The paradox of it was killing me.
Finally a man proposed to me, a marriage, but it was the man I would not want to marry; worse was that he would never want to marry me either.
It wasn't actually a paradox; it was a joke, the joke of my life. The term marriage itself had made a mockery out of my life; it had humiliated me, belittled me and now it was in front of my eyes, jeering at me.
"There you go mute again, hello! Miss Chashmish with hearing disabilities, I asked you a question. Such questions aren't repeated. Did you hear it at all? Had I asked this question on TV, 1000s of girls would have queued in front of my house", he demanded an answer.
"Is marriage a joke to you?", I yelled.
"I don't know about marriage, but my Daadi's health isn't a joke to me", his face suddenly turned serious. And he continued, "I came to talk to you, because I wanted you to tell my Daadi that you don't want to marry me. If you deny, it would hurt her way less than me doing it. Now it seems like you are in a similar situation and I can relate to that. But yeah, it's all obviously up to you".
I got disoriented in thoughts again and he went silent too for a change. I knew I had to make a decision. Half an hour ago, my home was celebrating the thought of my marriage. My mother was smiling after ages. How could I snatch it away? But then this marriage was not going to last. Wouldn't that break her heart again? However, it was an immediate and temporary solution to her health. She would at least go through her radiotherapy and get rid of her tumour, without worries.
At the same time, I also felt for his grandmother. She was an affectionate and kind soul. The few times I had met her, she had been extremely loving towards me. Let alone breaking my mother's heart I didn't know if I could tell his Daadi after hearing about her health condition.
"Look, you don't have to worry much about what will happen after we divorce. Like I said, you will have a huge compensation, and we will have a pre nuptial agreement. And you will be famous while married to the rock star and later as his ex-wife. You will be a celebrity and you will have people dancing to your tunes. And once you are a celebrity, marriage and divorce don't matter much. You might even have many men dying to marry because of that", he was thinking ahead already.
"I don't give a damn about your money or your celebrity world. And I already told you I don't want to marry at all. Just because you think a certain way, it doesn't give you the right to judge everyone", I had to opinionate my displeasure on his preformed notions.
"Hmm, we have to see about that. Anyways, good for you if you are right about what you are saying. We still have to do prenuptial stuff, if we are to marry. But before that, you have to tell me your decision," he said calmly.
I didn't know what to say. My head started to spin with thoughts. "I need some time to think", I told him.
"Fair enough. Shall we head back?", he said starting the car.
I nodded and kept on looking outside, as we drove. My dilemma was growing by the minute. He was humming some song that only triggered my heart to beat faster since it somehow reminded me of my situation every moment.
"Like some ice candy?", he asked, when we were at a traffic signal and a little boy was at his window selling ice candies. I didn't answer.
"Rockstar, rockstar", the boy cheered.
Abhishek shushed him, may be to avoid attention and bought two candies from him. He gave him a big note not demanding change. He handed a candy to me and started to sip on his. I was in no mood to eat but the candy was already melting.
"Don't tell me you don't like ice candies, Miss No Smiles, come on, eat it before it melts away", he prompted.
"One can't smile when life places you in a quandrary", I smiled sarcastically.
"Like you are the only one with issues in this world", I heard him mutter and laugh.
A few drops of ice water fell off on my lap from the ice candy I was still holding. I had no choice but start sipping on it. The cold ice not only distracted my mind but calmed it down as well.
"If we do marry, how long do we stay married for?", I asked him. It was time for me to make up my mind.
"May be 6 months, up to a year? My Daadi's transplant and recovery might take a few months. What about your mother's treatment?, he enquired.
"It would be a similar timeline. If I am to marry, I have to think how to convince my mother of divorce. May be I will pursue my Ph.D. in Delhi, which I have been thinking of all this while", I shared my thoughts.
"Ph.D.? I thought you are already a professor", he remarked.
"No, I am only a lecturer. I have double masters in philosophy and English literature", I told him.
"Double masters? That's enough degrees for 4 people. Why do you need to study so much yaar? You know, I am a college dropout, don't tell anyone, okay? I used to bunk all my classes, well not all, I did attend literature classes, because the lady teacher was hot", I turned away when he talked things that my most infuriating students would. I could only wish he was my student and I could tell him off.
The next part of our journey back was silent. He still was whistling and humming some songs but it didn't bother me as much. I kept on thinking of the consequences and imagining scenarios that might arise if I told my mother now, that this marriage was not gonna happen or later that the marriage didn't work.
Slowly I was deciding on dealing with the immediate danger. It seemed the best decision in the interest of my mother and his grandmother. I could have a solid 6 months to a year to sort out my life and pursue my Ph.D., something I always dreamt of, something where I didn't have to rely on someone else.
But marrying a stranger was of course a risk for me. However, I could relate to Abhishek in one thing even though he was everything I did not like. He was concerned for his grandmother like I was for my elders. And he considered my mother's health too. That just gave me some assurance that although the marriage was going to be fake, he wouldn't be a bad guy at a personal level. And his Daadi was the kindest soul I had ever met. I could trust her trust in him and believe that he was not going to be a monster.
I was so lost in weighing the positives and negatives of my decision that I did not realize we were back in my colony, until the car stopped. I took a long breath and decided to tell him my decision. I said, "Suniye (listen)". He turned to look at me with a curiosity in his face. He raised his eyebrows prompting me to say whatever I had to say.
"I will marry you", I said and got out of the car without seeing his face for his reaction. As I started walking around the car, he rolled his window down and asked me to wait.
"Can I have your number? I need to arrange a meeting with the lawyers before we marry. We really need to do it. You can bring your lawyers too", he said taking his mobile phone in his hand. I dictated my number to him.
"Okay, pick one name. Chashmish, Babaji or Miss No Smiles? What do I save your number as?", he asked biting his lip. I couldn't believe his nerve to call me names like that.
"My name is Pragya. Pragya Arora", I said sternly and started to walk away.
"Grumpy cat would also be a nice name you know", he said in an elevated voice making sure I heard him.
By the time I looked back at him, he had driven off.
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