Part 1
"Maa, who marries a rockstar?", I retorted.
"Aren't rockstars human beings, Pragya?", my mother had made up her mind to have the rockstar as her son in law.
"Honestly, Maa, I don't want to marry. I am tired of going through these engagements, marriage preparations only to end up in disappointments and heartbreaks. Even my best friend Suresh betrayed me. You know what, I am happy single. I have a respectable job and I have my life. You survived without a man most of your life, why do you think I wouldn't?", I brought up my real problem.
"But I don't want you to survive, Pragya. I want you to live, to live and enjoy life, like most people do. Although I never complained about it, I am sure you have a fair idea of how much I have struggled to raise you and your sister without a father. But the only reason I could do it was the two of you. You were my hope, my everything", my mother got emotional.
"But Maa, had it been any other guy, I would have felt comfortable, but this rockstar, he is rich, famous and haven't you seen him on TV? He is from a completely different world. How do you think I will even fit in his house, in his life?", I still tried to explain myself.
"Didn't you see how humble was his Daadi when she spoke to us? Similar to how I know you and Bulbul inside out, she knows her grandson. And that's why I agreed to go forward. You don't worry, it will work out", my mother reasoned out.
"What if it doesn't?" I really didn't want to agree with her.
"If it doesn't, I will be with you. I will support your every decision and stand by you. I will not let you suffer in a marriage that does not bring you happiness. But believe me, my heart says it will work out. Your kundali matches almost 100% with his. You both are made for each other. Pragya beta, please, listen to your mother. Trust me. Trust God and destiny. It will all be good. I beg you beta...", my mother now had tears in her eyes.
And it wasn't in me to see her cry. After all, she was my everything. From the time I can remember, she was my hero. She worked two jobs to feed my sister and me. She gave us the best education she could, even if it meant her not buying new clothes for years. She hid her pains and cries to make us believe in the goodness of life. Moreover, her health was giving up on her and she didn't need to deal with emotional stress because of me. She still had to go through 2 sessions of radiotherapy for her breast tumour. I didn't want her to be upset about my marriage and refuse to continue with her therapy, which I know she could do. So I decided, I would marry for her. Like she said, I was going to hope for the best although I didn't have any hopes.
And when I finally agreed, my house was a happy place. My mother was relived but my grandmother and my sister were excited. Those two were fans of that rockstar for a long time. And the fact that they could talk to him, take his autograph, and have him as a relative had them over the moon.
Within an hour my house had already gathered a festive mode. My Maamaji and his family had arrived and they started discussing the wedding preparations. My mother asked me to try on a necklace that was sent by the rockstar's Daadi for me. It was surely the heaviest and perhaps the most expensive piece of jewel I had ever seen but my heart felt heavier.
Right then, the doorbell rang and I told my mother I was going to collect milk since it was the time for our milkman's evening rounds.
"Today, two liters, and these days you seem to be mixing more water than ever", I complained as I placed our milk can outside the door.
"Excuse me" I heard a deep voice that felt vaguely familiar and I froze as I looked up.
"I don't sell milk. If you need my introduction, I am Abhi Mehra and yeah I remember you, Pragya, Pragya Arora, hmm?", spoke the rockstar.
I could not mutter a word for multiple reasons. I called him a milkman, he knew my name, and he was right in front of me and that was intimidating. More intimidating was his piercing gaze that I could not hold.
And I was thankful that my family, excited to see the rockstar at the door, came running.
Abhi joined his palms in a namastey to the elders and even touched my mother and Daadi's feet, something that I did not expect he would do. He was taken inside the house and an excited Bulbul came out of the room and jumped around, making sure he knew she was his crazy fan. I just stood in a corner and saw the mela my house suddenly turned into.
Abhi was treated to samosas and chai, but he was treated as if he was some celebrity, well, he was a celebrity. He refused chai but ate samosas. I was so busy observing every little thing that was going on like a silent spectator and my folks didn't remember me until he took my name again.
"Can I take Pragya out for sometime?", he asked my mother, and I tensed.
Had it been any other boy, my mother would have refused right away. But even she acted like a fan girl and told him there was no problem and it's very important for the boy and the girl to talk before marriage.
I did not want to go out with him. But there was no way I could have avoided it given my whole family was walking me out behind him.
The children from the whole of our colony had gathered outside our house to meet the rockstar. He gave high fives to some of them, autographs to others, before opening the door for me at the passenger's side and seated himself on the driver's seat. As he slowly drove, I felt all our neighbours eyes on us and I just wanted to disappear.
I didn't know where he was taking me, but the bigger question was why. I remembered that he mentioned remembering me. I also remembered that one time I met him at his concert venue.
Bulbul had wanted to go for his concert last year and due to mother's insistence to not let her go alone, I had to reluctantly tag along. When we reached the venue, the security guards told us we were supposed to get inside the hall half an hour earlier and didn't let us in. I had started yelling at them given we had spent a fortune on the tickets. Fed up of their rudeness, I had taken a dig at rockstar Abhi' saying he wasn't worth it. It had happened that Abhi, who had reached there just then, had witnessed it and he had gotten out of his car and interfered between us. Bulbul was hyper excited to see Abhi and she had begged him to let us see the concert. Abhi had offered her VIP seats and I had refused since I wasn't the one to fangirl him anyway. Bulbul was almost in tears and I had asked her to go in while I would come back and get her. She excitedly went inside and before I left, Abhi had stopped me and asked my name. When I told him my name, he wrote it on a ticket that he took out from his pocket and placed it in my hand saying if I found his music too boring, I could go hear an election rally speech for which he was given free VIP passes. He had also mocked that I could give my speeches in front of that politician and leave him and his fans alone.
"So, how was that election rally that night?" asked Abhi as if he knew what I just was thinking.
"Your memory seems strong", I commented.
"I don't forget my distractors", he said turning at me and raising an eyebrow.
Marriage between us sounded even more an impossible possibility and the idea itself sounded scary now. I wanted to know all the more why he had gotten me with him and I just wanted to get over with this.
After many minutes of silence, it seemed like we were on a highway that I did not recognize. He stopped and parked the car on the roadside.
