Armaan sat restlessly in his office, the dim hum of the fluorescent lights doing little to calm his racing thoughts. His eyes darted to the clock on the wall, its hands crawling with an almost mocking slowness. He ran a hand through his hair, the argument with Abhira replaying in his mind like a broken record. He knew his worry wasn't unfounded but he couldn't shake the feeling that his reaction had been over the top. Moreover, Dadi Sa had yet again taken a knife at her heart, scratching upon a wound gradually healing. That is all he had wanted to prevent, to make sure she is not hurt again but now that he had the space to contemplate, it didn't seem fair to be mad at her for allowing his family to hurt her when they shouldn't be hurting her in the first place.
The office door creaked open, and Armaan's head snapped up. His father stood in the doorway, a rare sight in this corporate environment. He was holding a box of lunch, a gentle smile playing on his lips.
"Papa?" Armaan's surprise was palpable. "What are you doing here?"
"I figured you might need a break," his father said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. He placed the lunch box on Armaan's desk and took a seat across from him. "It was a stressful morning and I am pretty sure you haven't eaten anything given the mood that you left in, given I didn't smell any burning food from the outhouse which means Abhira hasn't eaten anything either."
Armaan sighed, leaning back in his chair. His wife would be the death of him. Of course she hadn't eaten, she would lose her appetite when distressed but she was supposed to be extra careful with her health after the stunt she pulled at the hospital with her stubbornness to donate blood despite being told not to. When would she learn to take care of herself?
"Did you talk to her Armaan, she would have been pretty hurt after everything Maa Sa said to her? God knows she might as well be scared, but she won't show it", Madhav prompted while opening the lids of the tiffin boxes now spread on the table.
Armaan stared at his father for a moment before he answered, "I didn't...I did not let her talk" he sighed again, "I might have rebuked her a little, it's just that I expressly asked her to stay away from the matter because I knew one step against Dadi Sa's wishes and she would use it to belittle her again. It already seems impossible to convince her for our wedding and now this whole fiasco just made it worse."
Madhav fed a morsel of chapati to Armaan as he continued to speak, "You are repeating the same mistakes Armaan. Your disappointment is justified but you have to listen to her. I am probably not the best person to give you any advise given the failure of a husband that I myself have been but that also makes me aware of what could subject you to the same fate. Be better than this Armaan, for yourself, for her. In a relationship...you don't just ask people to do something and expect them to follow it, programming them to believe that non-compliance would mean they have hurt you. That's what Maa Sa does but you are not her. I need you to remember that while Abhira is strong on most days she is not immune to the damage that words do. She is bravest of us all Armaan but she is very young and she does not have anybody to go back to if you refuse to listen to her. She is emotionally worn out too and probably scared right now."
Armaan listened carefully slipping into introspection before he took a deep breath and finally spoke, "I...I know there would have been a good reason for her to take up that case, I was just worried and I just walked out, I shouldn't have. What do I do now, I don't know."
Madhav rested a hand on his son's back in a soft pat, "a couple of days back when Rohit misbehaved with you and said things that you didn't deserve to hear, words that hurt you and scare you, what did Abhira do?"
Armaan closed his eyes feeling a deep sense of remorse for not instinctively wrapping her in a hug and comforting her when she was probably hurting at yet again being misunderstood by his family, a family she so selflessly and unconditionally loved, a family she would protect with her own life. He knew what he had to do.
"Armaan," his father began gently, leaning forward with an intensity that made Armaan sit up straighter. "When you truly love someone, you fight for them, but more importantly, you help them fight their own demons. The person you love should never feel like they're disposable to you. They shouldn't fear abandonment or be scared to make mistakes, worrying that it might cost them your love and trust."
Armaan felt a lump form in his throat as his father continued, his voice growing softer yet more powerful. "Love isn't what this family has always shown you, Armaan. Love isn't about control or perfection. It's about standing by someone's side, through every storm, every stumble, and every doubt. It's about showing them that no matter what, you will always be there."
His father's words pierced through Armaan's turmoil, reaching a place deep within him. He realized that his overreaction with Abhira stemmed from his own fears and insecurities, the shadows of his upbringing. He had to break the cycle, to be the partner Abhira needed and deserved.
