A/N: This first part of a letter written from Abir's perspective. I just had to pen it down and I know it's not refined so apologies for that but do give it a read. I will update the second bit asap.
Part 1
“There is a charm to letters and cards that emails and smses can’t ever replicate, you cannot inhale them, drawing the fragrance of the place they have been mailed from, the feel of paper in your hand bearing the weight of the words contained within. You cannot rub your fingers over the paper and visualise the sender, seated at a table, writing, perhaps with a smile on their lips or a frown splitting the brow. You can’t see the pressure of the pen on the reverse of the page and imagine the mood the person might have been in when he or she was writing it"
― Kiran Manral, The Face at the Window
Dear Angry Chorni
I know at this very moment you are frowning because of the way I have addressed you but I can’t help it because for me you will always be my angry, violent chorni who stole my heart. That day you asked me why I loved you and I told you that I am lucky to have you in my life. Today, give me the chance of telling you why I thank God every day for making you. I still remember the day you waltzed into my life. It had been 21 days since, I had left home but for me that was the norm. You see I was like the free bird who couldn’t be tamed by his own mother. So, I used to go on these solitary excursions and surprisingly, rather than being at home, I felt more at peace when I observed other people or when I somehow could help people solve their problems. I was clicking pictures when my camera lens managed to capture your eyes and you instantly hid your face by bending down. You tried your best that day to hide your face, but your eyes not only had left an imprint on my camera, but their allure had captivated my soul as well. There was just something about them it felt like those brown orbs were full of mysteries and I couldn’t help but feel like unraveling them. You compelled me to ask “Tasveer main kis ka chera hain” and I just had a feeling that this was going to be the start of something new “Ya koi kahani shuru hui hain jis main naam humraha hain” . When I turned my attention elsewhere you slowly walked towards the front and sat with your back towards and then music started playing and ah well you know me I couldn’t help but dance to the beats and at this one particular moment I was almost about to fall but you held my hand making sure that I don’t fall. I should have known there and then that you will always be there catching me, holding me together when I fall apart. I did thank you that day but instead of saying you are welcome like normal people do you told me “Haath samblnay kay liay diya tha thamnay kay liay nahi aur waisay bhi jab apnay hi chod kar chalay jayay toh haath thaamnay ki adaadt nahi rehti” I won’t shy away from expressing that what you said hit really hard. I couldn’t help but reminisce how baba had let go of my hand in childhood and how he had abandoned me and I knew for sure that even you had experienced a similar kind of pain. The very same day I heard you telling Ketki that she was blessed to have such a loving family and that she had no idea what it felt to be left behind by the ones you loved.
“Tumhay koi idea nahi hain kaisa lag ta hain apnay papa kay liay wait karna jo shahid kabhi nahi ahayay gay” Ketu might never know but I do. I know how it feels to wait day in day out hoping against hope that the one person you have looked up to for the most part of your childhood would walk through that gate and would embrace you in a hug. I had waited on the foyer as well and I knew how much it hurt. Ironically, the second time I met you was due to pain as well. The atmosphere at my place due to Ketki’s Godhana had been stifling so I stepped out trying to divert my attention from yet another day where my Maa had managed to manipulate things in her favor. While reciting my shayri I was flicking through my camera gallery when again your picture piqued my interest”Kia koi aur hain duyna main jo meri tarah deewana hain” and right on cue your voice echoed amongst the ruins and than you and I started our hide and seek game. You managed to locate me behind that pillar and than like the stubborn angry chorni you are you decided to leave warning me that I would be sorry if I tried to follow you but do you remember what I told you that day “Shaid upar walay nay mujhay aap ki madad karany kay liya bheja hain ya phir aap ko meri in short Upar wala hum dono ki help kar raha hain” you scoffed at the idea that day and in your haste you managed to drop your earring and as I clutched that earring in between my palm I just knew that somehow those words would come true. You had indeed helped me that day because witnessing your pain, playing that game with you had managed to make me forget my own pain and I have never thanked you for that. It was at night time near that mandir when I first got too see my violent angry chorni in all her glory and I couldn’t help but admire your fierceness. I wanted to stop you but and even smeared your face with color but than you looked at me and this one lone tear fell from your eyes and you said “Galat toh woh tha jo ho raha