"Sorry, there is no restaurant around here where I can get away without being noticed. I don't know about you politicians but a rockstar needs to worry about being mobbed" he let out a mock laugh.
"I am not a politician and please get to the point and tell me why did you bring me with you", I asked unable to be patient about this anymore.
"So the point is.. is it the 1 crore necklace? Is this why you agreed to marry me?", he turned towards me and kept looking.
That's when I realized I was still wearing his Daadi's necklace. I had thought it would be very expensive but hadn't realized it could be worth a crore. It must have been real diamonds, I wondered. The next moment I realized that he meant that I wanted to marry him for money, while the truth was I didn't even want to marry him. What was he saying?
I quickly unhooked the necklace and placed it in the cup holder between our seats. "I have enough money to feed myself and my mother has taught us not to salivate at someone else's money even if we didn't have a penny. So, keep this necklace to yourself", I burst out in anger and tried to open the door to get out of the car.
"Hey, hold on", he grabbed my wrist, stunning me. How could he just hold my hand like that? "I got you out with me and I will drop you home. And there are no special buses or taxis to take you home from here. It's a highway", he said letting my hand go.
I let out the breath I had held and was still thinking what should I be doing.
"There has to be something else if not the money. No one ever does anything without a motivation. What is it? Why do you want to marry me?", he questioned again.
"Can I ask you the same question? Why have you agreed to marry me?", I returned his question.
"Actually, I don't want to marry you at all", he said coldly.
That's exactly what I wanted but my heart felt pricked at his statement.
Part 2
One more man had rejected me.
And it hurt me. I should have been used to it by now, after countless rejections due to me being the dull, boring, not pretty and whatever reasons they wanted to come up with.
At least this rockstar rejected me right away, not taking it to engagement or the wedding mantap.
"Hey, hello! Pragya...", I heard him take my name. But I was too immersed in my thoughts to respond.
Why would he want to marry me, anyway? He must have beautiful and glamorous girls at his mercy. I only had thought about myself not wanting to marry him but now it made sense that he wouldn't want to marry me either.
But I decided I was going to honor my own decision of not being affected by rejections anymore.
"Hello! do you have issues just with your eyes or your ears too, Miss Chashmish?", I heard him say something clearly this time.
"If you don't want to marry me, it's good for you. Because I never wanted to marry you either. I think we are done here. Can you drop me home, now?" I said without looking at him.
"Ahaaa, really? Then, why would you play magic on my Daadi and trap her?" he mocked.
"Magic? Trap? I respect your grandma for her kindness. Yes, I happened to meet her several times. But that doesn't mean..", I was cut off before I finished my sentence.
"It meant you used her kindness to make her believe you are a bahu material so that she chants your name and decides to get you married to me. Isn't it?", he sounded serious now.
"Why on earth you are thinking like this? For your kind information, I am not dying to marry you. I don't want to marry you or anyone", I spoke agitated.
"If that is the case, why didn't you refuse when my Daadi made the proposal? Why has my Daadi begun with wedding arrangements? Why is my Daadi hell bent on bringing you as her bahu? Why is your family already treating me like a son in law?", he was throwing questions after questions.
"Listen, I was not even given a proper chance to decide. I am not at all interested in marriage or such relationships. My mother is forcing me into it in her own way. If I don't marry, she will get sick. She will not continue with her radiotherapy. I could not say No to her how much ever I wanted and tried. Why don't you refuse to your Daadi yourself? That would be a favor on me too.", I didn't know why but I felt as if I would break down.
He went silent for a few good moments.
"I can't believe I can find something in common with you. I wish I could tell Daadi that I don't want to marry myself. Her kidneys are failing and doctors are trying for a transplant. And it is very important that she is not stressed out. So, anything I do against her will only deteriorate her health and she will totally refuse to cooperate with her health, transplant etc. I had been to the US for a month for my concerts. Before leaving I had casually told her I would marry any girl she chooses, because she was always on my head to have me married. I come back here and she gives me your pictures and tells me she has done my roka with you and the marriage is in a week. What IS thisroka? Are we engaged?", he queried.
I also couldn't believe he was in the same boat as me. I felt bad for his grandmother who was so kind and loving in those few times I had met her.
"Roka is like a commitment between the two families. It's not engagement but a promise from both families that this marriage would happen. But, why don't you tell your Daadi whoever you want to get married to so that.." I reasoned.
"That's the thing, you know. Where will I bring a girl from?", he tapped on the steering wheel.
"Don't you have girlfriends? I mean a girlfriend? So many girls might be wanting to marry you", I wondered.
"I used to have girlfriends but now I just have random hookups. Of course every girl wants to marry me, except for celibate babaji types like you. But the point is I don't want to marry. I am not husband material and nor want to be one", he narrated his situation.
"So, what do you want to do now?", I asked him.
"Is your mother a drama queen like my Daadi? And when is her therapy or whatever you talked about?", he questioned sincerely.
I wouldn't call my mother a drama queen, but I thought if I refused to marry, my mother would bring the roof down, cry buckets, and knowingly worsen her health. If that is being a drama queen, may be she is!
"She has breast tumor. She needs to undergo radiotherapy sessions in the next few months to completely get rid of the cancer. It's unfortunate that she equates her therapy to me being married", I sighed.
He ran his fingers through his hair and seemed to be in thoughts. I was still trying to make sense of all that we talked in the last few minutes. I was vaguely relieved but deeply pained at the same time. I didn't know how was I going to tell my mother that this marriage was not going to happen either.Would she be able to handle it? I was terrified of breaking this news to her. But I knew there was no other choice.
"Look, this might sound crazy. But, how about we marry for now, only in papers, and let my Daadi go through the transplant and your mother the therapies. Once they both get better, we can call off our marriage. I will give you whatever compensation you want. We can have a detailed prenuptial agreement on that. You don't have to be a wife or anything, just be there in my house for a few months, and live your life as you want. And once things get better we can separate. So, how do you like the idea?", he came with a plan that shocked me.
"So, will you marry me?", he asked the one question I had sometimes dreamt for a guy to ask me.
Part 3
The paradox of it was killing me.
Finally a man proposed to me, a marriage, but it was the man I would not want to marry; worse was that he would never want to marry me either.
