Heartbreaking. - Page 14

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Hmm...I think this could be the reason he is so hesitant to talk about his past. It intrigues me why he doesn't open up on his past - he keeps the issue drag till it all explodes into the open - like during Harinee birthday.

He is reading the situation completely wrong. He has to rip off the bandage. Tell Sai everything about his past. Allow her to ask as many questions and be honest in answering all those. If she is to be his wife she is entitled to know everything.

I think if they had a normal marriage things may still have sorted out despite Virat's jalebi-giving tendencies. Sai would have cornered him and beaten the crap out of him 😆(metaphorically) - and he would have been forced to come clean. Now, Sai doesn't feel she has the right to question him - so instead she clams up at his jalebis.

Virat always tries to avoid any uncomfortable topics. Remember the Ladakh trip? He didn’t say anything to Pakhi though all her demands during that trip about packing and sightseeing were all very unreasonable and unethical. There are people like him who tries to avoids confrontations, who would avoid a few topics. Their survival mechanism is to do their duty and resolve certain problems with their own method than actually addressing the issue.

He is not a person who can give words to his thoughts or express certain things. His words and actions that comes out of anger are as a result of him losing control of his emotions. When the same emotions are pleasant ones, he gets scared and has no confidence to express. He doesn’t know how to solve a few issues, how to handle a few things.

From day 1 of their marriage, Virat has been exerting his rights in Sai. He felt entitled to get angry over Sai for fake flirting with Amey. So should he not practice the same appropriate behaviour as a husband?

Sai too exerted her haq on him. But she followed it up with the behaviour expected of a married woman. See the difference...

Originally posted by: laksh

Virat always tries to avoid any uncomfortable topics. Remember the Ladakh trip? He didn’t say anything to Pakhi though all her demands during that trip about packing and sightseeing were all very unreasonable and unethical. There are people like him who tries to avoids confrontations, who would avoid a few topics. Their survival mechanism is to do their duty and resolve certain problems with their own method than actually addressing the issue.

He is not a person who can give words to his thoughts or express certain things. His words and actions that comes out of anger are as a result of him losing control of his emotions. When the same emotions are pleasant ones, he gets scared and has no confidence to express. He doesn’t know how to solve a few issues, how to handle a few things.

@bolded: I agree with all of this in the context of his inability to confess his love to Sai. But, in the context of him clarifying the past, I still think that he does not realize the extent to which it impacts Sai. I don't think he is afraid of confrontation in that context, because he is unaware that the possibility of that confrontation even exists as he is unable to grapple with how much Sai has been impacted by his words. A part of this is due to the mask that Sai wears in terms of hiding how she truly feels. He cannot see through her facade of being unbothered. And when she does express her emotions, it is all jumbled up within the deal wali shaadi and zimiadi language, which he cannot see through. Wrote more on this on another post and tagged you.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Exactly my point. And exactly why I'm bashing him.

From day 1 of their marriage, Virat has been exerting his rights in Sai. He felt entitled to get angry over Sai for fake flirting with Amey. So should he not practice the same appropriate behaviour as a husband?

Sai too exerted her haq on him. But she followed it up with the behaviour expected of a married woman. See the difference...

I think we are just talking in circles now 🤣

Of course I agree that he should practice the same behavior as a husband and put KBA in her place (that too in front of Sai). What I am trying to say is that the reason he is not practicing such behavior is that he is oblivious to how deeply it is impacting Sai. Every time Virat has had a problem with any of Sai's male friends, he has exploded... because, he felt as if he had the right to be able to do so. Sai has clearly seen how bothered he is, and therefore she has clarified it. When it comes to Sai, she has always repressed her pain when it comes to Pakhi and Virat. She has reacted, but not nearly to the same extent... because she does not feel like she has that right. Instead, she uses zimidari, deal wali shaadi, etc. to express her pain. She has told Virat that she feels as though Pakhi is in between them and asked him if he is still committed to her. But every time, she has quickly moved passed it on the face of it. On the other hand, Virat has created tamashas about his feelings of insecurities. And, yes, I do think it should be common sense to Virat to be able to see how hurt Sai is. But, they are not at that stage in their relationship where they can see through each other's facades and sense what is actually bothering him. Virat already is unable to look past his own feelings (his blind love for Sai, his pure intentions with KBA) and layer that with the fact that Sai has never explicitly expressed her hurt. I'm not defending him... I am agreeing that he is appearing as a very hypocritical person. But, again, I think that it is more complex than that...

Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

I'm still thinking over why he doesn't understand the need to clarify his past. So I'm temporarily letting it slide ...just until we understand what is going on in his head...

Entitlement : Male/husband entitlement

Originally posted by: Rdigest

@bold this is what confused me, if he is worried he doesn't know how Sai would react and so is not sharing, how come he did not notice the hurt when the yoga lady was blabbering 🤣. His character is contradicting

He kept seeing Sai to know if she was bothered by it. He was worried but he should have acted quickly.

From what I understand Sai has a mask on and he is not able to see past that. She is very good at masking her emotions. He notices a few things like how she chose the green dress even though she liked the purple one but when it is about himself, he fails to understand her state of mind.

The way I see it, Virat lacks confidence. I think this is where his family where he was born and brought up is playing a role. He knows that Sai didn’t want to get married to him, but he doesn’t know that Sai started to talk about deal or walking out of the marriage only because he brought those all up. He always has been thinking that she doesn’t like him and he could see it later that she has started to care for him and that he is an important person in her life. But Sai saying that she doesn’t care about what he and Pakhi shares to Pakhi or things like that makes him feel that she isn’t possessive about him. He knows what Sunny has said and it is human that we would forget an information at certain times. One wouldn’t be able to keep that in mind all the time before doing a certain things and that’s exactly Virat is also doing.

When Sai gets upset and acts indifferent, he can perceive it as her not having any interest in him and wouldn’t think that she has got upset because of his relationship with Pakhi. He has always felt that Sai wouldn’t like him and that’s why he couldn’t believe when Sunny told him too that Sai has started to like him. All this is because he lacks confidence. Sai is a very confident and bold girl. He is always worried that she might not look at him as a prospective life partner. He doesn’t see her issue or anger or indifference is due to him and Pakhi but is conflicted with the thoughts that what if she is not interested in him at all. One can see how he reacted when Sai told him that may be the girl doesn’t see him as a suitable partner and just so that she doesn’t hurt that guy, she isn’t showing out that she knows what his friend feels for her. His fear that he had set aside while trying to find her feelings for him was brought out by Sai when she spoke that. It is not like rejection, but what if she doesn’t even see him as a prospective life partner, can he impose himself or his relationship on her? No. That is why he is too scared to confess. Whereas Sai on the other hand is a very confident girl who would be able to confess if she comes to know that he has no feelings for Pakhi and also that he doesn’t see Sai as just his responsibility.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Virat's actions are always complex...But this particular aspect - his over familiarity with Pakhi - has always bothered me.

Let us forget Ajinkya for the time being. Virat now has strong feelings for her and he was very insecure - that was the reason behind him being not okay with Sai talking to him.

But Virat has had this problem since the initial days of their marriage. Case in point - Ameya. Amey was a scoundrel and Sai was only fake flirting with him. Virat got so mad at her. That time he didn't have any strong feelings for her.

I'm not saying that his actions wrt Pakhi were in any way motivated by any remnant feeling. Or that his intentions were anything other than innocent. But it doesn't change the fact that he did cross the line of decorum.

Sai on the other hand has always been mindful of maintaining that decorum - the expectation that comes with her married status. How would Virat have reacted if Sai had invited one of her male friends into her bedroom - even while her intentions were pure? Even if it was early into the marriage, Virat would not have liked it. So when he has that kind of expectations from Sai - of preserving the dignity of whatever relationship they shared - should not he have maintained his part of the bargain too? Again, I'm not questioning his intention, just his actions.

