~*~ On The Verge of Losing Dharma~*~

1 years ago

Astraea

@Astraea1306

Draupadi's POV:

Why me? Why does every chapter of happiness in my life brings with it an ocean of sorrows? Why every time I end up suffering? What sins had I committed in my past life, that God is punishing me like this?

With my good fortune, I was borne to Maharaj Drupad of Kampilya, but I was borne as a youth, hence I never had the pleasure of playing in my father's lap. 

During my swayamvar ceremony, Arya Arjun had won the archery contest as well as my heart, but on the next day I had to marry his brothers also, as a penalty to fulfil Mother Kunti's order. I couldn't express my uneasiness to anyone, not even to Mata Kunti or Arya Arjun.

I was warmly welcomed as the Kulvadhu of Kuru Dynasty, my eldest husband was coronated as the king of an independent kingdom but we were exiled from our own house and sent to that barren land of Khandavprasth. [1]

I became the queen of that beautiful town of Indraprastha, but I had to suffer 12 years of separation from Arya Arjun. And when he returned, I was no longer his only wife.

After successful completion of Rajsurya Yagya, I became empress of Aryavarth, but very soon my Dharmaraj husband lost everything, including his brothers, himself, and me, in the gambling match. The scenes of that cursed Dyut Sabha kept haunting me. My body was barely covered in a piece of cloth while I menstruated. In such condition, I was dragged to the Raj Sabha by my hair. I was called a whore. Had Sakha not saved me that day, I would have immersed myself into the fire from which I was borne.

The respected elders of Kuru Dynasty and Guru Drona and Kulguru Kripacharya had silently witnessed the scene of my humiliation and insult. Nobody, except Kakashree Vidur and my brother-in-law Vikarna, had opposed Duryodhana.

And why should I complaint about others, when my own husbands are at fault. How could Dharmaraj like Arya Yudhishthira stake his brothers and their wedded wife in the gambling match? I did hear about Maharishi Vedvyas' prophecy about the war, but how could he forget that brothers and wife are not mere objects which can be gambled away. Further, why didn't my other Arya's oppose their jyeshth? I wasn't only Arya Yudhishthira's wife; then how could he stake me without taking consent from all my Aryas.

That deceived game of dice had robbed us of our kingdom and wealth. But this pain is nothing infront of the pain which I had been facing because of separation from my sons and my youngest daughter. I still remember, just after my marriage, mother Kunti had assured me, that no matter what, her eldest son would always ensure my happiness. Ironically, he was only responsible for all my sorrows.

As time passed in the woods of Kamyaka, I realized how badly my husbands repented for their actions and inactions. My heart had somehow allowed to forgive my husbands, except my eldest Arya. I may had interrupted him, when he burned his hands, but it wasn't that easy to forget the bitter taste of the poison of humiliation, he had fed me. I continued to fulfil all my duties as his wife, but I didn't feel that spark of love in our relationship anymore.

Where my other husbands burned in the fire of revenge, I see him living peacefully among the monks. One day he suddenly punished Arya Arjun by forbidding him from eating anything without his permission for no reason. When this punishment was finally over, the very next day, he sent him on an unknown expedition. Why does his actions always torment me?

Around 13 months had passed since Arya Arjun left. Without him, my life feels like a night sky without its stars and moon. With the arrival of king of seasons Spring, the entire woods appeared to be immersed in shringaar rasa. The trees of Palash, Amaltash, Jarul, Semal, Shirish, Gul Mohar, Java Rani, etc. had started blossoming with the advent of the season.

But in the absence of my Arya, all these beauties were worthless to me. Arya Bheem always tried to find reasons to make me happy, but nothing could alleviate the pain of my heart. Infact, he himself was very sad with the absence of his little brother. I could feel his restlessness.

Thinking about all these things, I was staring, through a window of our hermitage, at the full moon on that clear night sky of Phalguna, Arya Arjun's birthday. I was brought to reality by a firm yet soft touch on my shoulder. I turned around to see Arya Bheem looking at my tear-filled orbs. "Arya.....!"

With his rough palms, he wiped away my tears and took me in his arms. "Priye, I know you are missing Arjun. Do not grieve dear, I am sure he is safe wherever he is."

"Arya, I try hard to keep my mind engrossed in the domestic works, but every time this foolish mind runs away and starts thinking only about him." I told him sorrowfully.

"Worries about Arjun keeps me biting like a poisonous serpent day and night. But other than waiting for him we do not have any choice." Arya Bheem sighed. He added, "Panchali, hadn't jyeshth ordered, I wouldn't have allowed Arjun to go on such unknown expedition."

Hearing the mention of my eldest husband, suddenly my mind agitated. I said satirically, "Your jyeshth is himself the epitome of Dharma. Common people like you and me should not judge his decision." for I had knew about the presence of my eldest husband at the threshold of the cottage. The moment these words escaped my mouth, I felt his retreating steps. It's not that I loved taunting him, but I had to make him realize the pain his actions caused everyone.

Once again turning towards the moon, I said in a nostalgically, "Arya do you remember the those celebrations on the full moon night of Phalguna at Indraprastha?"

