Seeing with a Halo

I was reading Padma Lakshmi's memoir the other day and something she said there really made sense...not only in marriages, in any kind of relationship if you put the other person at a pedestal and attach a halo around them, you often fail to see them as your equals. Not only that, you feel very small in front of that other person and fail to be there for them in the way they need you. Padma Lakshmi says she felt the same with Salman Rushdie. For her, he was an epitome of intelligence, wit and wisdom. So she always felt small in front of him and could not understand him or take whatever he threw at her. It slowly became hard to live like that, especially in a marriage. Here, you have to be equals no other way around, may be thats why they rightly call the two in the marriage as life partners. 👍🏼

Coming to Sai's painful comment yesterday "Why does Virat think of her like that, characterless?" stuck me hard. She is not asking this question as a wife, but as a young girl who created an image of virat with a halo around him. For her virat is an upright police officer who doesnt take bribe, a dutiful police officer who commands respect from her own hero, her father. The bravest person, who she saw with her own eyes bringing down the entire gang of Jagtap and his politician dad. A magnanimous young guy who married her to take her responsibilities for the promise he made to her dad, without thinking twice about his future. For her, Virat is a hero with a big heart, he can go no wrong. Last time during ousting also, she might have blamed herself silently for not informing him about his sister's marriage and would have seen his anger justified. But today, when he uttered those words, she could not fathom where she must have gone wrong. He sees her day in and night. They share their personal space and started to open up. So it frightens her that he thinks so lowly of her that she will allow some other man for a romantic rendezvous in their room. She started to harbour romantic feelings for him, so thinking about another man is a distant idea for her. Virat accusing her of this mistake comes as a terrible shock because ONLY she knows the truth what she feels about him, she treasured all her feelings for him secretly and suddenly he suggests 'cheating', she feels betrayed. It is heartbreaking because it comes from the only man she knows in the way that he is 'suggesting' now. Only if she could see him with a lens of wife, she could see a husband trying his level best to win her...he plays with her, fights with her, dances for her, goes on to fight a dance challenge in her college fest, trying to impress her, wallows over his looks, desperate to get a hug from her and extremely jealous of a 19 year old boy who has not even proven 1% of what he has achieved or done for her. If only she could use a lens that removes the halo behind Virat Chavan.

I already expressed what Virat is going through that no one could understand him! Only his wife could if he opens up with her...him opening up about what is eating him inside and why, she could see him as her equal and think herself as someone who could help him. 😭

Talking about halo... there is this song I used to love by Bethany Joy Lenz. The song actually describes Virat perfectly. He has flaws and sometimes even sins but he loves Sai.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfGdsIjx724

This choked me! wow I am sure Virat will be singing this for Sai. 😭

Originally posted by: sadiltl

I was reading Padma Lakshmi's memoir the other day and something she said there really made sense...not only in marriages, in any kind of relationship if you put the other person at a pedestal and attach a halo around them, you often fail to see them as your equals. Not only that, you feel very small in front of that other person and fail to be there for them in the way they need you. Padma Lakshmi says she felt the same with Salman Rushdie. For her, he was an epitome of intelligence, wit and wisdom. So she always felt small in front of him and could not understand him or take whatever he threw at her. It slowly became hard to live like that, especially in a marriage. Here, you have to be equals no other way around, may be thats why they rightly call the two in the marriage as life partners. 👍🏼

