SPOILER REVIEW
I saw 'No Hard Feelings' again with some friends because I enjoyed it so much.
The movie offends many people because "if the roles were reversed, it would never be made."
But in movies and in real life, the role is often reversed. Movies are filled with men romancing barely legal women who are decades younger than them. Even in real life, we often see older men date and even marry barely legal girls. In the United States, in some states, conservatives have even fought to make it legal for teenage girls to marry older men with parental consent.
Two wrongs don't make a right. I think when older adults date people under 25 who are significantly younger, it is problematic. But pretending that older men do not consistently date barely legal women and get away with it is untrue.
The reverse thing that would not happen is the parents of a girl paying an older man to take her virginity. There is a double standard. Parents and society are very deeply committed in preserving the virginity of young women. But for some reason, losing their virginity before college is almost a rite of passage expected of boys.
And the movie tackles this double standard head-on. It is perfectly alright for a young man to be a sensitive romantic and want to fall in love before he sleeps with someone. The intrusive parents are scrutinized and skewered for their meddling.
But the relationship that results from parental meddling is adorable. Even though there is a decade age gap between Percy and Maddie, they are both suffering from arrested development.
Percy has helicopter parents who have interfered in and controlled every aspect of his life. As a result, Percy never got an opportunity to come into his own. He completely lacks confidence and social skills because he never got the opportunity to develop them.
Maddie, on the other hand, has an absent father and a mother who died when she was young. She was forced to grow up fast and never experienced prom, college, or other rites teenagers go through. As a result, she is emotionally shut off. She lives a hedonistic life built on one-night stands and flings but no meaningful relationships.
That is why it is easy for her to take the deal offered by Percy's patients. She sees it as a quickie that will get her out of financial ruin. As an attractive woman who has no trouble picking up guys, she assumes it will be easy to hook up with Percy. But Percy being a sheltered kid, is initially terrified of her. And when he sees that she's interested in him, he wants to get to know her and court her the old-fashioned way.
As a result, Percy and Maddie push each other out of their comfort zone and grow as people. They both get the other out of their arrested development. Percy learns to be confident, independent, have fun, and move on from childhood trauma. Maddie learns that there is so much more to relationships than sex. She learns to be mature, responsible, less selfish, and move on from past resentments. They both learn to be vulnerable, and how freeing it can be.
While the movie has plenty of raunchy jokes and moments as Maddie tries to make a move on Percy, it never crosses a line. Maddie always respects his boundaries and doesn't push him to have sex until he is ready. She turns him down when he is drunk and eventually decides not to go through with it because he's grown too attached.
The makers could have pushed a narrative that Maddie falls in love with Percy, and it's all good when they get together in the end. And maybe a part of her did. But Maddie and everyone around are hyper-aware that Percy is just nineteen. Even if he is of legal age, and even if they have a fling - he is a brilliant young man who got into an Ivy. He has a bright future ahead of him, and he needs to get the whole college experience of hanging out, making friends, and potentially dating peers of his own age.
You can see how an intelligent young man like Percy is willing to do something so foolish, like drop out of Princeton to be with Maddie. And if he and Maddie got into a real relationship, it would be grooming. That is why they end up as just friends, with him going to Princeton and her selling the house and finally moving to California as she dreamed of as a teen.
Overall, it is OK to have age-gap relationships in movies. It just depends on how it is handled and whether it condones a problematic relationship or not. No Hard Feelings never loses sight of the age gap or the problems with it and handles the situation with immense sweetness and sensitivity.
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