Love, Actually- Asfi-Zubi - Page 15

DR ASFANDYAR IS NOT PERFECT

That night, both Zubi and Asfi's mobile rang jarringly at the same time. Immediately Asfi thought "emergency and was up and alert. It was an emergency, a few miles away, in the mountain gorge, a roadways bus had skidded in the continuous rain and had crashed into the gorge. Thankfully because the incline from the road to the gorge was not too steep, the bus had not rolled down but because there were boulders on the side of the road, it had taken several sharp and massive falls. The fifty odd passengers traveling in the bus had all suffered serious injuries. Asfand and Zubiya immediately rushed to the hospital where the injured passengers were being brought. All doctors and nursing staff was rushing to attend the accident victims and the entire hall was covered with people needing attention. As the police recorded the statement of the people, the entire hospital was dealing with the biggest influx of patients it had ever seen as it was the closest critical care center to the accident.

Zubiya, Dr Asifa and Dr Zeba, rushed between women victims, trying to identify which patients needed critical care, suturing up the simple wounds, bandaging superficial wounds and burns, surrounded by the cries and entreaties of the victims. Dr S and Asfi were in the surgery unit while Dr H dealt with the simpler cases and Dr S was handling the Burns unit. No one realised when it became daylight again and hours passed. Finally most of the critical care patients had been dealt with, the less critical were sent home and yet there were a number of makeshift beds that had to be adjusted for the patients. Added to that was the fact that this was a criminal case against the driver who was also one of the patients, and Dr Asfi had to interact with the police again and again.

Gaiti came in the evening. It was only at 10 pm the next night that Zubiya was ordered by Dr Asifa to go home now and get some rest so they could start rotating the duties amongst them. She went looking for her husband and found him still sitting with the police over the paperwork. She went home alone. There she was fussed over by her mother inlaw and father in law and narrated the entire happenings to them. She went straight to bed and then again at 3am she was up and ready to go back to relieve Dr Asifa. She reached the hospital and peeped inside her husband's chamber. He was in the middle of giving instructions to the junior doctors and asked her to wait a moment. He was looking very tired, but they both knew that unlike her he had many more things to handle and wouldn't get to go home so soon. As the others left the room, she decisively clicked the door lock, because she needed that small privacy for a moment. She went behind him and placed her hand on his shoulders and rubbed the tension knots in a circular motion to relax him. Immediately he leaned back against her stomach, relaxing against her as she rhythmically tried to massage his shoulders and sooth him down.

A: "That feels really good.

Z bent down and kissed the top of his head. And she moved so she was now facing him and quickly kissed his forehead.

A: " That feels even better. I think I am going to make you my personal physician cum masseuse.

Z: "Why?

A: " So you can kiss me and make me better. Exclusively contract of course.

Z: " Okay so you are no longer tired?

A: "No, I am good to go for another few nights (with a really naughty expression).

Z: " You do have a single track mind, you know. And here I was, trying to serve humanity

A: " And you have the knack of starting things, only when you know you cant finish them. rest of the time its all about how tired you are and how sleepy and that a tyrant your boss is!

Z: (feeling shy and embarrassed and not sure what to say)

A: Anyway, go now.there's a lot to be done

Z: "Okay. I have just reported in so I doubt we will reach back together. Please go home in a few hours, and get some rest. Please. Will you?

A: "I will, I promise. I just don't like being home without you

Z: " That should'nt be hard. You have had years of practice at being home without me

A: " Well not since I got addicted to you. Go... go.. now, unless you plan to make me think you want something not so innocent , (he laughed.)

Z practically rushed out and went to relieve both Dr Asifa and Gaiti. She felt rested and alert and also thankful that she had reached a professional competence that everyone could leave a ward full of accident victims to her to handle. She thought back to her ordeal by fire in these very wards when she and her pride had been repeatedly blown to smithereens by her now husband. She thought back to her self,,, wouldn't the girl she was be shocked out of her wits if she knew this boss of hers would actually end up falling in love with her and marrying her. Several times she had thought of just quitting and telling him where to stuff his stupid job, but then she had needed this job and today was thankful she stuck on to it, using it as an opportunity to learn rather than a threat she had to escape. When did she fall in love with him she wondered. Was there any incident, any watershed moment when she felt more admiration than fear of him?