Coming to Sai's painful comment yesterday "Why does Virat think of her like that, characterless?" stuck me hard. She is not asking this question as a wife, but as a young girl who created an image of virat with a halo around him. For her virat is an upright police officer who doesnt take bribe, a dutiful police officer who commands respect from her own hero, her father. The bravest person, who she saw with her own eyes bringing down the entire gang of Jagtap and his politician dad. A magnanimous young guy who married her to take her responsibilities for the promise he made to her dad, without thinking twice about his future. For her, Virat is a hero with a big heart, he can go no wrong. Last time during ousting also, she might have blamed herself silently for not informing him about his sister's marriage and would have seen his anger justified. But today, when he uttered those words, she could not fathom where she must have gone wrong. He sees her day in and night. They share their personal space and started to open up. So it frightens her that he thinks so lowly of her that she will allow some other man for a romantic rendezvous in their room. She started to harbour romantic feelings for him, so thinking about another man is a distant idea for her. Virat accusing her of this mistake comes as a terrible shock because ONLY she knows the truth what she feels about him, she treasured all her feelings for him secretly and suddenly he suggests 'cheating', she feels betrayed. It is heartbreaking because it comes from the only man she knows in the way that he is 'suggesting' now. Only if she could see him with a lens of wife, she could see a husband trying his level best to win her...he plays with her, fights with her, dances for her, goes on to fight a dance challenge in her college fest, trying to impress her, wallows over his looks, desperate to get a hug from her and extremely jealous of a 19 year old boy who has not even proven 1% of what he has achieved or done for her. If only she could use a lens that removes the halo behind Virat Chavan.

I already expressed what Virat is going through that no one could understand him! Only his wife could if he opens up with her...him opening up about what is eating him inside and why, she could see him as her equal and think herself as someone who could help him. 😭

Bold - So beautifully written!! Exactly, why his words and actions made such a huge impact on her.

Originally posted by: sadiltl

This choked me! wow I am sure Virat will be singing this for Sai. 😭

It's like the song was written for him... he makes mistakes, he has flaws... sometimes his mistakes are like sins... but the only thing he wants is love that girl... be a human... learn from those mistakes... make some other mistakes... yet he just want to love her.

Thank you so much... I haven't heard this song for 5 years or so... listening to it made me feel so good.

Wow! You stole my heart with this post. It is so beautifully written ❤️

It made me think that just like Sai puts Virat on a pedestal, Virat does the same. That is perhaps a part of why his insecurities were at such a high that he exploded like this. He sees Sai as someone who has brought his family together, always thinks of others before herself, and has a heart of pure gold. I always think of the scene where he asks Sai who she is and that she cannot be human. Virat is so enamored by her and the way she is that sometimes even he cannot comprehend that she is real. So in these ways, perhaps he also thinks that she is too good for him. This is also what happens when you are in love and it hasn't been affirmed by the other person... you are left in a world of uncertainty, thinking that the other person could never want you like you want them.

It's also interesting to me because on one hand, while Sai does put him on a pedestal and has given him the position that was previously occupied by abba, she also recognizes the ways in which he hurts her and is painfully human. Yesterday, she told Pulkit that Virat says whatever he wants... because this is not the first time that he has said unacceptable and hurtful things in one of his spells of rage. And yet, she forgives him every time... because she has been falling in love with him this entire time. And this is exactly what is going to happen this time. Just like Virat has left himself completely vulnerable, so has Sai. The only difference is that Virat realizes it, and Sai is unwilling to give herself permission to realize it. They both, despite seeing each other's actions, need verbal affirmation from each other.

Originally posted by: tptwi

Wow! You stole my heart with this post. It is so beautifully written ❤️

It made me think that just like Sai puts Virat on a pedestal, Virat does the same. That is perhaps a part of why his insecurities were at such a high that he exploded like this. He sees Sai as someone who has brought his family together, always thinks of others before herself, and has a heart of pure gold. I always think of the scene where he asks Sai who she is and that she cannot be human. Virat is so enamored by her and the way she is that sometimes even he cannot comprehend that she is real. So in these ways, perhaps he also thinks that she is too good for him. This is also what happens when you are in love and it hasn't been affirmed by the other person... you are left in a world of uncertainty, thinking that the other person could never want you like you want them.

It's also interesting to me because on one hand, while Sai does put him on a pedestal and has given him the position that was previously occupied by abba, she also recognizes the ways in which he hurts her and is painfully human. Yesterday, she told Pulkit that Virat says whatever he wants... because this is not the first time that he has said unacceptable and hurtful things in one of his spells of rage. And yet, she forgives him every time... because she has been falling in love with him this entire time. And this is exactly what is going to happen this time. Just like Virat has left himself completely vulnerable, so has Sai. The only difference is that Virat realizes it, and Sai is unwilling to give herself permission to realize it. They both, despite seeing each other's actions, need verbal affirmation from each other.

