Last part (part 13)
So, this was it.
Abhishek's lawyer had come to my college. He needed urgent signatures for some documents. He had explained to me in his technical terms about some tax break thing that Abhishek needed to file. I signed it but felt it was very suspicious. When I asked Mr. Bose to show me the details. But he got up in a hurry to leave and dropped his file spilling out all the documents.
When I tried to gather the pages for him, I found that the documents were not of tax files but of property that included a massive shopping mall area adjacent to my mother's marriage hall.
"Madam, this one is the same thing we had discussed before your marriage, when we met at the hotel, remember? Please don't put my job in trouble. I don't like lying to anyone. But Abhi Sir asked me to do this saying you won't agree to own this property if you are asked to sign upfront. Madam, please sort this out with Abhi Sir. Don't bring me into this", the lawyer begged.
He had left leaving a stunned me behind.
Of course I remembered the property details. I remembered Abhishek wanted to give this to me as a part of alimony.
I sat on my seat and covered my mouth with my hands in order to stop myself from crying out loud.
My heart was sinking as I took a taxi to my home, my mother's home.
I didn't want to go back to Abhishek's house or see him, at least not that moment. I perhaps needed to go back to collect my luggage but I was going to do that some other time. I would also tell him to keep that property to himself and the tickets he had booked for me for UK travel. If he wanted to end it all, I would be game for it, but on my own terms.
However, I didn't have anything to really complain about. We had married for my mother's surgery and his Daadi's transplantation, both of which had been accomplished. If anything, I had a bunch of things to thank him, for he had encouraged me to pursue my higher studies, helped me with my mother's treatment and made me smile.
Even those two fateful nights, I couldn't convince my heart that it was just physical release for him. But I knew for sure he hadn't faked it when he called me gorgeous. That was going to stay with me for the rest of my life for it healed a buried wound in me.
Just that I had wished for more of him, more than he wanted to give. But that's my fault. But I wouldn't wish for it anymore. If his happiness is not with me, I wouldn't wish him to be with me.
So what? I still had the bliss of wishing him well, loving him to my content, and that was enough to live.
I wiped my tears and put a smile on as I entered my mother's house.
It wasn't going to be easy to escape his memories.
Bulbul was playing Abhishek's latest album loudly in her room. I asked her to switch it off not because it annoyed me as it used to happen before but because he mattered to me.
She then went out with our cousin Purvi for shopping. My Daadi was busy chatting with a neighbor. I found my mother in the kitchen and hugged her from back.
"Why are you feeling low, beti? What happened?", my mom could always tell when I would hurt.
"I am just a little sad Maa, just that I have to go to UK, away from you, Bulbul and all. I only have few days left, so thought I should spend some time with you. I might stay with you until I leave", I lied to my Maa although I was practically telling the truth.
"What about Abhi? He will miss you more than we will. Have lunch and go back to your house or at least tomorrow. By the way, I am not even sure why are you going so far. Why don't you study in Mumbai or Pune, somewhere nearby?" Maa wanted explanation.
"Maa, it's a much better university and I can't get someone to guide me on that research topic in India", I justified myself.
Maa fed me my late lunch that day from her own hands and that was very comforting. Later, I had tried to distract myself reading my favourite author without much success.
"Pragya, go collect milk and tell him he is mixing too much water these days", Maa gave me a shout as the doorbell rang.
"Today, two liters, and these days you seem to be mixing more water than ever", I complained as I placed our milk can outside the door.
"Excuse me" I heard a deep voice that I instantly recognized and froze as I looked up.
"I don't sell milk. If you need my introduction, I am Abhishek and you look like Pragya, the one who has gone missing from my house", spoke the rockstar.
"Aap..yahan (you.. here)... I.." I didn't know what to say but I worried if coming here without telling him or Daadi was a bad idea.
My mother and Daadi came running realizing Abhishek had come home.
He touched my mother and Daadi's feet, and Bulbul and Purvi returned from their shopping just then. They were excited to see their favourite rockstar and they involved with him in an animated conversation regarding his new album. As usual, I just stood in a corner and saw the mela my house suddenly turned into as everyone got busy in treating Abhishek to snacks and beverages.
"Can I take Pragya out with me for sometime Mummyji?", he asked my mother a little later, and I tensed.