"Can I ask you something?" Armaan looked down staring at a distant point on the floor, "Is that why you were never there for me, because you never loved me?"
Madhav sighed as he gently rested a hand on his son's head, his eyes reflecting deep remorse, "You are my son, I have always loved you Armaan. I failed to protect you from my own family because I couldn't save myself either. My anger at Maasa's cruelties, my guilt at failing your mother, and my inability to face my demons, somehow overpowered my love for you and I will always regret that. And i know this doesn't mend anything, but I am sorry for failing you. But you are stronger than I was, you are learning to love and fight for it, despite us. Last month, I almost saw you slipping away entrapping yourself in the same ill fate but Abhira is your anchor Armaan, she is the unconditional love that has been missing from your life, she is your light, she is your laughter...and if you ask me, she is also your one chance at the childhood you lost, because despite the grief she has had to face at this fragile young age, Abhira is so innocent and her light continues to shine so bright, woh sar se pao tak dil hai, uss dil ka dhyaan rakho Armaan, protect that, like she protects you, don't hurt her, love her with all that love in your heart that has scraped at your edges all these years. She is your home, be hers too. She deserves that and you my son, deserve it too."
And probably for the first time in years, Armaan embraced his father. Alas, even when away from her Abhira would always make sure he receives love, her light would always reach him, even in form of his father, actively trying to be a better man.
_______________
"Bohot saari galtiyaan karne ke baad kuch sahi karne jaa raha hoon. Main bohot khush hoon, aur mera parivaar bhi"
"Iske saath rehkar mujhe yeh nahi lagta ki office jaate hi mere peeche se jhagde hone wale hai."
"Issey shaadi karke main iska husband banuga, babysitter mahi. Aur sabse badi baat meri family issey bohot pasand karti hai."
"Yeh ladki sirf Ghar todna jaanti hai."
There they were...those words again, echoing in her head louder than her own voice and it was yet again one of those days when she could feel the itch under her skin aching to be peeled off, yet another one of those days when she felt small, lesser than who she was expected to be and incomplete...so incomplete.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror and it felt like a curse to the human heart, to have to look at yourself so often when on most days you couldn't identify and love the person staring back at you. It was in this moment again when she felt she was indeed a wretched reflection of her own mother, the woman she loved with all her heart, but also the woman who was so lonely when she breathed her last. Armaan loved her, but was she really what he wanted? She wasn't conventionally pretty, as the ladies on her muhdikhayi said. She wasn't very lady like as Dadisa would word it. She was at the end troubled and a cause of trouble herself. She was loud, she was outspoken and she was...the harbinger of chaos as her Mumma would say, but she loved her, she was all her Mumma had. Perhaps tenderness depends on how little of world you have seen. This wasn't her world, this wasn't her battle ground either, this was supposed to be her home.
It was frustrating...the fear that crawled over her every single time a situation felt slightly out of hand and she hated how weak it made her because she wasn't this, she wasn't someone who will be left watching the door, in fact she was someone who carelessly leave it open and still wouldn't care. She hated looking at herself and finding a scared little girl begging to not be left alone. She was stronger than this, yet the ache in her chest felt too much, the weight of her insecurities, her grief, and her fear, felt too much.
It suffocated her to not know where to keep all this love she had in her. As twisted and even irrational as it was she loves this family, she loved Armaan but Abhira loved herself too, didn't she? Because it hurts, it hurts so much to watch them dismiss her the way they do, to hear them call her a bad omen, but she knew she wasn't that right? Or was she? Is that why she was never blessed with a family to begin with? Is that why god took away her Mumma too?
She felt overwhelmed once more, as if there wasn't enough oxygen to breathe, as if the walls were closing in and she was too disoriented to find an escape, as if she couldn't distinguish the myriad voices speaking to her or determine which one she should listen to.
Unable to bear her own reflection any longer, she sought refuge from the harsh realities closing in on her. She hid under the blanket, clutching her knees tightly to her chest.
_______________________
Armaan paused at the door, his heart pounding in rhythm with the thundering bass that shook the walls. With a deep, steadying breath, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. The room was cloaked in dim light, shadows flickering and swaying like ghosts to the beat of the music. His eyes roamed anxiously across the space until they settled on the bed, where a blanket tent stood like a fragile fortress amidst the chaos.
