Abusive marriage - Page 5

Originally posted by: lagjagale

Anger issues or any mental issues are never shown properly on ITV. But if a person has some issues and you are aware of them, that should help you navigate things with them. I don't personally have anger issues, but my Mom did, and I often bore the brunt of it. The thing is, that doesn't look like this. People with anger issues are quick to anger, yes, and often have disproportionate reactions, even misplaced anger. But they are like that all the time and with everybody. Abhi was not. He is shown to be extremely caring a delicate towards Ak most of the time, except when she messes things up, and then he does get angry. And towards Neil and Manjari, he is never angry. But his anger is very reactionary. It's hardly ever like, he got irritated with someone and blasted them. He is also never shown to have any anger issues with random people, I think he fought once or twice, but even then, it wasn't like he had insane rage. Infact, the Abhinav scene was much worse for me, but that is also because it happened out of nowhere without context.

My point is I don't think Abhi has what one might term anger issues. It's more that he has disproportionate reactions to things. And this includes anger, love, sadness, guilt, etc. Ak knew this going into that relationship and had no issues with it. She only expressed any issues later after they got married. Abhi himself has tried to change himself multiple times. Each time he hurts people in his anger, he apologizes and tries to do better next time. In the last pregnancy time, he was extremely stressed and anxious but never really got angry with Ak. He kept trying to reason with her, trying to explain his pov, etc.

The reason why it's hard for people to dislike Abhi or term him an "abuser" is because, apart from some isolated incidents, they really haven't shown anything like that. And his motivations for those outbursts are also very clear.

As to him being a momma's boy, I disagree completely. I know momma's boys, and they are not like this. He loves his mother, and most of the time, she is the only one in his life who loves him. She influences him and often instigates him, yes, but he hasn't really realized that. The thing is, at the end of the day, Manjari's influence on Abhi's actions is nominal. I don't really blame Manjari for a single decision of Abhi's cause it's his decision. He is not doing anything just to please her.

@bold

1. I vehemently disagree. You cannot generalise mental health issues like that. I am not angry all the time with everyone. And i don't get angry with random people either. I get angry and irritable when I go through a depressive phase.

2. She is a human being with her own mind not a keyed up doll. She does things based on her idea of right and I agree she is a bit idealistic. He gets angry at her when she doesn't behave the way he wishes. Akshu is altruistic at her core (and does stupid shit at times) which is one of the major reasons he got attracted to her. When that trait becomes inconvenient to him, he loses it. Even his affections are scary to me which is why he is the biggest red flag. He has no qualms hurting her when she doesn't "belong" to him. He has been problematic since Tilak 1.0. There were so many instance during his functions with Aarohi he behaved like a psycho obsessive person.

3. Why is he not angry with Neil and Manjari. They screwed up plenty. If going by your logic, yes, I agree he doesn't have anger issues. He is just a toxic person/husband towards his wife because he considers her as possession. That just makes him worse.

4. The problem is he never got better and never really tried. He said sorry and continue to do the same. He gaslighted Akshara n number of times. That's another toxic trait. And he is constantly playing the victim even when is not.

5. Definitely disagree. Since his functions with Aarohi, he has been shown as an unhinged psycho. I think I have already wrote this. Anyway

6. The line where you say she instigates him but he doesn't realise it. That's one definition of momma's boy. There isn't a singular definition of momma's boy. Anyone who is blind in their mother's love and cannot see her manipulation and based on it, hurts and takes actions against other people are momma's boy, atleast according to me.

So, from what I gather from your post is that Abhimanyu doesn't have anger issues. He is just a toxic human being

Lol, every relationship and every person in this show is toxic except for Nav and Abhir. Toxic families create toxic children who grow up to be toxic adults and continue the toxicity - that is yrkkh in a nutshell.

As to the other things, all mental illnesses are on a spectrum, I am not generalizing, I am saying if they wanted to show him have anger issues, that would be the way. I am not diagnosing the character, I am saying what would make me believe that is the direction they are going in.

Red flags, I don't think so. I didn't think Abhi had any red flags except for the age issue. Everything that happened with Arohi-Abhi's wedding was a direct result of Ak denying her feelings for him on multiple occasions and him giving into that. The only point is he could have picked literally any other woman on this planet except for Arohi, but in the Yrkkh universe, only the Goenka sisters exist, apparently. What other red flags are you talking about?