It wasn't actually a paradox; it was a joke, the joke of my life. The term marriage itself had made a mockery out of my life; it had humiliated me, belittled me and now it was in front of my eyes, jeering at me.
"There you go mute again, hello! Miss Chashmish with hearing disabilities, I asked you a question. Such questions aren't repeated. Did you hear it at all? Had I asked this question on TV, 1000s of girls would have queued in front of my house", he demanded an answer.
"Is marriage a joke to you?", I yelled.
"I don't know about marriage, but my Daadi's health isn't a joke to me", his face suddenly turned serious. And he continued, "I came to talk to you, because I wanted you to tell my Daadi that you don't want to marry me. If you deny, it would hurt her way less than me doing it. Now it seems like you are in a similar situation and I can relate to that. But yeah, it's all obviously up to you".
I got disoriented in thoughts again and he went silent too for a change. I knew I had to make a decision. Half an hour ago, my home was celebrating the thought of my marriage. My mother was smiling after ages. How could I snatch it away? But then this marriage was not going to last. Wouldn't that break her heart again? However, it was an immediate and temporary solution to her health. She would at least go through her radiotherapy and get rid of her tumour, without worries.
At the same time, I also felt for his grandmother. She was an affectionate and kind soul. The few times I had met her, she had been extremely loving towards me. Let alone breaking my mother's heart I didn't know if I could tell his Daadi after hearing about her health condition.
"Look, you don't have to worry much about what will happen after we divorce. Like I said, you will have a huge compensation, and we will have a pre nuptial agreement. And you will be famous while married to the rock star and later as his ex-wife. You will be a celebrity and you will have people dancing to your tunes. And once you are a celebrity, marriage and divorce don't matter much. You might even have many men dying to marry because of that", he was thinking ahead already.
"I don't give a damn about your money or your celebrity world. And I already told you I don't want to marry at all. Just because you think a certain way, it doesn't give you the right to judge everyone", I had to opinionate my displeasure on his preformed notions.
"Hmm, we have to see about that. Anyways, good for you if you are right about what you are saying. We still have to do prenuptial stuff, if we are to marry. But before that, you have to tell me your decision," he said calmly.
I didn't know what to say. My head started to spin with thoughts. "I need some time to think", I told him.
"Fair enough. Shall we head back?", he said starting the car.
I nodded and kept on looking outside, as we drove. My dilemma was growing by the minute. He was humming some song that only triggered my heart to beat faster since it somehow reminded me of my situation every moment.
"Like some ice candy?", he asked, when we were at a traffic signal and a little boy was at his window selling ice candies. I didn't answer.
"Rockstar, rockstar", the boy cheered.
Abhishek shushed him, may be to avoid attention and bought two candies from him. He gave him a big note not demanding change. He handed a candy to me and started to sip on his. I was in no mood to eat but the candy was already melting.
"Don't tell me you don't like ice candies, Miss No Smiles, come on, eat it before it melts away", he prompted.
"One can't smile when life places you in a quandrary", I smiled sarcastically.
"Like you are the only one with issues in this world", I heard him mutter and laugh.
A few drops of ice water fell off on my lap from the ice candy I was still holding. I had no choice but start sipping on it. The cold ice not only distracted my mind but calmed it down as well.
"If we do marry, how long do we stay married for?", I asked him. It was time for me to make up my mind.
"May be 6 months, up to a year? My Daadi's transplant and recovery might take a few months. What about your mother's treatment?, he enquired.
"It would be a similar timeline. If I am to marry, I have to think how to convince my mother of divorce. May be I will pursue my Ph.D. in Delhi, which I have been thinking of all this while", I shared my thoughts.
"Ph.D.? I thought you are already a professor", he remarked.
"No, I am only a lecturer. I have double masters in philosophy and English literature", I told him.
"Double masters? That's enough degrees for 4 people. Why do you need to study so much yaar? You know, I am a college dropout, don't tell anyone, okay? I used to bunk all my classes, well not all, I did attend literature classes, because the lady teacher was hot", I turned away when he talked things that my most infuriating students would. I could only wish he was my student and I could tell him off.
The next part of our journey back was silent. He still was whistling and humming some songs but it didn't bother me as much. I kept on thinking of the consequences and imagining scenarios that might arise if I told my mother now, that this marriage was not gonna happen or later that the marriage didn't work.
Slowly I was deciding on dealing with the immediate danger. It seemed the best decision in the interest of my mother and his grandmother. I could have a solid 6 months to a year to sort out my life and pursue my Ph.D., something I always dreamt of, something where I didn't have to rely on someone else.
But marrying a stranger was of course a risk for me. However, I could relate to Abhishek in one thing even though he was everything I did not like. He was concerned for his grandmother like I was for my elders. And he considered my mother's health too. That just gave me some assurance that although the marriage was going to be fake, he wouldn't be a bad guy at a personal level. And his Daadi was the kindest soul I had ever met. I could trust her trust in him and believe that he was not going to be a monster.
I was so lost in weighing the positives and negatives of my decision that I did not realize we were back in my colony, until the car stopped. I took a long breath and decided to tell him my decision. I said, "Suniye (listen)". He turned to look at me with a curiosity in his face. He raised his eyebrows prompting me to say whatever I had to say.
"I will marry you", I said and got out of the car without seeing his face for his reaction. As I started walking around the car, he rolled his window down and asked me to wait.
"Can I have your number? I need to arrange a meeting with the lawyers before we marry. We really need to do it. You can bring your lawyers too", he said taking his mobile phone in his hand. I dictated my number to him.
"Okay, pick one name. Chashmish, Babaji or Miss No Smiles? What do I save your number as?", he asked biting his lip. I couldn't believe his nerve to call me names like that.
"My name is Pragya. Pragya Arora", I said sternly and started to walk away.
"Grumpy cat would also be a nice name you know", he said in an elevated voice making sure I heard him.
By the time I looked back at him, he had driven off.
Part 4
All I had wanted was my own little family, an understanding husband and two kids I would raise in my home sweet home.
Tarun
Virat
Rajat...