tha main toh bas ussay sahi karnay ki koshish kar rahi hu” and I just knew that you were telling the truth. The very next day we met for the first time where you challenged me that “Aaj main tumhay apnay rang main rang dun gi” and you managed to fulfill your end of the bargain. You are right when you say that one should never underestimate Misthi Aggarwal. I could go on and on about how we kept meeting again and again and how slowly and gradually you managed to creep through the deep crevices of my heart but there are a few things that I can’t help but mention it is your ability to see beyond my mask of indifference. That night at the mandir when I was trying to tell you that you need to let go of the past you stumped me when you said “Tum bhi apnay Baba ko yaad kar kay itna sad mat hua karo” and you managed to silence the boy who loved talking. There was a chink in my armor and you had managed to seep through the crack I however, wasn’t prepared to let anyone in so I immediately diverted the topic. When Ketki’s wedding was called off I set up camp near the lakeside that I often used to visit with my father. Misthi that day I really missed him and I just wanted him to come back so when you kept a comforting hand on my shoulder I couldn’t help but embrace you in a hug. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that it took me a moment to register that at such an odd hour of the night you had sneaked out just to check up on me. No one in my family had stopped me when I was leaving, they hadn’t even bothered to ask me if I was okay but you did and honestly it meant a lot. No one had shown me that amount of care. With your arrival my mood lightened up and I started cracking jokes but one thing I said still holds true “Tum awesome ho” you have no idea about the affect you have on people. You don’t even know that how that concern of yours made me feel on cloud nine and the way you deliberately lost the race just warmed my heart. You called it your friendship ka discount but what it meant to me is indescribable. I have got to admit though I am a teeny weeny bit scared of your anger that you showed in full force when I got arrested. The whole car ride I dared not say a word because it felt like you would just skin me alive not only did you drive my car but you also had the audacity to lock me in it. I asked you the reason and you pointed towards by bruised knuckles and once again Angry chorni you surprised me. You told me how my uncontrollable anger invariably end up hurting my friends who care about me and then I asked you that why were you so concerned about my friends and you replied with all the haq “ Kyun kay main bhi tumhari dost hu” and just like that you managed to left me speechless. That day you showed me that my well-being mattered to someone that day I knew that in you I had found a true friend or maybe just maybe something more than a friend. Than you started working with me and completely took over the exhibition preps. The way you carefully handled my paintings and my photographs and the way you managed to display them making sure that their beauty wasn’t diminished just made me admire you little more as none of my family members had ever offered their assistance. They hadn’t looked at my art with the same glee and excitement. The way you showcased it made my art look even more beautiful. On one end I was helping Kunal in wooing you and on the other end I was falling for you. No wonder when Parul Maasi asked me to paint from my heart I filled the canvas with your picture. A chorni who without even me knowing it had stolen my heart but at that time I felt my feelings were forbidden as you were promised to someone else. My dreams and hopes were futile but when the fire broke out that day and the foolish you decided to stay back to save my painting, I realized that I was in the deep end. My feelings for you were too strong because a mere girl without fearing for her own safety had walked into a room full of fire trying to save something that was precious to me. No one had given me that much importance and here you put your life on the line for me. I tried to stay away from you but somehow you knew that something was bothering me and on the day of the godhana I came to meet you one last time and you gave me your diary. You asked me to jot down what I was feeling and as fate would have it I accidentally picked up your personal diary. While I was leaving the city I flicked through the pages of your diary and I realized that all the things you admired about Kunal were actually done by me so it wasn’t Kunal for whom you had feelings for it was for me. I felt elated I finally felt I had a chance and so I raced back to try to tell Kunal the truth so that he would call off the engagement, but you beat me to it. You broke the ristha your own self by citing some very valid reasons and I understood that you and Kunal were just not meant to be. A part of me was afraid that after knowing that I had done all those things for you instead of Kunal would make you give up on our friendship. A friendship that was slowly becoming the best thing that had happened to me in a while. I couldn't afford to lose you.....
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