Posted:
Okay, Okay.
I'm procrastinating!!!
I'm supposed to be writing something sweet and fluffy but now my cell battery died on me, I have to use my beat up old mp3 player and I am pissed at myself.
Atleast it stopped Raining here.
But one I finish this I will be back to romantic TPT.
Hopefully this is the last bit of random OS that I'm throwing in for the day.
Dedicated to Rae . I don't know what you will think of this but I am damn paranoid about actually posting it.
Aimy, i'm writing this in first person. But this is not me. Actually tried to detach myself this time and be better at writing Vidushi. I took a persuasive writing course a couple of days back and my head is stuck in that mode.
Moony: This is what I guess is going on in her head.
Annie: Blame it on the song "Who knew" by Pink. I was watching the video and I was reminded of Vish and her dilemma (or her thinking there is a dilemma. We all know the answer to her problem!)
Trippy: I have no idea what you will think of this one yaar. I hope I'm able to pull it off!
* italics are Vidushi's thoughts*
Half a Victim
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
"I love you Vidushi" I could still hear his lies echo.
All around me, tormenting me
Amplifying the sting of the misery.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid little idiot.
I should have listened to Parth.
I should have.
He is right about Varun, he is right about every bloody single thing.
I wiped off a tear furiously, my skin heating up.
I should have known.
I should have bloody known!
Parth is right.
Varun doesn't care about me or love me.
All he has given me is pain and all he plans to give me is pain.
I am a stupid girl to believe him again.
Well, it's almost like being 13 again, the stolen glances and his hand in mine.
Happy memories that are poison to me right now.
If he is lying about loving me now, maybe he was lying about loving me before too.
Maybe he never loved me like I loved him.
I let him fool me then.
I almost let him fool me now.
I let him doubt everything I feel.
I let him do this to me.
"Maybe you like victimizing yourself" Parth's words were true in a way.
I didn't stop Varun, I let him use me and throw me away.
Not this time.
I can forgive his sins once for the reason I loved him.
Twice? No way in hell.
He is going down.
And I'm the one digging the pit.
I refuse to be used like a bloody tool to make his life a better one when the only thing he is doing is ruining me, my trust in love and humanity.
He is the one that made me a this vicious woman.
I'll make him pay.
I'll bring him down piece by bitter piece.
My cell phone bleeps.
I snatch it off the table and look at it.
One new text message.
From Varun the *******
"Goodnight. I can't wait to have you in my arms again"
f**king bloody cheapo liar.
I toss the phone away and take a deep breath.
As much as I would like too, I can't kick him down there and yell "Get lost f**ker"
My plan has to tell him in plain simple language that he can't mess with my head.
No one can.
He has no regard for my feelings and it's only fair I don't show his fake feelings any respect.
I hate him even more now.
Varun will pay.
---------------------------------------
I'm sitting in the canteen, plotting.
I want to wreck him. Like he wrecked my life
"Vidushi"
Shit. Parth. He will never approve.
Infact he might even try to stop me.
"Hi..." I can't help the fact that my voice quivers.
"What are you upto? I know something is going on, I can hear your brain whirring from a metre away" he pulled a chair and sat down, his concerned eyes looking into mine.
"I can handle it Parth." I manage to say without stuttering.
"I want to be there for you" he whispers.
I can't see any lies on his face.
"Why?" I demand,picking up a french fry and popping it into my mouth.
"You are planning something, something a little not so good" his eyes glare at my face and I feel heat flooding my cheeks
My breath hitches and I manage with great difficulty to put on my poker face
"What makes you think that?" my voice doesn't quiver in the slightest, thank god.
"Don't lie. I know that look too well, something is going on. You missed classes today. Something is bothering you" Parth took a french fry and examined it
"Why do you care" I hissed at him, shooting him my best annoyed look.
"I don't want you hurt." his voice is soft "You've been hurt enough and so help me I'll kill the person who hurts you next."
"And...why...would you do that?" my voice falters.
I know the answer, I've always known.
"Because you are special to me." his eyes are digging into my soul
"I don't get you" I shake my head
" I think you do" his hand which is on the table knocks over a glass of water and it falls down. Water covers the table, but the doesn't even notice, his eyes are on me.
"Don't make me say it. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to confuse you and I don't want to see you cry" he pleads, his eyes earnest.
I want to believe him.
"You could be lying" I point out.
His fingers turn to fists.