I was amazed I didn't even remember the names of the men who rejected me after Rajat. There were at least 5 more. Some thought I was not pretty, some said I was boring. Some wanted my beautiful sister instead. That reminded me of my best friend Suresh, who wanted to marry me because he felt no one was marrying me, while he desired my sister too. Thankfully, I had found out before it was too late and called off the wedding myself, for a change, unlike my other few marriage alliances that were broken by the groom or his family.
And the last one was Abhishek. Although I had agreed to a fake marriage with him, I had decided this was going to be it. My mother wanted to see me as a bride and she was going to. And once this marriage ends, I planned that I would leave Mumbai and shift to Delhi. I always wanted to pursue my Ph.D. course at the Jawaharlal Nehru University in Delhi and I was finally going to do that. That would keep me away from the prying neighbors and even my mother wouldn't be as worried since she wouldn't see me every day.
One thing I knew for sure. Even if I refused to marry Abhishek, my mother was going to find another guy and that guy would reject me, yet again. The cycle would never end. I was sick of it. I wanted to focus my life in something else other than marrying and making a family.
Marriage just wasn't my cup of tea.
I felt a lot better forecasting the next year of my life as I tried to sleep that night. Images of the car ride with Abhishek and his words kept on interrupting in between.
The next day I went to an Internet cafe and printed out applications for the Ph.D. program. I also collected information on the possible advisors I want to pursue my research with. Meanwhile, it seemed like Abhishek had given a head start to the wedding preparations since I saw a lot of exchanges between my mother and his Daadi.
Hi Chashmish, meet me at Marine plaza at 6 pm. Call me when you are at the reception ;-)- Abhi
Bulbul was the one to let me know of the text from Abhi, since my mobile phone was left in the living room. She was excited that Abhi had called me for a date. She was also intrigued with the offensive nickname he had given me. She was his fan and of course she was going to call his name calling antic cute, very much to my fury.
I guessed Abhishek wanted me to do the pre-nuptial agreements. I had never been to a posh hotel like that but when I reached, I was nervous. The people around were so different from me that I felt out of place. I called Abhishek and he did not pick my call. I waited for a minute at the reception wondering if I should call again and a person dressed in formals introduced himself as Abhishek's lawyer and took me to a suite. Abhishek was waiting for us there.
"Hi, thanks for coming. Mr. Bose, you have met her already, my partner in crime", Abhishek introduced me to the lawyer.
Mr. Bose went through the details of the agreement. He explained to me that both Abhishek and I needed to declare our assets and come to an agreement over the provisions after divorce. I literally had no financial asset worth mentioning and hence the agreement was only going to be about Abhishek's belongings. I was amazed at how many properties he owned and how much he was financially worth. I couldn't believe he had that much money at this young age. But then, I was repulsed thinking how it was all about money. I let the lawyer finish what he had to say and at the end of it I said I didn't want a penny out of Abhishek's pocket for alimony and I could give it in writing.
But the lawyer argued it wasn't as simple as that, and I could refuse to accept alimony when we actually divorced. It was decided that Abhishek was going to offer me a huge property near my house as compensation, some other things and a certain amount of money. I was not going to have any rights over his music or the house he currently lived in and a bunch of other clauses were put forward. Most of which went over my head for I was not really concentrating on this cynical agreement of a fake marriage. I signed wherever they asked me to and I just wanted to get out of that place as soon as I could.
The whole ordeal took more than an hour and finally the lawyer took our leave.
"Thanks, Chashmish. Look, I don't trust anyone. That's why we had to do this", Abhishek explained.
"Hmm, money matters before everything else", I said sarcastically.
"Money does things to people you can't even imagine, Chashmish", he said in a quick reply.
I wanted to ask him to stop calling me Chashmish, I wanted to argue I didn't give a damn about his money, but my mind was thinking how whatever fake relationship I was going to start with him is going to be based on clauses and not basic human emotions and values. And what was there to prove in a fake relationship anyway?
I got up to leave for home but Abhishek insisted he was going to drop me. I was in no mood to argue with him and hence agreed.
On our way to my home, he tried to pick up conversations about random things and I hardly responded.
"What am I getting myself into!! Gotta thank my luck, this is only a fake marriage. They say shaadi is barbaadi (weddings are destruction), truly so. Can anyone imagine dealing with a wife like this? So much nakhras (tantrums) that she doesn't even respond to half an hour of an attempt at conversation? And my Daadi thinks this is the best girl on earth", I heard him suddenly talking at a loud voice and all I could do was looking at him amused.
"How can you talk like this when we are doing something so strange and lying to everyone around us?", I couldn't help asking him.
"At least you opened your mouth. I am blessed. By the way, now that we have agreed on this fake marriage, what's the point in maintaining a grouchy face and bore me to death?", he said as he stopped the car in front of my house.
"It's not easy..", I tried to say something and I stopped midway as he pulled my cheeks to make a smiley face.
"Wondering if you can move your facial muscles at all. Hmm?", he made such a silly face that had me smile a little. He shook his head. I got out of the car and started walking to my house.
Although I was still smiling, I did not like that he actually made me smile.
"Smile all you want in your house. I won't even know", I heard him say as he drove off.
Needless to say Bulbul saw me smiling and kept teasing me over it for the next few days.
The next few days were spent in wedding preparations. The wedding was only a week away and we were not going to have a dedicated day for engagement. It was decided that we will exchange rings on the wedding day itself. I did not meet Abhi until the day of wedding but his wedding planners often visited me instructing me over my wedding dress and even had me do rehearsals in the marriage hall. Abhi wasn't a part of any of the preparations and his Daadi had told us he was out of station for a concert. Although I often remembered him, I brushed away my thoughts thinking that there was no point.
Everyone was excited except myself and of course the groom. My mother and his Daadi were running around with so much enthusiasm and joy that I was scared of thinking scenario that could occur when this marriage was to end. But I was going to deal with that later, as it came.
The wedding itself was a hoopla. Although it was conducted at the marriage hall owned by my mother, the place had turned into something else. Police security, and every possible media company had surrounded the hall. Faces that I only had seen on TV or movies were a part of the wedding guests. I was told by Abhishek's Daadi that he had instructed the wedding to be simple with minimal guests. I didn't know what was grand if this was simple.
