Part 1: Till I find you again
Sitting by the pool lost in translation, my existential angst hit me again as I shifted uneasily, fiddling with my phone.. For the umpteenth time I looked at the serene water and cursed it as the tides of my turmoil peaked.. Closing my eyes I recalled the moment once again- life's disgusting sense of humor or my own karma; it was hard to say.
I made a wish, softly blowing on the candles and opened my eyes.. and there she was, with this assuring peace on her face, the smile giving me hope that life was indeed beautiful. I felt like I wanted to dream again.. But' that moment didn't last as she moved and I stared at HER.. 'holy mother of!' I could feel my blood freeze and my face going pale.. 'Was this for real.. what are the odds.. '
As both women made their way towards me I could sense the thick tension in the air.. probably emanating from pappa.. I didn't even want to turn to be sure. Well, I did manage to hold on or just be on auto pilot 'take your pick; while the whole ordeal ended.. but that wretched sinking feeling was back after 3 months.. and so was my irrepressible impulse as I made way towards HER; finally managing to find her alone..
She walked with me.. exchanging pleasantries as I finally asked "Are you happy in your new life".. I cursed myself the very next minute as she went on her tangent and I gulped down that excruciating pain.. it was hard to tell when it transformed into frustration; I guess when she said Devki is a nice girl and I should keep her happy.. the galls in her..
"what did she know.."
'Wait! did I just say It out loud' and pat came the reply
"All I know is I see love for you in her eyes.. and Its best you don't let your past damage your present.. "
it was like a vicious cycle- to overcome the pain that her stinging words emanated I asked one more stupid question and this time I didn't really stop at one-
"Did you never think of me in the past few months.. I don't know why but its just hard for me to believe that you didn't feel the same for me.. Did you never feel more than you acknowledged?"
I bet I saw the same moisture in her eyes but it changed in a fraction of a second as the characteristic smirk adorned her face and I watched the words filter out..
"You are asking all the wrong questions.. How does it matter either ways what I felt.. The answer remains the same.. I MADE A CHOICE.. irrespective. Period. And I can only hope you can get yourself to respect it"
I blurted out " Its easy for you to say" and pat came her rebuttal
"Is it?" Her smirk back as she continued " Well in that case let me leave you with a question Mr. Virani- if I DID.. would you give up everything you HAVE and chase that dream.. Would you be willing to change the course of your life?" . She paused and now genuinely smiling, " and Trust me I don't feel the need to know the answer as much as YOU do"
And with that, she was gone.. much before I could utter a comprehensible word...
******************
5 hours later, sitting by that pool the words reverberated '
'Trust me I don't feel the need to know the answer as much as you do'.
In sudden agitation I finally texted her as I said it out loud "Oh Heck you do! Meet me in half an hour, same place"..
On a roll, in my new found agitation I secretly hoped I didn't have to stop and give explanations as I made for the car; but thankfully the coast was clear.. the Viranis had all retired to the private confines of their rooms. I looked up briefly and just as I expected I saw the lights on in our room.. of course She hadn't slept.. on pretext of work. I sighed and headed to the front door and shut it slowly..
The cool twilight breeze teased my senses as I drove along the coast to the same place where we had met.. thanks to my dream project. I told myself I had no second thoughts but still why was I so nervous.. to face her.. I turned on my playlist hoping for distraction but the universe was conspiring, as Richard Marx's voice filled the surrounding..
Will the arms of hope surround me?
Will time be my fair weather friend?
Should I call out to angels
Or just drink myself sober again..
I can't hide; its true
I still burn for you
Your memories just wont let me go'
I screeched to a stop; hitting the brakes with all I had and rammed out of the car.. Feeling the fresh air, I inhaled and exhaled a few times.. as I finally contemplated what I hadn't even considered once; that she may NOT come.. did she really mean she didn't want to know.. well if she didn't.. I would still scream out loud and everyone around would have to listen..
I didn't have to dwell in this angst any longer.. as there she was.. right on time.. in a pair of jeans and shirt, her face covered with big masculine glares and a black scarf on her head..
'Celebrities and their camouflage' I mocked mentally..
As she took them off.. I got a peek at the characteristic look on her face.. which somehow WORKED.. I regained my confidence, my composure.. as I turned and took to the couple stairs by the coastline and she followed me..
