Inside, Vivek's room, he sat crossed legged on his bed, the tray of food his mother had kept ages ago still lieing on the side table untouched. Events of the day had been replaying in his mind, over and over again causing an uneasy kind of tension to built inside his muscles. The train of his thoughts was put to an halt, as his cellphone began to ring for the zillionth time, ever since he had returned home, most of them being from Vishaka. He was in a good mood to ignore the call, but nevertheless to say leaned against, the other table and picked up his phone, his face registering disturbing expressions, of surprise, happiness, restlessness, and at the same time, uneasiness.

"I was hoping you would call." He said in a composed tone, trying to hide the joy he felt from receiving her phone call, his Chun's phone call.

"You were?" Aparna asked in a choky voice from the other end, her voice muffled, the blood from Vivek's face draining away quickly, replacing it with a painful churning of dreadful thought inside his head.

"Aparna Aunty?" Vivek asked more worried than surprised, Aparna's sobs from the other end rapidly increasing as she got the faint inclination that Khushi was not with him. Still tugging on to the meager hope she was holding she pressed forward her request anyway.

"Vivek, could you give Khushi the phone?" Aparna asked, trying to hide the increasing tension in her voice, Vivek's voice shaky and confused on the other end, until the horror of Aparna's word's registered inside his mind.

"Chun? She's not here. *pause* (his voice trembling) Where is Chun? Aparna Aunty where is Chun?" Vivek coudnt stop his voice, for raising up, and even though he realized he was losing all his manners, and literally shouting to a lady the age of his mothers, the fear that was breeding inside him was too hard to control. That was the last straw Aparna's voice began to break, horrid thought's entering her mind, her daughters safety now of prior importance to her.

"I dont..knoww..she said..she was..going..to the Raizada's..but I called there..and Arjun said..she wasnt there, its..been 4 hours..where is..she?" Aparna asked her voice shattering with worry now, Vivek's entire body shaking with fright now, all kinds of visions marring his straight composed way of thinking.

"Hell! Hell! Hell! She would never go to the Raizada's! She would never go! God! Where are you Chun?" Vivek rambled aimlessly to himself, his voice condensed with a sense of danger and shock that was gripping at him pretty fast, and until he figured out what to do about it, he would be in the grip of it pretty bad.

"Has she eaten? What is she wearing? You have any idea where I can find here?" Vivek fired back, before Aparna could even began to gather herself up from this new discovery, her mind in a whiz with all the questions he was asking.

"No she hasn't eaten, atleast not at home. She's wearing a pink jacket. (taking a deep breathe) That's why I called you and the Raizada's because that's where I thought she would be," Aparna replied, his questions one after the other, trying to keep her voice steady and not let fear creep into it but somehow she wasn't really the controller of that anymore.

"Anything else she carrying, a bag or something?" Vivek asked, not sure what do think, all he could do was rely on the little information he was getting.

"No there was no bag. She was carrying a book though, (Aparna tried to remember the name) Yes, it was Wuthering Heights" she said, her voice choky, it taking Vivek some while to grasp her words but finally he got the hold of it.

Vivek quickly noted the things in mind and disconnected the call, giving Aparna the assurance that he'll keep her updated every single minute. Grabbing his car keys he went outside, pleased that his parents were sleeping and he woudnt have to bother about answering their questions as well. Writing a short note and pinning it on the fridge with a magnet he hopped into his car, but as soon as he was inside he kept his hands on the steering wheel and instead of putting the key in the ignition kept staring blankly in the glass in front of him. Pink Jacket. No food. Raizada's home. Wuthering Heights. Wuthering Heights it seemed out of place for a second to him. The rest were things she hated at the moment but Wuthering Heights? And then he remembered her telling him what had happened inside the tent that last day on the camp how he had commented on her book and then the kiss. Another hate. His mind seemed to think a bit in synch, methodically right now, since now even if slowly he was getting hang of her though processes. It had hatred common in everything. His head spinned with the number of things he started to remember, that he knew she hated, and that's when he realized she hated just too many things, how would he ever track her out? She could be doing almost anything now. Her father. His brain seemed to dwell over that option, thinking about it. Could she possibly be at his place? No. He ruled it out immediately, she would never go to him, no matter what, and besides he didn't know where he lived either, so Aryan Gupta was out. That narrowed down things to places she hated, and for the most depressing moment he realized he knew of no such place. Danm. Danm. Just then his phone began to ring, only to find Aparna on the line and that's when it struck him that she could tell him about places Khushi hated.

