part 21 a
She stood leaning on the lone pillar at the terrace.....under the hollowness of open sky ........the white angel stood alone in the bosom of obscurity ....too alone to hide herself in the darkness....
she searched through the sinister of the night ahead her .....
searched for herself which she had lost ....searched for the answers....search for the questions ......
she took a deep sigh and remembered the talk with him a few hours ago ..
there is lots of difference between love and infatuation .....love is like a ghost ...everybody claims of seeing it ...
if there is love it means actually one thing ....physical pleasure ....!
LOVE.... !!.....whoever wants can believe in the shit that actually doesn't exist ....!!!
Physical pleasure ......is that what he defines love as...!
Is that what all he meant .....
He doesn't believe in love...
Or he is avoiding me......
of course he is....
he went away saying .....i m your enemy .........difference is desired ....
she slumped back on the pillar titling her head back ...
but why did he always treated me ..........like......but .........he always kissed me...got physical with me.....
is it really .....? is that what he considered about me all this during ...
just lusted on me......???????
and I ........................i have fallen for him..............
she was too shocked to let the realization sink in....too shocked to cry ....she felt her legs too weak to carry her weight ......but she didn't slump down.......tried her best to stand upto the facts she had been told .......\
was there no feelings in those hugs.....???....she whispered to herself.... there was nothing in those kisses except LUST....did he just always lust over me....???
..she asked to the sinister in front of herself.........the question clutched her heart ...twisting brutally ..............
And how fool m I ....? I never thought of it ..................i didn't ever think .....didnt ever dwell on the thought that he had felt anything for me.......
Love is the irresistible desire .....to be irresistibly desired.....
She closed her eyes as she felt them burning ........the side of his face flashed in front of her ....his last words.....
difference is desired......!!
His icy cold face.......his cruel words .....his blank eyes .....the way he left her stand there rooted gaping at his trailing way... ....just after the utterance of her song that confessed her heart ....
He doesn't feel anything for me....
And this pain is piercing ...the warm drops rolled down from the corner of her closed eyes....
Why is this happening with me.....?
I was never so weak .....what if he doesn't want me......
He has every right to decide it......its exclusively upon himself whether he will feel the same for me.........or NOT ......
Its entirely his discretion ...
Feelings cannot be evoked artificially ...............
Why was I so wanted him to stop .....!! how could I throw my feelings on someone ..who doesn't even feel anything for me..... my heart clutched .......i clenched my fist to bear the damn fact .......!!!
fire and ice make no combination .....!!he made it all clear ....
why was I so desperate ......why did I want him to retreat me back .......what is this....
is this love........love ....is the pain ....?
what if he is true......i m infatuated......just infatuated....by the person tore the curtain of my virgin soul.....just stirred up by some hormones.....
her mind clouded with the thoughts ........dwindling on the last hopes....she had held back to herself....
but why this hurts so much ...? why .......!!
how could I be so shameless .....?..i became so desperate to make him look at me.....reciprocate me....talk to me......how did I stoop so low......while he just ignored me....he left me......alone....let his cruel words strangle me.....
I didn't feel the warm rush of salty drops crossed brushing my lips......the pain is too excruciating to be felt in tears......
I don't know .......whether its infatuation or love.......i don't know if love exists...i m so ignorant .......i m not able to decide......m not able to feel anything except
The pain....the stabbing pain cutting this damn heart of mine into pieces ....
The irresistible yearning for your arms.....which used to hold me tight when I trembled.....
I m trembling ......in the ache given by you .....
Why do you hurt me so much ....
You are the only one can hurt me.....break me into tears .......and I crave for YOU...
Why......................................................................???
Why do I still cant feel bad about you ....when u humiliated me like anything .....just after I kept my heart open......
Didn't you understand anything ......
Didn't you understand the song came from bottom of my heart ...or u misread ...
You are too intelligent to misunderstand it ...
Why your walking away hurts me so much .....
Why m I here....
What for m I waiting .......
Her hoarse whisper choked by her own tears .....
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Was it a dream...............?!!!!!!
Was it the desired dream of my subconscious ...?
The thing .........what just happened ....
The whole thing ......................
What did she say ....
What did she try to suggest ....!!!!!
He panted heavily ... in the closed room .....locking himself into the room switching off the lights ....hiding himself....from the world........from herself....from himself.....
He reached out for the bottle in its probable place......
There was no liquor in the bottle ...it was empty ...
Failing him miserably ....he wanted to lose his senses ... he wanted the burning liquor to ease down his own dried throat .......
He sighed........helplessly ....
She does.......
She................loves me......
Her eyes spat it .....her song said it .....her craving voice confessed it.....
She said so much without uttering the three words...........
Kuch na kehke bhi usne kya keh diya........na kaha dhai akshar prem ke.....na kaha ishq me ruswa hone ke lie.....na manga waada badleme.....
Bas............apna raaz e dil khol ke rakh diya........
He pursed his lips.......closing his eyes to let his own words sink in ......