"I need you to trust me Vidushi. I don't want you to get hurt. This, us, you know what I feel, you know me better than myself" his words were oddly pinched.
"What do you want Parth?" I repeat my question from yesterday
"Vidushi don't do this" his voice is pained.
"What do you want Parth?" I ignore his request.
"Not here, not like this, come with me" he grabs my hand and pulls me with him.
I don't know where we are going but I do know that he is not going to let me get hurt.
I trust him.
-----------------------------
The basketball court. His favourite place.
Of course.
"I need to know Parth" I remind him.
He pulled me in closer, his nose touching mine.
"I love you. I'm a jerk for telling you this right now when you have so much on your mind but I can't take it anymore. I love you. But I promise if Varun is a nice person, if he is genuine about his intentions and if you are happy with him I'll respect your choice" there is pain and honesty on his face.
I grab his collar and pull his lips down to meet mine.
He attacks me like it's the last time we will ever kiss.
There's love and pain and want in this kiss.
There is comfort and promise and need too.
We break apart and he grins at me "I promise you won't regret this."
I smirk back "I'd better not regret it. I'll make you pay"
His face turns into a mask.
"Is that what you were doing? Planning to make him pay" his tone is frighteningly calm.
I nod.
"Vidushi..." he begins
"Don't you tell me forgiveness is better than revenge!" I warn him.
"I wasn't going to." he pulls me closer, his arms around my waist. "I am going to help you."
"Help me?" confusion grips at me again.
"What kind of guy lets his girlfriend kick ass alone? I'll be cheering for you" Parth kissed my nose, making me smile inspite of myself.
"You'd look good in a cheerleader outfit" I rub my nose against his neck.
"You'd look good in anything." He growls.
"Flirt" I push him a little but being the mountain he is, he doesn't move.
"Only with you." he kisses me again.
This is us. Kissing on an abandoned court just as it starts raining down on us.
Let me tell you one thing, kissing in the rain is better than crying in it.
Parth drags me off to the canteen and we have hot tea an he insists on me changing my clothes and meeting him in the library.
We sit in the corner I'd been crying in once upon a time, me wrapped in a shawl and the safety of his arms, his eyes focused on me.
"So what's the plan?" Parth asks, his eyes shining with mischief.
"Tell the girl's parents the truth. They need to know what kind of a man Varun is." I grit my teeth at his name.
"He better pray to god he didn't hit you because if he has has I will kill him" Parth words are tight and filled with rage.
"He didn't hurt me like that. He was smart enough not to leave marks where anyone can see. Can you see emotional scars?"
Parth doesn't say anything, he just pulls me closer.
"You should tell them the truth. It will be the right thing to do." he finally said.
"Varun won't be able to do anything, he can never hurt me, or any other girl. He will rot in jail. And I won't even be getting my hands bloody" I smirked.
"I'm proud of you" Parth smiles at me "I thought you would kick him down there."
I laugh "That was plan A"
Parth laughed too.
The damned Librarian told us to clear out and so we are here, sitting on one of the benches, ignoring the gawking students glaring at us.
"Do you want me to come with you when you talk to the girl's parents?" Parth asks after a few minutes of silence.
"No, I want to do this myself. You being with me here, you accepting me and supporting me and loving me is enough for me" I squeeze his hand.
"As you wish, it is your choice. I respect it." Parth squeezes my hand back.
"That's one of reasons I love you. You respect, care and you are so kind. I trust you and I know you won't hurt me." I confess.
"I love you. I've loved you all along. Maybe you are a little evil sometimes but you are a good person. You love me for who I am." he looks at me "You loved me at my worst, you helped me, you cared for me, you made me feel loved." he goes on "I love you for making me believe in love again"
"We are mushy." I point out.
"We are a couple" he says huskily.
Couple. I like the sound of that.
"So, when are we carrying out this plan of yours?" Parth brings the topic back to the main concern at hand.
"Tomorrow. His in laws to be are in for a rude awakening." I shook my head.
"You'll feel better after this is behind you" he says wisely.
I smile at him as he leads me back to my hostel and sneakily steals a kiss before the warden catches him.
He's right. Once this is behind me, I'll be a better person, I will make my own destiny.
Because I won't be a victim this time or let any other innocent girl fall into Varun's web of lies.
I won't be half a victim like last time either, letting anyone blindly lead me toward my own destruction.
Not a victim.
Not anymore.
Fan Fictions
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Anupamaa
