Virat and Pakhi are not in an emotional affair - a different view - Page 4

Firstly, he goes to meet her after her husband is back... okay, went as a best friend to guide her but when she says that she still loves him and can't move on... still does not expose her intentions to her brother (cheating him for a second time) and does not maintain a respectable distance too.

To me, it's infuriating when Pakhi even after Sammy's returns, go to devar's bedroom at night (odd hours), helps him wear his shirt and Devar just gives angry expressions... Does not blasts her out for entering his private space.

It's equally annoying when on dining table, his best friend is going on and on about his wife not liking the food she made, however, when his sister makes a counter point, he shuts up the sister and not the Vahini, for the tone... Meanwhile best friend is given the pass.

When his mentally weak sister tries to talk to her brother and Dost enters and interferes the conversation, he does not stop her, supports her in all the vile taunts at the cost of his sister almost having a mental breakdown. She is insulted and told not a part of her maternal home (the Chavan clan) and the brother is unbothered.

She comes to his room late at night in not so decent clothes to plan a family trip and instigating him about his wife, when both of them know that his wife is leaving the next day, but instead of asking her to leave, or postponing the conversation to a later time, they indulge in pouncing on the wife. When they don't have answers to questions, they go out to discuss about the trip when he already said 'yes' for joining the trip. Discussions could be done next day or later, trip was supposed to be after Ganpati Visarjan, what is the urgency... That boundary of decency/ relationship is crossed somewhere.

When someone alleges P for something, she seeks support from V, rather than Samrat... Whenever, it's about her doings and character, she mouths the name 'Virrrraaaattttttt', while hopefully looking at him... Her hopes are again high. He keeps defending her while all his defences are deep under the sea level when he has to do it for his wife or mother. He was expected as a non confrontational one, however he can get confrontational for his Vahini when her own husband is now there... Before Samrat's return this defending was taken as protecting her in Samrat's absence but what's the excuse now???

She has started thinking that V now does not love for Sai, has some feelings, she can get him back by being a goody version of herself.

A husband whose wife is on death bed is busy chit chatting with the friend while talking about praying for his wife but actually is not shown to be praying, is very much in his senses... She calls him khaas, there is some realisation, she starts with his changing preferences, w.r.t. green tea, again a realisation... But what he does after sometime... Holds hands with her, then goes off defending his act when P's husband raise doubts about them. I mean even if he asked her to leave and she didn't budge, can't he himself leave from there... Can't he seek that emotional support from his mother or brother... Why is it the supposed best friend only.

Originally posted by: Nja91

Great post. But everything you listed is precisely why Virat needs to realize and introspect about WHY Sai will NOT see his interactions with pp as being platonic.

He needs to realize that Sai is not petty. She may be brash but shes actually very sensitive. She maybe stubborn but she is not stupid. She was mature enough to ask him to go to pp right after their marriage to talk to her. She was mature enough to understand the necessity for pp n him to go to ladakh. She didnt intend on joining them. She was genuinely ok with it. If she repeatedly drags pp in between them now, its not out of stubbornness, its out of genuine insecurity n discomfort. And if Virat cant deal with that and decides he is now no longer going to be patient /understanding then thats his loss.

you noted in the post, the criteria for emotional cheating. He has ticked off all the boxes of an emotional affair without even realizing it. It may not be intentional or consensual but its happening and Sai perceives that he is emotionally invested in pp so much that theres no space for her in his life/heart as a "wife". His mild manneredness with pp and the leverage he still gives her even AFTER he has seen how low she can go, how vile she is- its unacceptable. It means that somewhere he is getting an ego boost out of this woman pining after him, he is enjoying the attention....theres no other explanation for why he allows pp so nuch leeway. How can he still call a woman like pp a friend. How can he NOT call her vahini but instead call her pakhi.

Even after Samrat pp have declared their intention to "move on" why does pp keep barging in to Sairat room and their space and their matters. Its obvious she is deliberately riling Sai up. And Virat is acting as if he is dumb n cant see the obvious.

And in the hospital scene today she again honestly tells him "you are too special" etc etc- so she's cheating her brother too. She proved that Sai was right. She'd never do what she was doing if she truly had moved on and decided to give his brother a chance. And virat clearly registered that, looked disgusted by it and YET he chose to hold her hands and cry! I mean its ridiculous.

In his anger/hurt with Sai recently he has compared Sai to pp, he has allowed pp to walk into their space without reprimanding her and allowed her to talk to Sai in a manner that suggests that Sai has come between them and is only worthy of hate, scorn, sarcasm.

