~||Burning Eden||~ MaNan OS

TheLastCarnival thumbnail
19th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 11 years ago
#1
It's not even been 24 hours and somehow I find myself writing about MaNan again. 😆 Aaah-dictive I guess. So here's an OS based on the precap.

~||Burning Eden||~

He heard the sharp click of the heels before the elevator clanged shut. He looked up to find Alya smiling at him, felinely. He avoided her and concentrated on chasing away the creases on his tuxedo. They didn't have anything to say to each other anymore. And he couldn't be bothered to act cordial when it was just the two of them in the elevator.

She seemed to think differently.

"Manik, you look great," she fluttered her lashes at him.

"As do you, Alya," he drily retorted. It was true. She did look great. But then she'd always looked great. And she was aware of it.

She was bursting to tell him something. He recognized the signs- fidgeting with her hair, pursing her lips and rocking back on her heels. Just as he knew he wouldn't be liking what she had to say.

"So, did you hear?" she asked, trying to act casual. And failing miserably.

"What about Alya?" he leaned against the cold metallic wall. This should be interesting -

"Dhruv is gonna ask Nandini out tonight."

- Or not interesting.

"Is he?" he pitched his voice at indifference. An indifference that required him to block out the sudden pounding in his ears.

"Yes," Alya swung around and looked searchingly at him. "Isn't that great? Finally, he gathered the guts to tell her that he loves her."

"Yeah. That's great. Infact it calls for double celebration tonight," he smiled.

The elevator chimed to a stop and he walked out, the smile still in place.

A smile that didn't reach his eyes.

*****************************************************************************************

She felt the cool breeze whisper against her skin. Backless dresses? Never again. If it hadn't been compulsory for all the participants of Musicana to attend this party, she'd have skipped. The midnight blue dress accentuated the glow of her skin. It was cinched at the waist and flirted with her knees. She had on a pair of strappy heels to adding a few more inches to her delicate frame. She felt uncomfortable. And lost in this tide of strangers.

She was struggling to search out familiar faces when her eyes settled at the far end of the room where Manik and Dhruv stood shoulder to shoulder, laughing over something. An odd sensation seized the dead center of her chest. Her heart.

Sensing her stare, Dhruv jerked around in her direction. His eyes visibly lighting up when he spotted her. Manik followed his gaze and their eyes met. Hers hitched on, but his drifted away.

Dhruv cut across the dance floor making a beeline towards her. Manik proceeded to the bar.

"You look lovely," Dhruv smiled at her, appreciatively.

"Thank You."

She pushed a loose fringe behind her ears.

"May I?" he extended his hand.

She stared at him blankly for a second. He nodded his head in the direction of the couples on the dance floor.

"Oh!" she mouthed, "Sure."

**************************************************************

"My turn," the voice snaked between them. Dhruv turned to the source of the voice, his face breaking into a grin. He gracefully stepped away, letting Manik take her hand.

His eyes held an intensity she'd never seen before. The mellow golden lighting of the room, caught in them like flecks of magic. She'd once grudgingly admitted to Navya that Manik was pretty decent looking. She took it all back. Manik in a tux was devastatingly handsome. He was easily the epicenter of all the ripples going through the crowd.

His hand reached for her waist, sliding around, his fingers meeting her bare skin. He looked up at her, his eyes darkening. Her skin was catching fire, fiery-red-hot, upon his touch. His breath warmed her face, thawing her insides. She didn't even like him. But in some convoluted way she liked being here. In his arms. Like the rest of the world had fallen away, leaving them two to match their steps.

The song meandered through the room, descending upon them. Like someone was writing them a letter, filled with music.

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.


His fingers left a trail as they ascended to the nape of her neck. They found her curls and she could feel them spiraling in their softness. He inched closer, pulling her up against him. She felt like a star, on the verge of it's collapse.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.


She was intensely aware of his every move; The way he held her close and yet not close enough. It was almost like some inner struggle of his was being reflected in the way he was holding her. He lightly traced the path to her chin, tipping it upwards and zeroing into her eyes.

"Nandini."

He whispered.

Why did it feel like her whole world was unraveling before her? The song died away as the confusion in her mind fogged her senses. Manik let go of her, taking a step backwards. His hand shot out again, this time lightly grazing her cheek. "Nandini," he whispered again. A shard of pain thundering through his eyes.

Why was he saying her name like a final goodbye?

Why did she feel like she was losing something even before she had it?

And then he turned and walked away.

Leaving her standing. In that burning room.

Alone.


Cheers-(I guess not😆)
Pallo

PS- Haven't proofread. Overlook the mistakes.

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nicky13 thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#2
The end was really very sad... But the dance was so heart touching... Loved it ... Awesome ... You wrote it very well... Keep your writing up
Ishq-Dua thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 11 years ago
#3
PERFECT!
The emotions/feelings that are portrayed could be felt through your words
and the occuring events could be seen as if they are happening in front of me.
I must say your way of writing is really commendable. 👏
The ending really touched me though how hard it must be for Manik to let go of her.
continue to write! :)
sourmisery thumbnail
17th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 7
Posted: 11 years ago
#4
Nooo!!! no no no no no!!! Don't end it like that!! :O

OMG! This was...sensuous! I could imagine everything..the lift, the party, the way their eyes met, the way he came to her, the way he touched her for the last time, the way she loved being in his arms but disliked him..the way he whispered her name for the last time and the way she realized that it was goodbye..

Oh. My. God.

AND THE SONG! I was listening to this song while reading and just SHIT man! NO no no no!! MY HEART IS IN PAIN AT THIS BEAUTY!!!
TheShipWeirdo thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#5
Why... why? It feels like almost every author on this forum is plotting against me, giving me sad MaNan stuff :(
But this wasn't exactly sad, was it? It was... beautiful. Very, very smart writing. And the plot; goddamn it the plot! My heart broke </3 I could seriously just feel what you were trying to express and why must you hurt my MaNan feels in such a way?

That was not a goodbye. That was not a goodbye. That was not a goodbye. *keeps chanting this to self for the sake of some emotional support*
Sparks-galore thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#6
Wow, the gamut of emotions I feel... *loud sigh*

Sirocco last night made me smile and Burning Eden today breaks my heart. And to top it off you've added John Mayer to the equation..

bittersweet and beautifully written 👏
Cat. thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 11 years ago
#7
Holy Hell, this was good, the angst is cutting my heart into multiple pieces.
Welcome to the forum once again and how!
-FreeSpirit- thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 90 Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#8
Res Unres
Oh my this was just painfully beautiful.. oh the feel with the ending it cant be a final goodbye
I loved how u wrote the emotions and the dance part I wanted to keep reading it
It was a lovely OS, heartbreaking to read and at the same I loved it 😳
Edited by Desigirl_21 - 11 years ago
mayaya. thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#9
Oh dear...I think I may have fainted while reading this.
Oh my...this was so well written.
I really enjoyed the way you wrote the feelings, and that intimate scene was well written.
The song fit in really well.
Well done! I love this!
her_story thumbnail
17th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 11 years ago
#10
Oh man this almost broke my heart. Love love this Pallo. Can't tell you how glad I am that you are writing on MaNan.🤗

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