*~H.G.O.R.C. #550~*- $~Invites Only~$ - Page 99

RB kahan ho Ap yaar.. i need You Bhai.

2 din se na meri eysi halat hai ke dil kar raha hai ke abhe ke abhe suicide kar loon,

lekin majboor hoon, You know ke Islaam me is ki saza kya hai..

or dosra reason ke agar meri Family ko mujh se ya mujhe problem hoti na on se to main suicide ka sochta na kar ke dikha deta..

main ghar geya tha na to mera ek fav coat hai wo mil nahi raha tha to main ne sab se pucha but nahi mila, phir Dad ko pata chala to onhon ne la kar diya or kaha ke main ne apne room me rakha tha beta ta ke tumhara ehsaas or tumhari yaad mujh se door na reh sake..

to eyse me agar main suicide kar loon to theek hai mera pain to khatam ho jayega but meri Family mujhe bhula nahi sakegi..

You know mujhe eysa lagta tha ke 2023 meri life ka sab se bura year tha. main ne shayed kaha tha ke itna bura haal mera dec 2015 me nahi tha jitna 2023 me raha hai,

but i think ye 2024 kuch eysa hai ke mujhe 2023 bhe acha lagne lage ga...

pehle 3 months to ache reh gaye becoz main Family ke sath tha, or abhe meri life ne khelna start kar diya hai mujh se again..

Bhai batain bohot hain jo main karna chahta hoon lekin Ap ne note kiya hoga ke main itna zeyada time IF ko de nahi raha. eysa nahi hai ke dil bhar geya mera,

 mera to dil karta hai ke apne dil ki batain karon, koi bhe na dekhe lekin mujhe thora sa to sakoon mile khud se he khud ki batain kar ke..

lekin mujhe mods ne warning di thi ke agar main he post karta raha to acha nahi hoga, main ne on se kaha ke plz try to understand main bohot sad hoon or agar eysa kar ke mujhe thora sa bhe sakoon milta hai to plz karne do na, or ye bhe proof diya ke Ap jab atey ho to meri sab posts ko ek nazar dekhte zaroor ho,

tab onhon ne kaha ke theek hai lekin zeyada post karo ge or koi ayega nahi to action lena parega hamain..

to main majboor hoon... ab agar post karon to warning ka dar hai, or agar na karon to CC close ho jata hai jesa ke 2022 se ab tak 3 times main open karwa chuka hoon becoz kisi ne bhe post he nahi ki thi...

Bhai kuch baton ki na meri life me kami nahi hai, mujhe bohot zeyada pyaar karne wale mile hain, bohot zeyada..

or respect bhe zaroorat se zeyada.

abhe kuch din pehle jab main wapis aya to kisi ki kuch chezain thin jo main le kar aya tha to on ke ghar wo dene geya tha main,

wahan ja kar main sab ko mila, to wahan ek larka tha jis ki age 11 ya 12 years hogi, to wo mere paas to geya lekin kuch bola nahi,

to main ne os se hand shake kiya or phir hug kar diya, is ke baad main wahan se a geya to kuch din ke baad meri Sister ne mujhe call ki or kaha ke tum wahan kya jadu kar ke aye ho os larke pe? to main ne kaha Sis kya kiya main ne?

to onhon ne kaha ke wo to tumhara fan ho geya hai,

ab ye os larke ki line hai ( mujhe yakeen nahi ata ke ansar SAHAB jo ke itne bhare insaan hain wo mujh se mile, he said ke mujhe laga tha ke wo meri taraf dekhain bhe nahi lekin onhon ne mujhe hug kiya, keh raha tha kya personality hai on ki main on jesa ban ke dikhaon ga ek din ) loool

ye sab os 11/12 saal ke larke ne kaha,

i mean is age me to bachon ko kisi ki parwa he nahi hoti wo apne kaam se kam rakhte hain lekin i dont know os ne kya dekha mujh me,

to ye sab main apni tareeef nahi kar raha bus bata raha hoon ke anjaan log bhe 1st time mil kar mere kitna kareeb a jate hain, shayed kuch eysa hai mujh me,

ab maze ki baat ye hai ke meri life me bus ye sab he reh geya hai...

main itna upset hoon na 2 din se ke meri awaaz nahi nikal rahi,

2 din se 1 minute tak bhe nahi so saka, khana banaya tha kal main ne socha tha lunch to karon lekin khana bana to liya khaya nahi geya..

phir ek dost ki call a gayi jo UK me hai os ne dekha ke meri to awaaz he nahi nikal rahi to os ne kaha ke eyse bemaar kar loge khud ko to jao kisi dost ke paas ta ke kuch acha lage.

main ne os ki baat maan li, lekin dost ke paas ja kar laga ke nahi mujhe akela he rehna hai..

matlab eyse me kuch bhe eysa nahi jo mujhe acha feel karwa sake ya thora sa sakoon a sake..

meri life bachpan se he khel rahi hai mujh se.. is ka ye khel khatam he nahi hota...

Ap ne bhe kaha or bhe bohot se log kehte hain ke main strong hoon? i think main strong bus is liye hoon ke abhe tak main ne suicide nahi ki... wo he reh geya hai karne ko ab to.