If he put himself in Sai's shoes and truly introspected he'd understood why Sai is so resistant to his advances and shoots him down and keeps singing the raag of deal shaadi. If he truly "understood" Sai (like he wants her to do- read his unsaid words n emotions) then he'd see that she has been behaving like a wife, caring for him more than just out of insaaniyat and has tried to be possessive as a wife would but she has retreated into a shell because of pp n the behavior of his family. No one has accepted her as a bahu. She is constantly berated. And the person she is looking to for security- her husband- also flip flops routinely in his attitude. Sai basically cannot trust virat with her heart after everything he has said/done in the early days as well as now more recently. There was a brief period in between where Sai had her hopes up of a real relationship but since the pool incident and then cafe incident her hopes have been dashed again. And her self respect too has been crushed because now shes simply a bojh, a compromise and a samjhauta for him.

I agree and I still stand by my belief it is an emo affair

Some of the boundries may be unknowingly but that does not excuse him

And my reasons are below

In the beginning they talk so much at night on the terrace .. crossing of boundary

The mild manner he behaves with her. After he meets her at the cafe he does not come.clean either with Sai or with Sam about pp intentions despite both asking him( cheating both and this is one thing no one can convince me about intentions. Hiding things like this is lack of trust and respect for spouse and sibling)

When sai raises questions on his past relationships with pp after that saree kand he lies . He does not clarify his reasons in private that he does not want Sam pp relationship to break. He does not come clean with his mother also.

When pp questions sai relationship with mohit he is quiet ..I am.sorry for me this again suggets he wants to protect her

No matter what turmoil he was in when pp was talking down about Sai in front of Devi Tai despite knowing her mental issues and her attachment to sai he did not berate her. Now this is worst he is bro a cop and he should realise it can trigger mental issues breakdown . This silence suggests cheating

His fam calls her junglee, nurse , ehsaan farmosh ( this all when he says he loves her and yet to.cingess) yet he does not say anything..when sai or anyone says anything to pp there is empathy he does support her a lot many a time over his spouse. Lack of respect suggests he just thinks he loves her .

She helps him put on the shirt yet he does not lock his room nor does be berate her. Her friend just helped her with water and he berated her character 🥺 what about his now ? Any relationship physical boundaries are imp again no reaction to physical promixity suggests emo comfort

Vir did not berate pp for the Ajinkya kand despite knowing she is the reason for the instigation. All this protection for me suggests he wants go protect her reputation above his spouse suggests emo cheating

Yesterday also despite knowing her intention he leans on her and seeks comfort 😏

Most imp u tell her u don't love her she is just responsibility and then suddenly u do want her . But does she want u ? Why will she when u don't trust or respect her ? Just coz u love her u cannot at any point expect her to do so back. U are trying to manipulate her by withholding affection and respect ..this lack of empathy and respect for her feelings suggest he does not love her

Can a relationship survive without love with only honour and respect yes many marriages do.

Can a relationship survive ( I mean emo) without respect and honour NO

Above is my perspective and I am clear that when u allow a third person especially in your bedroom in your emo and physical space then it's problematic.

If u want to talk u must step in a open public place and do.

Tagging asmi since I want to know what she thinks and bbfanforever since I want to know a man's perspective

Edit one more imp point he continues to call he pkahi despite Sam pointing out and keeps insisting that she is a friend..him not calling her vanhi sorry for me suggests something else. My bhabi is my junior and a friend from years yet I call her vanhi for respect towards the relationship she shares with my bro

Originally posted by: Guneet80

Maybe not now but they were having an emotional affair back in GC days after Patralekha was married. It was evident from their dialogues back then and how often they used to talk.

Truth is, we can't just blame Patralekha, virat too shares the blame in this even if it's less than Patralekha. He's in love with Sai now but he was absolutely fixated on Patralekha, fully involved with her emotionally even after she got married.

IIRC @asmi_joya wrote Patralekha and Virat's conversation dialogues under some post from GC days before sai-virat's marriage and it's was soo evident they were emotionally involved.

In fact, if there were no Sai in the picture I'm sure Virat would've married Patralekha and they would've had kids by now 🤣

🙌👏👏👏👏 I agree very much with this

Originally posted by: Nja91

If he knows that PP isnt voluntarily going to pray for Sai then why bother. Why not have him go breakdown to shivani/Ashwini/sunny instead. If he sensed PPs intentions and gave a disgusted reaction and told her to leave, then why not leave and break down in private?!

I wanted to see Virat in solitude, breaking down, reminiscing about him-Sai but here he has had NOT one flashback of Sai-his moments or what he said/did. Rather he had a FB of green tea conversation with PP not Sai bringing him green tea pyaar seh.