Originally posted by: Krinya

You said anger is "normal" . My reply was based on that.

What's good and what's bad is truly subjective and very personal.

I never said ppl with issues must be discarded from the society. But taking responsibility for our actions and acknowledging that therez something wrong with us that needs to be worked upon is the first step to healing . Ur stuck with the problem part , I'm talking of solutions.

Solutions have been discussed by Abhi himself. Every time he had an outburst, he apologized and tried his best to fix things and even improve himself. In that, it hasn't worked, I agree he needs therapy and proper guidance.

Originally posted by: lagjagale

Lol, every relationship and every person in this show is toxic except for Nav and Abhir. Toxic families create toxic children who grow up to be toxic adults and continue the toxicity - that is yrkkh in a nutshell.

As to the other things, all mental illnesses are on a spectrum, I am not generalizing, I am saying if they wanted to show him have anger issues, that would be the way. I am not diagnosing the character, I am saying what would make me believe that is the direction they are going in.

Red flags, I don't think so. I didn't think Abhi had any red flags except for the age issue. Everything that happened with Arohi-Abhi's wedding was a direct result of Ak denying her feelings for him on multiple occasions and him giving into that. The only point is he could have picked literally any other woman on this planet except for Arohi, but in the Yrkkh universe, only the Goenka sisters exist, apparently. What other red flags are you talking about?

1. I disagree. This space doesn't have the scope to discuss that.

2. I don't think age issue is a res flag unless it is 15+ (personal opinion)

3. Blaming Abhimanyu's actions on Akshara is a core issue of debate. When we cannot agree on that, this discussion we are having is baseless.

Also look at you contradicting yourself. When it comes to Manjari, Abhimanyu's decisions are his won, but when it comes to Akshara it is because of her?

Let's just agree to disagree and move on, please.

Originally posted by: lagjagale

My point is I don't think Abhi has what one might term anger issues. It's more that he has disproportionate reactions to things. And this includes anger, love, sadness, guilt, etc. Ak knew this going into that relationship and had no issues with it. She only expressed any issues later after they got married. Abhi himself has tried to change himself multiple times. Each time he hurts people in his anger, he apologizes and tries to do better next time. In the last pregnancy time, he was extremely stressed and anxious but never really got angry with Ak. He kept trying to reason with her, trying to explain his pov, etc.

The reason why it's hard for people to dislike Abhi or term him an "abuser" is because, apart from some isolated incidents, they really haven't shown anything like that. And his motivations for those outbursts are also very clear.

@bold 1. Sugar coating the issues that's abt it.

Bold 2. Nobody is angry 24×7 please 😆 everyone is pleasant and unpleasant as per the moods and situations..the thing is , nobody goes about divorcing in anger. Nobody talks about walking out of the marriage which means the world to them..walking out on his fiance jiske liye ulta Latka and jaane kya kya kiya...even kaira signed divorced in anger but they regretted it .

Everyone here says abhim is not an abuser it's just that he shouldn't have divorced. Arre the core issue is just this . Everyone understands his grief. He himself never realised the Magnitute of his mistake bec he puts everything on akshara . He and mummy both. That's the whole bloody point of this discussion that not owning up to anger issues and blaming others for the angry reaction just doesn't do it.

He divorced akshara for trp and this is normal in itv ..yes... ..why do we have to support him then if we identify the problem ?

He was good to her the rest of the time ? no he wasn't and even if we debate on those few moments, It doesn't take away how he behaved that day. He cut all ties with her , with no scope of forgiveness or coming back . Blaming akshara for moving on , so on and so forth , not once did he act sensibly post the white day and everyone says it was just that one day.

