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PART 12
Naina!! Naina !!
I tried to wake her up , but my voice was not reaching her . Finally gave a hard jerk on her shoulder. That's when she got up and sat stiff on the bed.
"Preethi , I saw that dream again. I hate it whenever I see it Preethi. I have no clue how to get rid of it. It always reminds me of my mom and that I am not needed. I should have left this world instead of my mom.
I knew she hadn't realized that she was with me. She was crying and tears were flooding .
"Naina, you are with me, not with Preethi.
"Sa..Sameer..oh God!!
She quickly wiped her tears and put a brave face. I wanted to help her , hold her close to me and calm her, but the thing is , we hadn't talked after the drama that happened previous night. I guess I was sleeping when she came to the room. And now her faade was back in place and to break that faade now, would mean to hurt her.
"Sorry Sameer, I had a bad dream and I don't think I will be able to sleep for some time. I will go down to the study area and read something. Good Night.
This time , I decided that I wasn't going to let her run away from me. She did better tell me what is bothering her so much . I knew the reason , but I wanted her to speak it out to me. So that we as a couple could discuss it and solve it. This was no way of handling issues in life. As she got up from the bed and was about to open the door, I quickly grabbed her hand and pinned her to the wall.
"You are not leaving this room , without telling me about your dream.
"There is nothing to talk about , I am sure everyone gets bad dream once in a while.
"Naina , you thought I was Preethi and you said , you saw the same dream...so tell me what is that you saw?? I am not allowing you to move from this place till you tell me everything. What did you see?
Why did you say don't leave me...who else was there in your dream??
"Did I say don't leave me??"
"Yes!! Looking at her expression , I understood she didn't want me to know about it. Now this act of hers made me insecure , wondering if she had any BF in the past who had ditched her. But I decided to keep my insecurities aside and concentrate on her dream.
"Ever since my mom left this world , I get this dream. I will be walking holding someone's hand and going towards a forest at night and then the person pushes me deep into the forest...after which I see that I am running behind the person in the forest pleading not to leave me.."
"Do you recognize the face of the person?? One look at her face and I knew , she did recognize the face."
"Naina !! answer my question.."
"Its not one particular person Sameer , it keeps changing. Initially , it used to be my dad , sometimes my mom. Then when I started living with chacha chachi, I stopped seeing it, but once Chachi was going to her mom's place , that night I had this dream. Every time chachi stayed away from the house I would see her in it. But this never happens when Preethi or Chacha ji is away."
"Whose face did you see it this time Naina??"
"I don't remember Sameer. Please leave it. I don't want to talk about it. Just leave it !! I am not that weak as you think. Life can't get any worse than what I had faced when I was around 5 years ."
"What do you mean??"
"Well...My dad , decided to disown me and put me in an orphanage because he thought I was unlucky for the family , to top it all , a girl child.. It was your grandfather who called my Chacha ji and informed him about it. After that my Chacha Chachi adopted me. "
"When did you get to know this?"
"The very same day my dad decided that I should be thrown out of the house...which means , I was 5 years."
I was too shocked to even respond. I couldn't even imagine how she would have felt at that time when she understood what her family thought about her. Realised she was emotionally wounded for life. Though she acted brave , tears kept falling from her eyes. And today for the first time , I understood the depth of her insecurity. I decided , I am going to get her out of it with my love and care. I am NOT going to allow Naina away from me. She will soon realise that she has her Sameer who will protect her . I am going to love her deeply that she will forget the word insecurity. All she will know is Sameer's love for her which will make her a strong woman like my mom.
"Let me go Sameer. Pleaseee"
I pulled her towards me , hugged her tight. I stood there till I felt she had calmed down a bit. Slowly she slided her hand around my waist acknowledging my hug.
"I know , you saw my face today in your dream Naina. You don't have to word it out girl. If you think I am going to disown you because of Kamya you are wrong . I wont ...its as simple as that...Come and sit on the couch . I will bring water for you."
I thought she would have stopped crying by the time I brought water, I was wrong. There was no end to her tears. I sat down next to her and made her drink the water. She looked at me with teary eyes and said "I am sorry , I am a mess !! "
"You know what I am thinking Naina ? I am thinking how to calm you down , how to reassure you, how to win your trust . You don't see Preethi and Chacha ji in your dream is because you trust them . You know they would never disown you. But that's not the case with others,...including me.. right ?? "
"Sameer , its just a dream..."
