon. Mujhe aur mere paneer ko nazar mat lagao."
Raman chuckled and shook his head. Before digging into his salad, he took out a vitamin bottle from his bag and unscrewed the cap. He gulped down a multivitamin before chomping down on his salad. The paneer in Mihir's plate was enticing, but he shook the craving away.
For the past three months, Ishita had changed so much about her life. She had changed her diet, lessened her work responsibilities, and was constantly taking fertility shots or vitamin pills. She was always dealing with one side effect or another, ranging from cramps to headaches to bouts of vomiting. The least he could do was support her in eating healthier and taking some vitamins himself. The doctor had said the antioxidants would help with his sperm count and quality.
"Bhai, are you really not going to have any paneer? Or even one kulcha?" Mihir asked.
"No, I'm good."
"Then how am I supposed to finish all this food by myself?"
"Kyun? Romi kidhar hai? Woh khaayega na?" Raman asked.
"Nope. He left like ten minutes ago," Mihir replied. "He said he was meeting someone for lunch. I think he has a date."
"Of course he does... How many times has he gone out like this? God knows when that boy will get responsible."
"Let off him bhai. He's doing good work here. Besides, who knows... Maybe he might be getting ready to settle down. What if this girl is the one?"
"You really think so? Because he has a new girl on his arm every month."
"Something tells me that's not the case with this one."
"I sure hope so..."
.....................................................................................................................
Meanwhile @ Batra Medical Center, Dentistry Clinic
Ishita opened the door to her office and shed her medical coat, wiping the sweat off her brow. She had just finished a routine root canal but the fertility shots meant she got tired faster than usual. Even a thirty-minute procedure had her perspiring.
She draped her coat across the back of her chair and sat down, rubbing her temple. It was her lunch break now, and she was starving. Just as she unwrapped her lunch – a whole wheat lettuce & tomato wrap – an alarm rang on her phone and the screen lit up.
Time for the FSH shot
Immediately, she set down her wrap and retrieved the injection from her kit. Having made sure that the door was locked, she got the syringe ready and took in a deep breath. She pulled her saree aside, exposing her stomach, and injected the shot below her belly button. A hiss of pain escaped through her teeth.
She had come up with a system to keep track of her fertility shots, menstruation periods, and ovulation windows with an app on her phone. As was her routine, she inputed the time of the shot into her phone as she threw away the used syringe.
It was at that moment that she realized her period was three days late. It was quite possible that her cycle was off because of the hormones. Or the stress of the fertility treatment. But what if...?
"No Ishita. Not right now," she said aloud. "Abhi us baare mein mat socho. Just eat your lunch and focus on your work."
Picking up her wrap, she took a bite and chewed. Every time she had taken a pregnancy test, and every time it had come back as negative, she had Raman by her side. He had stood by as a rock, comforting her in her lowest moments. Even today, when her period was late, she needed him to be by her side to take the test.
She gulped down her bite but she could barely stomach it. And she could barely eat any more. All she could think about was the uncertainty and anxiety crawling up her throat. She couldn't take it. She had to know. She needed a pregnancy test.
Rewrapping her lunch, she set it aside and picked up her office landline dialing for the receptionist.
"Batra Medical Center. How can I help you?" said a male voice on the other end.
"Hi, this is Ishita. Is Sarika there?" she asked.
"No ma'am, she's gone out for lunch."
"Again? She's been going out a lot lately."
"Is there something I can do for you, ma'am?"
"Uh yes... I was just letting you know that I'm going over to the gynec branch of the medical center. I'll be back in about twenty minutes."
"Okay ma'am."
Ishita hung up the phone and made a beeline for the gynecology clinic of the Batra Medical Center and bought a pregnancy test. She was back in her office in ten minutes after which she locked herself in the bathroom to use said test.
Two minutes later, she peered at the stick and her heart fell.
NOT PREGNANT
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