I will list the things which I found as issues in his behaviour

1. His behaviour during Tilak 1.0 , putting her on the spot and making it sound like they had a clear understanding amongst them although they had never spoken clearly about it .. without considering that it is factually incorrect and makes her look like a cheater in front of her family and his
2. His anger at being rejected and the sense of entitlement that it was somehow wrong of her to not support him and his total inability to even consider her PoV or situation
3. Having some sort of ego trip with Harsh and taking Akshara to his house without even asking her if she is okay to go in front of his family and declare stuff
4. Deciding to marry the sister of the supposed love of his life as if she is the only female left
5. Believing all stupid and baseless theiries if Manjari that Akshara came to defend him because of Arohi
6. And after deciding to Marry he told only Arohi that he will still love Akshara , not to his family or her family .. but he is supposedly having only one face in front of everyone
7. If his intention in marrying Arohi was genuine , then going and informing Akshara asking her to dance on aage bhi ji blah blah .. making it look like intention was to make Akshara jealous or hurt her because she rejected him
8. After that every function trying to make it about hurting Akshara while telling his family and hers and Arohi that everything is normal
9. Not having any problem about marrying into Akshara’s family and doing dola re dola around her but dictating to her that she cannot work in his hospital
10. After finding her in the hospital , manhandling her and on her reasonable suggestion that they have to be normal since he is also establishing a relationship with her family , going totally ballistic and starting another round of psycho behaviour
11. On knowing about Arohi’s lies , instead of doing the right thing and breaking it off with Arohi and telling her family about his reasons before things got to the mandap, he chose to gaslight Akshara and behaved like he needed one girl in hand before letting go of the other
12. He made the love of his life look like the quest kind of person by threatening self harm and making her confess right at the time when her sister was supposed to be married to him and having absolutely no concern about how that affects her , her family, her relations .. he needed that dramatic validation may be to make up for previous rejections , but that shows a complete lack of concern for unnecessarily making people question her character
13. Setting up music department in a professionally run hospital without consulting anyone like he can do whatever he wants with no respect to propriety or other people’s effort or say in how the hospital runs
14. 
    
    I do acknowledge music department was a gesture of his love .. but it only puts Akshara in a bad light like someone who hadn’t earned her way to a position and is getting it because someone behaved like a nepotistic person .. and it also created more opposition for her in the family and hospital …
    

    Originally posted by: lagjagale

    
    

    Lol, every relationship and every person in this show is toxic except for Nav and Abhir. Toxic families create toxic children who grow up to be toxic adults and continue the toxicity - that is yrkkh in a nutshell.

    
    

    As to the other things, all mental illnesses are on a spectrum, I am not generalizing, I am saying if they wanted to show him have anger issues, that would be the way. I am not diagnosing the character, I am saying what would make me believe that is the direction they are going in.

    
    

    Red flags, I don't think so. I didn't think Abhi had any red flags except for the age issue. Everything that happened with Arohi-Abhi's wedding was a direct result of Ak denying her feelings for him on multiple occasions and him giving into that. The only point is he could have picked literally any other woman on this planet except for Arohi, but in the Yrkkh universe, only the Goenka sisters exist, apparently. What other red flags are you talking about?

Really if Abhimanyus bad behaviour is for trp , then Akshara’s idealism or foolishness is also for trp and the. We can’t have any discussion right ? Or trp is only applicable for how make lead behaves abd female lead is open to bashing and character shaming ?never understood this argument and just because he didn’t marry after throwing her out ne not regretting it for a moment , his love is greater ? How?

Originally posted by: Krinya

@bold 1. Sugar coating the issues that's abt it.

Bold 2. Nobody is angry 24×7 please 😆 everyone is pleasant and unpleasant as per the moods and situations..the thing is , nobody goes about divorcing in anger. Nobody talks about walking out of the marriage which means the world to them..walking out on his fiance jiske liye ulta Latka and jaane kya kya kiya...even kaira signed divorced in anger but they regretted it .

Everyone here says abhim is not an abuser it's just that he shouldn't have divorced. Arre the core issue is just this . Everyone understands his grief. He himself never realised the Magnitute of his mistake bec he puts everything on akshara . He and mummy both. That's the whole bloody point of this discussion that not owning up to anger issues and blaming others for the angry reaction just doesn't do it.

He divorced akshara for trp and this is normal in itv ..yes... ..why do we have to support him then if we identify the problem ?

He was good to her the rest of the time ? no he wasn't and even if we debate on those few moments, It doesn't take away how he behaved that day. He cut all ties with her , with no scope of forgiveness or coming back . Blaming akshara for moving on , so on and so forth , not once did he act sensibly post the white day and everyone says it was just that one day.

Originally posted by: Ekahriz

1. I disagree. This space doesn't have the scope to discuss that.

2. I don't think age issue is a res flag unless it is 15+ (personal opinion)

3. Blaming Abhimanyu's actions on Akshara is a core issue of debate. When we cannot agree on that, this discussion we are having is baseless.