Kuch toh tha tere mere darmiyaan Darmiyaan.
Kuch toh tha tere mere darmiyaan

(There was something between us, between us

There was something between you a and me)

"Any news Vivek? Did you find her?" Aparna asked, her voice laced with intense panic and frenziness, it growing hundred times altogether when Vivek replied negatively.

"Do you know of any such place she hates in Stanford?" Vivek asked her suddenly, Aparna taking her time to reply to his question her mind pondering over possible places.

"She hasn't been around Stanford much, except for our own vicinity. There aren't any particular places she hates here."

"Any place in general that she hates?"

"Parks. She hates parks."

"Parks? What teen in their right mind hates parks?" Vivek asked surprised, unable to stop himself from asking even if it was no concern to him right at the moment but a part of him just wanted to know.

"Parks remind her of her father. She hasn't been to one after her father left six years ago." Aparna answered in steely voice, the memories of those years returning to her, but she pushed them back, Khushi's safety of most importance to her right now. Vivek pondered over the new information he had gotten, partly feeling like Sherlock Holmes himself, but then he realized friendship required everything of him, even if it was Sherlock Holmes. He kept thinking about parks in Stanford. Dozens. She could be in any of them, if that's where she was in the first place, and even that was a big IF, he might have gotten it all wrong, their was no pattern in her actions maybe she was just acting ideally, but something told him he was right, and he concentrated on thinking about parks in Stanford now.

"Does she have money with her?" he asked Aparna, that being vital to know, it would help him narrow down potential marks if he knew how far she could make it on foot.

"No. I checked her wallet, it's here, and the money isn't missing either, so she's according to me penniless at the moment." Aparna answered her voice more steady now, figuring out that something was going inside Vivek's brain, she just hoped he was working on the right thing, and not wasting time.

"I think there's a pattern. She's carrying with her things she hates, she doing everything she waits. She might be at a park, I'll check, and call you then alright? (Aparna replies in the affirmative) Does anybody else know?" Vivek asked her, him speculating the Raizada family to know, which was confirmed by Aparna's answer from the other end, the time span shortening more for him now. He had to get there, because if they did, there was no telling what else could wrong today.

Disconnecting the phone, he pressed the key in the igniter and started the car knowing exactly where to go, his mind was no more in doubt he said a silent prayer to himself, asking God for success, and moved the car in the direction of the place she was potentially going to be in.

**********************************************************

Oh its a special feeling
These moments between us
How will I live without you

Uneasy. Stressed. Demented. Resentful. That was what Arnav Singh Raizada was right now. Minutes earlier they had been informed that Khushi was actually missing, and even if no one knew, he knew what was the cause of it. It was all of his fault. All of his fault. He muscles were filled with tension, as they drove aimlessly around Stanford, his minds churning with the thoughts of the day every single word piercing his mind like a new freshly sharpened spear.

"So..erm..I wanted to say..that I have been kinda weird lately, and you must be wondering why. So..its like on the field trip..I realized something. (Taking a deep breathe, collecting her words) I really like you.."

"But I don't."

"Gupta, listen, I can explain..I can.."

"Gupta does not exist. Its' Khushi."

"I should have known what dude? I don't understand how I could have known something that I hadn't even stopped to consider. You like her, we both knew that. You cared for, we both knew that too. (his tone rising) She meant so much to you, we both knew that to you. Then what is it that you want me to know? Why you said no? No. I am sorry but I don't know that. Didn't you say she can read your mind? Didn't we both agreed that we can read each other's mind? Forget others, me and Khushi both believed with all our heart that you would say yes, and we are the two people who can read you, does that mean we are wrong? Both of us, or its you who has double standards?"

"I don't believe anything I say or do now. Forget about us for a minute, and think about her. You saw that hope that happiness in her eyes when she came, that excitement was so evident. She had a good reason for it all, why did you toy here Arnav? That girl, she really liked you. Believe me, I have seen it in her eyes, she really cared, like no other girl ever has. *pause* When are you going to stop seeing a Sarah Andrew in every girl? When Arnav?"

"But you aren't the one to make decisions about her life Arnav. You aren't the one. She never gave you that right, you used it without being given it. Who told you to make her life decision? Fine, you didn't want to hurt her, fine I agree with everything else you said, but that still does not justify you and say what you did to her was right. Listen to me, no matter what your reasons will be, you hurt her, that won't change, you did wrong, that won't change either."