But the wedding was short since most of the rituals were avoided or done for namesake. The actual wedding ceremony quietly happened in the Gurdwara in front of our house, something that made me ashamed that I was faking it in front of God. And later on there was a reception that had a routine of Abhishek introducing me to a celebrity guest and the guest hugging me, kissing my cheeks and saying some exaggerated praises while looking at me disapprovingly.
Abhishek hardly spoke to me throughout the wedding, nor did I make an attempt. We always had someone or the other surrounding us or talking to us, so, most part was just us fake smiling and going with the flow. But I knew how annoyed he was, when he rolled his eyes at me having to bear with every presumptuous guest.
I was never the emotional one in the family, but when I had to leave my mother's house for good I had broken down. I knew I was not only going to my married house, perhaps going away from this house forever. I knew my mother wouldn't really want to see me in this house ever again although she loves me to death. So, basically I was leaving the house I lived for pretty much all my life, and that was unbearable. I simply cried my heart hugging my mother, sister and Daadi. Abhishek's Daadi was with me the whole time trying to console me while she assured my folks. It's when she took me to the car I noticed Abhishek was already in the car looking away. Daadi sat with us too with me in the middle of Abhishek and her.
Daadi kept on talking to me with her soothing words often trying to get Abhishek to talk while he kept looking away or answered in monosyllables. But the only thing he said a few times was how he now wanted Daadi to get regular with her dialysis so that the kidney transplantation could be done soon.
When we reached the Mehra house, I finally took a look at the huge mansion I was going to live in for the next few months. I learnt that Abhishek's uncle and his family also lived in the same house. However, I was surprised to see that the number of house helpers exceeded the number of people actually living in the house. Daadi took her time to introduce me to everyone while also instructing how I was their boss from now on, which made me feel embarrassed.
It was almost midnight when I was taken to Abhishek's room by his Bhabhi and was left to wait for him sitting in the middle of the decorated bed. The first thing I did after Bhabhi left was to jump out of the bed. Suddenly was feeling restless having put in a room full of flashy stuff, a decorated bed for newlyweds and the worst part being the realization that I had to share the room with Abhishek. I paced around the room registering every little object that reminded a certain 'rockstar Abhi' and once I felt a bit better, sat on the large sofa.
"Can you believe I had to wait for two hours to come to MY room? That's because you had to be here before me!", Abhi lashed into the room and closed the door behind him. I got up from the sofa and looked at him.
"And what is this flowers and all?", Abhishek started removing the flower decorations on the bed. "What are you looking at, come help me", he ordered and I sure knew having the decoration removed will ease some of my discomfort too. Between the two of us, we cleared the flowers in no time.
I then noticed Abhishek removing his sherwani followed by the undershirt in the room itself. I was horrified at that act from him and cleared my throat to get his attention in case he didn't remember I was in the room too.
"What? Will you sleep in this heavy stuff or what? You can use the washroom or the closet to change", he told me and I didn't want anything other than running away from that room. I found my suitcase that the driver had left in the room and rolled it inside with me into the closet. I closed the door and started to remove my jewels.
It took me a while to undo my hair and get the heavy dress off of my body. As I started wearing my clothes I heard continuous knocks on the door. When I didn't answer immediately I heard him say "hey dumb Chashmish, I need my night wear. I just took a shower and I am freezing here".
I quickly wore my salwar kameez and didn't want to go out without clearing my stuff. I decided to find his clothes and with a lot of searching I found what I thought to be night wear from his humungous collection.
"What did you say? Dumb! Stop calling me these names", I said strictly as I opened the door and handed him his clothes.
"Oh you can talk, I thought you had lost your voice! Did you even say a word since we are in this room? And people who don't talk are called dumb", he was ready with his explanations. My mind did not register much since his still wet, only towel wrapped body did distract me for a few moments. I quickly went back to the closet and started folding my wedding clothes.
When I came out of the closet, he was spread on his bed already. He got up from the bed seeing me.
"I will sleep on the sofa, you can take the bed. Yeah, I can't share the bed with you. I don't want any complications you know", he winked.
"You won't fit on this sofa. You use your bed. I will sleep on the sofa", I said calculating how his 6 foot tall and broad frame wouldn't fit on the sofa.
"As you wish! Good night", he said getting back to his bed.
I got a comforter I had seen in the closet and laid myself on the sofa. It then occurred to me what he could have meant when he said he didn't want complications. I thought I needed to give him back on that.
"I am not looking forward to share bed with you either", I almost yelled.
"Of course, Miss Babaji", he said as he turned away from me.
Finally silence prevailed for some time and I closed my eyes hoping to sleep. A few minutes later I noticed him waking up and getting a water bottle from the fridge. He took out something from his side table drawer and it seemed like some pills that he gulped with water. Thinking he must have a headache, I felt my head to be hurting too. It took me a while to even feel sleepy for I kept on thinking about the events of the day, my mother, Daadi, sister and the future. And that's when I heard him snore lightly and rather than being disturbing, it somehow gave me a rhythm that I felt lulling me to sleep.
Part 5
My world was upside down when I woke up.
I saw a two feet in air, and followed them to find a muscular bare chest of a man, which continued to his head touching the ground. Even my eyes without spectacles recognized the man as Rockstar Abhi.
Why was rockstar Abhi upside down in front of me?
The next moment told me it was actually my one-day-old husband, Abhishek. I finally came out of my sleep to recognize that I was in his room. I sat up in a jerk and found my glasses to confirm my thoughts.
"Good morning, Chashmish. You sleep a lot for a teacher. Aren't you guys supposed to wake up at 4 am and come up with ideas to torture students?" he said as he walked towards me. I knew I would be annoyed with whatever he said but I hardly heard him since my focus was to avoid looking at his bare chest. I wished I didn't have to see him like that every day.
I rapidly felt conscious of not wearing my dupatta. I grabbed it from the side of the sofa and covered myself. He looked at me as if I did something unbelievable but walked away grabbing his sunglasses that were on the fridge near the sofa. He wore them and started working out with his dumbbells.
