Queerchain #1 (Narrative)

Queerchain #1

Segment #1

Katha was restless. Her mind was going to dark places even though she should have been at peace. Finally, after months of court case proceedings, Tapan was in jail. Her rapist, her ex-boyfriend, was finally in jail. She should have been relieved, though she couldn't help but smile when Satyaprem gave her his "classic" smile when the judge announced the judgment. He had held her hand as their families had erupted in hushed joyful reactions, while she had just burst out crying.

"I am asexual. I don't have the urge to have sex." Her words came back to her as she lay on her bed after a long day at the court. It had been almost a year and a half since she had lied to her husband, a feeble attempt to hide her dark truth. They had even kissed in Kashmir, but now, those words had a gravity that only the truth has.

Was it a lie, or was it a truth? She found comfort in Satya's arms. Heck, when they were dating, she was ok with Tapan hugging her or planting kisses on her forehead and cheek. She was never ready for sex, which was why the last night of the Navratri celebration was a horrible nightmare for her, but a part of her kept wondering, why wasn't she ready? Obviously, over the year and a half, she had realized that just because she was ok with hugs and kisses, she need not be ok with sex, especially because she had always thought of having sex with only her husband, and that was what she was raised to believe in. But now, she wondered if there was more to it. Had she lied to Satyaprem, or was she telling him the truth?

Segment # 2

“Am I asexual?” she thought in her mind. She was going through a lot of emotional turmoil. And she didn't know how to address this situation. She needed to talk to someone. But whom could she trust? I called her close friend, Priya, and told her everything. Priya said, “First of all, relax! There’s nothing wrong with being asexual. However, you need to be sure about it. Go through a lot of articles related to asexuality. Gather as much information as you can.” Katha said worriedly, “What do you know about asexuality? Please tell me. I know I can trust you because you are my childhood friend. I know you will not lie to me.” Priya told her, “Okay, listen to me carefully. Many asexual people are romantic by heart. Even if you do not have the desire to have sex you may have the interest of having a romantic dinner with your husband. A lot of asexual people are successful when it comes to romantic relationships. Asexuality is definitely not a disorder or a medical condition. It is important to understand that open conversations about sex can lead to happy married lives. Katha, you need to talk to your husband once you become sure about your sexuality. Asexuality is not something new it has existed for a long time. People from various genders and backgrounds can be asexual. Katha, if you do not feel the urge to have sex with your husband don’t blame yourself. It’s okay to be asexual. Do you know something? A mental connection with your husband is vital. If you feel a mental or emotional connection with him your marriage will become successful. If your husband understands you and respects your boundaries you will be a happy couple. Do you feel an emotional connection with him?” Katha thought deeply, “Yes! I feel an emotional connection with him. He understands my thoughts even before I convey them. He’s the most understanding, loving, and caring man I have ever seen!” Katha became lost in thoughts. She became startled suddenly as she listened to Priya’s voice. “Okay Katha, I have to go now. I have some important work to do. I’ll talk to you later.” As Priya ended the telephonic conversation with Katha she started to think about Satya. Katha thinks, “I’m lucky to have a husband like Satya. I need to do more research about asexuality. I have to be sure about my sexuality. Then I’ll tell him about it.” Katha felt a little relieved after her conversation with Priya. She understood more about asexuality because she talked to her. She needed go through the internet to gather more information because collecting a lot of information was necessary. The clock struck 8 p.m. and Katha became glad. It was time for Satya to come home. She liked to talk to her husband because Satya listened to her attentively. It was one of Satya's most positive traits, and Katha found this trait adorable. Katha said in her mind, “What will be our topic of conversation today? I need to think.”

Index

Segment #1-oh_nakhrewaali-https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/165298580

Segment #2-Shirsha-https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/165349613

Segment #3-LizzieBennet-https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/165378332

Segment #4-oh_nakhrewaali-https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/5355168#165393479

Segment #5- DreamOfEndless- https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/165569492

Segment #6- oh_nakhrewaali-https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/165569998

It took her time to discover something about herself. Its not lying if she didn't know it herself.

Satya is so understanding, she should share her concerns with him right away. Even if she doesn't know the answer yet, make him a part of the question.