"Just have one thing to say to Arnav, start thinking beyond I, me and myself. That will do you good."

Oh its a special feeling
These moments between us
How will I live without you

"Look Arnav, you need to know that I will offer no sympathy to whatever your reason is for doing that to Chun. Because you are right. I value Chun more than anything I have ever cared for, and you have chosen to hurt that very thing which I love. I am not even remotely interested in what your reasons are, because they do no good in changing my mind dude. As much as I feel like digging your grave right now, I know I can't do that, because you matter to her, way more than you know."

"You got her all messed up Arnav. When she came to you she came without expectations, she needs no guidance in anything, she is strong enough to guide herself. She just wanted to hear your yes, so she knew that for once in her life she was doing the right thing against all odds. But what was impossible from the beginning, couldn't have gotten possible just like that. And she didn't want to accept it. But now that you have thrown it on her face, she will have to accept it, so thank you for making her do what I couldn't, somewhere I was aware that only hard cores could get their way with her."

"Well, all I can say is, no matter how much someone love you, everybody gets tired of waiting. (Vivek turns around to leave) And Chun hates waiting."

"Did something happen at school Arnav?" Arjun asked him, scrutinizing his sons freezed expressions that seemed to flinching from second to second as if being subjected to a new doze of pain. Arnav met his father's manly gaze for a second, then quickly drew away his own, in fear that the truth might be out, and even thought every nerve in his body wanted to shout and reply, that a lot has happened, he stayed silent and uttered the single word that offered no explanation.

"Nothing." He replied back, and Arjun looked away, clearly not convinced but he knew this was no time to pressurize Arnav whatever he was hiding he knew it would do no good to the problem that had a rised right now.

Aankhon mein tere saaye
Chahoon toh ho na paaye
Yaadon se teri faasla haye

(Shadows of you in me eyes

Even if I want, it cannot happen

I cant part with the memories of you)

********************************************

The car came to a halt and stepped down, the winter breeze hitting him square on the face, causing him to move back a bit with the force it had hit, his vision a bit blurred with the change in temperatures inside the car and outside in the open space. He removed the key from ignition and kept it in his pocket, he dwindled with the fear that had consumed him, of the possibility that Khushi might not be here, but from what he knew of her, of the logic he had derived this was only answer he had gotten. She had no money. She hated parks, and she hated silence. It was only the beginning of winter right now, kids didn't come to play at the park in winter, their was no snow, just a chillness in the air, which parents didn't want to subject their children too. The park would be devoid of any activity right now, what better place to hate for her than this park? And since she was on foot, this was the fartherest she could get from her eyes, keeping in mind his Chun had no living without food. He read the sign post on the black metal gate of the park:

STANFORD PARK ( The US Army)

Vivek took in a deep breathe, and entered inside the park, his feet brushing against the partly freezed grass underneath him and even though he was an ardent lover for nature, right now that was the least of his interests. He stood fixed to his spot, eyes wandering around the vicinity of the entire park, it being thankfully small, when a flicker of baby pink somewhere at the edge of the park caught his eye, and his heart beat stopped for a second, when he took a step towards it, his doubts gaining the confirmation he was dieing for. She was sitting there, a book in her hand, the icy cold breeze hitting the naked skin on her hands, fingers wrinkled with the cold, and even at this distance he could tell she was chilled to the bone. Her hair were spread all over her back, nothing holding them together, another thing that she hated to do. She didn't like her hair open, and even though he thought it was odd, she had never really given any viable explanation for that. He could see her eyes pretending to read a book, most probably Wuthering Heights, but even he could tell easily, that she knew nothing of what she reading, she wasn't reading, she was staring aimlessly at the book, for who knows how long. A surge of relief passed through him, but almost instantly pangs of pain hit him, for the condition she was in, and taking measured steps, the grass underneath rustling against the soles of his boots, he proceeded towards the bench, stopping centimeters away from her towering over her.