Bhai meri life me na meri Mama sab kuch thin mere liye.

eysa nahi hai ke dosron ko apni Mothers se pyaar nahi hai, sab ko hota hai, but main wo insaan hoon ke main ne kabhe bhe life me apni Mama ko mother's day pe wish nahi kiya tha, kabhe bhe nahi,

pata hai kiyon? kiyon ke mera har din he mothers day jesa hota tha, daily on ko tang karna, on ke face pe paint karna, on ke hairs ka style change karna, on ko tang karna, pyaar karna, on ki lap me a kar lait jana jese 2 saal ka bacha hoon,

to wo sab chezain karne se main on ke itna kareeb tha ke door rehne ka sawal he nahi tha . mujh se raha nahi jata tha.

phir on ki death ho gayi or main akela ho geya. mere paas koi tha he nahi jis se main apne dil ki batain kar sakon,

abhe is me 1 baat hai ke Mama ke kareeb reh kar main thora acha to feel karta tha but meri life mujhe sad he rakhti thi, matlab ke wo time jab on ke sath hota tha wohi acha rehta tha baki sab to hell jesa lagta tha.

ek din to main rone lag geya tha ke main kiyon nahi theek kar pa raha khud ko, to onhon ne kaha tha ke shayed tumhari life me koi ayegi jo tumhain fix kar sake, lool

main ne kaha eysa nahi hoga Ap se ho raha to koi or kese kar lega? nahi hoga eysa,

meri life ka ye haal tha ke jab mujhe lagta tha na ke ab koi acha time aney wala hai to main dar jata tha. abhe socho ge ke eysa kiyon? mujhe to khush hona chahiye tha? problem yehi to hai.. ke meri life ne bhe dil laga kar khela hai mujh se. wo khushi ke pal mere kareeb a kar pain me badal jate they to is waja se main dar jata tha jab bhe eysa lagta tha ke koi acha time aney wala hai.

ye thi meri life.. eysi ke main sad he rehta tha.

You know abhe 2 din se itni buri halat hai, awaaz nahi nikal rahi meri lekin ansu ek bhe nahi nikla,

jab Meri Mama ko week me almost 2 times hospital le kar jate they na to starting me on ko bohot pain hota tha jab injection lagta tha, but phir dhere dhere main ne note kiya ke on ko jab injection de rahe hote they doctors to wo araam se bethi rehti thin, main ne ek din pucha ke Ap ko ab pain nahi hota kya? to onhon ne ankhon me ansu le kar kaha ke beta hota hai. bus ab adat ho gayi hai itni ke wo pain show nahi kiya jata, lekin hota zaroor hai,

to shayed meri bhe ab ye halat hai ke pain hai to bohot lekin adat ho gayi hai is ki to ansu bhe nahi atey abhe..

Ap ko pata hai main aj bhe ye kiyon manta hoon ke meri life ke wo 2 years jab wo Naagin jee mere sath thin wo meri life ka sab se acha time kiyon tha?

wo bhe tab jab main bohot tention me tha, pareshan rehta tha din raat phir bhe,? os ka jawab ye hai ke wo problems to eysi thin jo sab ki life me hoti hain jab koi insaan kuch karna chahe apni life me, but wese meri wo life sab se zeyada khubsurat thi,

ek ehsaas tha ke koi apna hai, jis ko care hai hamari. jis se baat kar ke saaaare gham bhula deta tha,

main 100% detail me nahi jaon ga lekin hamari pehli mulaqat he kuch alag si thi,

or phir wo din aya jab dosti se next step liya hum ne, wo din main kese bhool sakta hoon. on ki BD ka din tha wo, or main ne saari raat on se baat ki,

or next day mujhe bohot alag sa feel hova jese ye meri new life hai,

phir main again dar geya ke ye meri life mere sath acha to karti nahi to ye bhe kahin koi trap he na ho mujhe or rulane ka, lol

main bohot kuch sochta raha phir socha on se direct baat karta hoon shayed clear ho jaye,

to main ne on se kaha ke dekho agar kal ko mere sath kuch karna hai na to aj he kar do, abhe to kuch bhe nahi hova to main sad nahi ho sakon ga,lekin agar mujhe pyaar os level ka ho geya na to phir khud beshak meri life se chali jana main wahan he rahon ga becoz Ap ko mera pata nahi,

to onhon ne kaha ke agar main ne eysa socha to tum kuch kar bhe nahi sako ge.

main pareshan ho geya ke ye kesa reply hai? to phir onhon ne 1 or mesg kiya or kaha ke main pagal hoon jo kuch eysa wesa karongi? matlab onhon ne yakeen dila diya ke wo mera sath nahi chorne wali.

or meri life me 1 khubsurat time start ho geya <3

os ke baad hamari chotti chotti problems ho gayi or main jo pehle he apni he life se dara hova tha main ne socha ye theek nahi, in ko meri life se jana hoga, main ne koshish ki but wo chahti thin ke hum sath rahain to hum rahe.i mean mujhe laga ke main galat soch raha hoon wo to dil se pyaar karti hain mujh se..

phir on ki kuch baton se mujhe ehsaas hova ke main on keyliye toy se zeyada kuch nahi hoon to main ne again action liya siraf ye soch kar ke meri life me ye sab main bardasht nahi kar sakon ga. main ne phir se koshish ki lekin onhon ne 6 months+ tak zid ki or mujhe on ki baat pe yakeen a geya..