Thinking how weird was it to wear sunglasses indoors, I decided to quickly take a shower. I gathered my toiletries and clothes as he crammed up his music system with his own songs. I was amazed I recognizedhis songs. It was of course courtesy Bulbul who played them in our shared room every now and then.
I quickly locked myself in the bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief. And I was in for pretty much a shock to have a look at the most lavish bathroom I had ever seen. I thought at least five people could easily sleep in that room if Abhishek's family had too many guests staying over. While I just made peace with the idea of having such a huge bathroom, I was in for more blows to witness the number of perfumes, after shaves, creams and what not occupied the shelves. I never had thought a man could use such stuff that too in such numbers. Bulbul's collection, which wasn't even 10% of Abhishek's, often, drove me mad. To continue my disbelief, the bathtub was a mini swimming pool. Wondering what Abhishek actually does in the tub, I decided to take bath just using the shower.
I undressed myself and removed my jewelry. However, I couldn't bring myself to remove the mangalsutrathat Abhishek had tied to my neck the previous day. I was quite annoyed with myself for my regard to these symbols that too in a fake marriage. I avoided thinking more about it for my own sanity and quickly finished my shower. When I came out, I noticed he was doing push ups. I was counting his push ups in my mind without realizing and started doing my hair in front of the mirror.
"Did you take a shower or colour your dress from pink to blue?", I saw his mirror image besides mine fixing his hair.
The smell of his sweat and his mere presence at a foot's distance felt awkward in more ways than one.
"So you always wear the chatri uniforms in different colors?", he seemed to want an explanation about my clothing.
"These are not chatris, they are called anarkalis. They are the latest fashion. Everyone wears them", I replied.
"Really?", he looked at me as with fake amusement. And the look didn't sit well with me.
"At least I am not like you. Who wears sunglasses indoors?", I threw back at him.
"I do and I don't care if no one else does", he took his sunglasses off and met my eyes in the mirror.
I rolled my eyes and took off from that room. I wanted to go see Abhishek's Daadi but didn't know which one her room would be. The house helper Robin guided me to her room.
"Good morning beti", the old woman was her kind and gracious self. I hugged her and sat by her on her bed.
"Hope Abhi didn't bother you too much", Daadi pulled my cheek. I just smiled back and to avoid the topic I asked her if she had her breakfast.
She gave me an overview of everyone's routine in the house. From what I understood, although the family was full of people, not all of them had breakfast together. Daadi ate in her room because she woke up early and was advised by the doctors to not carry empty stomach since she needed to take her medicine. Abhishek's breakfast habits were haphazard and bizarre with his own menu. The rest of the family ate in their own accord.
Robin brought breakfast for Daadi and she asked him to make bread pakoras for me, which he seemed to expertize at. She also reminded him to serve cinnamon coffee' for Abhishek along with his breakfast of the day.
I requested Daadi to eat her breakfast without waiting for mine since it would go cold. She asked me to read out the news paper and I started doing so. She told me how she liked Punjabi newspapers more than the Hindi ones that came to the house. I opened her favorite online Punjabi news paper in her mobile and read out the headlines. I helped her take her medicine and I noticed that her feet were swollen similar to how my mother's used to when she had blood pressure issues. I offered to massage her legs, which I knew helped my mother. Although she was reluctant to let me do it, I took charge and started rubbing her feet.
Robin brought my breakfast by then and Abhishek walked in too with a short glass of wheatgrass extract for Daadi. Abhishek reminded Daadi to take her medicine but Daadi informed him that I had already helped her with them and she had taken them. She taunted him on how he couldn't read Punjabi while I could.
"I am too cool to read Punjabi, Daadi", Abhishek said as he had Daadi drink the green extract with his own hands.
"Beti, he always failed in Punjabi exams", Daadi revealed.
"You really wanted me to be a boring Punjabi professor, Daadi?", Abhi said looking at me and I scrunched my nose. Later the Daadi-grandson duo involved in an argumentative conversation about how he should take a break from work and take me out for a honeymoon. He argued he wouldn't go for it until her kidney transplant is done, much to my relief. I didn't even like the idea of honeymoon since I couldn't imagine being alone somewhere else with Abhishek given how he was growing intimidating on me.
Abhishek was going to go back to work from that day itself much to Daadi's displeasure. I told them that I needed to get back to work too after a week since my summer vacation would be over.
Without notice, Abhishek took a bite of the bread paroka from my plate. "See you in the evening, my sweet annoying Daadi", Abhishek placed a tight kiss on Daadi's cheek and turned to leave.
"What about her? Say bye to her also with a kiss", Daadi pointed at me much to my awe.
Abhishek made an annoyed face at Daadi. Daadi returned it with an angry glare.
"You always win, Daadi", Abhi walked up to me and pressed his lips on my cheek before I realized what he was up to. Shivers ran through my body from that point of contact. He had walked out of the door while Daadi shook her head smiling.
"Husband and wife should eat from the same plate. Love grows you know. Abhishek's Daadaji and I always used to eat from the same plate. Finish that piece, it's a good shagun (omen)", Daadi said looking at a half piece of bread pakora left on my plate.
I was never used to eat left over food from someone else's mouth. And here I was trying to eat food that touched my fake husband's mouth while the kiss from his lips still lingered on my cheek. Daadi's eyes were all on me as she expected me to finish that sullied piece of food.
That night before going to bed I really wanted to bring up the kiss that bothered me for the whole day.
"You can't take such liberties with me in this fake marriage", I told Abhishek while he was engaged in surfing TV channels.
"What liberties?", he asked as if he had no idea.
"That... kiss", I said not looking at him.
"Oh.. Ohohoho... kiss!! You call that a kiss? Oh come on, that does not qualify as a kiss. I kiss at least 20 people like that everyday, most of them being girls. And you have no idea how desperate my fan girls are for it", he said mockingly.
"I am not one of those girls for your information", this I said looking at him.
"Why do I forget you are Babaji Chashmish! Kisses are banned for you. May be you can cheat with flying kisses?", he winked at me and blew kisses.
I wanted to pull my hair, rather his hair for all the anger, embarrassment and jitters he was generating in me at the same time. I gave him a disgusted scowl and went straight to sleep on the sofa.
