Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting anything indecent. So try to keep an open mind.
To be honest when I think of Patralekha, the image that comes to my mind is that of still water. Khada pani. One incident happened in her life where she felt helpless, that changed her perspective to see life, that shifted her reality, that made her wear glasses that could see the reality only through those coloured glasses that won't let her se connector completely objectively.
This is very perceptive. Because, the way the character was introduced, she is nothing like the Pakhi we see today.
Exactly, she's a changed person. Many a time things happen to us that change us completely.
She is stuck in a place where she was helpless. She hasn't come to terms with her reality. She refuses to accept that. Even though she tried. But her subconscious is still stuck there. The moment where Virat chose Sai as his wife. She was helpless and helplessly saw him getting married. When she decided to marry Samrat, she bound herself with his vaada. And later she saw the vaada getting broken and still hasn't come to terms that it is broken. Sometimes, you know the reality, but don't accept it. She saw Virat moving away from her and on with Sai. When she saw them getting married, she felt helpless, rejected. She still harbours the intention of going back to how it was. She still wants to go back to a place where she was not helpless. She still tries to undo what happened.
She wants to so very desperately get back to the pre-wedding (hers) life where she could still have the hope to eventually her and Virat finding their way back to eachother.
Right. She hopelessly hopes to get back to a place where she can have hope.
It was actually very succinctly put today, when she said that she wished Virat had shown himmat when it was needed.
Yet to watch.
It wasn't Virat who needed to show it, it was her.
Unless she sees her own part and responsibilty, she won't be able to move on. She needs to realise she had a choice while getting married to Samrat. But at the time of Sairat marriage, she was helpless. Actually I read it somewhere yesterday that there's a difference between blame and responsibilty. Blame can go to her or someone else but responsibility of her life will be on her own shoulders. It might be unfair. But it is what it is.
All her actions are getting affected by this desire of hers. Unless she accepts the reality and starts accepting her present reality, all her actions will keep getting affected by this desire. Every time Virat chooses Sai over Patralekha, the emotions, the helplessness, the rejection she felt at the time of Sairat marriage, reignite in her heart and she again feels the same emotions all over again. She again feels helpless and rejected all over again. Gradually anyone choosing Sai over her reignites the feelings of hurt and rejection she felt at the time of Sairat marriage.
It is her perceptions of events that she constantly reacts to, not the reality, and hence the out-of-proportion reactions.
Very nicely put. Exactly. We attach meaning to events based on our personal experiences and act accordingly. She's doing the same.
She is reacting to the baggage she is carrying.
Yes.
Sai too had moments like this. When her Aaba died, it was the biggest jolt she could have. It was difficult for her to come to terms with it. But gradually she accepted the reality and accepted her Aaba for who he is now, a beautiful memory, a constant presence in her life, a lifelong blessing. She also came to terms with her marriage with Virat. And accepted it for what it is. And decided to look past it. But. She is also stuck in the place where Virat told her about the vaada. Whenever anything remotely happens related to Virat Pakhi, she is reminded of that vaada and her vulnerability goes for a toss. She again builds that wall around her. Refuses to see that things have changed. Again tries to shield her heart from hurt. So there's a bit of Patralekha in her too.
Very true.
I get angry with Sai too, at how ruthlessly she classifies her husband's attempts to show her his love as care, affection and today, as his soft-corner for an orphan.
I'm not angry at her honestly. As I said, she is also stuck just like Patralekha. She too needs awareness that she's stuck in that past so that she can witness her current reality which is much different from her past.
But she too is reacting to her perception of their relationship, not its current status, not its reality.
Aptly put.
I too had a few moments like this in childhood. Where I felt completely helpless. Developed a free negative beliefs about myself as well as the world around me. For years, those moments kept dictating my life. Because I was still stuck in my high school years despite being in college and then University. I was making those decisions not knowing that it wasn't me but those subconscious beliefs making those decisions for me. In still not completely free but I'm at least aware of them now and I try to actively choose otherwise. Sometimes, I succeed, sometimes I fail. And I'm still hurt whenever anything remotely similar happens. And I feel the hurt again which I felt at that time. Whenever anything ignites the emotions I felt at that time, I'm heartbroken again. So there's a bit of Patralekha in me, still.
We all do, honey... the baggage we carry affects everything we do, and colours our world-view.
First step to move on is to be aware. So ask yourself. Did you have anything in your life where your heart got blocked. Where you are stuck mentally. Are those moments still dictating the decisions in your life subconsciously? Think. Are there any particular moments in your present, where you feel a few emotions intensely, which others won't take as seriously, but you do, not because they are worth the intense emotions, but because you are reminded of the hurt, you felt once upon a time. Are there a few emotions you feel over and over again? Different circumstances, same emotions.
Dont wanna share, don't do it. Just ask yourself. Is there a bit of Patralekha in you that is not letting you see the goodness and blessings in your current life? That is not letting you be completely free.
Get rid of it. I know it's difficult. But not impossible. I'm on this journey.
So very glad that you are... it takes courage to face what is within you, and to move forward, away from it.
Because often times, it is easier and safer to exist in the world you created for yourself rather than face the real world.
You are right. And this is the reason many a time, I find myself back to old perceptions. It takes immense courage. And a new beginning many times.
And I won't give up. If you are also stuck somewhere, I hope, you also take a journey towards yourself, towards life.
This post is not intended to hurt anybody. But if you are, I apologise.
Beautifully, sensitively crafted!!!
Thankyou Appu❤️❤️❤️
My comments in italics.
Edited by cheekukabeej - 4 years ago
Cricket
Anupamaa