Bhai ye jo time tha na ye bohot khas tha, becoz pehli baar meri life me mujhe yakeen hova tha ke ab kuch galat nahi hoga, mujhe lagne laga tha ke shayed meri life ko mujh se ab nafrat nahi hai, lol

main dil se ye accept kar chuka tha, or os se pehle main on ko jab GN bolta tha to os ka style or tha, but baad main me ne GN ke sath ye bhe kehna start kar diya ke ( apna kheyal rakhna or mera bhe ) matlab khud se bhe zeyada on pe trust kar liya tha main ne.

os ke baad onhon ne wo sab kiya jo nahi karna chahiye tha on ko.. os ki detail me bhe nahi jaon ga lekin wo time ? lol

ye wo time tha jab meri manzil mere samne thi. main ne on se kaha tha ke summer 2016 me main Ap ke samne a jaon ga, but mujhe lagta nahi tha ke theek time pe eysa kar sakta hoon main, lekin main ne kiya.. summer to kya main feeb 2016 me he ready tha. but on ka sath nahi tha... bohot kaha tha on se ke thora sa to sath do. but nahi mila.

to dekho kis time pe a kar os naagin ne kaat liya tha mujhe..

matlab manzil samne hai yaar.. lekin sath dene wali ne kya kiya?

abhe main to kuch bhe keh sakta hoon lekin Bhootni jee ko chahiye ke wo zara khud se ye baat puch kar dekhain ke on ki nazar me wo ab theek hain ya os time theek thin? jab on me insaniyat thi. care karne wali or baat ko samjhne wali thin wo, to os ke baad eysa kya hova?

onhon ne kaha tha ke wo ab koi or he insaan hain jis ko main janta tha wo mar chuki hai,

but mera to is pe sawal hai na? ke akhir kiyon? eysa kya tha jo ye sab hova. kya on ko nahi lagta ke wo sab karne se pehle kam se kam mujh se to share karti ke kya problem hai? onhon ne is ki koshish bhe nahi ki, or seedha mujhe life se nikaal kar phenk diya,

or aj ki date tak mujhe nahi maloom ke eysa kya hova tha, or main maan bhe kese loon jab kuch bhe sahi tarhan se onhon ne kabhe btaya he nahi?

eysa thori na hota hai Bhai.. agar main kuch kar doon to koi mujh se kahe ke ansar tum ne ye sab kiyon kiya to main os ko reason doon ga ke eysa is waja se hova mujh se, ab maaf karna hai to bata do warna main fix karne ki kohshish karta hoon sab kuch..

matlab reason to dena chahiye na wo bhe jab Ap kisi ki life se khel lo or reason he na de sako or sath ye bhe kaho ke ab wo alag insaan hai to kya mera ye haq nahi ke mujhe maloom ho ke eysa hova kya tha? or wo reason solid bhe ho?

eysa nahi hai ke onhon ne koi bhe reason nahi diya,

abhe main wo Ap se share karta hoon, chalo main to pagal hoon na lekin Ap to nahi ho na Bhai? to in sab ko sun kar btao ke Ap ko kuch samjh ati hai ? lol

pehla reason tha os me kaha geya ke ( tum me koi problem nahi hai, Mom Dad ki problem bhe nahi hai on se thori dant mil jayegi or wo maan jayein ge lekin kuch baton ki waja se eysa hoga nahi )

main ne tab pucha bhe ke kon si batain? os ka jawab nahi mila..

phir os ke next 5 months ke baad again baat hoti hai to phir se kaha jata hai ke ( tum se door reh kar mujhe bhe acha nahi lag raha, ab koi magic he hai jo hamain sath la sake bus kuch baton ki waja se eysa ho nahi sakta )

ab is baat pe gussa to ayega na ke ye kon si KUCH batain hain,! jo wo bol nahi sakti?

os ke 6 months ke baad phir se baat hoti hai tab main ne dil se or bohot he pyaar se on ko samjhaya, ke Ap ne jo kiya wo galat hai, agar Ap eysa na kartin to aj kya hota ye sab onko explain kiya,

onhon ne jawab diya ke ( main ne kal sara din tumhare bare me socha or tum sahi ho ) main is baat pe khush hova ke chalo samjhna start to kiya inhon ne.. main ne again bohot he dil se on ko os ka jawab diya, or socha ke ab bhe on ka reply acha he ayega,

1 din guzar geya lekin no reply.

1 week, phir 1 month, or eyse he 6 months tak wo again gayeb ho gayin, matlab jo bhe batain onhon ne kahin thin tab main ne on ka jawab he eysa diya tha ke wo sochne pe majboor ho gayi thi lekin tab gayeb bhe ho gayi, lool baat ki he nahi agey...