I again noticed that night Abhishek taking his headache pills before he went to bed.
The next few days of my life had similar routines except that I visited my mother's house a couple of times, one time with Abhishek and Daadi. I made sure my mother fixed appointments for her radiotherapies. My respect for Abhishek's Daadi had been consistently growing for I admired her kindness and wisdom along with her knack for life.
Abhishek was growing more intimidating but intriguing. I could not read his mind, he confused me more often than not. He seemed arrogant and rude but ridiculous and sincere too. His dedication to his grandmother was something I appreciated, but he didn't seem to give a damn about a lot of other things. He often talked about money and was immersed in his uncanny world of glamour. He would be away most of the times and when he was home and the times we had to spend with each other in his room, he would be argumentative and taunting, perhaps teasing. I was slowly growing to go head on with him in our silly but sometimes serious disputes but often wondered why was I even involving myself so much. But he had this infuriating ability to get to my nerves and make me give back as much as I resisted.
The rockstar had actually become an interesting piece of study material for me in this one week of spending time with him, even though I had no such intentions. I never tried to invade his personal space, but there was this one thing that I had become curious about. Every night before he actually slept, he would swallow some pills. I initially thought it could be for headache or something but he didn't seem to have a headache otherwise.
That afternoon when he was away, I decided to organize the room a little bit. I had noticed that he mostly threw his stuff around all over the place and frantically searched for them at the last moment. When I went to put his dog tag chains in his side table drawer I saw a couple of bottles with pills. Although I knew I was not fair, I could not resist myself from learning what they were for. I read out the names on them, but didn't really recognize them. When I googled and found information on Internet I was shocked.
Valium and Xanax. Why did the happy love singing heartthrob rockstar need sleeping pills?
Part 6
"Abhi, how come you are up so early? Where is bahu?", I heard Daadi's voice as I was about to come out of the shower that morning.
"Here, in my pocket, Daadi, look", Abhishek was showing Daadi his sweatpants' pockets.
"Always joking around, you are a married man now, be responsible. But I am happy you are waking up early. I haven't been able to keep an eye on you due to my health for the past two years. But now I have my bahu to set you right. Bahu, you have done some magic on his sleeping habits. He used to be such a sleepyhead. I had to pour glasses of water on him so that he reached college on time", Daadi said as she gave us prashad and went out of the room.
Sleepyhead! That was definitely a contradiction to what I saw for the past few nights. I still hadn't figured out why he often took those sleep aid pills. I sometimes used to randomly wake up in the middle of the nights and when I did, I had once found Abhishek in the balcony drinking alcohol and another time playing a video game. He sure had some issue with his sleep. Was it a sleep disorder or was there something that bothered him, I couldn't tell. I wanted to ask him but I thought it was not in my authority.
It was a Sunday morning and Abhishek was home because of a cancelled concert. I had decided to get the whole family together at the breakfast table since I had planned for an idli-vada breakfast. I was used to eat with everyone together in my mother's house and I could see Daadi wanted it too, but for some reason it was not happening in the Mehra mansion. I had made friends with Abhishek's sweet niece and nephew, Babli and Bunty, and they were excited for the idli-vada breakfast. Their parents, Raj Bhaiyya and Mitali Bhabhi, tagged along with them for the breakfast. Abhishek's other cousin brother, Aakash was nice to me and he had obliged to my request to bring his parents to the table too. I got Daadi with me and the only person left was Abhishek.
Daadi asked me to bring Abhishek down and I went to his room and asked him to join us for the breakfast. He initially refused to come down, but when I said even the kids are waiting for him, he agreed. He greeted Daadi, Bunty, Babli and Aakash one to one while he just said a general good morning to the rest of them. I served the food I cooked to everyone.
Daadi asked me to eat as well and I saw that there were two chairs empty, one besides Abhishek and the other across him. I decided to go for the one across. "You are not sitting there" I was taken aback to hear Abhishek's stern voice as soon as I pulled the chair out to seat myself. His eyes that were looking at me were burning with a deep emotion.
"Beta, he wants you to sit besides him, not away from him", Daadi tried to ease the awkwardness caused by Abhishek's sudden outburst but everyone except me seemed to understand the situation. I was feeling hurt and embarrassed but not wanting to make Daadi feel bad I thought I should sit besides Abhishek.
Before I sat, Abhishek got up and walked away.
"Pragya, Abhishek's sister Aaliyah used to sit on that chair and she didn't allow anyone else to use it. Needless to say she was the apple of Abhi's eye. Don't feel bad beta, he must have remembered her because of the chair. She is gone but he doesn't let us remove that chair, nor any one of us use it. We should have told you about it beforehand", Daadi explained me the situation.
I had known that Abhishek had lost his parents at a young age but my heart went out for him hearing him losing his sister too.
Bunty and Babli lightened up the atmosphere since they loved the breakfast. Slowly the elders started eating too and everyone seemed to enjoy their food. I myself hardly could eat anything. Once everyone almost finished eating, I took Abhishek's plate and went to his room. He was busy playing a video game, relentlessly shooting at moving cars.
"Breakfast", I said in a loud voice to gather his attention.
"Listen, Chashmish. You don't need to try bringing this family together. Had I told them they will get a 1000 Rs. each for showing up at the breakfast table, everyone would show up without fail, everyday", he said sarcastically.
"Bunty and Babli did not come for 1000 Rs.", I said and he looked away.
"Anyways, I know I was rude. That chair belongs to my sister. I don't let anyone sit on it. But you didn't know. So it's my fault I yelled at you. Can I make it up to you with a free collection of all my music albums?", he offered.
I looked at him genuinely surprised that he was offering that to me after I have told him so many times how I am not his fan.
"A lifetime gym membership for body building? Nah, you should actually have a body to build you know. How about matching glasses for your chatris, every color same design?", he said so and I couldn't believe he said all that. He was looking at me with a serious face expecting an answer to his proposal. I was appalled but I didn't know from where a tiny smile crept on my lips.
"Eat your breakfast if you really want to make up for whatever", I told him handing him his breakfast plate.