"Yes dear , its just a dream..a dream that popped up due to fear and insecurity. Naina , I understand you seeing your family members trying to disown you in your dream but why me ?? When have I disowned you Naina?? In fact , I married you , so that I could share my life with you. I knew you were insecure , but not to this extant. I am not blaming you because after what happened yesterday , I am sure the little trust that you had in me is also lost ...right??"
"No Sameer, don't blame yourself. I know its not easy to let go someone you love. So , I am not blaming you for what happened yesterday. And I know , such things take time. I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. I should have just ignored it. "
"You think, when she hugged me it brought back my feelings for her?? Is that what you feel?? Then that's not true , I hated it more than anything. In fact even when I was engaged to her , I never wanted to hold her. Once or twice she forcefully held my hand but I didn't want to...I have no clue why ...With you the experience ...I mean journey of marriage was so different. From the time our marriage was fixed , I wanted to be close to you, hold you , comfort you and secure you in my arms. I hated when Karan had was trying to get married to you. I was jealous Naina.
Naina, when Karan tried to hold your hand , did you like it?? You hated it, right?? That is the same feeling I had yesterday and every time she had tried to get close to me. Its not just with girls , we guys also hate it when we don't want to be touched. Ask any guy, they will say the same thing. I think I was never in love with her. Even when my engagement with her broke , it was my ego which was hurt me. Nothing else.
I know, you might not believe what I said but that's the truth. I understand trust is not something that can be built within a day or two. It takes time. All I am asking you , is to give our relationship that time and effort. All I am asking you is to take one step towards me , to trust me and I will take rest of the 99 step towards you. Please Naina , for once throw away your fear , your insecurity and take that leap of faith ...
My dear girl, stop crying for heaven's sake...please Naina. You will end up with a head ache if you cry so much...we will work this out, all you need to do is to have faith in this relationship.
"What are you doing Sameer??..You don't have to plead like this. I am yours and will always be. I will never leave you and go ..its a promise. Yesterday , I couldn't stand her hugging you. I was jealous of her. She dared to hug you . I am your wife, even then didn't have that kind of courage to do it even in the privacy of our room...she on the other hand did it in front of so many people.
I am so insecure Sameer and I don't know what to do about it...
I liked the fact that she was jealous , at least that gave me some hope. I didn't know why she was scared to hold me. There was only one way to solve it and I was going to do exactly that.
"Who is stopping you from hugging me Naina ? Why do you need courage for that ??
"Sameer , if you remember what happened in the morning , you were asking me for approval to hug me. Do you do this with your mom , brother or other members of the family??
"Naina , this is different. Besides , I grew up in this family , so definitely I know they wouldn't mind. You became a part of the family just now. A man's need for affection from his wife is way different and the intimacy is different...you know what I mean...
"Exactly!! The point , you need to understand even I have that doubt , ...I don't know, how you would feel about my presence near you..in your life...its been only two days since we got married... It will take time...
"Hmmm...Ok...then lets not waste time..let me show you.. Saying so , I pulled her on to my lap and slide my one hand around her waist and the other around her shoulder , feeling her soft warm body against mine.
"Wifey , what do you think I need now..?? do you understand what I feel for you ??...huh??
There was smile blossoming on her face , she blushed, bit her lips in anticipation of my next move and when she understood that I was waiting for her response , she bend her head to rest in the crook of my neck and slide her hands around me. I held her close to me , moved my head towards her , kissed one her chubby cheek and then placed a light kiss at the corner of her lips.
At this her hold on me tighten, I could hear her heart beat faster and I was sure she could hear mine too. She graced her palm at the nape of my neck , then thru my hair. She lifted her head from my shoulder , cupped my face and kissed my forehead.
"No one is going to come between us . I will not allow that Naina.
Hearing this she pulled me close to her , this time my head resting in the warmth of her chest and my hand around her waist. I knew I was blushing , my girl was making her move , a small one but with steady hand and confident mind. I was loving this feeling. I wanted more but at this point , I felt going any further wouldn't be right as she was emotionally weak . I wanted to get intimate only , when her heart and brain voiced the same need. As of now , I was happy with what we could accomplish as couple... for us !!
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