" Thank you" I began, now smiling at her
" I don't have a lot of time , I fly out in less than.."
I cut her midway "you were right ! I spent a lot of time asking all the wrong questions.. To be honest, I didn't know what hurt more- that my love was unrequited or that you didn't turn to look twice at me before moving on, or if I hopelessly chased a fantasy.-that maybe you loved me as much as I did and destiny just played spoilsport" I paused and sat down by the stairs and this time she joined me.
I turned " but in all this I simply disregarded something' YOU and ME.. yes, I was so self-consumed in my existential angst that I couldn't see beyond US and all the beauty that came with it.. " I studied her profile as her lips turned to form a smile. I continued
" Sabina.. I wont repeat about what you mean to me and what your presence in my life has given me.. a whole new perspective.. and when you asked me if I could give up everything I have' my first instinct was YES' But"' pulling myself up I walked ahead a little "I visualized the blissful life we both would make together' and although you looked really beautiful in that picture I painted.. I just couldn't stare at myself.. coz I couldn't complement you.."
Looking into nothingness, I ranted "All I could see was the dejected faces of the very people I love.. for life.. my PARENTS- my mother who had always looked at me with this sense of pride for being her son- the same mother whose daughter I would have wronged and my father.. the tycoon I. M. Virani who had his hopes invested in me.. more than anyone else.. " a lone tear made its way as I turned to her " I am not just Vaibhav.. I am a Virani ' the future of an enterprise.. I have opened my eyes into that legacy and worked my way towards it for the better part of my life.. I am responsible for everything and everyone VAIBHAV Industries stood as an establishment for.. I owe each and every bit for who I AM "
She had a full smile on her face as I advanced towards her and kneeled down in front of her " And I am responsible for a few more things'the trust bestowed on me by Bha to take care of his grand daughter.. and most importantly I am responsible for the smile on Devki's face.. the smile that brightens my whole family.. apart from' Me.."
" You showed me the colors of life.. the vibrancy.. and I will always love you for that.. irrespective of what you feel; but at the same time I cant overlook these three months.. each day and night that Devki has lived as Devki Virani in every sense.. She has made my life easy.. she has gotten this sense of tranquility and stability in my life.. and most importantly she FITS perfectly in every dimension."
I looked her in the eye "Sabina I don't know how I would iive a day with myself having disappointed so many relations in my life and I am not even sure I would be any good for you. I can endure this angst but not live a day feeling ashamed of myself"
She got to her feet as I followed her "Well said Mr. Virani" and now extending her hand she concluded "All the best.. I wish you every happiness in life.. more importantly a fulfilling life"
I shook her hand and we walked back; the sun finally making its appearance behind us..
*********
Seeing her off, I got into my car and thought was it as hard as I considered it would be.. and spat came the reply.. It WAS.. as the song continued on my god forsaken playlist
How many dreams will end..
How much can life pretend..
How many times will love pass me by..
Till I find you again'
I sighed 'why are the right karmas.. the most appropriate ones so hard to follow..' I believed everything I said.. and for once I felt she cared enough for me to find this direction and follow this path in life with utmost sincerity.. Everything was right.. but only if this wretched heart believe me'
I finally stopped at my destination' looking up at the early morning sky and closed my eyes.. ' Only if there were SIGNS for real.. ONE sign that would effectively put a stop to this endless debate'..
Nodding my head, chiding my foolishness.. I walked in hoping my luck was still on my side and I wasn't interrupted especially by mamma.. I breathed a sigh of relief making it to my room unscathed.. I shut the door behind me and turned' to see her on the couch.. she had fallen asleep there.. I recalled everything she had done for this surprise party.. in every sense of the word.. I chuckled and moved to put a pillow behind her as I noticed something in her hand..
A GREETING CARD..
My eyes couldn't believe what I read.. I re-read as my mind exclaimed 'What are the odds'.. I couldn't believe her simplicity in the manner of her expression and the strength that came with it.. This girl was really something else.. Putting the pillow behind her.. and the card where it belonged.. I smiled as she moved in her sleep..
'As usual YOU made my life easy.. thank you for THIS Birthday Gift..'
Edited by sonali.19281 - 13 years ago
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