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Chapter Ten
" Do you miss her?"
Joy had spread his bed roll on the floor and Anushka sat on it with her back rested on the wall...while Joy lay staring at the ceiling.
He slowly nodded his head sideways.
" Don't lie. "
" I am not lying Anushka. I really didn't ever miss her after she left. Yes... I felt hurt, broken, lonely, but then... I hated her so much for leaving me that I didn't miss her ever again... "
" Did you cry in the nights for her...?"
" Initially I did. Not now. Never. "
" And since I'm supposed to leave, will you cry for me ever? "
Joy didn't say anything immediately. He slowly sat up beside Anushka. She kept staring.
" You ain't supposed to leave Anushka... But... "
" But... I am...because you are afraid. Of what Joy? May I please know? ", Anushka's voice trembled.
Joy looked straight into her eyes. Anushka witnessed a devastating emptiness in his.
" ... but I don't believe they'll let you stay either... "
Anushka shut her eyes tight. And then slowly uttered, " If you want, no one else cannot. "
She slowly opened her eyes to see Joy staring.
" Why do you trust me so much Anushka? You never even knew me ever... "
" men don't understand what women do. "
Joy wanted to smile, but couldn't.
" I couldn't keep Christina, though I wanted to for life. "
A kind of dullness gripped Anushka's heart for a moment.
" And do you believe they didn't want her to stay? "
Joy nodded.
" I don't want to believe that. Not because the Olivers have always been great to me... but because if Christina was really forced to leave, she should have at least sent a note to me. The girl whom I spent so many years with, couldn't entrust me with setting things right, both and everyone else being in the same house, how could I even believe her love Anushka?
She too lost her parents. And unlike you, she mostly was loved by everyone at the mansion. Then, if she couldn't trust me... how can you Anushka? "
Anushka didn't at all expect this turn of questions.
If that wasn't love... is this?
She sat motionless.
" I don't... know... "
" I know you don't. No one does. " , did Joy's voice tremble?
" errr...mmm... I believe you still miss her... I mean... you... you... "
" how does it even matter Anushka? Is my life all about this? Serving a family because they saved us from ruining, falling prey to someone's obsession, being left by someone I supposedly loved someday, and now living my life as a loner paying back their debt? Is this all about my life Anushka?
Can't I hold someone, hug someone, kiss someone desperately and heal myself ? Can't I? "
Joy shot himself up and almost ran to the window as if in search of fresh air. Anushka springed up too. And walked upto him, standing silently beside.
" I too want a home, a bed to share... a lap to sleep in when I'm tired, a reason to stay back.
Do you remember? I had always said I didn't pick you up without a reason. I longed for someone I can buy dresses for, and she would blush seeing those, someone who would shiver upon my touch and yet remain the most comfortable in my arms... "
Unknowingly, tears trickled down Anushka's eyes.
I too had always wanted this Joy!
" Since you stepped into my life, my life feels so complete Anushka! Despite a fear that grips me...a happiness engrosses that Anushka's at home, Anushka's waiting for me... "
Anushka slowly wiped off her tears.
" What obsession Joy? What fear? "
Joy now uttered distinctly looking straight at her. " Diana Oliver. A nineteen years old mentally ill woman. "
" Nineteen!? She looks twenty five at least! "
Joy sighed.
" I had always loved her as a sister since she was born. I was twelve then. Christina eleven.
And she grew up amongst us.
And then for me very drastically, she turned fifteen. And I got a letter in my bag... at the staff room in school.
" I might be a fifteen, but my heart holds emotions of a thousand years for you. And the age sake you are running after, shall leave you one day, bringing you back to me...forever! "
I was extremely startled. I knew the handwriting but... couldn't really state for sure because it was in blocks. I showed the letter to Christina.
She surprisingly laughed it off.
" One of those standard eight girls. You never know! Mr crush! "
These were the times I had to doubt her love. And then... few months after that... Christina met me at 12 in the night at the backyard. " I am really sorry Joy. If I have ever made you dream something ... I really never meant that. Rungpo isn't my place. The vast world calls me. Good bye. "
Joy stopped. Anushka placed her hand on his shoulder. " It's okay Joy... "
" I know Anushka... it's completely okay that she left. I chose to stay despite my mom's expiry six years back not only for her... but also because the Olivers, Rungpo and the school did a lot for me. I was indebted... I had to repay..."
