Chapter 4

ACTywm

@ACTywm

It was Khushi's turn to seek solace in the shower. As the hot water trickled down her body, cleansing the dirty wounds and dried blood on her torso, her heart began to bleed.

It was over. All over. Had there ever really been anything there to begin with...well if it had there was no point in thinking about it now as nothing would ever be there again.

How ridiculous life was. One moment it presented you with extreme pleasure that you thought your heart would burst. The next minute you were engulfed in immense pain that shrivelled your heart to the extent that there was danger of it becoming deceased. Only an hour ago her heart had swelled at the words I'm not going to divorce you. Making her foolishly think that Arnav was on the verge of proposing to her...that they would finally be a proper...a real couple. That they would step into a new life as man and wife...only to find her dreams shatter yet again on the ground and watch them get trampled all over by the one man who could have made them happen. The only man she had ever dreamed about. The only man she could ever dream about...

He did not believe her. Why would he? He never had before. So why would today have been any different. Because he had said those three words...so what she should have known that it was a typical Arnav Singh Raizada manoeuvre to save himself. Of course he said those words because he knew those three words would strike a chord in her, making her realise that he was lying about the deal in Scotland and was actually in danger.

She had fooled herself. Fooled herself to let her think for even a moment that Arnav Singh Raizada loved her. That he would believe her. Trust her. Why? Why had she thought that he would, she knew him did she not? He only believed what he saw with his own eyes, and heard with his own ears...and he had long stopped believing anything he saw in khushi, or heard from her mouth...so why had she believed today to be different. It was her fault to have thought that he had trusted her...stupid stupid stupid girl...since when did Arnav Singh Raizada trust her. Care for her. Or believe her. It had always been his Di. And today too it was all about his Di. What happened downstairs, him siding with her. Defending her. It was all for his Di's sake. The way it had been last time. Last time it was to keep his Di out of the loop. And this time...this time it was to avenge his Di.

Well in a sick twisted way she had got what she wanted. Arnav alive. Safe. Out of Shyam's reach. Aware of Shyam's motives. Thats all she had wanted, was it not. Ok may be there had been more, for the briefest of moments, she had hoped, prayed for more. The dying candle had been given a wave of oxygen making it relight again, only to find itself being brutally thrust into ice cold water. She had allowed herself to hope when she knew she should not have, and there in lay her folly. By allowing herself to hope, she had let hope weave beautiful dreams that could never be her reality. And now she must pay the cost for dreaming, dreaming a dream as Arnav Singh Raizada had said she could not afford.

Coming to this melancholy conclusion, Khushi stepped out of her shower. Dried herself and put on her cream salwar suit for the night. Out in the room Arnav had switched off the lights already and was asleep on the settee. A sombre Khushi made her way to the bed. She lay down and turned around to look at him on the settee. He was sound asleep. (Who knew after how many days.) He was safe. Hurt. But safe. So may be some good had come out of this hellish day. She had lost him yes, but he was still there in front of her. So at least she had won the battle, even if it meant she had lost the war.

As sleep began to dawn on her, her last thoughts made her wonder...why...why it was always one or the other. Why was it that you could only win either the battle or the war...for once why could one not win both...the battle and the war.

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Long after Khushi had settled down in bed, Arnav opened his eyes to look at the angelic form on the bed. How could it be, that she could seem so innocent and fragile yet be so dangerously deceptive. He had fallen into her trap again while kidnapped and believed that she truly loved him too. He had made himself vulnerable, allowed himself to open his heart to her again, only to let her take it and stomp all over it, again. Why Khushi? Why?

Why did it hurt so much to hurt you? Why couldn't he just block those emotions and feel nothing for her. She clearly did not deserve any of his care. She had impaired him again today. But no he could not blame her completely, for he had always known that she was a manipulative moral-less person. It was his fault. He had allowed himself to be wooed again. Let himself believe that she had changed. That she too loved him. His fault, he should have known better. He did know better, yet still let her take his heart for a fatal ride again. How could he be so stupid!

But never mind that now. His heartache was not a new thing to him and with time he would manage to deal with it again. Right now the wounds were fresh and that is why they hurt so much, but in a few days he would have managed to block the pain again and all would be ok then. He was unable to be cold today and so let her get the better of him, on the road, on the cliff, in the lounge when he had thrown Shyam out of the house, even in his room a few hours back. He couldn't look at her tear-filled eyes without breaking, causing him to look away.

It was true, even if he hated to admit it, the words he had said downstairs. They were every bit true, Di and Khushi were the 2 most important persons in his life and Shyam had dared to mess around with both of his women. He had cheated on Di and dared to bad mouth his Khushi (even if it all were true) still how dared he say anything against his khushi...Damn it! Khushi!! Who was she? How she could have this affect on him that made him loose control over himself, was inexplicable to him. But enough was enough! He had been vulnerable today, but he wouldn't be tomorrow. He had to focus and remember that khushi and her illicit behaviour was responsible for every tear, every pain Di had. Yes! That would keep him stable. That would make his resolve stay. Remembering all the pain Khushi had given to Di would keep him sane and focused. He had lost his love, his khushi. But he was not going to lose his Di. He had lost the battle, but he would win the war!

As sleep began to dawn on him, his last thoughts made him wonder...why...why it was always one or the other. Why was it that you could only win either the battle or the war...for once why could one not win both...the battle and the war.

****