Women are as much to blame - Tisca Chopra on sexual assault - Page 4

When it comes to sexual contact clear affirmative consent is necessary. Consent means that the person be of legal age. Consent means that the person not be under the influence of alcohol or any drugs. Consent means that there is no pressure, duress or threat of any sort.

Wearing revealing clothes or even being naked is not consent. Flirting is not consent. Entering your hotel room or home is not consent. Going on a date or having dinner with you is not consent.

Kissing or making out is not affirmative consent for taking things further. Having had sex in the past is not consent for having sex in the future. Consenting to one sex act (oral, vaginal) does not equate consent to another sex act (anal, threesome). Each sex act needs clear affirmative consent.

Consent can be withdrawn too. Imagine you told your friend you'd hang out, but then got sick/work came up and needed to cancel. It would be disrespectful if your friend to forced you to hang out. Imagine you went to a party, but it was too loud/crowded/chaotic/stresful for you and you had to leave. It would be disrespectful if the host refused to let you leave. Similarly, someone may consent to sex, but later feel uncomfortable or tired. The second they say no or hesitate. STOP. DO NOT CONTINUE until they ask to continue WITHOUT your cajoling.

Finally if you are in a position of authority - boss, professor, producer - avoid engaging sexually with someone whose pay, promotion, grades, career opportunities depend on you. Many workplaces have strict policies against this. If there are no policies in place, establish a rapport and build trust. Make it clear that them saying yes or no will have no bearing on anything else. Build a reputation of trust and integrity so that people feel empowered to say no.

Failure to establish consent is always on the perpetrator.

There's my spiel on consent and why s**t shaming is stupid.

I understand your intention but i really wish people would stop saying this.. This just perpetuates the idea that women cannot get along or empathise with other women

... See the problem is NOT men vs women... Its not about women banding together and fighting men... We are fighting patriarchy... We are fighting an ideology not a gender... . And sadly lots of women are patriarchal..

I am seeing beautiful posts being liked by posters all of whom are essentially saying: the perpetrator should be held accountable 100%, stop looking for faults in the victims, no means no even if there was a yes before, it is understandable that a victim stays silent, victims fear being thought whiny and weak and shouldn't be made to feel this way.

I have seen many of these same posters (and likers) have 180 degree opposing views when the accused aggressor was female: she must have a reason, he must have led her on or slept with her even once, he is a man-wh**e anyway, he has it coming, about time woman did it to a man, he should have complained earlier, why is he complaining at all it was no big deal.

Everyone has their biases. We all need to learn see things from other perspectives or we will never have gender neutrality. Whether we like to admit it or not, most people - male and female - feel more comfortable with the world view that men are eternal aggressors and women are eternal victims. The problem is that it is constant "instruction" to women who internalize that message - even if we don't want to. That I think contributes to why it happens and happens and happens. "Men will be men, that's just how it is" comes from these internalized feelings/messages which makes some men think it is "normal" (in their world view can't blame a man for asking, that is just what men do, duh) and Tisca Chopra say women shouldn't put themselves in that position (because in her world view obviously a man will take advantage, duh) and reasonable posters say, I know she has lied about many things and I believe she sent emails saying they haven't dated and he's never kissed her but I just "know" something must have happened to make her publicly ridicule and demean him (because in their world view a man is the aggressor and a woman is the victim, duh).

We need to stop seeing woman as victims and men as aggressors. We need to see some people have been victims and some people have been aggressors.

Read an OP-ED piece of actress Lupita Nyong'o on her dealing with Weinstein's harassment.

She categorically mentions she didn't face any such situation where women were in the positions of powers. That's why we need more women in those positions.