He took the plate from my hands and said, "you cooked it, hmm? It's gonna be a torture to eat this. Not bad for a revenge". I simply rolled my eyes and sat on the sofa with my laptop. I wanted to work on my Ph.D. applications.
"Can I have some more of this torture. It's not good to do anything halfway", two minutes later I heard him saying. I gladly walked down the stairs to serve him more idli-vada with chutney and sambar.
That evening I worked on my Ph.D. applications for the Jawaharlal Nehru University in Delhi and realized I needed to take printouts of my CV.
Abhishek walked into the room right then and I asked him if there is an Internet cafe nearby where I could take printouts.
"What do you think, rockstar doesn't have printers in his house or what?", he asked me to follow him to the music room where he had not one but three printers.
I placed my laptop on the table and Abhishek connected a printer to it. I tried to print but it didn't work. Abhishek came near me and leaned over by my chair trying to fix the problem. He was so close to me that I was feeling awkwardly conscious. The smell of his perfume and his dangling dog tags that touched my shoulder messed with my senses.
"Hello, don't you hear me? For the third time I am asking how many copies you want", he shouted in my ear and that's when I realized I was lost somewhere else.
"Three copies", I told him and he gave print command. I heard the printer making noise and got up to get the printouts, more because I wanted to get away from his spell.
"Chashmish, you are almost 30. I had thought you were like 45 or so", he said as he noticed my age in my CV that I was printing.
"I don't use 100 face creams like you to look younger, the ones that you have decorated in your bathroom", I gave back.
"Hey, it's my job to look good. How do you think I get girls to forget themselves in my presence?", he looked at me with a naughty grin.
And I was thankful when he walked out of the room right after that. I wanted to thank him for helping me with the print outs but the fact that he had caught me forgetting myself occupied me. What bothered me more though was the realization that I was getting attracted to him. I didn't know if it was because he was my husband though fake or just pure biology that he was a male around me. However, I couldn't remember feeling this way for Suresh, whom I had thought I loved when we sort of went around for a few days between our engagement and the wedding that broke before it happened. I warned myself not to delve on this attraction for it was meaningless.
I prepared envelopes to post my Ph.D. application that night. When Abhishek came to the room I had my envelopes all over his bed. I tried to clear them up and he noticed the address on one of the envelopes that fell to the ground and he helped me pick it up. He asked me why was I sending this bundles of material to a university and I explained I was going to pursue my Ph.D. after this marriage stint was over.
"First of all, I don't get why anyone needs to study so much. But if you do, why would you go for a university in Delhi? Why not go for the best like Oxford or Harvard?" he questioned.
"I have never thought of going abroad. I don't even know if I can get admissions in those places", I expressed my apprehensiveness.
"How can they refuse admissions to Chashmish? You belong among those boring people. If they still refuse, tell them you are rockstar's wife. British council library is near my recording studio. Come with me and get applications for Oxford or Cambridge tomorrow", he told me certainly.
I didn't know why he spoke the way he did.
I thought about studying abroad as I tried to sleep that night. It actually sounded a better idea than studying in India not just because it would be better aboard but because it would distract myself and my mother of my marriage more effectively.
It took a long time for me to go to sleep that night and I noticed that Abhishek was tossing and turning around too. I was somehow happy that he didn't take his sleeping pills that night but just when I thought of it, I noticed him go for them.
And it pained me.
The next morning I did go with Abhishek to the British council library. I couldn't believe I was recognized as the rockstar's wife when I stood in the queue. Abhishek had waited in the car to avoid being mobbed. I was appalled when some people clicked pictures with me and even started enquiring with me about Abhishek. I avoided the fan frenzy as much as I could.
I spoke with the counselor about the possible opportunities I could avail in Britain and it seemed like the University of St. Andrews had the Ph.D. program that suited me the most. But when it came to buy the application, I realized it would cost me more money than what I had in my purse. I had been under a tight budget due to issues with my mother's marriage hall business and I had to decide against applying.
When I went back to Abhishek's car he enquired me about the application. My excuses didn't work and I had to reveal to him my financial problem.
"There should be at least 10,000 Rs. Use the credit card if you need more", he said handing me over his wallet.
"I can't take money from you. I will buy the application when I have enough money for it", I refused his offer.
"Do you want me to go buy it? Come on yaar. It would be shameful if I get clicked buying a Ph.D. application. It will kill my image", he insisted.
I did not reply to him because I really didn't want to take his money.
"Okay, fine. I know people in the British council. I will have them send you the applications. By the way, you will tell me which university you decided on or shall I get applications for all British universities?", he was relentless.
"I will return you the money as soon as I get my next salary", I said as I went back to the library taking his wallet.
I couldn't help but smile when I saw a picture of his with his Daadi and sister in the transparent flap of his wallet. But my heart was smiling all the more at the thought that he cared about me.
The next couple of weeks went quite busy for me. I had started going back to college and had applied to both Jawaharlal Nehru as well as the British University. My mother's treatment was scheduled and Abhishek's Daadi's health had improved with the doctors planning her kidney transplant.
Abhishek was out of the country for most of those days due to his concerts abroad. And I had missed him to say the least and had always tried to talk to him when Daadi called him.
That evening Abhishek had returned from Europe and his manager had come home needing to discuss an urgent matter. I ended up overhearing some of the conversation because I was present nearby and they were talking about me.
"Daadi will kill me if I walk with any girl other than my wife", I heard Abhishek say.
"Your wife, it's not really in my authority to say this, but do you think she will be able to handle the red carpet?" the manager asked.
"We can manage that", Abhishek said calmly.
"Sir, Tannu Mehta wants to walk with you. Her rep has contacted me. Everyone knows about you guys and you are still a hot property for the magazines. You make the best looking couple in the town", the manager had explained.
I didn't hear more of their conversation because the name of Tannu Mehta rang a bell in my head. I remembered Bulbul telling me about rockstar Abhi's supermodel girlfriend, just a few months ago.
Needless to say I felt a stab in my heart at the realization. But I didn't want to hurt. I rather wanted to use this pain as a way to get myself out of the illogical feelings I had developed for Abhishek.
Why did I even remotely think in the lines of Abhishek and me as a couple? Did I want another rejection?
Edited by -Tia- - 9 years ago
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