I hesitantly took a step inside his house--his house, which was no longer mine. That one step ignited all the chirpy butterflies in my stomach; his house still had the same effect on me. Inhaling a deep breath, I prepared myself to embrace all the pain...it was his engagement, how could I not be a part of it?
The living room resembled the state of my mind and heart right now; chaotic. People were rushing from one corner of the room to another, carrying flower garlands and other decorations in preparation for the grand event. My eyes automatically searched for him in the crowd for he was nowhere to be seen.
Having Mamiji out of sight was a relief; bearing her constant tantrums and taunts weren't going to be my cup of tea today. But Maa--I mean, Auntyji was nowhere to be seen either. She should've been jumping with joy today, after all it was her son's engagement, again.
No one was on my priority list at the moment. No one except him. My soulmate, the one I loved with all my heart. My ex-husband; how much it pained to call him my ex'! My feet followed a slow rhythm, filled with anxiousness and grief. Tracing him to his room, I found myself reminiscing all the beautiful moments spent under this roof. The playful teases and the laughter that followed, the short quarrels and the pampering that followed, the late night conversations and the numerous cups of coffee that followed. How I wished to relive these moments once more with him. How my heart ached for his soothing touch, for his gentle voice whenever he pronounced my name, Sonakshi.
"Sonakshi? He repeated my name, only in reality this time, bringing me out of my chain of thoughts.
"D-Dev? I copied his surprised tone, ransacking my brain for some suitable excuse for my sudden blackout.
"What are you doing here? He asked in a voice which seemed accusedly to me.
"Well, you were the one who forced me to stay by your side till your wedding, remember? No turning back, isn't that what you said? And now that I'm keeping my promise, you're questioning my presence? I rebutted with nervousness clearly evident in my voice.
"Woah, woah! Calm down Sonakshi! Take it easy. He spoke laughingly as he smoothly made his way down the stairs, approaching towards me. My heart sped, he still did wonders to me!
"I was just curious...I never knew you loved our living room, since you've been standing here for God knows how long. He smirked. I rolled my eyes at him, finding no other way to escape.
"Umm...I was just supervising, y'know? Checking if everything was perfect. I tried to cover myself.
"After all it's my engagement, right? Your buddy's engagement. And you definitely don't want any mistakes today... He pierced through my eyes. For anyone else, he was referring to tonight's event. But I knew what he meant, what he actually meant...and I regretted that. Why could I read through his lines only when I never wanted to? He wanted me to give in, wanted me to confess my feelings, but I was left with no other option but to let things flow as they were. We had experienced a failed relationship before; not because our love wasn't pure, but because no one else accepted our love. Seven years passed, yet the situation remained the same. Auntyji was the one who was keen on getting him remarried, she wanted him to move on with someone else. Baba had taken my word, Mamiji still despised me, and his sisters...well, we had a complicated equation. I was trapped, I couldn't express my feelings in any circumstance, because of all the external pressure, because of my fear of losing him once more. I already had once, and have been living in pieces ever since. Sonakshi Dixit never died. She was vulnerable, she was too delicate that she had to hide behind the modern and independent, Sonakshi Bose. The grief of making him someone else's in front of my eyes were too painful, but nothing compared to the pain caused by losing him, again!
"Right...absolutely right, b-buddy! I said wryly.
"In that case, you should be my personal stylist, right? My eyes widened at his suggestion. Closing the distance between us was an idea nothing less than disastrous.
"That's what friends do, right? He defended before I could contradict. His nasty friend' trick always worked. And I had no other option but to give in to his suggestion.
"Okay...so let's start by getting fresh. He ordered as we entered his room.
"What do you mean? I hinted in an incredulous tone.
"C'mon Sonakshi, I meant shaving my beard. I don't want my would-be wife to feel uncomfortable around me. That one word stung me like nothing else. Wife'. I was slowly getting distanced from him, and it was all my fault.
"O-of course, I'm not dying to be y-your wife. I stammered, failing at trying to hide my pain.
He made his way towards me and icily whispered in my ear, "How could you become so cold-hearted? My eyes widened in horror at his confrontation. No matter how true this statement was, no matter how much I had been lying to him...to myself, he had no right to say that in front of my face! Not when I was deeply wounded because of him.
"I mean, such an answer can only be expected from you. He retreated and returned to his casual self, returned to our conversation, right after hurting me once again.
"Sure...can we get back to work? I rolled my eyes before crossing my arms and looking way; a perfect attempt to hide the tears that were ruefully paving their way to my face.
"What are these for, Sonakshi? He lifted my face, noticing something I never wanted him to. Ever since we parted, ever since we faced each other again, I had never shown him my fragile side, my broken side. I was the strong and independent Sonakshi Bose who relied on no one but herself.
"I'm not the person you met eight years ago, Dev. I'm not the vulnerable soul you abandoned. I fired at him, digging my eyes through his. Sometimes, words were enough to stab someone fatally. This was one of those times. I turned around to wipe the tears that refused to cooperate, and caught hand of his shaving kit. I faced him again and spoke, this time confidently, "Shall we begin?
Each time my fingers brushed his face, his touch managed to send shivers down my back. Why did he still have his effect on me, why after seven years of separation filled with hatred? He continued to fix his gaze at me while I worked; his orbs seemed confused--guilt mixed with anxiety and care--emotions that never matched.
"Stop staring at me. I ordered which came out as a whisper.
"Do I still make you...
"No! I objected before he could complete. He had no power on me, he made no difference whatsoever.
"Then why does my stare matter to you? He questioned, more softly this time. I was so close to giving in. So close.
"Because...it's obvious, staring at someone will make anyone uncomfortable.
"And you're anyone'? He tried once more.
"Done. I sighed, referring to his cleanly shaved look. I moved out of his way so that he could observe himself. But before I could take a step further, he pulled me by the arm, until our faces were centimeters apart.
"Dev, leave my hand.. I instructed that sounded more like a request. The next thing he said made my heart flutter and breathing uneven.
"I once did, and I'm still repenting for it... His words seemed so genuine, so assuring, I could readily confess my feelings. But then everything came crashing down at me. This wasn't about us, it never was. It was about what his mother wanted and it still is. I couldn't give in; not when I was so close to completing my mission'.
"You left when you had to, and now it's too late to undo our mistakes. My voice broke as I confronted the reality I never imagined to.
Hope y'all liked it...do comment and express your opinions... 😃
INDEX
Part 1:- Drifting Apart - Page 1
Part 2:- Chasing A Distant Future - Page 3
Part 3:- Unending Questions - Page 6
Part 4:- Happily Ever After? - Page 10
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
