I was pissed when I watched the episode last night. When Sai refused to even see his point, let alone admit and apologise for her mistake of giving the pendant away. She might have her reasons but was it too hard for her to understand that she hurt Virat even after it was spelled out to her in clear words. She couldn't see that he could be hurt because of it. Was she not hurt when Pakhi's mother refused to take her gift? And she is not even her Apni. But still she felt bad. Why couldn't she understand that she is hurting Virat by giving his gift away. It was not the usual sarees that are given in a marriage by relatives who don't really care whether you wear them or not. It was her husband's gift and still she gave it away. She couldn't admit and apologise for her mistake to Virat. And Virat is a person who has apologised to her after every single mistake. Couldn't enjoy their nok jhonk after that like I usually do.
Later I thought about the whole situation. Sai had been apologizing since the anniversary of Pakhi's parents. She apologized in their home, then in Chahvan Nivas and she was made to apologise later again to Pakhi. She must have been exhausted of constantly apologizing. She had already been made to feel guilty over a trivial issue for too long. She must be mentally exhausted. "I don't want to apologise anymore to anyone. I don't want to feel bad about myself again. I've already had enough. I've apologised and being treated as wrong too much and now Virat Sir is doing the same with me. Not understanding my perspective, not understanding why did I do what good it is? He too is out to make me a culprit, pointing out what I did or did not do wrong. I am the victim here. I am the misunderstood party. I am being misunderstood despite all the right intentions." This is all what must be going through her mind. And I understand this. But this particular incident brought back an incident to my mind. One day, my brother who lives away, had a kind of fight with me. He kept on sending me messages that were hurtful and pained me. The more I tried to make light of the situation and disperse the tension the more he kept on hurting me and escalating the issue. Later I thought about it and realised that hurt people hurt people. I called him up later that night and talked to him about what was bothering him. We talked for about two hours and he opened up and told me all the things that hurt him. he was feeling light. Then he hung up. But he didn't apologise for the hurt he caused me, nor did he acknowledge that he was wrong in projecting the world's hatred on me. Because for him, he was the victim who was going through pain. He was the one who was wronged. I am not saying it is alright for a hurt person to hurt others. I am still hurt by his words and that will never go away. He still won't admit. But that doesn't mean I cannot understand him and what went through his mind and heart. For me, I was the one, who ended up at the receiving end. Maybe this is why, I feel bad for Virat because he was at the receiving end without doing anything wrong in this situation. But at the same time, I can understand Sai too. When you think of him/herself as a victim, it is hard to think of yourself who can do anything wrong to others. I am not condoning Sai's actions. I am just trying to understand why she refused to see Virat's point.
Phew! I just blabbered😆
Anupamaa