Claiming the next segment

Segment # 3

"Ahh that feels sooooo good, hmmm," moaned Satya as Katha worked her hands on him.

"Your hands are pure magic, Katha."

"A little lower please, yes, right there."

"You are truly insatiable. It's been almost an hour and my hands are beginning to hurt!" Katha exclaimed with fake petulance.

Satya turned around with a cheeky grin.

"I haven't had tel malish in days, no months, uhh maybe years. And the last time I did it wasn't pleasant at all. Ashwini mausi's hands were more suited for rock breaking or something. But you do it so well. You should consider being a masseuse.."

Then stopped abruptly as if realizing the folly of his words. "Uhh no. I'll keep you to myself. You can be my personal masseuse."

Katha laughed and walked around to face him, cleaning her oily hands on a napkin and then shrieked as Satya grabbed her elbow, jerking her towards him. She was so startled at the sudden move that she lost her balance and landed straight on his lap. His eyes were fixed intensely on her and she felt a slow blush coming on as he lifted her hand and brought it to his lips.

"Thank you for the incredible champi," he said hoarsely, and she sensed something had shifted between them.

His lips still lingered on her knuckle, the faint growth of his stubble tickling her skin and she felt... something. She didn't know what it was since she'd never felt it before. But being this close to Satya, catching the whiff of his familiar scent, and the warmth of his gaze on her she was suddenly conscious of her pulse accelerating alarmingly and her heart squeezing with emotion. Satya was looking at her with an expectant look. She knew that look. It was yearning. Want. Desire.

His lips travelled to her wrist and pressed against her throbbing pulse and Katha was seized by the same sudden panic. In a reflex move, she pulled her hand away and pushed at his firm torso, releasing herself from his hold.

The look of utter confusion and hurt on his face nearly killed her.

"I'm sorry..." they both said at the same time, and Satya rose awkwardly, walking away, his back turned to her.

"I'm sorry, Satya," she began again and he simply waved a hand at her without turning to face her.

"It's fine. I'm going for a shower."

Then he turned and smiled at her. And oh that smile - it had everything. Understanding, kindness, love, and hurt. He was hiding his hurt of her rejection. Adjusting his need to accommodate hers. But she could see it. She knew his tells now. She knew him. She loved him.

Katha felt a gush of unexpected tears well up in her eyes and she hastily turned away, busying herself with putting away the bottle of oil and cleaning up the table. But her mind was whirling in turmoil.

As soon as Satya closed the bathroom door behind him, she sank on the bed and let the tears flow freely.

What was she doing? Satya was a good man, a kind man, an incredibly patient and understanding man. He had been her rock through everything that had happened. And she was cheating him. Denying him a full life as her husband. Denying him his wants, his needs all because sex made her uncomfortable.

And if she truly was asexual what would that mean? She may not be an expert but her rudimentary research had told her this much - she might never feel sexual attraction for him. Even if she did love him with all her heart and soul. She knew her skittishness for intimacy went far deeper than the trauma due to the rape. Even before Tapan, she hadn't been comfortable with sex.

She brushed her tears off hurriedly as Satya emerged from the shower, rubbing his hair with a towel and shot her a grin.

"That massage did wonders for my headache! I'm ready for the movie. Shall we?"

Katha gave him a watery smile, following him to the couch and watched in silence as he flicked the remote at the TV. She had to make up her mind about this. If she stayed married to Satya, it would be so unfair to keep denying him physical intimacy and she did not feel she could give him what he wanted while being wholly comfortable with it.

And after what happened with Tapan, she did not ever want to get into it when her heart and body were not fully into it. She couldn't do that to herself. She couldn't do it to Satya. Put him in the same headspace as Tapan. No! Satya was too good for that. Then how could she continue living a lie being married to Satya?

She took a deep breath and turned to him, his kind, beloved face evoking emotions within her she didn't know she could ever feel. Her heart clenched as she noted the careful distance he was keeping, as he jabbered excitedly at her about the movie from the other end of the couch.

No, this wouldn't work at all. She would have to let him go.

Before deciding on her own that it will not work, she should have an honest and open conversation with him. Let him be the judge of what he wants and needs.