Jaake bhi tu na jaaye
Thehri tu dil mein haye
Hasrat si banke kyun bhala

(Even when you are gone, you never are gone

Settled in my heart like that

why like an object of envy)

Khushi could feel someone standing in front of her, the dark shadow that was cascading on her made her think so. It was past twilight, and the lights of the park had opened immediately so she had no chance of complaining, not like she was in any hurry either. Her eyes lifted off her book, it taking all the effort from her to rest her back against the wood of the bench she was sitting on so she could see who was it. As she registered the presence of Vivek in front of her, a dozen emotions rushed inside her, and she swallowed a painful choke inside her throat, at an attempt to stop her tears from falling down.

For the first time now Vivek saw, she seemed drastically ill now, her eyes were puffy and swollen with the tears he thought she had shed, her face devoid of any colour. The pink jacket and her color seemed to camouflage with each other, for a brief moment making him more horrified then he had been in his entire life. She sat their emotionless extremely silent, the only voice around the two of them that of the rustling of the leaves, and swaying of a meager amount of grass. He bent down on his knees, his muscles cramped with the cold but he didn't care, his jeans sucked in the touch of the roughness of the ground underneath on which he was leaning on, and cautiously brought his hands forward to hold her iced hands. He felt a chill running through his spine only on the touch of her cold skin that he was in contact with, as a singular hot tear of hers landed on his hand. Alarmed he looked up, face still without expression, but eyes letting out a single tear down, offering no more path to any other.

Vivek squeezed her hand, swallowing a lump of pain inside his own throat as well, the daunting silence still enveloping both of them.

"Chun." He uttered the single word, letting his parched lips part, another tear making its way down her face, but she remained quiet, as if tongue tied. When he didn't hear any reply from her he continued to speak on his own.

"Let's go home." He said, his voice filled with torment, getting up to his feet, his hands still holding hers, and pulled her forward as a gesture to stand up, her not resisting, and made an effort to get up but instead ended up holding on Vivek for support, since her legs were unable to support the weight of her body because of the stationary position she had acquired since the last 5 hours.

"Careful." He uttered the single word, with as much as fear as was living inside him, and she slightly nodded, atleast that's what he took it to be, him holding her as tight as possible, practically holding her off her feet to take back to the car. Both of them were mute as Vivek helped her inside the car, taking his place on the seat, when what seemed liked ages that he had last heard her voice, that she spoke.

"Wuthering Heights." She uttered in a robot like voice, her pitch almost as low as a whisper itself, her eyes locked with him, him portraying an expression of confusion at first but then he noticed that she wasn't holding her book anymore and he patiently nodded, moving out of the car to get the book. Five minutes later he was back holding the book, and kept it securely on her lap, her fingers gripping it lightly, as he took his place at the driver's seat, and began to drive their way back to the Gupta house.

All this while Khushi was looking at him with a feeling of deep guilt, and remorse hitting her, as she fully realized the extent of her mistake. She didn't know why she couldn't see this, why she had chosen to ignore the person who ever since he entered her life had given her a reason to live, to breathe, not for him, but for real reasons that should lead her life. He was looking straight in front, his eyes sometimes she noticed drifting to a corner to check on her, but her sight had been fixed on him her head craned in his direction, trying to read the multiple number of thought that were pouring inside his head. Her body temperature seemed to have returned to normal now, and considering her actions she extending her hand forward, keeping it on his hand that was lieing on the brake.

Vivek looked away from the front and at her, the conflicting emotions that were swimming inside both of them meeting with each other's, their faces foreign to any kind of understandable expression.

"Will you leave too?" She asked, her voice coming out in breaks, the uneven consistency to it affecting her speech.

"Not in this lifetime." He said with a surety that she knew nobody else could have ever said it with, but it wasn't enough to bring a smile on her face, and she went silent again, but he still waited for her to say something, when she did not he spoke.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked her seriously, his eyes darting from her to the road in front, and what he considered her pondering over his question, she replied after sometime.

"Do you want to listen?" She asked her voice filled with doubt, her mind in a good place to think that something had changed between them, that nothing would ever be the same.

"I have always wanted to listen, it's another thing that you never tell." He said, his tone not giving away an kind of emotion, and she felt her heart break just for a moment all over again, because she knew none of it was his fault, he had always been thinking of good, she had been the one mistaken about him all the time. She took in a deep breathe, and let everything that had ever poured in her mind, however senseless it was, today she was going to not hide anything, not atleast from him.

Kyun yaad karta hoon
Mitt ta hoon banta hoon
Mujhko toh laaye yeh kahan

(Why do I yearn for you

I make and break myself

Where have you brought me )

nav_bat2013-02-02 01:54:25