So all his energies are only focused on himself- his pain, his guilt, his feelings, people misunderstanding him. But not once has it occurred to him to consider what drives Sai to behave the way rhat she does. For all his talk about Sai not understanding him, he is exactly the same. He doesn't understand her either.

Looks like lot of people are scratching their heads over the same thing....

I just wrote down my thoughts regarding this on another post..will copy paste that here..

When Virat insulted Sai ganging up with Virat, he just needed an ally and Pakhi was available. He would have done the same had it been anybody else in Pakhi's place (Bhavani, Sonali etc). And Pakhi of all people knows how to manipulate him, hit at his weak spot. She is able to play him like a fiddle during his vulnerable moments. I have thought of this too sometimes.....nor does it make his actions any less atrocious...it completely broke Sai. He always does it....seeks support for his abhorrent actions, gangs up with his allies and crumples Sai's self-respect...

When I was watching yesterday's episode, I saw a pattern. From Virat's POV, he feels misunderstood by everyone in the family. So when Pakhi offers him a shoulder to cry on, extends her sympathy and understanding for him, he takes the bait. And he has done that on other occassions as well. Despite the fact that this woman has tried to create rift between SaiRat, despite knowing that this woman hates Sai, despite Pakhi confessing her love for him just as few days back...

He instinctively protects her honour even after Samrat's return...Why? Why does he not extend the same chivalry to Sai. We are only protective of a person we are attached to. Even a bad husband only proritizes someone he is emotionally connected with - over his wife. For example, a man may give excuses for his mother's sins, defend her against his wife and proritize his mother over his wife. This special treatment is reserved for his mother because he is emotionally attached to her. Here, Virat's soft corner for Pakhi can only mean atleast a little emotional leaning towards Pakhi? Even as he may not be realizing it? Ninad also does the same thing - prioritise his Vahini over his wife - but that again is due to his gratitude. But Virat has got nothing to be thankful for....towards Pakhi.

From the beginning Virakhi have been taking liberties with each other. They walk into each other's rooms without knocking. Even while getting mad at Pakhi, he shows the haq of being physical with her. He holds her hand during excitement or gratitude. In our society, all these actions will be frowned upon... especially in a conservative household like Chavans. I don't understand what kind of friendship this is...?

He may not be spending much time with her. When things are fine between SaiRat, he seeks out Sai. But when things are bad between them - he didn't hesitate to cry on Pakhi's shoulder?

He is not be enjoying Pakhi's attention nor does it give him an ego boost. Nor does he have any romantic feelings for her. Consciously, he sees Pakhi for a petty, conniving person. And knows Sai is a good person. But there is a subconscious that seeks the understanding, approval and unconditional support - that only Pakhi gives him? Sai will not be like Pakhi - she will call spade a spade.

All this is probably a battle between the conscious and the sub-conscious? That's why he doesn't even realise what he is doing?

virat and pakhi is not in an emotional affair in my pov he had some feelings for her during early days of marriage but later it vanished. In emotional affair the person surely have romantic feelings for other in his heart and have flashbacks.Virat had kept some distance from pakhi mainly after ousting incident but after the her announcement of moving on he gave her liberty since he believed she moved on and his behavior went on rage with sai after listening her conversation with shivavi and sunny where she said she doesn't love virat and got mad at her, and at that point he would be siding with anyone who speak against sai

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I agree and I still stand by my belief it is an emo affair

Some of the boundries may be unknowingly but that does not excuse him

And my reasons are below

In the beginning they talk so much at night on the terrace .. crossing of boundary

The mild manner he behaves with her. After he meets her at the cafe he does not come.clean either with Sai or with Sam about pp intentions despite both asking him( cheating both and this is one thing no one can convince me about intentions. Hiding things like this is lack of trust and respect for spouse and sibling)

When sai raises questions on his past relationships with pp after that saree kand he lies . He does not clarify his reasons in private that he does not want Sam pp relationship to break. He does not come clean with his mother also.

When pp questions sai relationship with mohit he is quiet ..I am.sorry for me this again suggets he wants to protect her

No matter what turmoil he was in when pp was talking down about Sai in front of Devi Tai despite knowing her mental issues and her attachment to sai he did not berate her. Now this is worst he is bro a cop and he should realise it can trigger mental issues breakdown . This silence suggests cheating

His fam calls her junglee, nurse , ehsaan farmosh ( this all when he says he loves her and yet to.cingess) yet he does not say anything..when sai or anyone says anything to pp there is empathy he does support her a lot many a time over his spouse. Lack of respect suggests he just thinks he loves her .