Segment #4

"Bye Katha, I am leaving for college!" Satya yelled from the courtyard like he always did. She had avoided him since they had woken up, but Satya hadn't picked on that, mostly because he had woken up late and was now late for college.

She didn't reply from the kitchen, instead focused more on the building tea.

"Katha, Satya left." Her mother in law said to her as she walked in.

Katha nodded but didn't look up.

The two shared the kitchen in tense silence as Diwali picked up a knife and chopping board.

"Are you going to Mumbai? Your father called about your cousin's wedding. Will Satya be joining you?"

Katha thanked her mentally for not acknowledging the awkwardness with Satya. It was something Diwali had done ever since she found out about Tapan. She would just be there and give Katha the opening to speak about anything that was bothering her, or else she would talk about something else to let her not sink in her thoughts.

"Satya has a hearing coming up, so I'll be going alone. Aaru wants me there at least a week before the engagement, so I was hoping I could leave in the coming three days. I am sorry, I should have asked you before, but I forgot all about it because of the case," She left out the part where she had told Aaru that she won't be attending the wedding.

"That's ok. I am happy you aren't staying cooped up."

Katha smiled.

"Is there something else?" Diwali asked, her motherly tone almost making Katha choke. She shook her head. Diwali gave her a long look and left for the dining room.

It was 5o'lock. Katha was rehearsing her dance when Satya entered the room, looking upset. She ignored him and continued with her rehearsal.

"Maa told me you are going to Mumbai in two days."

She looked at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did tell you," She tried to add annoyance to her voice, but the guilt of picking a fight with him for no reason made her shrink into herself.

"Yes, and that was three weeks ago when your cousin told you about the wedding, and you said that you didn't want to go, no matter what the case verdict was."

"So what do you want me to do? Sit in the house all day? Hide with people!" Katah walked angrily towards him, this time, her anger simmering for real.

"That's not what..."

"Satya, you can't protect me always. You have to stop it!" She sighed.

"I wasn't..." He looked at her face, trying to study her, but she put on a mask that she used to put on in the initial days of her marriage. He sighed and left the room. She slumped her shoulder and controlled an anguished scream building in her. She knew she had to tell him about her decision someday, but a part of her wanted him to hate her before he left her because she knew to what extent he loved her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few notes

1. Katha wasn't happy with her marriage. Her rape resulted in pregnancy which she got aborted and her dad found out about it. She went into depression and a year later tried attempted suicide which was when Satya saved her and her dad emotionally blackmailed her into marrying him Satya had a crush on her for about a year) and so she was always angry at him but respectful to his family.

2. Katha is a performer who performed at Navratri pandals (that's where Satya had met her for the first time)

3. Yes, Satya's mom's name is Diwali (Idk what the writers were on)

4. Satya signed up to answer his finals in the movie, so by timeline logic, he is either an assistant or intern at some law firm.

5. Satya's family relies on Katha's financially because Katha's dad is owner of a confectionary business and Satya's doesn't really have one and his mom and sis run the house by holding dance and zumba classes.

What I am trying to do

1. I am trying to take back Satya and Katha to the equation they had in their initial days, but this time, Katha loves him and doesn't know what to do, so hopes that if she does what she did and pushes Satya, he might hate her and leave her. She had asked him to break the marriage once, given that she will never be comfortable with his advances, but he had promised to be happy with whatever little came his way.

2. Katha's father thought that the pregnancy was a result of consensual sex and when Satya told him about Katha being ace (after she had lied to him) He had brushed it off, so I am pulling Satya and Katha away from such people. Even though Diwali was really kind after finding out about the rape, I don't think anyone around her can understand and help her, so I wanted to bring her to a place like Mumbai.

3. In my head, Katha has done an internship/college in Mumbai, so she is kinda comfortable with the city (hence she has no issues going there alone)

4. Make you all convinced that Pratibha Ranta is her cousin Aaru (you can pick a full name for her) and Sprash Srivastas is the to-be-hubby.

Hi to all of the talented authors of IF...please do participate in this Queerchain which is a chain writing and you have to write a chapter to move the story forward. This is fun, and you can bring as much twists and turns in the story, for the next person to continue.

You can participate in the other Queerchain too.

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/5355169