Hindu Marriage Ritual: Kanyadaan - Page 7

Originally posted by: Kyahikahoon

Very true

Its mostly called Hastmilap or Panigrahan..that's what is written on wedding invites too from where I come.

I agree with you, bride n groom are equals , they were in Vedic times and same in modern times as both are working n many are independent.

When women are having to face restrictions on getting education and are not allowed to work, their independence is looked down upon, it is the patriarchy at its wicked heights to supress the women, control their fertility and take advantage of the women. These people have added/coined the name of Kanyadaan, to implicate that girl has been donated to the guy to do with her as he pleases, naturally the one who feels the brunt will protest.

Loved reading all the comments here in the topic.

Kanyadaan as a term has been trivialised to a great extent by a lot of people these days. This is mostly due to absolutely no knowledge of customs plus literal text translations with no context around it. The term daan and it’s literal meaning makes it sound like donation.

However it’s conveniently ignored that this is a part of one of the most important life ritual of a Hindu marriage. That a women during this rasam has a symbolic transition from her father’s family to her husband’s family. That a bride’s family also accepts the groom during this rasam. That a bride and groom make promises which pits them as equals in marriage. In no way, throughout this entire rasam , a bride is shown inferior to a groom. In fact this is the celebration of a woman’s strength to become the carrier of lineage of both families.

As Hindus, we have always celebrated strength of womanhood and placed women on pedestal. Whether it’s having multitude of important female gods or keeping women central to all our festivities. Women are the one who continue family lineage and whilst there is an equal contribution from men as well, it’s the woman’s role that is celebrated throughout.

Kanyadaan is just one of those celebrations and it should not be diluted with modern half baked mis interpretations.

Originally posted by: firewings_diya

I agree i dont have problem with the word kanyadaan my major issue is the expectation women has to fullfill in the name of parayadhan.

Now a days women work outside and i have heard from many of colleagues how their mil taunts them for not taking care of kids and not being available for kids and not cooking and all.

It's always expected from a girl irrespective of religion to perform double amt of duties than she can in the name of wedding. She has to take more responsibilities along with the house work and office work. Career oriented women do not even have gurantee that if they will have career post marriage or not. They may have to leave everything for her new family and they have to hear taunts from society too.

But if she was lived in her home will her ambition questioned no. Will her parents taunt her for doing office work and not helping mother if a girl works in a office where she may extend up to 10.

Will they complain if she takes some extra nap just because she spent whole night upskilling herself to get better opportunity.

By doing daan the girls are just becoming orphan where she can't even be with her parents who actually care for her and majority of her sasural treats her as paraya 🙃

PS: This is applicable to only those families who expects more from dil and less from their son. Who force her to prioritize them over her own parents. There are some families who are understanding but that's still rare.

Having worked for more than a decade now , there is a sea change in women’s participation in workforce as well as education front. While a decade ago a good percentage of women would step down from their careers to focus on family, now that is not the case.

These days men prefer a working wife and they do contribute equally at home front. Things are changing for quite a while now and we are coming back to the tradition of women and men being equals in marriages. Where a woman doesn’t need to depend on her husband to provide her with good life, she can already provide for herself.

You may confirm this from sprawling business of childcare and whole day pre schools. You can also confirm this from growing number of women representation in higher executive jobs where their husbands take a backseat to let them have an opportunity in leadership and career growth.

I agree to the fact that there is much more expectation from women than men. We have been a society where women are considered carrier of culture and so the expectations are still prevalent. However it is still a woman’s prerogative to accept them.

Bringing in Mother in laws to rationalise that women are suppressed doesn’t make sense too. Even in an absolute western society where women play equal roles, mother in laws are still scorned at. I won’t generalise on this as this seems more of issues with generation gap than filial problems.

I literally cringed at ur women being orphan after marriage or being paraya dhan etc. nothing to add there, just that life is not an Ekta Kapoor show still.

Tbh it depends on place. As in western culture it was always taught that men and women are equal but there are still some places where women are not treated equally. The example that you gave of women being in workforce and men want a working women. Yes i agree but what percentage of population stays in Metro cities where men prefer working women. Most of the girls from my school who were bright chose to become house wifes. It might be their choice but considering i know how ppl are here it may not be their choice too.

I am not blaming everyone. I have provided my thoughts based on what i heard and what i have seen. Irrespective of generation gap in small cities its always girls who has to put a hold on her career and studies. They get them married right after college too. Parents just wait for their daughter to turn 18. Only few families who wants their kids to become independent and i am fortunate to born in one of such families.

But when i compare the ratio most of my friends got married early and some friends really wanted to achieve something but nobody let them to achive.

I am not blaming mil of all families as i said it depends on situation to situation. Every coin has 2 sides. You may be seeing it from the place where you live. I am seeing it from the place where i live.

Parayadhan irrespective of if we agree or not. If a guys parent and girls parent stay at different city. Girl has to move to guys house she has to leave her job which she took up in her city. Where she is all alone. If her sasural is good then yes she may not face any problem. But what will happen to a girl if her sasural is not so good and her financial condition is not so good too. She will hide things from her parents. Yes i agree now a days girls are coming out of abusive relationships if they are into it but it's not always the case as some girls still tries to save relationship end up committing suicide due to depressions. There were several videos went viral where girls recorded an audio telling her parents they love them and they took major decision of taking their lives.

OMG, there was a blockbuster thread on this topic opened by altie, where Zeal and I were ambushed by women folk of the forum, remember guys? 😆

Originally posted by: TheMinion

OMG, there was a blockbuster thread on this topic opened by altie, where Zeal and I were ambushed by women folk of the forum, remember guys? 😆

Hahaha Yup totally remember I even made follow up my 2 cents thread 😆

Kinda ironical that western culture is celebrated as treating men n women as equals and condition of women..even in modern India.. is considered secondary.

I have friends who had fantastic careers in India and worked on stuff that did justice to their skills..they could concentrate on their career without any pressure coz of good support at home.

For various reasons they moved out of India..now looking after household stuff takes up a lot of their time n energy..even when they divide the work between couple..

and on talking about ways to cope with this with other Indian n non Indian ladies.. they get advice to take up a less demanding job and be satisfied with a job profile that doesn't do justice to their skills.

So it's either to be constantly on ur toes if u want it all..or let go of few things on work or home front

Originally posted by: Palak2812

People have been misinterpreting what exactly feminism is

I always thought feminism was about having choices, but we seem to put our own gender down cause of the decisions they chose to make. If we don’t like something then don’t follow it but don’t dictate to others how they should lead their life either.

Personally I think we have always had choices, it’s just things keep changing due to society throughout time.

No matter in whatever, whichever, Era we are in, when in comes to weddings, All Indian families follow old age, family rituals and traditions. Also making sure that all them are correctly followed.

In Hindu Weddings, Kanyadaan is considered sacred and one of the most important ritual that takes place in the Wedding. It is to be believed that once you have done Kanyadaan you have achieved Brahma. Speaking of which is now, (recent times) Some do not believe it anymore and consider it or take it otherwise. So it's a matter of choices now. To each his own. (Perspectives)

Marriage rituals around the world, irrespective of whichever religion or whichever culture is steeped in patriarchal & misogynistic notions. Period.

Most people don’t know the origin & meaning behind many rituals that are deeply patriarchal & even problematic. We just continue to do those rituals because we are used to it or because it’s the tradition…many rituals seem innocuous but that’s far from the truth.

We must remember that all religions are inherently anti-women. Only then can we bring reforms in it.