"Of course beta, she is your wife. Looks like you guys have fought. Whatever it is, sort it out", my mother gave her permission.
I didn't really want to go with Abhishek but it didn't look like I had a choice given he had my mother involved.
He drove unusually fast but didn't say a word. It seemed like I recognized the road and it was the same highway he drove me to the first time he came to my house. I mentally prepared myself to not let my emotions out and make the situation complicated. I just wanted it all to end on a comfortable note.
"So, what's your problem? You just disappear to your mother's house like that, and not even pick my calls. Bulbul told me when I called her that you have come here. I had gone to your college, didn't I tell you we will sort out everything today?", Abhishek finally spoke stopping the car on the side of the highway.
"Well, it's all sorted out now. What is left?", I replied without facing him.
He got out of the car and opened my door too. I slowly stepped out and stood facing him.
"So, what have you sorted out?", he asked.
I didn't say anything. "Will you answer me", he yelled holding my arms.
"Suniye, I have signed that shopping mall papers near our marriage hall. Your lawyer got me to sign them without telling me. But I don't need it. Please ask him to destroy those documents", I said I what I needed to say.
"Knew you would say this, that's why I had asked him to not to tell you. I don't know why he told you", Abhishek seemed surprised as he let my arms go.
"He didn't tell me, I figured it out myself. And please remember I had told you before we married, that I don't need any alimony", I reminded him.
"What alimony? This was not alimony. It's not for you anyway. Bulbul is struggling with that legal case. If you have this whole property as yours, no one will bother you and you mom can extend your marriage hall into it as well", Abhishek didn't seem to get the point.
"But the point is I don't want anything from you. Even those tickets you have bought for me to St. Andrews, let me please return the money", I brought up another issue and Abhi looked at me upsettingly.
"This is ridiculous. I don't get you, what do you want?", Abhi sat on a wooden log nearby.
"I don't want anything. I want nothing. I want nothing from you", I stressed.
"And you never wanted me either, hmm?" he asked piercing my eyes with his.
His question perplexed me. What did he mean when he said I never wanted him either? That didn't make sense.
"Abhishek" I walked and sat near him.
"So none of this meant anything to you? You just slept with me for the sake of it" he asked looking into my eyes.
"Abhishek what are you talking about? How could that be for the sake of it from my side. It meant everything to me", I had tears fill my eyes.
"That's what I had thought. It doesn't look like that when I am talking to you today", Abhishek said looking away.
"Please don't talk in circles. First you send your lawyer to transfer this property to my name as alimony and now you are blaming me of things", I cried.
"Alimony? What nonsense are you talking about? Are we doing divorce here? Who is giving you alimony? That's supposed to be a gift, you don't get that?" Abhishek yelled.
"Does this mean you weren't planning a divorce?", I was stunned.
"Divorce! Do you even know where had I been to this morning? For someone who should be preparing divorce papers, I am doing a pretty good job with a solitaire in my pocket", I couldn't comprehend his words.
"You just pissed me off, Pragya. You just assumed I will divorce you after all that we had shared?" he rubbed his fingers over his forehead.
"Abhishek, you never told me anything properly. I have always feared the worst. And when I saw the lawyer, I thought everything ended" I didn't even know why I was trying to defend myself.
"Do you think I would have slept with you, that too twice, without even worrying about protection, if I didn't mean it to be more than sleeping? Did I ever tell you I regretted it? And you know what, it's wasn't even about sex. How could you come to conclusions when we hadn't even talked about it?" Abhishek retorted.
"Because you always told me you don't believe in love, you didn't want to be in relationships", I reasoned.
"Yes I did. But you do believe in love, don't you? Why didn't you believe in yourself, when I could believe in you?" he was upset.
"Abhishek, I had no hopes. I couldn't dare to hope", I broke down.
"Chashmish, I am sorry. It's all my fault", Abhishek moved my hands off of my face and my glasses fogged with the steam of my tears. He wiped my tears and made me stand up. And he hugged me, holding my head to his chest. I sobbed in the safety of his arms to the content of my heart.
I knew he was crying too.
"I didn't want to fall in love with you", Abhishek said after a long time, separating us from the hug.
He sat on the log again and ran his hands through his hair, looking up at the sky.
