The Art of Saying No

I was asked to stay late and complete a project 5 years ago on my third month into the job. I agreed, hoping to make a good impression. Since then, my boss doesn't even ask, he just assumes I'll stay late and I haven't been able to tell him no.

My mentor wants me to succeed in my life. She keeps making suggestions on where I can volunteer or where I can do a bit more. My calendar seems to always be double booked, but I just keep taking new projects and volunteer opportunities on.

It was supposed to be a time thing, but now my friends like going out every week. And without fail they drag me along. They don't seem to understand that I don't enjoy clubbing as much as they do...or maybe I just haven't told them. But how can I say no? I don't want to lose my friends.

The above are just a few examples of situations where someone has been pushed into a corner because they don't know how to say no. It's a simple word really. We learnt it as kids. NO. But when it comes to our family, friends, or career, there are many people who are unable to say those 2 letters. Sometimes, it's because you don't want to hurt their feelings, especially if they are a loved one or a close friend. Other times, you started saying yes to further your career, but now you've become to be relied upon. And yet other times, it's because someone has your best intentions in mind, but they don't know how packed you already are.

Saying no though, doesn't have to be difficult on your relationship or reflect badly on your career. It's simply about prioritizing the things that are most important to you and caring about yourself (but not by being selfish). For example, if you don't like clubbing and you say so, that's caring about yourself.

Warren Buffet once said, "the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." And there are some easy tips on how you can go about saying "no".

1) Value Your Time

Know your commitments and how valuable your time is. Whether that means keeping everything listed on your phone's calendar or writing it all down on a paper calendar, know it so that when a new commitment comes along, you can see if you have time for it or not. Then be honest in your response, like "I just can't now. My plate is already overloaded." Being open and honest is the first signs to a healthy and respectful relationship.

2) Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have extra time, is the new commitment something you want to do? It's about knowing your long-term goals and also ensuring you are making enough time for yourself, your family, and your friends. If it's a work commitment, but you haven't spent time with your family properly in 2 days, then maybe that should be the priority. Or if you haven't spent a day alone, recouping, then maybe it's time for some self-care instead.

3) Practice Before Saying No

Don't just say "No". You need to practice and ensure you are comfortable with the word or however you feel best saying it. Some people might feel better saying "I can't right now" or "I'm just too busy". You want to use the words that people expect you to say and sound sincere saying it. Thus, practice.

4) Don't Apologize

A common way to say "no" is to start with "I'm sorry but...". This is especially true of women. People also see it as a way of sounding polite. However, when you start off with an apology, it isn't polite, but rather a sign of weakness. Someone asking for your time can see it as a way of pressurizing you into saying yes. Instead, learn to be firm and unapologetic. It's your time and you have every right to use it how you see best fit.

5) Stop Being Nice

Every time you say "yes", you believe you are being nice. You believe that you are keeping relationships going or pushing your career ahead. But what you're really doing is making it easy for people to grab your time without a second thought. Remember, it isn't easy to say "no" and that's why people often apologize when saying it, but this is your time and you need to be firm about how you will use it.

6) Learn to Say No to Your Boss

One of the hardest things, after family and friends, is saying no to your boss. If you say no, then it can appear like you can't handle the work or that maybe you aren't ready for that promotion or that parallel move within the company. But this is where #1 to #5 come in handy. If you are firm, don't apologize, know your priorities, and say no properly, then your boss should understand. And if your boss doesn't, then maybe you're in the wrong place and it's time to move on.

7) Pre-empt the Requests

It's often easier to pre-empt request than to say "no" afterwards. For example, if a friend likes to party often and calls you to announce that they got a promotion, you can probably expect them to invite you to a party. Before they can say anything, you can let them know that you've been busy and that you haven't had time for yourself so the weekend will be yours to just relax. By doing so, you effectively cut off the invite and a good friend should understand. Of course, this does take understanding and knowing the person across you well, but once you do, then it should be easier to do this.

8) Take Time to Say "No"

Some people will choose to ignore a request rather than responding or will respond with a vague "Sorry but I can't". Imagine how you would feel if you requested someone's time and they didn't respond or gave you a vague response. Value the other person's time as well and review your commitments and priorities before responding with a more detailed response. This shows that at least you considered the request.

9) Offer an Alternative Timeframe

Let's suppose that after reviewing the request you realize that it is something you do want to do, but don't have the time for. Similar to #8, take the time to review your commitments and priorities and decide when you will have time to do the request. Respond with that time frame instead.

10) Be Sincere About Your Rejection

At the end of the day, whatever you say or do, should sound sincere. There are many template responses out there, but if it doesn't read like you or doesn't sound like you, then that is the first way that a relationship can be ruined. Sounding sincere is important in whatever you do, including saying "no".

The bottom line is that saying "no" isn't easy, but it isn't something you should feel guilty about. Everyone has limited time during that day and you need to ensure that you are prioritizing the right things throughout that limited time. And once you master the art of saying no, then it becomes easier, you will feel less stressed, and you will begin to focus more on what matters to you.

We hope this helped and tomorrow you will be able to say "no" successfully!

Credits:

oye_nakhrewaali | x.titli.x | la_Reine

Life_Is_Dutiful | 

res - will be back with my thoughts on this one. 

Totally depends on what question you ask 😳

Yes. We all need to learn to say 'NO' and also accept the same from someone else. We often do things for the sake of the people in our lives because we think the relationship or friendship is more important than our own comfort level or doing things that we like or may not like. 

the PK show 'mere ban jao' shows what happens when you don't say 'no' when you should and why it is important to keep your self-respect even in so called committed loving relationships. it has been interesting to watch the FL learn to stand her ground little by little.

Very important post.

 I fail at saying : No. And I learned it the hard way, how saying : Yes can get a person in a big trouble. If someone asks me to lend money, I just can't say : no. That person will keep pressurising me, as he knows that I'll say : Yes , at last.

I learned a lot from you. I hope next time I'll go by your advices, and hopefully I'll succeed.😃

This thread is to be read along with your game? What booby trap is this?

Bilkul bharosa nahi hai 🤣

Saying No is very important for your peace of mind. You can't keep accepting everything the others ask of you, be it your emotional support, financial support or physical labour. If you did agree to their request all the time, with time it will become an expectation instead of request with an option to say no.

But one the other side of the coin, people need to accept the no as well. No doesn't mean let me ask five minutes later, no doesn't mean let me ask few more times just to see if the person changes their mind, and most importantly saying no shouldn't result in being emotionally blackmailed to change their mind. 

But sadly if you are caught in a situation where you can't say no then it is mostly likely because the other side wouldn't heed to your no in the first place. 

Ohh so is that why we were assigned the task ..Shreya wanted engagement here 😂😂

But honestly good topic....i really suck at saying No to people....does land me in trouble 😵‍💫

I really needed this. This is my weak point. I suck at saying no to people in real life because I was never taught to take a stand for myself.