@Red

Thanks

@bold

Exactly, i have already written about his insecurities before so did not touch them here. Yes, for him she is unreal and he thinks he is not worthy of her love. And after all the mistakes he has done, he thinks even more of his status.

Originally posted by: sadiltl

I was reading Padma Lakshmi's memoir the other day and something she said there really made sense...not only in marriages, in any kind of relationship if you put the other person at a pedestal and attach a halo around them, you often fail to see them as your equals. Not only that, you feel very small in front of that other person and fail to be there for them in the way they need you. Padma Lakshmi says she felt the same with Salman Rushdie. For her, he was an epitome of intelligence, wit and wisdom. So she always felt small in front of him and could not understand him or take whatever he threw at her. It slowly became hard to live like that, especially in a marriage. Here, you have to be equals no other way around, may be thats why they rightly call the two in the marriage as life partners. 👍🏼

Coming to Sai's painful comment yesterday "Why does Virat think of her like that, characterless?" stuck me hard. She is not asking this question as a wife, but as a young girl who created an image of virat with a halo around him. For her virat is an upright police officer who doesnt take bribe, a dutiful police officer who commands respect from her own hero, her father. The bravest person, who she saw with her own eyes bringing down the entire gang of Jagtap and his politician dad. A magnanimous young guy who married her to take her responsibilities for the promise he made to her dad, without thinking twice about his future. For her, Virat is a hero with a big heart, he can go no wrong. Last time during ousting also, she might have blamed herself silently for not informing him about his sister's marriage and would have seen his anger justified. But today, when he uttered those words, she could not fathom where she must have gone wrong. He sees her day in and night. They share their personal space and started to open up. So it frightens her that he thinks so lowly of her that she will allow some other man for a romantic rendezvous in their room. She started to harbour romantic feelings for him, so thinking about another man is a distant idea for her. Virat accusing her of this mistake comes as a terrible shock because ONLY she knows the truth what she feels about him, she treasured all her feelings for him secretly and suddenly he suggests 'cheating', she feels betrayed. It is heartbreaking because it comes from the only man she knows in the way that he is 'suggesting' now. Only if she could see him with a lens of wife, she could see a husband trying his level best to win her...he plays with her, fights with her, dances for her, goes on to fight a dance challenge in her college fest, trying to impress her, wallows over his looks, desperate to get a hug from her and extremely jealous of a 19 year old boy who has not even proven 1% of what he has achieved or done for her. If only she could use a lens that removes the halo behind Virat Chavan.

I already expressed what Virat is going through that no one could understand him! Only his wife could if he opens up with her...him opening up about what is eating him inside and why, she could see him as her equal and think herself as someone who could help him. 😭

I don’t know if Sai has kept him on pedestal maybe she is proud of his professional achievements but yet to see how she sees him as an individual I.e as a brother , son , husband . She is proud that her husband is a brave , honest officer who has earned good name , status and power in his short career . She never leaves a chance to say it out loud about his professional achievements but if I am not wrong she hasn’t said much about him as a person .

While I understand why she doesn’t want to confess her love or accept it , I wish she was more vocal about her admiration for him as a person . Maybe that will reduce his insecurities a bit . I remember she did when she thanked him on the stage but she needs to do more often as Virat feels he is not good for her . The feeling can go away only if she reassured him .

Her repeatedly equating him to aaba is her way of showing how much she values him. And I think she always says 'bahadur' 'nek' and other superlatives for him. Even when talking to pulkit in intial days she always said great things about him. Ofcourse, she likes him as a human being. I am sure as a good son and brother. She doesnt evaluate him on husband level yet. But her admiration for him always is there. May be she doesnt shower him direct praise, but she did use those superlatives with him several times, no?

such a beautiful post and great pov.