Also look at you contradicting yourself. When it comes to Manjari, Abhimanyu's decisions are his won, but when it comes to Akshara it is because of her?

Let's just agree to disagree and move on, please.

You are really twisting my words. Abhi's actions are always his own, but Ak does cause a lot of issues that Abhi is responding to. In Manjari's case, we are not talking about the same thing, we are talking about influencing someone to make bad decisions.

I am not ever blaming Abhi's actions on Ak, I am saying that I don't find his response irrational or unwarranted to the situation he is put in. The fact that a lot of these situations are created by Ak hiding stuff/lying etc., is something even acknowledged in the show.

Originally posted by: Krinya

@bold 1. Sugar coating the issues that's abt it.

Bold 2. Nobody is angry 24×7 please 😆 everyone is pleasant and unpleasant as per the moods and situations..the thing is , nobody goes about divorcing in anger. Nobody talks about walking out of the marriage which means the world to them..walking out on his fiance jiske liye ulta Latka and jaane kya kya kiya...even kaira signed divorced in anger but they regretted it .

Everyone here says abhim is not an abuser it's just that he shouldn't have divorced. Arre the core issue is just this . Everyone understands his grief. He himself never realised the Magnitute of his mistake bec he puts everything on akshara . He and mummy both. That's the whole bloody point of this discussion that not owning up to anger issues and blaming others for the angry reaction just doesn't do it.

He divorced akshara for trp and this is normal in itv ..yes... ..why do we have to support him then if we identify the problem ?

He was good to her the rest of the time ? no he wasn't and even if we debate on those few moments, It doesn't take away how he behaved that day. He cut all ties with her , with no scope of forgiveness or coming back . Blaming akshara for moving on , so on and so forth , not once did he act sensibly post the white day and everyone says it was just that one day.

I agree, but we are discussing if he has anger issues or not.

This part I disagree with, it is an overreaction for sure and the timing was really bad, but Abhi did go through a lot in a very short span of time. And we have already discussed his reaction multiple times. I completely agree with the fact that he never considered Ak family. I think that's what it all boils down to. So he was able to divorce her and throw her out of his life so easily for his family.

Not sure when he did all of that. I don't remember him blaming her, I do know he spent a lot of time in self-pity over everything without any realization. And yep, he is not self-aware. As to white day, that is what the whole leap is about. For six years he has been struggling because of his own mistakes.

Originally posted by: firewings_diya

This is a fictional show. Where ml is prone to get damaged for trp race. If it was show like anupama people will not feel bad for vanraj as they have spent 300 odd episodes to show how anupama was tortured.

Here abhi was never abusive he just had anger issues. For me ideal man is that one who supports my family, my career aspirations,even loves me.

Here abhi had all the characters.

He took care of akshu's family, supported her with her career even though his career itself was at stake, respected her and loved her.

The white day had mistakes of both the leads. Will any mother risks her child over some strangers? Or will any women being emotional chooses strangers over her family. In reality no. If akshu really wanted to save kids they could have silently followed than just over reacting in that situation. Neil was irresponsible too but trigger was akshu as she herself wanted to jump. When we some one is trouble we will analyze situation will we ever be able to fight 5 to 6 gundes without anything no. If neil would have not prevented akshu she would have died.

Both were responsible. Abhi was not abusive. He just asked her all valid questions and he had anger issues so instead of taking out his anger on her he took out on other items. He has told her multiple times to take care of yourself you have complicated pregnancy. She risked her kids life multiple times and did not listen to his words.

That's the reaction when you get when you don't listen to the words thst is good for you. Abhi blaming her for sirath death also was a reaction of his anger like how we tend to look back when we trusted this person try to reanalyze situation like uss din bhi tumne shayad jhoot bola hoga when some caught some one lyring red handed.

Abhi divorcing her was wrong but abhi contacted her post that day which was spoiled by abhinav.

So i still support abhi as his action was reaction to what happend on that day and i don't think it was an abuse as he has not hit her nor gave her any gaali. I just saw him asking sunthi kyun nahi ho meri baath. In the end i have not watched full epi this is based on clips i saw.

Since my sisters are not akshara they will have happy life with a character like abhi and he will not even shout at them 😂

A partner not be able to defend their spouse and stand up for them is not respect.