" so... you believe that was Diana who.. "
" they gave me reasons to believe over the last four years...
Because, only women don't possess a sixth sense. Men too do."
Joy went back to his bed roll. Anushka kept standing for sometime.
" you believe Christina was forced to leave by the Olivers because their daughter was obsessed with you... "
" I don't want to believe Anushka, I possess nothing to be someone's obsession... "
Anushka turned.
" If you ever meet Christina again... far from Rungpo, will you accept her back in your life? "
Anushka didn't know what exactly she was talking.
Why even?
Joy didn't take seconds to reply...
" might have been... if she had ever trusted me...more than you do.."
Anushka's eyes widened. She kept staring.
" Come here Anushka. Sit beside me. You make me feel safe. With myself. In this world. "
Anushka hid a tear about to trickle down her eyes. She went and sat beside him.
" If past haunts... we get rid of it. If present haunts, can we get rid of it? We don't know what's in store for our future. " , Joy slowly uttered.
" What... do you want now Joy? "
" Run away. From Rungpo. With you in my arms. I wish I could assure no one in world hurt you ever... "
Steams ran down her eyes now. She slowly leaned against him. He wound his hands around her. " Can we run? Now ? "
" I have never known if the Olivers are truly harmful. I have never even taken a chance. Diana doesn't bear lies. But if I tell them the truth, will they let me leave? " , Joy monologued.
" And why on earth do you need their permission to live Joy? "
" They gave my mother her due respect, and us... a shelter to survive...me a job and a house... but do they really expect something more in return? "
Anushka felt completely numb.
Why on earth do our pasts tie us so much?
" And then there's Diana... who threatens to murder you... "
Anushka immediately sat straight.
" So it's she you are afraid of? Joy... if we escape, will she ever get hold of us? "
Anushka herself couldn't believe how desperate she sounded.
" ... we ain't criminals Anushka, that we need to escape...
I need to talk to them. I absolutely need to..." , Joy's brows came close together...lost in deep thoughts.
Anushka stared.
Joy suddenly turned to her and in split seconds hugged her tighter than ever, " Will you be there for me? Always? Against all odds? "
Getting over the momentary shock, Anushka slowly embraced the peace for life. As if this was the moment she had been always waiting for..." I promise to die with you, neither before, nor after. "
They kept hugging each other for how long they themselves lost counts. And then slowly broke the hug... but kept staring at each other, both their eyes welling.
" I am so selfish, that I'm thankful to Christina that she left... "
Anushka immediately wanted to swallow back what she just said. Her eyes widened... " I mean... "
" Same here. "
Anushka had never felt better than tonight.
Joy got up suddenly.
" I don't want to hide... I don't want to run away, I want everyone to know what I feel...why I feel... how I feel...
Do you get what I mean Anushka? "
Anushka nodded a yes.
" I will talk to them tomorrow. No more hiding. No more stories. "
Joy suddenly stopped.
" Do you know Anushka why I never pestered you about your past? "
Anushka didn't know.
Yes! I forgot! How did you know I remembered everything?
Anushka stared silently but anxiously.
Joy went to his study room. And returned with something Anushka was horrified seeing!
Goodness!
Joy handed him a sling bag, and from it stared back her only friend, her diary.
" This was the only thing I got with you, wound around your chest. I could have handed it to you the very day without even reading a page, hadn't I believed you lied to me... that you remember nothing despite remembering your name...
I immediately knew you hadn't had a great life story. And I needed to dig that.
As I kept reading your story, I knew I have known you for long. Because on one corner of my heart I don't want to believe ...but on another I cannot help believing, Christina, like you was a victim... of an evil sister, and a blind and an overprotective family.
And much more than that...we...who have grown in the kindnesses of others, have an emptiness at heart... the emptiness that had one day bound me to Christina, and now again, much stronger, to you... "
Anushka sat, speechless.
Lights went out. And two souls floated in darkness, searching light in each others heart.
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