The feelings is so profound.............................so relaxing.....so soothing........so sinking .......so deep.............so enthralling ......
the irresistible desire .....to be irresistibly desired ...............
Her innocent eyes....her innocent clutch in his arms.....her hiding face in his bosom ......her trembling swollen lips......her lit up face in his small gifts.....her expectant eyes.....the blush on her rosy cheeks....as he touched her ....or cuddled her in his arms....her concerned eyes when he choked ......her soothing palm on his back and worried eyes locked with his own .......
He remembered every subtle expression on her face...every single gesture that touched him......
He didn't realize his lips curled into smile... while his eyes wasn't able to see his own reflection in darkness....
Geet .......................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He let out the whisper ..... the name tasted sweeter than honey in his tongue
watch out girls .....this is the song close to my heart ...do tell me how do u feel about it
Teri ek chuon se jaga ...........yeh kaisa ahesas.....
Pehle to mehesus huyi na.......mujhko aisi piyaaaaaaaaaaaas....
I never felt so contented before....why her words soothing me so much........is it what I craved for.....
I yearned her to utter this....
And she said....
Peyar hota hai kya tumse jana sanam ...
Have u heard about the glory of the ashes .............................
Ashes.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohh...........
Ohhno......!!
Ohh my god.....!!
What was I thinking ....!!!
This cant be......this shouldn't be....
Is she just infatuated......?
Ofcourse not........she loves me.....he snapped out the nagging fear......
Oblivious to his own self...the cold blooded murderer expected true love from a innocent girl barely knew him.......he couldn't bear the idea that it could be a mere infatuation .....
How can she...
Good grief ....!!
Why did I let this happen.....!!!!!!!i pushed her to the well......knowing she cant swim....
Wasn't I aware of it ...? didn't I anticipate this.....?
Its all because of the proximity we shared......i just let it happen.....i couldn't stop myself from hearing this from her .....hearing her heart aloud .......i let myself give in to this addicting beckoning ..!!the irresistible desire .....to be desired by her .......only her.......for the first time in my life ....i craved for someone's feelings ....the....love.....like she does....irrationally ......
Barshade aaj badal peyar ka............
She wanted me to reciprocate....she wanted me to realise the depth of her feeling .........she wanted me to stay next to her ...............
She has literally lost all her senses....
How can she fall for me....
She wiped off the barrier between us.....
The barrier of crime and punishment ......
She has forgotten who m I ...
Actually she never knew....neither she has thought before loving me......she didn't even give it a thought ....her values ,....the mortal life....her aspirations ......crossing every barrier ...she loved me.....
How can she love so deeply knowing I kill people mercilessly .......
Geet .....!!! why did you do this......
You are too sacred to feel anything for me... .... how could you overlook the stain of blood on my palms......
He stretched out his own palm infront of himself... the palm used to feel her satin soft innocent skin against it......which had the old stain of blood on it .......
Geet you cant do this .....
You are too nave to bear this....
You loved me with all my vices.....with all my rudeness.....you always swallowed every pain I gave you ....and returned submission ...complete submission .......and trust ......
He felt his throat choking in the hard knot of her love.....
He remembered how he left her spitting so cruel words to her.... and she didn't follow him ....didn't hold his hand to stop him....hold him back to answer her ......why he hugged her ....why he was always there to ease her pain ...was it only lust ....she didn't question him back
He stood up to check on her ........she didn't come to me after that ...neither showed up....as well I had kept myself hidden...myself hidden from her....
He didn't dare to look into his own soul ......he didn't want to question himself why the feelings of her words comforted him .....contented him.....he was too ignorant to his own self...
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She searched for the answers she asked to herself.......standing aloof from the rest of the world............it was long past midnight..........the silver rays of moon didn't seem romantic to her....
She was oblivious to the tears that dried up.....and again rushed to flow through her milky rose cheek .....
She was stupefied at the touch of love .....
If you are waiting for something that is never going to come .....then its your own idiocy ...!!
Harsh whisper came from her back ......
A man stood erect behind her crossing strong muscular arms against his chest ......his eyes twinkled in the rays of moon .....and the black cloth absorbed the rest of the light .....
She stood petrified........
Not more.....please......please don't say more....she inwardly prayed
What for you are waiting ....?haan geet ....? he was rude again ....
She didn't answer .......stood like a statue.....!!
You wanted me to come isn't it......? he hoarsely taunted ...!
Why have you come ? she softly whispered without even looking back....
To knock the sense back in you ....go to bed geet .....!!
Why do you care .....?
He was mum... why do I care geet ............he stared at the woman stood in front of him.....facing her back to him....but he knew her cheeks are wet ....though her voice was devoid of moisture ......!
You are such an attention seeker ....!!
What do you think ....? there has to be someone to give you company ......how desperately you want attention ...!!!haan geet ...!!!
