CLOUDS.
This OS is inspired by the song "Clouds", sung by Zack Sobiech. Zack was 18 and he died of cancer only after a few days of his eighteenth birthday. I really hope you all listen to this song, and say a little prayer for him.
Arnav looked through the French doors to the poolside. The dark silhouette of a body was visible in the pale moonlight. Gathering all his strength, he forced his body to move forward, knowing that she needed him.
And how could he be not there for her, when she had never let him down, never let him feel scared, and never made him feel anything less than the most loved person in the world?
Well I fell down, down, down
Into this dark and lonely hole
There was no one there to care about me anymore
And I needed a way to climb and grab a hold of the edge
You were sitting there holding a rope
"Khushi" he rasped his voice not as strong as it once was. Khushi turned around hastily, taking care to carefully wipe her tears before him noticing, but notice he did. He noticed everything about her. Her immense strength, her beliefs, her smile which seemed more and more strained as days passed and the hope in her eyes dimming bit by bit.
"Aap. Why did you get up Arnavji? You know you are not supposed to strain yourself right? What did the doctor say? Laad Governor!! Kisiki nahi sunte.!"
Arnav saw right through her. He knew what she was doing. He had seen her playing the same role, every single day. She was a rock to their family.
Consoling Di, who could not stop her tears. Supporting Nani, who was too old to face this nightmare that life had thrown at them. Giving hope to Aakash, who sometimes looked a little lost, as if the notion of life without his Bhai, was something he had never comprehended.
But amidst it all, there was no one consoled her. No one to wipe her tears, no one to notice that her smile didn't reach her eyes anymore, no one to see that there were bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep.
Arnav tried to remember when was the last time they had actually slept peacefully. Most of the nights, they lay awake, too scared to even talk about it.
Like talking about it would make the outcome inevitable.
He knew he had little time. Diagnosed with brain tumor in the last stage, there was nothing anyone could do. They had tried all the doctors, but the prognosis was the same. The cancer was far too gone to try to take it out successfully.
Arnav had even let go of all his beliefs, and attended all the miraculous temples and places, which his Di took him to, praying for a miracle. But nothing helped.
And he had come to terms with it. He knew his time was up.
He was angry, yes. But most of all he was grateful. Grateful that he was one of the lucky few, who was surrounded by his loved ones all his life, even when most of the times he didn't deserve it.
He knew that he was leaving his family in good hands. He knew that Khushi would take care of his family better than he would ever have.
But what worried him was Khushi. He could see, that as he became weaker and weaker, life seemed to be sucked out of her too. It was as if her entire being depended on him, and he was scared, as to what would happen to her when he finally had to go.
Arnav knew, that he had to do something. He couldn't leave without making sure that she would be okay.
"Khushi, look at me."
Khushi raised her head to look at him, and suddenly tears started flowing from her eyes. She ran forward and put her arms around his neck, wrapping him in a tight hug.
'Please Arnavji! Don't go. Hum jee nahi payenge. Hamari saansein hi..'
"Shh Khushi. Don't say that. You know I don't like it when you talk like that."
Khushi just shook her head and sobbed loudly.
Arnav moved his fingers through her hair, loving the feel of her, knowing and hating the fact that he won't be able to hold her forever as he had once wanted to.
"Remember the first time we met Khushi? How you fell into my arms? I didn't know it then, but your God had just handed me all my blessings to me on a silver platter."
Khushi pulled back and looked into his eyes, a little astonished as they never talked about the past.
"You know the first thing I noticed about you? Your eyes. Do you know that your eyes change color according to your mood? They twinkle a deep brown when you are smiling, and almost black when you are sad. You know what is my favorite? The hazel. That happens only when you look at me. I could spend an eternity talking about your eyes Khushi. They fascinate me, pull me in."
This time, Khushi didn't even bother to wipe the tears that were streaming down her face, too involved in hearing him speak.
"I know you don't like when I talk about it Khushi, but I want you to know that how sorry I am for everything that happened between us. If I hadn't spent all that time fighting with my feelings and fighting love, we would have had so much more time."
"No Arnavji, I would not trade that time for anything. So it was not perfect, but it was our story. And I love you, not just a part of you. For me, you are both Arnav and ASR. I love all of you, good and bad. Your imperfections make you perfect Arnavji. Humne aapke saath aisa koi pal jeeya hi nahi hai jiska afsos ho. Balki har pal jee uthe hai."
"Khushi, main"
"I know, hamesha."
