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Yesterday was a historical day in the life of DABH. I do not think it has ever been the case that simultaneously so many threads were started for Bhabo bashing and choicest of adjectives were hurled on her for her having rejected Suraj's request. The viewers were heart broken seeing the plight of our chora aur uski Beendani. I just could not take it and did post my objections in some threads , but they got buried under the debris of abuses.So I thought why not, I express the same thing in an independent thread and give a consolidated view from the other side of the spectrum.
1.Without even once considering why Bhabo did what she did and condemning her makes us as guilty as Bhabo. If Bhabo did not give weight to Suraj's requests and dismissed it, are we not also doing the same thing by not giving any weight to Bhabo's POV and rejecting her outright. If she is guilty we are also in the same boat. The definition of right and wrong is very subjective and there is a thin line dividing it.
2.Bhabo was totally taken aback when she heard Suraj's pleas. When you are shocked you either retreat into a shell and become quiet or pour your heart out crying or shout at the person who gave you that shock. Bhabo did the last as she is anyway known to be aggressive. Accepting such a revolutionary proposal in a small town like Pushkar is no easy job. Did not Sandhya also take a lot of time to recover from the shock, when she found her husband to be a halwai.Did you find her going and hugging and kissing her husband when she found out ? She just followed a different way of expressing it by turning quiet. Did we not sympathise with her than ? How than can you expect Bhabo to hug Suraj and smilingly accept his proposal Why do we not give the same consideration to Bhabo ?
3. Since all of you have been repetitive in Bhabo bashing, I will also do the same.You have to consider her background.She lives in a small town, is uneducated and is fiercely protective of her joint family setup. Here is a Beendani who comes along and shatters all her ideas of an Adarsh Bahu. She never once wanted such a Beendani and was cheated into marrying her son to one.Who is the culprit here ? Ankur. Some how with great difficulty seeing the goodness of Sandhya she reconciles. Now overnight you want her to overlook all the values she has been brought up with and accept her Beendani's IPS dream. Get real..How can that happen?
4 Many parents in India who are qualified professionals compel their children to take up Science group in 11th grade so that their dream of their children becoming engineers and doctors is fulfilled. When there, you do not see parents leaving the choice to their children and we justify it saying it is for the good of the child ,here we do not want Bhabo to exercise the same option. WHY? If an urban middle class parent can control their child's dream why not Bhabo ?
5.IPS is not Sandhya's dream it is what her parents dreamt for her and she wants to fulfill it. Fine., but it clashes with Bhabo's dream for her son of having a loving housewife as Beendani and giving her lots of grand children. Do you think any mother in law from that background will concede and give up her dreams to humour her Beendani. Did Sandhya's parents give her the choice to dream or indoctrinated her to follow their dreams. I am not too sure.
6.IPS is a very difficult profession which involves frequent transfers, danger to life, separation from family over long durations etc etc.Even very educated families will find it extremely difficult to accept their daughter in laws going into civil services.Yeh to semi rural background ki hain.. Even if Ankur's wife had similar dreams he would think twice, but he wants Suraj to accept and fight for Sandhya. How hypocritical is that? Would not Bhabo think that Ankur who is encouraging her son himself has a housewife as Beendani and has already started a family .How than can he encourage her son to go the opposite way?
7.I know what you will say? Bhabo does not understand what is IPS? She does understand that Sandhya has to wear the uniform which is without a ghoonghat. If some colleges in India can issue rules that girls should not wear jeans to college but only salwar kameez to avoid being eveteased or raped why can't an uneducated Bhabo find it difficult to accept the police uniform.
Do not mistake me.I am an extremely progressive person and am all for women pursuing their dreams but when they want to do it remaining in the traditional setup than they will have to face resistance from all quarters.Unless they are prepared for that and become thick skinned their dreams cannot see the light of the day. Here Sandhya had a choice.She could have walked out of the marriage and Ankur was willing to support her.She did not even realise she loved Suraj at that stage. If she had done that she would be already be preparing for IPS. It was her choice.She stuck on and later fell in love with her husband and now with Suraj prodding her she wants to go all out after her dreams , naturally in your path the walls of tradition will block you and when you try to break it you will get hurt.Only if you are willing to bear that hurt, can you hope to move ahead. With Suraj by her side she will succeed and with time Bhabo will come around and give her, her blessings.All I am saying here is give Bhabo the time she will understand. She is not bad at heart. Change cannot come overnight. Evolution of society takes a long time.Once again I salute the CVs for making us think and debate the larger questions in life.
Hui Ghum Yaadein
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
