Dear Kartik,
I'm alive and you will not try to find me if you ever loved me...I'm guilty of leaving my family without even meeting them once...but I need solace....can find it only by being away from people and place that will remind me of you all the time....whatever circumstances, reasons or proofs you had...they can't change the fact that you accused me of infidelity....you can never say those words without battling with your mind and conscience...the doubt occupied your mind and stayed there longer...I'm three months pregnant, I was going to break this good news to you that we are pregnant...but you accused me...once I give birth you can meet our child....I won't be there while you spend time with him/her...please inform my family...my papa that I'm alive, safe and sound and I can't live with them even if they give up trying to reunite us again for my sake...I signed divorce papers that are present in second envelope you got...you can sign them if you wish to....I know if I see you even once I will not be able to hold back my emotions...will forgive you or will return in your life...if I faced/confronted you once...I will be convinced again the way I was convinced of your apology when I was considered Shubham's murderer, or when I saw my forged sign on abortion papers or when you didn't let me say a good bye to our first born by holding her once or when I lost my right on Krish as he was never mine., or when you ditched me on mandap for Keerti di's happiness..I understood your reasons and you also understood mine and forgave me for all my mistakes...I hid things so many times...I know I had my share of mistakes...I can't forget how many times you were there for me....but that dreadful night and the fact that you thought I can ever cheat on you is emotionally exhausting...I can't forget those words...If I return it will be an emotional and impractical decision as we already gave each other too many chances this time it will be a compromise on my self-respect...and I'm not prepared for it....I know we can start afresh for our baby...but I'm emotionally dead...I can't be same Naira...I can't be positive, free spirited & cheerful Naira...I can't love you back...that will hurt US more....will hurt our child even more...when he grow up and see us staying together...but being far and unhappy with each other....things can get better...time heals pain....but decision of staying apart cannot change.....as maybe in future...I have to again hide something from you for betterment...and you feel betrayed and don't trust me again.....we can't change our basic instincts...can't even compromise with each other's flaws...how can we be together again?....If love was enough to sustain a relationship we would never ever be separated....I don't want to see you in pain...please don't punish yourself or stay in guilt...I'm being told that I'm suffering from emotional detachment which is equivalent to being dead emotionally...I might not be able to connect to him emotionally as much as you can ...promise me you will live unlike me for our child....you will give him all the love, care,warmth and affection whenever you will meet him.....I can't let him be away from me...but he will have love of both his parents...
Regards,
Naira
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