On rethinking this stuff again.....in a way he has unintentionally wronged Samrat too and not just Sai. For example - yoga lovers having emotional phone conversation with Pakhi on Samrakhi wedding night. Not to mention their other moments together. If Samrat had seen Virakhi interactions, just like Sai, he too would have been very hurt, suspicious even. Because their interactions did cross the line a lot of times.

But then Virat does love and value Samrat a lot. And yet, he is totally oblivious to the impropriety of his actions towards the same much-loved brother's wife. So are we to assume that Virat is just too dumb? or that he is a hypocrite?

And then he restricted her from moving towards him ,the night after his return from Gadchiroli.

So he did show her the boundaries but Pakhi never tried to understand and continued her delusional ways.

If Samrat is there and not left,Virat need not have had the misfortune of bearing with Pakhi’s advances. So his interactions would never have made Samrat hurt.

The biggest disadvantage for Virat here is that Pakhi is a member of the house and got access to his room by that status. So he can not outrightly prevent her from coming. Still he tried after he returned from Gadchiroli by asking her to come only when she has any work with him.

Virat holding Pakhi ‘s hand at dining table and then in her room after Sai got hurt are the two pointers that won’t go well as there is no need for him to do so.

But his actions definitely can not result in making him a hypochrite. I feel so.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

I'm still thinking over why he doesn't understand the need to clarify his past. So I'm temporarily letting it slide ...just until we understand what is going on in his head...

Entitlement : Male/husband entitlement

You know that in KD, he never really does directly clarify his past 🤣 So we should not expect anything here either. In the end, it is Sai who realizes her feelings and confesses....

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

I'm still thinking over why he doesn't understand the need to clarify his past. So I'm temporarily letting it slide ...just until we understand what is going on in his head...

Entitlement : Male/husband entitlement

I think he doesn’t even think it is necessary. He thinks that his actions, his love will be enough for them to begin their journey.

@bold hmm

Originally posted by: laksh

He kept seeing Sai to know if she was bothered by it. He was worried but he should have acted quickly.

From what I understand Sai has a mask on and he is not able to see past that. She is very good at masking her emotions. He notices a few things like how she chose the green dress even though she liked the purple one but when it is about himself, he fails to understand her state of mind.

The way I see it, Virat lacks confidence. I think this is where his family where he was born and brought up is playing a role. He knows that Sai didn’t want to get married to him, but he doesn’t know that Sai started to talk about deal or walking out of the marriage only because he brought those all up. He always has been thinking that she doesn’t like him and he could see it later that she has started to care for him and that he is an important person in her life. But Sai saying that she doesn’t care about what he and Pakhi shares to Pakhi or things like that makes him feel that she isn’t possessive about him. He knows what Sunny has said and it is human that we would forget an information at certain times. One wouldn’t be able to keep that in mind all the time before doing a certain things and that’s exactly Virat is also doing.

When Sai gets upset and acts indifferent, he can perceive it as her not having any interest in him and wouldn’t think that she has got upset because of his relationship with Pakhi. He has always felt that Sai wouldn’t like him and that’s why he couldn’t believe when Sunny told him too that Sai has started to like him. All this is because he lacks confidence. Sai is a very confident and bold girl. He is always worried that she might not look at him as a prospective life partner. He doesn’t see her issue or anger or indifference is due to him and Pakhi but is conflicted with the thoughts that what if she is not interested in him at all. One can see how he reacted when Sai told him that may be the girl doesn’t see him as a suitable partner and just so that she doesn’t hurt that guy, she isn’t showing out that she knows what his friend feels for her. His fear that he had set aside while trying to find her feelings for him was brought out by Sai when she spoke that. It is not like rejection, but what if she doesn’t even see him as a prospective life partner, can he impose himself or his relationship on her? No. That is why he is too scared to confess. Whereas Sai on the other hand is a very confident girl who would be able to confess if she comes to know that he has no feelings for Pakhi and also that he doesn’t see Sai as just his responsibility.

@bolded: So aptly said Laksh 👏