For your kind information rishi is fast asleep .....he is not going to give you company at this hour ....... the damsel in distress....huh .....he sneered through his teeth ...
listen geet .....!! don't behave awkwardly ....and go to bed....!! ...i don't want any fuss here in my world ....everything goes according to my wishes....and I want you to go downstairs and go to ur bed....!!.....samjhiiii tummm...........!! he shrewdly groaned ...
a long pause of silence gapped them.......
Yes.....u are right ....she softly said accepting his announcement ...
But I wished ...............i so wish ......if i could run my own self at least ........but it listens to you only .......!! traitor .....!!
Her voice was emotionless...blank ....but the words carried the pain in it.....
He stood numb ....he couldn't utter anything after the weight of her words....
I will go back to my bed before anyone wakes up ......can I stay here till then ...its stuffy out there ..... she reasoned ....she asked for his kind permission ......granting his superiority to hurt her ..........
He just listened to her ......every discrete words...
He moved ahead without a word.........
And before she could guess he picked her up in his arms.....like a feather ......
Stunned she felt herself hanging in the air clinging against his chest ....
Her right hand involuntarily snaked his neck sending chill through his spine.......the touch of the woman in his bare skin was seeming new to him ...her left hand clutched his shirt to keep her balance .......
He avoided to look in her eyes that stared at his own .....her shocked eyes...that had thousands of questions in them .......huge waves of emotions thrashing down at the edge ....
Neither he spoke a word nor she did.....
Like it was the place ....the place she destined to stay .....after anything and everything .......she belonged to him ......
Belonged to the person she barely knew.....
But she knew only one thing .........................................
May be He cared....!!
May be he didn't love me back .......but his touch implies the care .....may be he cared ....she held her breath .....in fear of spoiling the moment ...she feared that the moment will fade away with the blow of her breath .....but her heart raced blatantly ........
The beats he could feel against his own chest ...the heart beats of the woman he was....carrying in his arms ....clad in the dress gifted by him.......swaying in the emotions meant for him ......weaved by him .....
He didn't dare to look into her face ....as his straight face was devoid of emotion ....she couldn't fathom her answer .....
She could read nothing .........she couldn't assure her thoughts ...
Her naive expectant eyes searched for a single emotion .......when her own eyes spat her heart out .......
And he could feel the warmth of her eyes even without looking at them .......... the deep eyes was speaking volumes ......rendering him run out of excuses .....
Bole Teri Soni Soni Aankha Mastaaniya
Pyaar Ke Liye Yeh Dengi Laakhon Qurbaaniya......
Karke Ek Baar Baliye, Dil Gaya Haar Baliye
Rabba Mainu Pyaar Ho Gaya............
Haye.........., Dil Ka Qaraar Kho Gaya
Pehli Pehli Baar Baliye,
Dil Gaya Haar Baliye
Rabba Mainu Pyaar Ho Gaya
Haye..................., Dil Ka Qaraar Kho Gaya
He carried her gently to her bed.... slowly dropped her on the bed...while she kept her gaze fixed on his brown emerald big eyes .... that he was hiding away from her....
After settling her in the bed he pushed the pillow beneath her head .....still avoided to face her ....
She didn't move her gaze away .....as if a single glimpse of his gaze can answer to her every question ..... she craved for a single flicker of emotion......she searched his face with pursed lips....
He was taking his hands off which were beneath her .....she watched silently like a doll.....didn't try to hold him back .......clutch the last touch of the person she was craving for ....... hold him back to her .....
She watched him slowly moving away from herself......she silently watched him to go away ....
He had crossed the bedside table away from her .....he was moving towards the door....
And turned back.............................................................................
he couldn't resist to witness the emotion in her eyes for one last time.........he looked into hers.....
He couldn't stop himself from looking once.......last time.....he just couldn't resist ......to witness love for him ....that she kept prisoned in her eyes only ....
His heart throbbed against the ribs ........as the sight of her ocean deep eyes caught his gaze...her tear dried lashes........the unfathomable depth of feelings ....the unasked questions ........the answers for his own questions .....the sinking strong pull of her eyes.......
He couldn't take his eyes off....he tried to tear ......
But just couldn't .....
The spell of her longing eyes kept him tied at his spot ......
The killer .....Couldn't kill the emotion in the eyes ....the emotion he waited for....craved for ...
Her wordless eyes snatched his shield .......but she couldn't fathom anything .....cause.....
He forced himself to turn away ........and walk out ....
He stopped at the threshold ......to throw the last set of words....
Tomorrow you are going home.........................back ...!!
He disappeared blurring her vision with tears .............
Tere Liye, Tere Liye ..........Marta Hai Maahiya
Phir Kyoon Judaai Se........... Dil Darrta Hai Maahiya
Tujhpe Jaan Nisaar Baliye,
Dil Gayi Haar Baliye
Rabba Mainu Pyaar Ho Gaya
Haye................, Dil Ka Qaraar Kho Gaya
Pehli Pehli Baar Baliye, Dil Gaya Haar Baliye
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Edited by maanmeet_Reet - 13 years ago
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