"Abhira?" he called softly, but the music swallowed his voice. He moved closer, his steps careful and deliberate, his heart aching at the sight of the small, trembling figure beneath the blanket.
Gently, he lifted the edge of the blanket and slipped underneath. The world outside dimmed further, replaced by the muffled sound of music and the raw, palpable emotion inside. Abhira sat clutching her knees to her chest, her face hidden, her shoulders shaking with the force of her silent sobs.
"Abhira," Armaan whispered, his voice trembling with concern. He sat in front of her, his eyes searching her tear-streaked face as she slowly looked up. The sight broke him-a mix of vulnerability and pain that tore at his heart.
"It's me," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "Tumhara Armaan."
Her eyes, red and swollen, met his, and for a moment, she seemed unsure, as if grasping at the reality of his presence. Then, with a choked hiccup, she reached out and he gently grabbed her hand resting it right where his heart was beating and her fingers clutching his shirt like a lifeline.
With all the tenderness in his heart, he wiped the tears from her feverish skin, "I am sorry, I shouldn't have walked out in the morning."
"Armaan", she hiccupped, "I did not want to take the case without discussing it with you, I...I tried calling you too but you didn't pick up aur fir Par Nanu ne itne haq se pucha main mana nahi kar payi, I did not want to hurt you Armaan, I just..."
"Shhhh...it's alright, I trust you Abhira", he rested his forehead on hers while his thumb drew soft circles on her cheek, "And I am not hurt, I promise...I was just concerned, I wanted you stay away from the mess because I didn't want my family to hurt you Abhira, I didn't want to give Dadisa a chance to say those hurtful words to you again. I am sorry she did, I am sorry you had to hear all that because you don't deserve to, you are anything but a bad omen, in fact you are my only blessing," he spoke as he felt the hot tears falling down her eyes.
As if on an instinct Abhira moved back and looked away, because despite what Armaan says now, the truth was, it did hurt and it did hurt to remember that he too had expressed similar feelings in the past. Perhaps she was a misfit and she didn't know if that is something he would be able to keep up with.
"Hey, talk to me Abhira, what is it?"
"Can i ask you something?", Abhira spoke hesitantly.
"Of course, anything, I am all ears."
"Do you think...am I...am I really what you wanted from life Armaan? I don't fit, I am no Ruhi." Armaan was about to interrupt in a desperate attempt to clarify that he never wanted Ruhi in the first place, he never loved her but before he could Abhira spoke, "I know you don't love her...I just don't know if I am what you asked for...I am a menace in your rather simple life, I clumsily fall in pits while you walk straight and carefully, I do not come from a rich family and I know that doesn't matter to you but it does to dadisa...I speak too much and I am always causing trouble, and you have to take care of me because I am so careless so often...is that truly what you want for the rest of your life? Do you really want the mess that I am....I am probably not someone you can brag about, I am not...I am not as pretty as..."
"Hey, stop right there", Armaan wrapped an arm around Abhira's waist and pulled her closer as a lone tear fell down his eye. He knew where all of this was coming from, dadisa's constant jibe at her 'imperfections' and his own in the past, especially while they were preparing that testimony, had reasonably made her insecure and it hurt him to watch her belittle herself, it felt wrong to see her shiver and wither with all the emotional distress that she carried within her tiny head, because Abhira was everything beautiful and everything bright and she did not deserve to feel as small as she did right now, she did not deserve to feel like she wasn't enough because if his love made her feel that way, was he any different than his own family who hurt him so often and so much.
"You don't get to say that about my girlfriend", he spoke pulling her in his lap, resting her head on his chest while he gently caressed her hair. "I am sorry I made you feel like that Abhira, I am sorry that I was too obtuse and dumb to not realise my love for you sooner and for hurting you the way I did. Before you, I did not even know what I wanted from life, because I think before you, I didn't even exist, Armaan Poddar did, but Armaan didn't. Papa kehte hai Abhira sar se pao tak dil hai, aur main? If each of my atom were thrown into space, they would scatter themselves into such a constellation that would exactly portray the shape of your beautiful face. You Abhira...are so extraordinarily beautiful, you are kind, you are endearing and you are exactly what the rays of sunlight feel like on a winter morning".
