I enter the hospital and take a deep breath. No it’s not working, so I take another one. Close my eyes to medicate for a second before I start the day. BIG MISTAKE. I open them quickly. I wish I hadn’t done that - I should have known that as soon as I closed my eyes I would see her again. And I can’t afford to think about her or see her in my dreams or when I close my eyes. She is not mine any more as I used to think. She is not mine.
If I keep repeating it maybe I will start believing it. Fake it until you make it, isn’t that what we used to tell each other as young medical student too scared to be near our first cadaver. Now I had one more reason to never think about her. I had just said yes to marrying her sister.
As I made my way to me room I wondered how things had gotten to this place. Just a month ago I was living a normal life, happy with my job and my family. Well most of my family since I almost never think about Sir as being part of my family. Determined never to fall in love or get married. Determined never to repeat the mistakes of Ma and Sir. And here I am a month later with a broken heart, and all set to marry a woman I don’t even like and will never love. Why am I doing this? Am I trying to make my mother happy? Am I trying to show the world I don’t care? Am I trying to show her I don’t care? Or this is a stupid weak attempt to bring someone into my life that seems to care for me even if I don’t care for her. Why else would she pray for my mother and convince my Akshu…. 😱😱when will I get out of the habit of thinking of her as such. I mean she convinced her older sister to save my medical licence and then walked into fire to save me. Maybe she is exactly what I need in my life to calm this fire I feel in my soul and heart.
But if she is what do I need why do I not feel calm. Why does each step I take feel so heavy and broken.
Work work work. It’s what I need. Studying hard and working hard is what helped me not concentrate on Sir and his dark secret, they will be my rescue from heartbreak. I know they will.
Nurse Kamala enters the room, “Sir the cardiac patient from the US is in room 415. We also have a chest exam in room 706. It is one of the free medical care patients.” We smile. I’m glad she knows that I will always want to care for the medical aid patient before the wealthy ones.
Work.
I walk in an the man looks familiar.
“Hello uncleji. Tell me what’s been bothering you.”
“My chest has been hurting for days. Since the fire. So good to see you are ok Doctor Saab.”
“Where you there at the medical camp?”
“Yes I was and we will never be able to thank you enough. One of the children you rescued was my grand daughter. Every day we pray for you and Music Didi. We are so grateful”
I ignore the last bit of his sentence. Work work work. I don’t want to hear about her. Work.
“No need for thanks. Anyone would have done the same. Let’s examine you now”
I continue with the exam. Dr Arohi. (Arohi, when will I ever think of her as anyone other than a junior intern?) enters the room to remind me that the cardiac patient from the US is waiting and that he is an important patient.
”Thanks Dr Arohi. Mr Deshmukh has come without an appointment. He will need to wait until I finish with this patient. I shouldn’t be long.”
Dr Arohi leaves without giving the villager a glance. I guess she doesn’t remember him.
“I remember this doctor didi. She is so smart. “
“Yes she is. She will do very well in this hospital. She fits right it with the people who run it. Ok so I am going to ask you to do a chest exam to make sure the smoke hasn’t caused any damage.” I start writing the exam report for Nurse Kamala to take him.
“How is music didi now? Her chest must also be hurting her so. She was in the fire with you for so long. I thought both of you would surely die in that fire.”
My hand stills. My breath stilled.
“Like a Devi. So small to look at but she fought with everyone and jumped into the the fire to save you. Is she your wife? I have never seen someone so brave”
I felt like my head was too heavy for my shoulders. I slowly raised my eyes from the form to look at him. I was still not breathing. He kept talking. As if he could see that my soul was asking for more but that I didn’t have it in me to ask.
“Doctor didi tried to stop music didi from going into the fire but once music didi brought you out, doctor didi helped the others to take care of you. You are so lucky to have so many people who love you. Is music didi ok? You must be so grateful to have her.”
Oh my god, what have I done …….
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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