Arnav nodded and pulled her into his arms, almost crushing her to him, as if by his will alone, he would never let her go.
And Khushi felt like she was home.
And we'll go up, up, up
But I'll fly a little higher
We'll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer
Up here my dear
It won't be long now, it won't be long now
"You know I will be watching over you, right?" Arnav asked her one day, with both of them lying on the sun lounger looking at the stars, entwined in each other's arms.
"I'll be right up there with our parents, telling them how extremely crazy you are. Crazy but cute. I am sure after hearing about your antics they'll like me better than you." Arnav chuckled.
Khushi's mouth opened in a wide O, and she muttered something under her breathe. Arnav was sure he heard Rakshas Laad Governor.
Khushi looked at him then, and asked, "You will wait for me right? Up there with our parents? Tell them that I'll come to meet them soon. And tell Mama that her daughter-in-law loves her, and thanks her for bringing you into this world."
Arnav nodded, the lump in his throat too big for him to say anything.
"I'll wait for you forever Khushi." He finally managed to whisper, for he knew that he would only be whole with Khushi beside him, in this world or beyond.
Both of them slept on the poolside, with the breeze carrying the songs of their strong love and silent sorrows.
Khushi opened the letter that Arnav had left her. It had been a week since he had left her, and every second was an agonizing torture. She had been right when she had told Arnav that her breaths would cease when he left. She had trouble breathing and she knew that all she was doing now, was existing. Life had lost its purpose.
She had finally gathered enough courage to open the letter he had left her. Every time that she had tried before, she had been terrified what she would find inside, knowing that those were his last words to him, and after that, he would never speak to her.
But today, she had gathered enough courage to open it. Sitting on the lounger at their poolside, she tore open the envelope and began reading.
Dear Khushi,
I have no idea how to do this, or what to say. You know me. I am not very good with words. I never saw the need to speak than was absolutely necessary. But now, as I sit here writing this letter, there are so many things that I want to say to you. So many things that I wished I had said when I had the opportunity.
Like the time when I saw you in that red saree the first time, during the photo shoot. Do you have any idea how alluring you looked Khushi? You were like those sirens in the sea, who called out to sailors and caused their death, but the sailors, even after knowing this, were not able to resist their call. I felt that you were my personal siren. Sent to destroy me.
I had no idea how wrong I was Khushi. You gave me life. You gave me love. Me. If there was ever a man who was undeserving of your love, it was me. Even today, when I think off all the horrendous things I did to you, they kill me. Just know, that what caused you pain, hurt me just as much, if not more.
I am sad Khushi.
And angry.
That I will not be able to see you age beautifully. That I won't get a broken hip as I try and save you from falling, when we both are seventy. That I won't be able to tell our kids how crazy their mother was. Or how kind-hearted. That I won't be able to put our kids to sleep by narrating the story of Sundari and the Rajkumar. Telling them how the Sundari turned the beast into a Rajkumar by her love. That I won't see our grandkids. There are so many things that life has snatched from me Khushi.
But I cannot complain.
See, I wanted forever with you, love. But all the time I spent with you, every single second, was an eternity in itself. I have lived a thousand lives with you. Yes, I wish I had a little bit more time with you. But I am grateful with all my heart, with the time we had, the memories we created.
It humbles me to know, that I was lucky enough for you to fall in love with me.
And you don't have to worry. I told you I will wait for you, right?
But will you do something for me, love?
Please learn to live again. Love again.
You are so full of love Khushi, I cannot imagine you going through your life without having someone to love you. I know I will always be there in your heart, and you own my heart.
But maybe, just maybe, there is space for a new love?
Laugh again Khushi. You know how much I love your sanaks.
You will do this for me, wont you Khushi?
I won't ask you to take care of my family, because I know you will.
But I will ask you to take care of yourself. Remember, you will meet me someday, and I won't be happy if I see that you have not taken care of yourself Khushi.
I have so much more to say, but I cannot write anymore.
I just have one last thing to say Khushi.
I love you.
Always have. Always will.
You were my love, my life, my laughter, my dreams and all that was good in my life. And with you holding my hand, even death doesn't feel so scary Khushi.
So I'll say goodbye, for now.
And when we meet again, I promise I'll never let you go again.
That is Arnav Singh Raizada's promise to you love.
Love,
Your Laad Governor.
Khushi raised her tear filled eyes to the sky, looking at the new star which was residing beside their parents, twinkling brightly, and she felt a little calm for the first time in weeks.
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