Dr Zeba and she spent the next ten hours working efficiently and the ward became quieter as some people were now good enough for discharge. When she got home next, she found both her husband and her sister in law had come home a few hours back and were asleep. She peeped into her room and found her husband asleep. Her mother in law told her that he had to be away in a few hours and so she did not wish to wake him up when he so obviously needed some rest.

She found both her parents in law were tired as well tending to everybody's constant coming and going and so she set about to cajole them to eat something with her and see to it they slept better today. While the three of them ate and talked, the phone rang and news of a disaster where a gas stove had burst injuring a few people who were being admitted to the hospital came in. She saw he was already dressed and ready to go when she went in to tell him as he had already been informed. He told her not to come to the hospital just then and left in a hurry. She somehow calmed down her mother in law, who always feared the worst, and talked to them till they were in a better frame of mind and ready to go to bed.

And so it went on. Lurching from one crisis to another, the flip side of the life of doctors, which made it difficult to even find time to sit together in peace. These crises also taught them that they needed to expand the hospital and so Dr A and Dr S were back to the drawing board trying to maximize their resources. To Zubiya it seemed that practically the last time she had spent with Asfi without any distraction was when he had come back cutting his trip short. He was forever busy now and pre-occupied. Even when they were together, she knew he was under stress and mostly sleep and rest deprived. She didn't have the heart to ask for his attention and would sometimes grow jealous of Dr S because they seemed to spend more time together.

There were so many conversations she wanted to have with him, so many times she wanted to tell him to listen to her, but she felt she couldn't be mean enough to stress him out by having a temper tantrum. It wasn't as if he didn't want to spend time with her, but he told her, he was in the midst of something larger than himself, bigger than themselves, almost the mission of his life and he really needed her to be the rock-bed on which he wanted to build the next phase of his life.

Conversations became frustrating at times, when she wanted to tell him when she had fallen in love with him and what she loved about him while he was dying to tell her about this new architect's plan for adding a wing to the building. They were both at different points of time in the relationship. Asfi with his usual spontaneity had accepted she loved him and he, her; while she had just started accepting that this wonderful thing had happened to her. She was still grappling with the earlier stages of the relationship and wanting to share her insights. She wanted to ask him so many things and tell him so many more of her own. She found herself keeping quieter and quieter with him as she became a listener more than a speaker. Since, she, in any case spent a lot more time with her parents in law and Gaiti, sometimes she found herself confiding with them more. It wasn't as if she loved him any less or cared any less for him but she just didn't feel confident enough to claim attention away from his big mission in life. Her concerns felt so trivial when he spoke about his own concerns, which were about the hospital, medical care, the people, the country.

The truth was she realised that their situation demanded that she be an adult and have a reasoned response to a challenging situation. But she didn't want to be an adult with him, She had been forced to be an adult even when she was a child, and somehow with him she wanted to be a child again, be pampered, be liked for one's own self, react without any artifice, and demand to be loved. That was the plain truth. And she was unable to convey that to him without sounding petty and whiney about his dreams and ambitions.

She looked at Dr Asifa and she seemed to cope fine, without Dr S. Zubiya felt bad that here she was making such a big deal out of everything while Dr Asifa was coping with her usual equanimity.

Dr A was traveling quite frequently as well though he would always make the effort to come back as soon as he could, sometimes being quite foolhardy. She felt constantly worried about him driving rashly trying to get home so he could spend time with her. Every time he would leave, he would ask her "Will you be fine, my love? .

Earlier she would reply yes to that question. Now she wanted to stamp her feet and throw a tantrum and say No I am not fine. I AM NOT FINE, Cant you see? Do I ever smile as if I mean it? Do we ever talk? Do we even have time for loving each other because you are always exhausted But of course, she didn't say it.

ZUBI'S CLOSET TELLS A TALE

One particular day, when he was about to go off on his umpteenth trip, and she was putting together his shirts etc, she asked him

Z: How long will you need this time?

A: I need two days, but will try and come back tonight. (watching her pack)

Z: I really don't want you driving home in the night trying to get back especially since you have a meeting again next day.

A: But you wait for me, don't you? I hate to make you wait.

Z: That's all right. Why don't you stay the night in a hotel with Dr S? Far safer and at least you will get some rest.

A: "Gosh thank you Zubiya. That will be wonderful. (sounding relieved).

Z: (turning away quickly lest he sees that her eyes have filled with tears at the relief in his tone. )

Z: "Wives are supposed to understand, aren't they? she quickly went out so he doesn't guess how dejected she is.

As he went out of the house to be picked up by Dr S, he looked back, and saw her standing between his parents, watching him go. How he loved her hand holding his mother's. his father half turned saying something to Zubiya. He saw her looking up at his father and being patted on her head by him. And then he saw his mother hug Zubiya and take her inside the house. All three of them went inside without sparing him a glance.

Dr S: (from the car) Good Morning Asfand. All set?

Dr A: Good morning Sir. All set.

By the time he had reached the highway, he knew that the weird scene he just witnessed meant... that there was something wrong with Zubiya and that he was going to get the riot act read to him by his parents. He hoped something wasn't REALLY wrong with Zubiya. What on earth could be wrong? What could he have missed? What had she said that he hadn't paid attention to? He was forced to think about the last few days and mentally go through his conversation with her. He soon realised that beyond speaking about hospital, patients and the new project they had barely spoken about anything. He remembered that he had just been so incredibly busy that he wanted to come to her when he was exhausted and being with her somehow magically renewed him so that he went back fresh and ready to take on the world. But he hadn't really spent time with her. He felt so hugely guilty, he just wanted to turn back. What was wrong? Was she unwell? No she didn't seem unwell. She just seemed...silent.

The return journey that evening reminded him of a similar journey he had taken 8 weeks back, when he had rushed back to her because she sounded as if she was yearning to meet him. Only he and Dr S knew what all he had to do today in order to get free and home tonight. Dr S glanced quizzically at the young man on the wheel, only concentrating on the road, not even replying to anything coherently, in deep anger with himself. And Dr S felt thankful he was in the car because he didn't trust Dr Asfand to drive sanely in such a rage.

Dr S smiled and thought about the times when this very same young man had cribbed about appointing Dr Zubiya. Asfand, earlier always referred to Dr Zubiya as "your recommendation, making sure his mentor knew he was responsible for Zubiya's mess; and then validated his mentor's judgement by falling in love, hook, line and sinker for the very same your recommendation. Dr S permitted himself a victorious smile, as he felt he had understood even while she was being sarcastically referred to as Dr S's pick, that there was no need for Mr always-in-control-Asfand to get so capitally disturbed by any doctor, without their being some personal reason for it. Someday, he planned to drag his younger colleague through some hot coals on "your recommendation but today was definitely not the day.

Finally they reached Asfand's home and as Dr S took the wheel back, he casually said "Sometimes taking time off helps more than apologies.

Dr Asfand said, This time Sir, you might need to give me a long leave because I don't know what to do.

Dr S: " Consider it granted. Everything is in control; clearly your life isn't

The house was silent and as he walked in and switched on the living room light, he saw his parents were still up. When he walked into their room, he could see they were upset with him. He just went and sat with his head bowed. His father asked him,

U: " How many days since you got married?

A: " 11 weeks and 3 days.

L: " The way you behave it might be 11 years

A: "Yes I know. I am sorry

U: You have to walk this journey together. You cannot be so out of sync with her feelings. She helps you as much as possible. She gives up all her claims on your time so that you can live your passions. Your hospital wont get expanded in a week or even two months or even two years. So is she to wait for you to be free after 2 years and spend all her time with us and Gaiti.

L: " She doesn't cry in her room in front of you any more but rushes to me every time she feels upset. Its not as if she tells me anything. I know that she is hurt and trying to not bother you.

A: " I realise all that since the morning. I am sorry I just lost perspective.Thanks for telling me when it was needed. "

U: "Here are your airline reservations and hotel bookings . I booked you into a hotel in Maldives from this weekend. Its visa on arrival so you don't have that excuse too.

L: " And now please go and manao your wife. We really do not want to interfere more with your life unless we see you are failing in some way

Thanks, he said, completely deflated and eating the humble pie.

Asfi walked to his room, getting prepared to face god knows what. He hoped she would get angry and not be all hurt. I just cant handle her feeling hurt...far better that she gets angry.

He quietly opened the door and walked in. Zubiya had just finished her bath and was getting ready for the night. She knew this was going to be another of her insomnia nights, and hence she had a nice pile of clothes to be ironed and her closet to be reset. She had become really finicky about her closet and the sadder she felt, the better arranged her closet looked. She was already getting irritated with how she had set her folded kameez s yesterday. And so, she was standing and trying to make them perfectly align with each other. When she heard a sound behind herself, she turned and found him just behind her. The handful of kameez fell from her hands and she was so fiercely happy to see him, she didn't even see they would need to be ironed once more.

She swallowed hard "he did come back, she thought. Thank God for that. She smiled at him, almost tearfully, but then he could see she immediately tried to compose herself into a more mature and composed look.

Asfi really wanted to kick himself hard. After trying and making her accept it was okay to be emotional with him he had himself been stupid enough to make her retreat into herself. "Way to go Asfand! What a prize idiot I am. " he thought.

"Hey, is that all the welcome I get? A teased her, trying to make her respond.

Z: "Hi, I didn't know you would come back. Did you drive back in the night? Why did you do that? Didn't I tell you to stay and rest? Why did you come all the way and will you go back again tomorrow? "

A: " So many questions?. And the answer to all of them, is just oneBecause I miss you all the time.

Z: turning away so he dosent see her tears, " Yes but this is bigger than just us, right? We cannot neglect the project. Starts rummaging amongst her poor much abused kameez piles once more.

A: " Zubi, look at me please.

Z: " Have you had dinner yet?

A: " Please look at me

Z: No

A: "Why?

Z: I don't want to

A: "Please don't turn yourself away like this.

Z: " I will be fine. Give me a moment

A: " Why?

Z: " because then you will know I don't want the project to be more important than us. You will know that I just want to be with you and that I am really not fit for you.

A: " Oh God, this makes me feel even worse than I thought. Will you please turn around and take your head out of your clothes? I cant even turn you around without hurting your head against some shelf

Z: crying inconsolably into her completely demolished kameez piles

A: "Okay I am myself going to start crying in one minute so you decide we can both cry together or separately in our respective closets.

Z: shocked at his words, turns her head around. Her husband quickly turns her so he has grabbed her into a bear hug before she turns back into the closet shelf once again. He picks her up and notices she has lost weight and that she has faint circles under her eyes caused by sleeplessness. As he settles into the armchair with her in his lap, he has himself started tearing up.

Zubiya stops crying the moment she notices that he is moved to tears and quietly and quickly puts her arms around his neck and cuddles into him. Her hand into his hair, and she tries to soothe him down.

A: " Don't you try to comfort me. Please get angry and scream and say anything you want for the utter idiot I have been. I don't deserve you at all. I have been so blind and you have tried to adjust with my unreasonableness for so long. I really feel so frustrated with my own self. Please don't forgive me so easily.

A: " I have been behaving like an idiot Zubi. I forgot that you wanted to tell me things about yourself and that we are yet to build this relationship up. I was only concerned with my own ambition and expected you to fall in line with everything. I don't know how I could do this. "

A: " Promise me you will never let me do this again. You will protest if I neglect you. And you will not accept any such rubbish from me just because you love me. You are the biggest love of my life and I don't care about anything unless you are happy. I don't deserve your grace at all. And right now I just want to crawl into some nearest hole and beg you to forgive me.

Z: " Shh...

A:I have missed you so much. Will you please let me make amends for my idiotic behaviour?

Z: " How will you do that?

A: Well as of now, both of us are not going back to work from this moment onwards. I am concentrating only on you and I wont let you concentrate on anything other than me. I have another shame that my parents actually booked us our honeymoon, but right now I can handle one shame- my neglect of you. "

Z: I have missed you so much.

Later, in the middle of night, Zubiya went to the kitchen for fetching some food. She heated up the leftovers for they were both ravenously hungry. Asfi followed her watching her as she quickly put together a meal for themselves. He picked up the almost finished big coffee jar and frowned.

A: "Who drinks so much coffee in our home? Its so not healthy. Why haven't you scolded...It is you, isn't it?

Z: " Whoever it was, dosent need it if her husband is around. You see he is her best sleeping drug.

A: Yeah, yeah who knows better than me... the moment you see me, its all about how sleepy you are since days and how tired.

Later as they got ready for bed. Asfand watched her pick up all her kurtis and kameez s from the ground and unceremoniously bundle them into her closet.

A: " I am sorry I made you crush all your ironed clothes. By the way, why is it that your closet looks so spick and span nowadays? Maybe you can start taking care of my closet as well.

Z: " I don't care about my closet. Good that all the clothes are higgeledy-piggledy. And second of all if you ever see your closet properly arranged, please know that I am about to throw you out of the house.

And thus began Zubi and Asfi's honeymoon. But that is another story..

That was sooo beautiful.. this conversation was much needed.. I hope you continue soon

Omg, you are rocking, I have no words left to describe what I am feeling right now, truly magical, you have totally nailed it, every marriage requires lot of work, and here Asfi and Zubi story not a straightforward boy meets a girl story, it is very different, they have just started their journey together, I loved how beautifully you have written all the difficulties that Zubia was facing, so real, I can totally see this happening with them, and so many of us who are married for a long time can relate to it, yes they both fell in love, they have come a long way but I feel Asfi still does not know real Zubia, and they have to work on their relationship a lot, they did not have enough time to know each other before marriage, may be Zubi knows more about him but Asfi still needs to know real

Another thing I forgot to mention was, After marriage Things did not change for Asfi, yes Zubi is an addition but it's something he really was looking forward to it, and he is happy to have her in his life, abut Zubia, it's as a huge change, imagine girl loving alone pretty much all her life, never had any support from home, nothing positive happened in her life, and suddenly after this marriage she is being a part of loving family which she always craved for, I am sure she is really happy to be a part of this amazing family, but it's a big change for her, even though she knows them it's still different, I am sure it's hard for her to adjust with them specially when she so introvert and she hardly had any time with Asfi before marriage, they did not get enough time to know each other, no matter how much you know the family people, Initial days of your married life are always tough, it takes time to adjust in to new environment. And here more than anyone Asfi s support is important, yes he loves her but I guess Zubia needs a lot of his time and his love. I am sure she wants to share her thoughts and feelings with him, and I am so glad you wrote about it.. Truly wonderful..👍🏼

So, so maizng SanFrangirl...just caught up on all parts finally.

Okay Dr. Molly what do we have here. A mild concussion from overthinking by Zubiya. A serious case of away-from-wife-bluesies by Asfandyar. And major congestive heart failure of me. Nope. Nothing out of the ordinary.

It takes an ordinary person to write a tale. It's fairly easy. You just type out the words and let your imagination roll. But it takes a very special person to understand a character so deeply. To be aware of their flaws, their likes, their dislikes, their ticks...well you get the point.

I am just afraid if you dig any deeper into the psyche of Asfandyar and Zubiya you will shrink up and turn into tiny neurons in their brains. (see what I did there)

Lovely read as always. Why do some girls become so overly neurotic when we don't let our feelings out properly. I do that too.

Zubiya is supportive, I see her being no other way. And Asfi is being a workaholic no one who's seen YKS can see that coming. But what you did so well was to point out the minor details in their emotions. How it took Asfi a selfless gesture and a night away to get how he is not paying his wife the attention she deserves.

Anyways, they are going to Maldives. Oh and you found out about visa on arrival thing. Yes, I should've told you that's why its such a lure for Pakistani couples to go there. Can't. Wait. for their embarkation on this journey.

Wow. Once again your beautiful words weaved in with so many shades of emotions brought your writing alive. Zubiya definitely comes from an insecure place and it is natural for her to beat herself up when Asfand doesn't give her proper attention. She naturally blames herself for everything. The way you conveyed Asfi's realisation and showed that he's human and can make mistakes was really remarkable. Its all about how we learn from our mistakes!

Thanks everyone for reading this. I was scared it was too late but now so many of us are writing, it is very inspiring. Thanks for the love.

Snapshots- The Honeymoon Album

Zubiya got off the bed and walked soundlessly to the French windows and then carefully, let herself out onto the deck before which stretched out the miles of the ocean. The sliver of the moon lit up the waves lapping at the deck. The sea looked dark but peaceful. The ocean stretching out in three directions and their little wooden cottage which could be reached only by a narrow wooden walkaway which almost got submerged at high tide. It was like being alone on a little island in the middle of the seas. The wind whipped her hair and she reached back to loosely bunch her hair in knot. Her bare legs under her coral pink night dress felt cold.

She ventured forward and wondered if she could just go dangle her legs in the water and sit on the edge of the deck. But decided against it because she still wasn't so comfortable in the water; and besides, she was sure her husband would be unhappy about her doing anything remotely unsafe at 2 am at night. She had been used to taking her own decisions for so long now, that at times, it felt strange that somebody else would worry about her well-being and safety. In fact, it felt glorious and she was quite happy in letting him decide things. She knew she would protest about it in a few days, especially if he would get dictatorial, but right now she was happy to feel cosseted and protected for almost the first time in her life. For a moment, she was flooded with the fear that had been a constant companion since her mother's death, but then she was reminded of her husband's insistence that he knew what was best for her and trying to make up for her sense of insecurity and she smiled. Asfand hadn't really stopped bossing her, she thought, it was just the areas of life in which he could boss her had changed. She felt really amused at the ways in which he would take charge of her life and would get surprised when she would offer any resistance. The click of the French doors behind her alerted her to his presence and she turned as he sleepily came forward to her.

Z: Did I wake you up?

A: What are you doing here in the night?

Z: Waiting for you.

Asfand, nuzzling her neck and wrapping his hands around her mid-riff.

A: You should have woken me up before coming outside.

Z: See, that is why I came out alone, because if I told you I was going out alone, you would make sure I don't. ( smiling as she interlaced her fingers through his fingers on her stomach)

A: (Laughing) And I seem to remember someone being most unhappy about being alone all of last few weeks. That couldn't have been you, could it?

A: Ouch, why are your legs so cold? (as he pulls her closer and intertwines his legs with hers.) Come let's go back to bed and get some warmth into you. (naughtily)

Z: Or let's stay here and let you get equally cold? (saucily looking up and twisting her head to ask him, looking through her eyelashes at him).

A: (looking at her surprised and delighted) How is it that you always surprise me? Okay, we will be cold together, if that is what you want.

He reached down to kiss her upturned mouth, catching her by surprise and before she could react had lifted her to carry her to the edge of the deck. He looked for the ledge stairs and settled himself down into the cold water, before he carefully let her go into the water. The shock of the cold water hit their minimally clad bodies, making them shiver with the difference in the temperature. Ouch!! They both burst out laughing. Zubiya, in contrast to her brave words, a few minutes ago, immediately turned towards him holding on to his shoulders.

A: Not loving the cold so much, now? (smiling devilishly, even though he held her firmly, so she was anchored firmly between the ledge and him).

Z: You should have given me warning. (in mock complaining tones)

A: Its water, sweetheart. You will get used to its temperature in a few moments.

Z : Look at the sky.

They both watched the black velvet sky studded with millions of stars, shining upon them. The exceptionally clear sky magnified the stars. There was something so timeless in being in love under the light of the stars. As if there was no tomorrow or yesterday and no other place existed except this confluence of the sky and the water. Hard to say where the sky ended and the sea began. Hard to say where one of them ended and other began. The water was indeed feeling comfortable now, small waves lapping away at their bodies. They watched the beauty of the dark sky and the darker ocean, the subdued roar of the restless waves, resting against the deck, submerged waist high

Z: (watching the skies) I love nights.

A: ( smiling as he studied her upturned face watching the night sky). There are about seven inappropriate ways in which I can interpret that comment. But I know you didn't mean that. What did you mean?

Z: (Reflecting and thinking deeply about something, looking for answers in the sky; his innuendo lost on her) I never liked you during the day time. Every time I met you during the evening, something happened. Something magical. You were always different during the night, less aloof, less yourself, less my boss. I was always so confused by you every time I met you during nights.

Z: But the next mornings you were worse than ever. Just when I would start liking you, you would be so mean the next morning. My life felt like a yo-yo. Up one moment and down the next.

A: (Listening to her enraptured as they have never had this conversation). I know. That bad behavior was my only defense mechanism. The only way I knew to keep the distance between us, to stop myself from getting swept away by you.

Z: Didn't it bother you that you were hurting me? (looking at him quizzically)

A: To me, it seemed like nothing I said, or did, seemed to affect you, Zubi. You were always so indifferent to me. Even if I scolded you, you just looked at me out of your large eyes, expressionlessly, almost as if you felt my words were too beneath your self-respect to reply to. And the very next hour I would always come across you chatting and laughing away with some other doctor or patient. It was almost as if you were a different person with them. It intrigued me no end. What do I do to get you to like me, to smile at me, make you laugh with me, to be as uninhibited with me as you were with your friend Dr Haroon? That thought was my constant companion for the last few months.

He pulled her close to himself, looking down seriously into her eyes and she involuntarily arched her body onto his. He lifted her slightly out of the water, so she was now above him and put his head between her breasts. Her sharp intake of breath ... It was a shock to her when he let go of her and she was back in the water, but eyes still closed, breathing still ragged, lost in the moments that just happened. Unwilling for them to end. " Go on" he said.

Z: (blankly)Go on? Where?

A: Go on with your story.

Z: unwillingly opening her eyes and finding him laughing very assuredly about her reaction. She hit him on his shoulder and at his exaggerated "Ouch , hid her face on his chest.

A: That was payback for the times you ignored me.

Z: You are not the only one who can payback, Asfi. I am going to remember this.

A: Is that a threat or a promise? I am so looking forward to it. Don't forget.

She pummelled his shoulders with her fists, laughing, while he tried to mock- defend himself.

A: Okay so coming back to our story of one step forward and ten backwards, I have wanted to know this for so long, when did you actually discover you had some feelings for me?

Z: My feelings yo-yoed between total hate to completely crushed in love, about five times a day. I was at war with myself. But the exact moment I actually started to fall in love with you? It was that evening when Saim got hurt and I was at your home. As you came in and spoke to him, I was across the bed and as I watched you tenderly speak to him, my heart skipped a beat. I had never heard you speak like that to anyone. Least of all to me. As you teased him and indulged him, and spoke to him, I just wanted to go on listening to you. Your concern, the softness in your voice, the way you looked at him. My heart was beating so fast and so loudly, I thought every person in the room could hear it.

A: But you never let anything ever slip out? I really wish I had your self-control. No actually, I don't. I don't wish to have any self control where you are concerned.

Z: Self control? Me? I was somehow managing to control myself by putting as much distance between us as possible. I was so confused with what I was feeling.

A: If I had even a small inkling that you felt some of what I was feeling I would not have wasted so much time.

Z: but to me it always seemed like you knew everything I was feeling.

A: Only after the day you hurt your hand. That was the day, I realized you were not as immune to me as you wanted me to think. Once I was sure of that, I was telling you how I felt, in so many ways, hoping you would react. And once I knew you wouldnt react on your own, I had to make you accept that you cared for me, so both of us could stop going crazy.

Zubiya shivered as a cooler wind blew and a passing cloud suddenly started raining big fat drops. Laughing, at the sudden cold drops, they scrambled for the stairs in the water. He quickly got her out of the pool and hand in hand they ran into their room, trailing water all over the deck .

to be cont...