"Because I was afraid of loving. I lost my parents when I was a 5 year old. I loved my sister more than my life. And you know what she did, she took her life away herself. The whole world, including Daadi thinks she died in an accident, that a truck hit her car. I had got the truck driver jailed. But the driver wanted to talk to me because he was my fan. And he told me that my sister was driving much above speed limit and herself hit the truck although he tried to avoid. I didn't believe him because I knew she drove way better than me. But a few days later, I found a letter in my music room where she said she didn't want to live without Purab. Purab and her were engaged and Purab left her because he fell in love with someone else. Purab had abandoned her and claiming to be my brother like best friend, didn't even bother to explain to me anything at that time. There you go, I lost my sister, lost my friend, and had this guilt of somewhere causing all this, because I was the one to suggest them to get engaged. And then Daadi threatened to leave me too with her ill health, I didn't want to lose the only love I had left in my life. That's why I married you making this deal with you.
And then there were these women in my life, and people in my celebrity world, who wanted everything associated with me but not me. But then, I found you, you cared for me without expecting anything in return. I knew all along I was foolish not to reciprocate to you, but I was contemplating if I wanted to tangle you in the mess of my life. I wasn't sure if I could love you as much as you loved me. But Chashmish, when you gave yourself to me that night, I gave myself to you too. I was not gonna let you go after that, ever, even if you wished. Because I am selfish, because I could sleep in your arms without having to be helped by those damned pills", Abhishek said biting his lip with tears flowing in his eyes.
"Abhishek", I kissed his face all over and hugged him. I was holding on to him like I would die if I let him go.
I didn't know how long we stayed in that hug. But we were forcefully separated by some animated human noises shouting "Abhi... rockstar.. Abhi...".
I was shocked to see mobiles clicking our pictures. A bus had parked near our car and people had recognized Abhi, the rockstar.
"Let's get out of here", Abhishek said holding my hand as he pulled me along to get into the car.
People, mostly girls, gathered around our car. Abhishek waved at them and blew some kisses in air.
"Welcome to my life", Abhishek winked at me as he drove carefully trying not to hit the flock of people around the car. He sped up as he reached the highway.
I put my head out of the window and watched the girls desperately trying to run behind the car, still clicking pictures. I couldn't believe I felt this way, but I was somehow proud I had something they all craved for. And I even remembered all those men who had rejected me with their own reasons. But that was just a moment, I really didn't want to think about any of that. I looked at Abhishek and smiled. He looked at me from the corner of his eye to say "what?", I smiled with wide stretched lips unable to hide my happiness as I looked at the passing trees on the way.
Epilogue
"No, I am not putting that ring on you. You don't want anything from me anyway, other than me", Abhishek placed the box on the table.
"Please, I may wear it myself, if you don't", I said making faces.
"I know you won't. This is your punishment for trying to get out of my life", Abhishek was adamant.
I was sad although I knew he was just playing around. But he immediately changed my mood as he pulled me into his arms and started kissing me again.
Five minutes later, he had me sit on him, *cough*, riding him.
When I was about to lose myself in passion, he stalled our movements by holding my hips, not allowing me to move.
I looked at him questioning his deed but I saw his hands reaching over to the side table, picking up the box that had the solitaire he got for me.
He took the ring out, took my hand and kissed it. He slid the ring in my ring finger and came up for a kiss.
And it was the bliss of my life.
Five years later-
-Purab has settled with the girl he had fallen in love with.
-Suresh finally had convinced Bulbul to marry him and they were tying the knot soon.
-Abhi's Daadi spends all her time with Aarav, her great grand child.
-My mother helped by my Daadi runs a shopping mall that focused on wedding needs along with her marriage hall.
-I got my doctoral degree from the University of St. Andrews as well as the University of Mumbai. I did most of my research work for my Ph.D. in a collaborative project in Mumbai, so that I could stay in Mumbai for most of the time.
-My Ph.D. course ended up taking five long years because I was soon pregnant with Aarav. Abhishek never wanted to use protection and I was reluctant too. But we were careful after Aarav although currently we are trying for another child.
-And Abhishek Prem Mehra, he still rocks the world as rockstar Abhi.. and rocks my world as Abhishek.
-I am happy.
With love,
-Chashmish (no, you can't call me that, only my husband can)
You can call me Dr. Pam (that's what my UK colleagues call me)
-Pragya Arora Mehra
Edited by -Tia- - 9 years ago
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