He slightly pulled away to press a soft kiss in her head and looked into her eyes, "I look at your face everyday and I wonder how did I get so lucky. Because I didn't know what it was like to breathe until I found you, I didn't know what it was like to call someone your own and have them love you unconditionally, I didn't know what it was like...to truly live. You are a menace, you fight with me, you pull my ears and you give me a hundred nicknames a day and in each of those moments I just know I love you and I have never loved anybody the way I love you. I like taking care of you, I like cooking your meals and feeding you with my own hands when you are too engrossed in your work, it feels like home. I love you when you smile at me and your eyes shine as if all the stars from the empty night sky have their abode in them, I love you when you are mad at me and your nose flares and I love you even more when you talk to me and tell me about every minute detail of your day and I love you the most when I get to take care of you, when I get to tell you that I love you and have you smile at me in return. So be as chaotic as you could possibly be Abhira, stumble however much you can because I will be right there to wrap my arm around you and pull you back, because you are mine to love and mine to protect and I want to do that for the rest of my life."
"But what if...", Abhira spoke between her sobs, "What if I really am a bad omen, is that Mumma was taken away from me?"
Armaan knew this was her fear speaking. On most days she was reasonable enough to not believe something like but perhaps today was different. He pulled her closer in his embrace if that was possible anymore.
"Hey, you are disrespecting your Mumma by saying that. Akshara ma'am loved you so much Abhira, you were her whole world, you were perhaps her saviour too, just like you are mine. Wherever she is today, I am sure she is looking at you and it would hurt her so much to hear you say something like that. And she never left you, she is right there in your heart, she is right there giving you strength when you seem to lose it, you are a piece of her heart, she exists in you and she always will."
They stayed like that till her sobs subdued. And for now this was enough, the honesty in his voice was enough, and she knew they would be fine, for as long as they had each other, they would find their way. After what felt like hours, Abhira sighed in relief and buried her face in his chest while he protectively wrapped her in his embrace, holding her dropping feathery kisses on her head every once in a while.
Just then, the quiet was broken by a loud gurgle from Abhira's stomach. Her eyes widened in surprise, and despite the somber mood, Armaan couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Abhira's face turned redder, but a reluctant smile tugged at her lips.
"Well, someone's hungry," Armaan teased gently, the corners of his mouth lifting.
She tried to stifle her chortle but failed miserably. "I guess I am."
"You're not supposed to skip your meals, you know," he chided softly, his voice filled with genuine concern. "Especially after the doctor has strictly instructed you not to."
"I know," she muttered, her smile fading slightly. "I just didn't feel like eating."
Armaan sighed, his eyes filled with a mixture of affection and worry. "Come on, let's get you something to eat. But first..." He noticed her slight shiver and frowned. "You're cold."
"No, I'm not," she protested, her voice grumpy and stubborn.
"Abhira," Armaan said, raising an eyebrow. "You're shaking."
She opened her mouth to argue, but another shiver betrayed her. Without waiting for her to concede, Armaan removed the blanket and reached for a sweater laying in her cupboard and held it out to her. She looked at it and then at him, reluctant.
"Here, let me," he said, and gently slipped the sweater over her head. She grumbled, her arms reluctantly threading through the sleeves. The sweater was oversized, the sleeves hanging well past her hands, giving her a slightly comical, grumpy look.
Armaan couldn't help but smile as he looked at her, the oversized sleeves and her messy strands of hair falling over her face. "You always have to be difficult, don't you?" he said softly, his voice tinged with affection.
Abhira tried to glare at him but failed, her expression softening as he reached out and gently pushed her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, brushing against her cheek.
"There," he said, his voice gentle. "Much better."
She looked down, trying to hide her smile. "You didn't have to do that. I could have done that on my own"
"Yeah sure," he replied, his tone serious yet warm, chuckling at her grumpy face.
Then her stomach growled again, breaking the moment. They both laughed, the sound a welcome relief from the tension.
"Okay, let's get you something to eat," Armaan said, standing up and offering her his hand.
She took it, letting him help her up. "Fine, but only because I'm starving."
As they climbed out from under the blanket tent, Armaan watched her, his heart swelling with a mixture of protectiveness and love. She might be stubborn and grumpy at times, but she was his, and he was hers and he would always be there for her.
..I was already missing my husband and after reading this it made me cry ...
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