She helps him put on the shirt yet he does not lock his room nor does be berate her. Her friend just helped her with water and he berated her character 🥺 what about his now ? Any relationship physical boundaries are imp again no reaction to physical promixity suggests emo comfort

Vir did not berate pp for the Ajinkya kand despite knowing she is the reason for the instigation. All this protection for me suggests he wants go protect her reputation above his spouse suggests emo cheating

Yesterday also despite knowing her intention he leans on her and seeks comfort 😏

Most imp u tell her u don't love her she is just responsibility and then suddenly u do want her . But does she want u ? Why will she when u don't trust or respect her ? Just coz u love her u cannot at any point expect her to do so back. U are trying to manipulate her by withholding affection and respect ..this lack of empathy and respect for her feelings suggest he does not love her

Can a relationship survive without love with only honour and respect yes many marriages do.

Can a relationship survive ( I mean emo) without respect and honour NO

Above is my perspective and I am clear that when u allow a third person especially in your bedroom in your emo and physical space then it's problematic.

If u want to talk u must step in a open public place and do.

Tagging asmi since I want to know what she thinks and bbfanforever since I want to know a man's perspective

Edit one more imp point he continues to call he pkahi despite Sam pointing out and keeps insisting that she is a friend..him not calling her vanhi sorry for me suggests something else. My bhabi is my junior and a friend from years yet I call her vanhi for respect towards the relationship she shares with my bro

If he had called her Pakhi even infront of Samrat it'd have been better but by calling her Patralekha infront of Sam & Pakhi infront of others only shows him in much poorer light.

He doesn't have to have call her vahini. Just Patralekha would be nice.

Some people think only direct cheating or having illicit physical affair is infidelity. Most people don't even know what emotional affair/infidelity is.

Really well written. Do agree to some points.

The thing is, I once had actually stated, the atmosphere and Virat's personality is also such. As much as it is true that Virat's emotions are manipulated at times, like you said, it is also true that Virat's emotions stay unknown for the greatest period of time. He has this inability to express himself, let's say take a stand in a strong way, that most of the times, he seems like a shadow. He is overpowered by many aspects surrounding him irrespective of the situation or whether he is involved in them or not.

But, he is truly loyal, that is true and is a fact. And he is very much within his boundaries.

There is only SAIRAT for him or nothing beyond it.

Originally posted by: Nja91

I think virats big problem is what he himself accuses Sai of not doing "reading between the lines". In his matter, he wants everyone including Sai/Samrat to just take his word as the final view ignoring his actions/pp's behavior and actions that scream the opposite. He wants them to not read between libes and just take his word. But when it comes to his feelings for Sai he wants the opposite, he wants Sai to read his unsaid emotiins etc. But Virat himself does neither. He neither acknowledges Sai when she clearly states that she is uncomfortable with pp nor does he see her fear/hurt,/insecurities in her eyes/expression and perceive the craving/the care/the love behind how she does things for him as a wife. Even though they had a fight, she haq jataofied and took care of him. She behaved like a wife. She bore his tantrums but made sure she took care of him.

Virat thinks that just coz he has publicly declared that he sees pp just as "friend" thats the end of that. But its not. It was appalling how people in CN have let go of the real issue. If pp-virat had this past pre-marriage but are now respectively committed to their own spouses then both of them are expected to maintain a certain extra level of caution in interaction.

No one questioned why PP agreed to marriage if she loved virat, especially after realizing that the groom was his brother.

No one is questioning why she has not maintained a distance from Virat especially given their "past". If 2 people who are each other's exes are made to share space , shouldn't they be extra cautious of their boundaries...

No one in CN has felt guilty about shoving pp-virat together despite Sai trying to show them the truth that they outright denied.

Virat knows that Sai/Samrat are not comfortable with his past with pp and yet he allows PP to speak in between him-Sai. How hard is it to ask her to leave before contuining his argument with Sai. Does fighting/having a disagreement with his wife mean that he will allow his ex to interfere? will such behavior not amount to Sai feeling like he was lying about not having any commitment to pp. Because we only allow those close to us to speak about private matters. What is more private than virats conversation with his wife in their private space- their bedroom. But pp waltzes into that space as if she has full right to be there. People say she washed dirty linen in public.

Sai on the other hand until recently when she told Samrat/pulkit some of her feelings has been bottling everything within her. She has not allowed anyone to speak between Virat n her. Even when she told pulkit/samrat she didnt allow them any chance to actually be present between her and virat in their bedroom. And in every situation where she raised pp-virat publicly it was done when she was pushed to a corner and provoked and it was done in a way where she took care to NEVER suggest they were in a physical relationship because she knew Virat wouldn't cross physical boundaries at least. She merely spoke the truth about pp taking undue interest in virat and virat allowing it ....

