Part 11 (adult content warning)
I don't want to wake up and be lonely again. Oh what I would give to sleep in your arms.
"Pragyaaa, Abhiii" I heard a distant voice.
I also heard door knocks along the second time as I slowly woke up from a peaceful sleep.
"Daadi... Why is she... Oh My flight.. it's 6 am already.. Damn, my flight is at 7 45" Abhishek woke up with a start.
He immediately jumped out of the bed and wore his jeans while I grabbed the gown and covered myself. As he seemed to walk to the door to open it for frantic Daadi, I ran to the closet to find my clothes.
When I wore an anarkali and came out, Daadi was still in the room. I couldn't see clearly without my glasses but she seemed to be looking at the crumpled sheets and I just wanted to disappear.
"Pragya, he hasn't even packed anything. He asked me to get his bag ready before he comes out of the shower. Can you help me?" I was glad Daadi didn't want to talk about the sheets.
But I had to find my glasses before helping her. I thought they would be on the bed and started looking for them there.
"What are you looking for? Your glasses? Here", Daadi found my glasses under the pillow.
I was embarrassed to death when I wore my glasses. Abhishek's tee shirt and underwear were on the bed. Hoping Daadi hadn't noticed them I gathered them and hid them under the mattress in the name of doing the bed.
"Shouldn't you guys have an alarm on if you want to stay up late?" Daadi smiled impishly and continued to say "his designers will have his costume for the album release event ready. We just need to pack a couple of pairs of clothes for the night he is staying and travel. I am sorry beti, I know because of me, you are a missing a chance to accompany him too. I would have loved to be there had my health been alright".
"It's okay, Daadi", I told her as I helped her pack Abhishek's clothes. I also packed his dog tags, wristbands and studs he always wore.
"Pragya, get some dahi-shakkar (curds and sugar) ready and feed him before he leaves" Daadi reminded me of the auspicious ritual we did before someone left for an important work.
I went downstairs to the kitchen to get a bowl of dahi-shakkar. By the time I came out of the kitchen, Abhishek was already coming down with Daadi while his manager waited in the living area. The manager informed Abhishek that the producer who supported the new artist against Abhishek had admitted to his mistake and will be issuing a statement to the media later in the day.
"Alright, bye Daadi, I will see you in three days. You will not worry about anything, just take rest and get fit to dance with me when I come back. We will dance to my new songs I am releasing" Abhishek hugged her.
"First touch my feet" Daadi demanded.
"Who gets this done forcefully Budhiya...as if you won't bless me if I don't do this", Abhishek bent and touched Daadi's feet.
"Raj karo, mera beta (reign, my son)", Daadi caressed Abhishek's head wholeheartedly.
Abhishek hadn't met my eyes until Daadi asked him to take dahi-shakkar from my hands.
I couldn't meet my eyes with him either, when I took a spoon of dahi-shakkar and offered it to his mouth.
He sipped it and said "thanks Chashmish", in barely a whisper, I looked up and I could feel a blood rush all over my body.
Abhishek patted my cheek and left. I wanted to wish him the best, I wanted to say a lot more than that. I couldn't say a thing.
I hoped Abhishek doesn't miss his flight and that prayed that everything goes well with his album release as I went upstairs to freshen up. I had decided to take off from work for a couple of days in order to be with Daadi, while Abhishek was away.
The memories of the last night kept flooding in my mind as soon as I entered Abhishek's room.
Oh My God, What had happened?
As I undressed myself in the bathroom to take a shower, I could still smell him on me, and I couldn't ignore the red mark below my collarbone.
My whole being felt different, every little bit that was touched by him.
My heart started racing faster. I turned the shower on and sat in the way of the stream of water.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I had tried to console Abhishek last night, he had pulled me on his lap and placed his lips on mine. The prick of his facial hair, the warm tingle of his lips and his uneven breath had seared my whole body. He had stayed like that for a while and I hadn't moved away either.
When he separated our lips, I opened my eyes to look at him, almost in a protest. I still could see wet trails of tears down his eyes. He was looking at me with an emotion I could not completely interpret- why did he look so vulnerable, what was he trying to say, what did he want? -He looked away and looked back at me and he crushed his lips on mine again urgently, all I felt was a drowning feeling, into deep waters I didn't know the depth of.
The next moment I regained my senses was when I suddenly worried that my wetness would stain his jeans. I was shocked at myself comfortably sitting on his lap, with my legs stretched on either of his sides, and his lips sucking on the flesh on my neck.
But I could remember feeling my senses going haywire as his teeth pulled the gown off of my chest. As soon as I felt downright shy of my body exposed to his eyes, he made it into something else by taking the tip of my breast in his mouth.
It was delirious.
I had figured out there was no coming back when he slid the gown off of my shoulders and crashed us into the bed, while our lips tangled again.
He had given me a few seconds of breather for thoughts when he sat up on the bed and started undoing his belt, I turned to my stomach feeling conscious of his eyes on my bare body.
I had worried about a hundred things in those few seconds.
I hadn't shaved my legs for a while, would that disgust him?
Was he in his mind, hadn't he sipped some alcohol?
Why was I not able to stop him? Did I even want to stop him?
What did this mean to him or me or to us? Was there an 'us' to begin with?
Did I want it?
I had known I needed it when his hands cupped my hip and trailed up as his naked body laid on mine.
I turned to face him and embraced him to my satisfaction.
And then it was frantic kisses and touches. Our hands were in a race to map each other's bodies.
I was with him in every moment of it, and liked to believe he was there with his everything too.
The heat had soared amidst gasps, sweat and a tangle of limbs.
It was when I was about to ride the wave of ecstasy he suddenly took his fingers off of my core.
"Andar aaon?" (can I come in), he had barely whispered nibbling my ear, placing himself at my entrance.
What had he thought? Would I be able to say No? I questioned myself the same.
"Bolo na" (say it), he coaxed.
"Abhishek" I whispered against his lips as I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. I didn't know if I moved my hips up to take him in or he slid in on my cue.
All I knew was his tongue had invaded my mouth again and he had connected us.
The pain brought tears in my eyes but the pleasure filled my whole being.
And then it was his name I had chanted in various notes until he forced me to let it all go, as he took me to a hallucinating place I barely knew of.
But I was truly satisfied when he filled me in with his warmth and I heard his satisfied sighs in my ears.
And when it had all cooled down, he had pulled the blanket on us, kissed my forehead, closed his eyes and settled his head by the crook of my neck.
I had run my fingers in his hair until I heard his calm and deep breathing, until sleep took over me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Bulbul and I went to college, my mother had always warned us of our bodies. She had told us how body could take over mind. How there can be a moment that overrides logic and reason between a man and a woman. She had wanted us to be safe, and be on our guards until the time came when we knew we won't regret it.
And here I had let my guards down. With a man whom I adored, but he was the man who was my namesake husband.
He wasn't my husband, he wasn't my lover.
I wasn't sure what he felt about me.
I wasn't sure if he needed me at all in his life.
Yet, I had shared the night with him, a night that completed me as a woman.
I didn't know if it was the need of bodies, or my lonely heart or just his moment of distress.
I did not regret it.
Edited by -Tia- - 9 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount