Abusive marriage - Page 6

Originally posted by: solembaum

I will list the things which I found as issues in his behaviour

1. His behaviour during Tilak 1.0 , putting her on the spot and making it sound like they had a clear understanding amongst them although they had never spoken clearly about it .. without considering that it is factually incorrect and makes her look like a cheater in front of her family and his

I will mention this once, but I think it applies to a few of your other points. Abhi is shown to be extremely straightforward with everyone. I mean, he literally went with a rishta for the girl he liked himself. Who does that? Now is it a good thing/ bad thing is debatable. I personally liked him from that moment on. I liked how straightforward he was and how he was always proud of his love. So for him, it made zero sense why Ak would not just clear a misunderstanding. Even I never understood Ak, so how can I blame him for that?

All the other stuff wasn't because he got rejected, it was because he knew she loved him and was lying for some reason he wasn't able to wrap his head around. You see him debating this constantly, whether to take her at her word or the looks, the smiles, the heart connection, etc.

1. His anger at being rejected and the sense of entitlement that it was somehow wrong of her to not support him and his total inability to even consider her PoV or situation
2. Having some sort of ego trip with Harsh and taking Akshara to his house without even asking her if she is okay to go in front of his family and declare stuff
3. Deciding to marry the sister of the supposed love of his life as if she is the only female left

I myself have mentioned this being the top dumb thing in the show. And we are seeing it all over again so hurray! His marrying Arohi was so stupid and baseless, I don't understand it and never will.

1. Believing all stupid and baseless theiries if Manjari that Akshara came to defend him because of Arohi

For the next few issues: Abhi told Arohi as it was his duty to tell her. I don't think it was his duty to show during his marriage functions that he is not sincere. I mean, the guy had professed his love for Ak in front of the same two families. How they agreed to this union makes even less sense to me. Abhi never said he stopped loving Ak, and no one bothered to ask. Whatever else he did say during his proposal for Arohi was sincere, it was his promise to do those things if they did get married.

But somewhere, he was holding out hope that Ak would come to her senses. Again, I don't see this as toxic, just a bad situation. Abhi has tried over and over again to control his emotions and do the logically correct thing. Which at that point for him was marrying Arohi cause everyone wanted him to. The following issues just sprout from that and him having to constantly battle his emotions without understanding why.

1. And after deciding to Marry he told only Arohi that he will still love Akshara , not to his family or her family .. but he is supposedly having only one face in front of everyone
2. If his intention in marrying Arohi was genuine , then going and informing Akshara asking her to dance on aage bhi ji blah blah .. making it look like intention was to make Akshara jealous or hurt her because she rejected him
3. After that every function trying to make it about hurting Akshara while telling his family and hers and Arohi that everything is normal
4. Not having any problem about marrying into Akshara’s family and doing dola re dola around her but dictating to her that she cannot work in his hospital
5. After finding her in the hospital , manhandling her and on her reasonable suggestion that they have to be normal since he is also establishing a relationship with her family , going totally ballistic and starting another round of psycho behaviour
6. On knowing about Arohi’s lies , instead of doing the right thing and breaking it off with Arohi and telling her family about his reasons before things got to the mandap, he chose to gaslight Akshara and behaved like he needed one girl in hand before letting go of the other
7. He made the love of his life look like the quest kind of person by threatening self harm and making her confess right at the time when her sister was supposed to be married to him and having absolutely no concern about how that affects her , her family, her relations .. he needed that dramatic validation may be to make up for previous rejections , but that shows a complete lack of concern for unnecessarily making people question her character

He was tired, dude, he had tried everything to get through to her. He knew she loved him, he also knew she loved her sister enough to let the marriage happen. How would she and he live the rest of their lives as jija sali? Should he himself have stopped the marriage without confronting her? Definitely. But what would that accomplish? Both families would be at each other's throats again. Ak would be mum again and we would all be back to square one.

More importantly, he only forced her to confess to him. Not to the families. When the families reached the temple and asked her is she loved him, she was still not speaking, and Abhi gave up and left. At that point, it was Ak's decision. Not cause Abhi was going to kill himself but because she did not want to lose him. And the whole drama happened cause Ak didnt confess before. Abhi was trying from before only, the whole time he was trying to get her to confess and he would have dropped everything and supported her. Drama was cause of Ak being mum. Abhi's actions saved both of them from a terrible life.

1. Setting up music department in a professionally run hospital without consulting anyone like he can do whatever he wants with no respect to propriety or other people’s effort or say in how the hospital runs

Lol this was soo dumb, I don't understand, did you watch these episodes? I mean the whole incident was dumb. Initially, it did seem like he did this grand gesture for her, and it is grand but what he did in essence, was just give her a nameplate and a dedicated space ( that they already had). The department would have cost nothing to anyone, all it did, was give her profession some respect. That is all. I can't believe people are still bashing him on this. His family reacted poorly to something so insignificant cause their egos got hurt, but its still Abhi's fault ?

1. 
   I do acknowledge music department was a gesture of his love .. but it only puts Akshara in a bad light like someone who hadn’t earned her way to a position and is getting it because someone behaved like a nepotistic person .. and it also created more opposition for her in the family and hospital …
   

Finally, I just want to say. I realize Abhi is a grey character, and he is also toxic in a lot of cases. But the misinterpretations of his character are insane. I usually watch for red flags when watching ITV shows, and Abhi had like maybe five. Which is not a lot for ITV ML.

On the other hand, I never understood Ak's reasons for doing things, even if I tried very hard. I know it's ITV, and so FL being insanely sacrificing is the norm, so I accepted, just like I accepted ML being toxic.

Originally posted by: solembaum

I will list the things which I found as issues in his behaviour

1. His behaviour during Tilak 1.0 , putting her on the spot and making it sound like they had a clear understanding amongst them although they had never spoken clearly about it .. without considering that it is factually incorrect and makes her look like a cheater in front of her family and his
2. His anger at being rejected and the sense of entitlement that it was somehow wrong of her to not support him and his total inability to even consider her PoV or situation
3. Having some sort of ego trip with Harsh and taking Akshara to his house without even asking her if she is okay to go in front of his family and declare stuff
4. Deciding to marry the sister of the supposed love of his life as if she is the only female left
5. Believing all stupid and baseless theiries if Manjari that Akshara came to defend him because of Arohi
6. And after deciding to Marry he told only Arohi that he will still love Akshara , not to his family or her family .. but he is supposedly having only one face in front of everyone
7. If his intention in marrying Arohi was genuine , then going and informing Akshara asking her to dance on aage bhi ji blah blah .. making it look like intention was to make Akshara jealous or hurt her because she rejected him
8. After that every function trying to make it about hurting Akshara while telling his family and hers and Arohi that everything is normal
9. Not having any problem about marrying into Akshara’s family and doing dola re dola around her but dictating to her that she cannot work in his hospital
10. After finding her in the hospital , manhandling her and on her reasonable suggestion that they have to be normal since he is also establishing a relationship with her family , going totally ballistic and starting another round of psycho behaviour
11. On knowing about Arohi’s lies , instead of doing the right thing and breaking it off with Arohi and telling her family about his reasons before things got to the mandap, he chose to gaslight Akshara and behaved like he needed one girl in hand before letting go of the other
12. He made the love of his life look like the quest kind of person by threatening self harm and making her confess right at the time when her sister was supposed to be married to him and having absolutely no concern about how that affects her , her family, her relations .. he needed that dramatic validation may be to make up for previous rejections , but that shows a complete lack of concern for unnecessarily making people question her character
13. Setting up music department in a professionally run hospital without consulting anyone like he can do whatever he wants with no respect to propriety or other people’s effort or say in how the hospital runs
14. 
    
    I do acknowledge music department was a gesture of his love .. but it only puts Akshara in a bad light like someone who hadn’t earned her way to a position and is getting it because someone behaved like a nepotistic person .. and it also created more opposition for her in the family and hospital …
    

Thank you so much for taking the efforts and listing this. ❤

[wil write a little more in detail later in the day hopefully .. but he did not need her to confess to break off with Arohi and what about how normal people do ,give time ..keep working on the relationship if it really means that much to you .. build a friendship .. her reasons when she rejected him were not outlandish .. they are very normal in my view .. it is normal for her to think May be she misunderstood because they never spoke really clearly and she is still a very young girl thinking the best of everyone .. and Arohi is for whatever reasons very important for her .. she sees Arohi being really happy for the first time and then the guy comes and says she knew he loved only her and they were clear etc and asks her to confirm that , how can she confirm when she does not know anything about what happened and with no opportunity to exonerate herself etc .. also , when Arohi has just been handed a very hurtful experience although unintentional I would think it is very normal for a sister to think I don’t want to bring in a permanent ye into my family and introduce a permanent friction with my sister by immediately declaring oh yes I love him too and I will marry him etc .. I find that a very practical decision even if it is putting Arohi ahead of her .. but it was a practical choice .. and perfectly within her rights .. and she knew him for a few days why isn’t it okay to choose family over him ,? She probably fellMore fir him seeing how he kept saying he loved her etc , with Ruby , bade papa etc but she didn’t want to have a permanent issue in her family and she tried to stay within her limits.. except for the birthday party what she did for him are things she really would do for anyone although he was not koi bhi for her .. but she would do it for anyone including those kids whom he tried to save in the first fire .. even birthday party is more out of her guilt for hurting him and having an opportunity to May be make up for it in her style .. but she didn’t actively go seeking him .. and if he comes into her family and then asks her not to be around him how is that possible and how is it straight forward if he just keeps doing these side drama with her but behaves like he is all upfront and upright when doing the rituals .. wasn’t he lying to his mother and family when he proceeds after all that nonsense? Why does he need one or the other girl with him to do the right thing ? You can have drama even if you fall in love or get your love after making lot of normal efforts ? Why is it acceptable , his kind of behaviour? All his problems were because of his decision to marry Wrohi not because of Akshara’s denial .. he wouldn’t have had Akshara around him if he was marrying someone else .. it is wrong to blame Akshara for stupid decisions if a 30 year old top surgeon who is more experienced and worldly wise than a young girl just out of college .. and after she has verbally confessed to him and after she is also instrumental in breaking her sisters wedding on the day of wedding - because the guy implied self harm- she is not some one who goes back on those commitments .. but at least she feels guilty for what happened with her sister .. he doesn’t at all also .. he just feels nothing wrong about anything he did ..

Originally posted by: lagjagale

Finally, I just want to say. I realize Abhi is a grey character, and he is also toxic in a lot of cases. But the misinterpretations of his character are insane. I usually watch for red flags when watching ITV shows, and Abhi had like maybe five. Which is not a lot for ITV ML.

On the other hand, I never understood Ak's reasons for doing things, even if I tried very hard. I know it's ITV, and so FL being insanely sacrificing is the norm, so I accepted, just like I accepted ML being toxic.

When someone’s lost their life and people are grieving- its too much to expect sanity in their behavior. This is where family comes in - elders with their experience can guide the next generation to deal with pain without putting blames. But neither family has any mature person to deal with tough situations.

We cannot expect people to behave rationally and ideally in every situation. No one is perfect and even if two people love each other it’s not necessary that they will always be able to understand each other completely.

How Abhimanyu acted in anger and how Akshara reacted to it- both have been immature and foolish.

In that moment Abhimanyu’s anger was out of control and he wasn’t thinking straight. Ideally, people would give him space and let him come to senses before attempting to counter their statements. The separation was logical but not the way he did it. And there are already so many mentions on how he is to be redeemed that I shall skip it.

Akshara too had lost a lot and she couldn’t give him that space to cool down as she herself needed comforting. I feel she just couldn’t let go of him at that point. Her leaving led everyone to accept that she is guilty for what happened. How can somebody defend you when you don’t stand up for yourself. Even after coming back she silently listened to all blames on her by Manjari multiple times - why? (How Manjari recovered from her Akshara-phobia post leap is another issue. From fainting at her name being mentioned to confronting her every now n then- but how to expect consistency in her character when leads too keep flipping!)

Only the temple confrontation and that talk with Arohi before she left Udaipur were decent. And I do not enjoy any comparisons being made by her between Abhinav and Abhimanyu. These comparisons imply her internal conflict and it makes either pairing look bad. If you want to be with someone - only that person should be the reason and not how someone else treated you. If you need to compare, its best to take some time and think it over so you do not mess up that relationship. She has issues with Abhinav’s insecurities but she doesn’t see her own actions that cause it! She has been giving mixed signals to both men and when they react to it by not being able to trust her - she gets upset! The only way these insecurities will go away is when she learns to be honest about her feelings rather than trying to please everyone. I think majority of us would have had trust issues with someone like her. But that’s my opinion - I have personal issues with such lying and hiding.

In normal families if a girl announces on message that she has married- people will rush over to check on her, scrutinize the guy, ensure she has not been forced into it(esp considering how Khera had blackmailed her earlier).

Also, Kairav and Arohi should have confronted her after truth came out. It just doesn’t make any sense with the way their characters had been shown. Kairav not asking why she didn’t reach out to him. He is now shown more interested in going against Abhimanyu than understanding his sister. Arohi not confronting her why she hid the fact that the guy she is marrying has a biological child too - it could potentially change Abhimanyu’s priorities and she as his wife-to-be deserved to know!

Second chances, failed marriages are all great!

But the way and the reasons that they have shown in this serial is just ewww! I don’t know what century these writers are living in. Or maybe we are in some parallel universe where technology and human intelligence have evolved much farther than the yrkkh world!

Originally posted by: lagjagale

Not sure when he did all of that. I don't remember him blaming her, I do know he spent a lot of time in self-pity over everything without any realization. And yep, he is not self-aware. As to white day, that is what the whole leap is about. For six years he has been struggling because of his own mistakes.

when he came down to Udaipur first time after visiting kasauli he was drunk n saying "tum kaise move on kar gayi , main nai kar paya" and he said this a lot of times in his monologues.

Originally posted by: solembaum

Really if Abhimanyus bad behaviour is for trp , then Akshara’s idealism or foolishness is also for trp and the. We can’t have any discussion right ? Or trp is only applicable for how make lead behaves abd female lead is open to bashing and character shaming ?never understood this argument and just because he didn’t marry after throwing her out ne not regretting it for a moment , his love is greater ? How?

Absolutely. In that case there is no need for forums on fictional shows.

That's what baffles me. Everyone is like "we don't support abhim on white day but we support him for what he was in the beginning " . Cmon if he needs to be supported it's for the white day only bec the ongoing narrative is a result of his overreaction and he has never shown any regret over it. The reason he is still hated is bec of the white day

Dialogues like "ya sab galat hai ya koi galat nahi" taken from Twitter reveals the mental level of the writers. They don't know how to defend their characters or how to uplift them . It's a shame. When they wrote the scenes n concluded the leap did they plan to separate abhira forever coz otherwise it makes no sense to me.

Originally posted by: solembaum

I will list the things which I found as issues in his behaviour

1. His behaviour during Tilak 1.0 , putting her on the spot and making it sound like they had a clear understanding amongst them although they had never spoken clearly about it .. without considering that it is factually incorrect and makes her look like a cheater in front of her family and his
2. His anger at being rejected and the sense of entitlement that it was somehow wrong of her to not support him and his total inability to even consider her PoV or situation
3. Having some sort of ego trip with Harsh and taking Akshara to his house without even asking her if she is okay to go in front of his family and declare stuff
4. Deciding to marry the sister of the supposed love of his life as if she is the only female left
5. Believing all stupid and baseless theiries if Manjari that Akshara came to defend him because of Arohi
6. And after deciding to Marry he told only Arohi that he will still love Akshara , not to his family or her family .. but he is supposedly having only one face in front of everyone
7. If his intention in marrying Arohi was genuine , then going and informing Akshara asking her to dance on aage bhi ji blah blah .. making it look like intention was to make Akshara jealous or hurt her because she rejected him
8. After that every function trying to make it about hurting Akshara while telling his family and hers and Arohi that everything is normal
9. Not having any problem about marrying into Akshara’s family and doing dola re dola around her but dictating to her that she cannot work in his hospital
10. After finding her in the hospital , manhandling her and on her reasonable suggestion that they have to be normal since he is also establishing a relationship with her family , going totally ballistic and starting another round of psycho behaviour
11. On knowing about Arohi’s lies , instead of doing the right thing and breaking it off with Arohi and telling her family about his reasons before things got to the mandap, he chose to gaslight Akshara and behaved like he needed one girl in hand before letting go of the other
12. He made the love of his life look like the quest kind of person by threatening self harm and making her confess right at the time when her sister was supposed to be married to him and having absolutely no concern about how that affects her , her family, her relations .. he needed that dramatic validation may be to make up for previous rejections , but that shows a complete lack of concern for unnecessarily making people question her character
13. Setting up music department in a professionally run hospital without consulting anyone like he can do whatever he wants with no respect to propriety or other people’s effort or say in how the hospital runs
14. 
    
    I do acknowledge music department was a gesture of his love .. but it only puts Akshara in a bad light like someone who hadn’t earned her way to a position and is getting it because someone behaved like a nepotistic person .. and it also created more opposition for her in the family and hospital …
    

Originally posted by: DevilsHeart

Only the temple confrontation and that talk with Arohi before she left Udaipur were decent. And I do not enjoy any comparisons being made by her between Abhinav and Abhimanyu. These comparisons imply her internal conflict and it makes either pairing look bad. If you want to be with someone - only that person should be the reason and not how someone else treated you. If you need to compare, its best to take some time and think it over so you do not mess up that relationship. She has issues with Abhinav’s insecurities but she doesn’t see her own actions that cause it! She has been giving mixed signals to both men and when they react to it by not being able to trust her - she gets upset! The only way these insecurities will go away is when she learns to be honest about her feelings rather than trying to please everyone. I think majority of us would have had trust issues with someone like her. But that’s my opinion - I have personal issues with such lying and hiding.

Loved to read ur opinion..

Yaar I don't believe akshara is leading both the men..not to abhinanyu definitely. She is not giving any mixed signals to abhim. And to abhin; her feelings are real. Today she sealed the deal (hopefully ) .

Hhm about temple scene and comparisons , she just responded to abhimanyus proposal as she had to make herself clear why she cant come back to him. The life she witnessed in kasauli was def better than how she lived before , I find nothing wrong if she spelled it out.

I totally agree abt the trust part. Her lies always irked me ..she tends to live in delusion ..like hold onto what's dear to her ..with abhim also she wud have gone bk to him had he attended the phone call ..it doesn't matter how hurt she is , she is willing to go through everything for the sake of her happiness , which is mainly due to her loved ones..on white day the intensity of rage had to be kept high for her to leave him.permanently...but now when she has truly moved on, I don't want her to go bk to her old life..going bk and forth is the worst for any character.

Thanks.

I didn’t mean she is simultaneously giving mixed signals to both. She got Abhimanyu confused whether she likes him in the initial episodes. And now with Abhinav too, sometime she runs behind her ex, sometimes she will take initiative to get physical, then she will call him friend or say to families that we don’t live as husband and wife. Any person can go crazy trying to decipher her feelings.

And she never confessed her love to him or even say so in some monologue. So I do have an issue with all this moving on being shown. On one hand Abhinav understood her being hurt when Abhimanyu-Arohi wedding was announced and went to talk to her. On the other hand, when she ran off behind him, he too started getting insecure and they have not had a decent conversation about it. Then all the mangalsutra and intimacy scenes were shown so I just don’t get the “love” part from all this. If they had just decided to give each other time, then truly reflected on their feelings - and realized they love each other - it would have been convincing.

And I just feel all her emotions for him should be clearly communicated before they go ahead with consummation. I feel both Abhinav and the viewers deserve to know what she feels for him - is it love or friendship or gratitude? Everyday people get riled up because of the way she is depicted and without giving her good dialogues, they have left her character open to viewers’ interpretations.

Maybe they did all this to keep both ships sailing but that just ruined all the “rishtas” and leads.

The best part of the leap are the kids - but with all the fighting and blaming amongst elders its hard to enjoy their scenes..

Originally posted by: DevilsHeart

Maybe they did all this to keep both ships sailing but that just ruined all the “rishtas” and leads.

The best part of the leap are the kids - but with all the fighting and blaming amongst elders its hard to enjoy their scenes..

What to do. The writing is poor for all characters.

I agree she wasn't in love with abhin when the leap started but she slowly give in to the relationship. I don't believe we r 100% sure abt any prospective relationship unless we get into it and give our 100%.......its always a hit and trial...in love or arranged marriage...

so we were a witness to her journey from akshara a mother to akshara a wife ..we may not be convinced by it but if they actually consummated today , I dunno what else will convince the audience that akshu has really moved on with abhinav ..may be her pregnancy ? ...in future whatever course they take , it's for sure , she accepted abhinav..