Samrat noticed when Virat called pp as patralekha and taunted him saying isnt she "pakhi" to you- that was an indication that he saw how "informal" they were. It was a sign for virat to see Samrats insecurities and atleast for namesake resign to calling pp as patralekha or as vahini! It may be kinda superficial but it creates that boundary when you refer to someone by their full name or by the relationship- as vahini/bhabhi etc.... By not doing so, hes diluting his own words about "moving on"/ not having any feelings towards pp more than friend/bhai ki biwi.

Virat was adamant about hiding his past with pp for the longest time which was a big mistake. He probably did so because from his side there wasn't much to talk about but this adamancy to address it n sort it out has made it seem bigger than it is. Because Sai till date has no idea of this 2 day affair. She thinks she is in the way of some epic love story. Its shocking that Virat has never considered or been sensitive to how Sai would feel to be with someone for whom she is not his first choice or priority. Sai forever has to resign herself to the knowledge that her husband had romantic feelings for another woman before her - and not just a crush/infatuation but something real n serious enough where he supposedly wanted to marry her n gave her a promise to never give her place in his heart to anyone else. Its easy for him coz Sais past is a clean slate. But if Sai had a boyfriend before him whom she loved so much that she had plans to marry him etc, would Virat be as cool as he expects Sai to be? Would his wife's past not affect him even a little bit ?

Its ridiculous that he expects Sai to stop raising pp just because he is uncomfortable discussing the issue.

I wholeheartedly agree with you here. You have identified the biggest weaknesses and character flaws of Virat. He also just cannot escape the fact that where he has claimed to be direct and honest with everyone, then why could he not just tell Sai about his feelings. At the very least if he is too soft to tell PK not to interfere and take liberties, Sai would have had no issues with telling her to stay away if she knew how he actually felt. As it stands, she feels she has no rights to do so because she thinks Virat loves PK, which Virat fuels with his inactions. Albeit, he has told her that he does like her, that he wanted the marriage to be real and had no commitment to PK or anyone. Sai's unwillingness to listen to his words when he has been direct is part of her biggest flaws.

@bold: I responded to this in an earlier post on this thread. I think it is actually worse for him to artificially just start referring to PK as Patralekha or Vahini. He started to do it before Samrat, but went back to Pakhi when Samrat called him out about it. I feel if he started being formal (which I would prefer!) then that would just raise more suspicions against him and he would be accused of doing it for show, particularly if he was to continue speaking to and having contact with PK. That being said, I could also see the other side of the argument, which is it puts a clear boundary between them.

He is truly in his limits when it comes to physical boundaries.. He has though in its entirety crossed a lot many limits as far as emotional boundaries are concerned. He might not be in an emotional affair with Pakhi, that can be debated, but he is emotionally cheating Sai...He is unfaithful to Sai emotionally and he has shown more faith to Pakhi than he has shown to Sai, emotionally. That is where emotional infidelity comes into picture.. Like many of us even for Virat he will not be a cheater till he has amorous feelings towards Pakhi, however thats not to it.. He will keep putting whatever he has for Pakhi as care and concern as a family member because thats how it fits his righteous bill.. You see he has not shown that much amount of standing up for either his Aai or Karishma or Shivani as family members as he has shown for Pakhi... He might not have impassive feelings for Pakhi and thats what makes him believe that she is just his friend and no one understands his feelings.. He keeps crossing the boundaries of marriage when it comes to Pakhi, even till date when he is said to have fallen in love with Sai, he crosses his boundaries on a day to day basis.. However he would not understand it, because a)He has zero emotional quotient or retropections skills b) Whatever he feels for Pakhi, is not accompanied by amatory.

The biggest reason for him not feeling the second one is because he is conditioned that way. That he is in a way a conventional man, an orthodox one, for whom having those feelings for bhabhi is not a right thing. The fact that whatever he has with Pakhi, knowing pakhi's feelings he keeps calling her his dost, denies to even call her his Bhabhi...he is cheating there... Nothing has happened between the two of them to feel so strongly and call Pakhi a dost. They had just met , got attracted and separated. Their relationship if it can be called that, existed for 48 hours.. He cannot keep on his jab of Pakhi dost, after everything that has happened.

He does not know it, does not understand it, because emotional cheating again is so underrated, but he is cheating on Sai emotionally.

Again its 2021, we are well read and we know about something called Emotional cheating. Makers did think if the man stays one woman's physically , people are going to ship them , but unfortunately it cant work... EMotional cheating is even more dangerous than physical, because it can never be proven.