He replied in a cheerful tone, "Of course priye, how could I forget those. Arjun used to get irritated by Nakul's unending trial sessions of jewelries and clothing and..." I interrupted him, "And you would irritate him by making him taste more than 100 kinds of dishes. By the end of the tasting session, he used to get so full, that he barely ate anything for atleast next 2 days." Arya Bheem smiled sheepishly.

He kept on hugging me from my back and we kept on looking at the moon until we slept in each other's arms.

Draupadi's POV ends

[2] The memory of Arjun's retreating figure was afresh in my mind. These 13 months felt like 13 lifetimes to me. But under any circumstances I could not leave the path of Dharma, and path of Dharma wanted me to keep patience and have faith on that Almighty's divine plan. During, these 13 months, every day, without forgetting, I prayed to God to give me any news about the well-being of my little brother. And whoever came to meet us, I asked each one of them, if they knew anything about my Arjun. My relationship with Bheem, Nakul and Kalyani got bitter with every passing moment.

Then one day, a group of monks came from the direction of Indrakil mountains. After paying them due respect with my hospitality, I asked them, "Rishigan, do you know anything about my brother Arjun? Around 13 months back he went to the Indrakil mountains for his penance and since then I did not hear anything from him. Please save me from this distress."

The monks started looking at each other then one of them replied, "Raajan, does your brother carries a huge divine bow made of gold and silver?"

I immediately understood they were talking about Gandiva. I stuttered out of excitement, "Ye..ye...yes, munivar, h...he carries Gandiva, a divine bow gifted by A...Agni Dev. How is he? I...is he well? Is he..."

The monk kept his hands of right shoulder and calmly said, "Raajan, please calm down. Your brother is fine. He has started off with his penance. In the initial days, he used to feed on the leaves and berries. But as time went, the severity of his austerity increased. Since last 10 months he had stopped eating and drinking at all and is surviving only by consuming air and had gone into a deep trance."

As soon as the monk finished his sentence, a loud crashing noise was heard. We all looked towards the direction of the sound to find the water filled earthen pot which Panchali was carrying had shattered on the ground, spilling all its content. Panchali's fragile body too had met the ground, had Bheem not caught her on time. Bheem carried her inside the hermitage and Nakul and Sahadev followed.

Even if my heart wanted to go, I could not go inside for I had guests to entertain. After chatting and discussing with them about Dharma and Shastra for around half prahar, they took leave. As soon as they went, I quickly went inside the hermitage.

Kalyani had now by awaken, and was sobbing bitterly while Bheem was trying to comfort her. I went near Nakul and asked with concern, "Nakul, is Kalyani fine? How did she lose her consciousness?" Nakul said in a voice devoid of any emotion, "Jyeshth, sometimes excess stress for someone you love causes such blackout. You need not worry."

For a moment, I kept staring at Nakul. My eyes welled with tears, but somehow, I didn't let them spill. Sahadev just came behind me and kept a comforting hand on my shoulders.

Kalyani somehow, comforted herself and prepared lunch for everyone. Post lunch, we were sitting inside our cottage silently and staring at blank. We were already hell worried for Arjun and now these newly discovered facts had increased our worries by 100 times.

Breaking the eerie silence, Kalyani said, without addressing anyone, "I do not like living in these woods anymore. Wherever I cast my eyes, I see the reminiscence of Arya Arjun, and that makes me miss him more and more."

Nakul too supported Kalyani, "I agree with you Panchali. I too miss him. I don't understand, why that Almighty is making him suffer like this."

This time Kalyani replied scornfully, "Arya Nakul, you better ask this question to you jyeshth. He is the one who had pushed Arya Arjun into such dangerous situation."

Before I could reply anything, Bheem growled, "What will he answer? Jyeshth, now I understood, why you always preached the path of forgiveness. In reality, you do not have any confidence on our capabilities and strength."

I tried to interrupt, "Bh...Bheem, just listen.." Bheem bickered back, "Please, Jyeshth do not give your justifications for your actions. Now a days I am unable to understand them." Bheem's bickering seemed to rob off my speaking ability.

Nakul turned towards me and said, "Jyeshth, you were never like this. Since childhood, you have always cared for us, then how could you send chhote bhaiya on such a dangerous mission. Have you forgotten everything that chhote bhaiya did, so that you can complete the Rajsurya Yagya successfully."

Panchali taunted back, "Arya Nakul, your jyeshth doesn't like anything as much as he likes his Dharma."

Bheem retorted back, "DHARMA – DHARMA – DHARMA!! I am tired of this jyeshth's concept of Dharma. Jyeshth, you told us to live in this forest because it is our dharma. You refused us to revolt against Hastinapur again because of your Dharma. Now you sent Arjun to such a dangerous journey to fulfil which Dharma? Right now, according to me the best Dharma is to go and bring back our little brother."

At first, I stayed mum, then said in a timid tone, "No Bheem, I cannot lie. We must wait for Arjun to return. Don't forget, he is penancing to please Lord Indra to obtain celestial weapons, and we should not disturb him during his penance."

Bheem enraged and said in frustrated tone, "But why does he need the celestial weapons? I can assure you, that my mace, Arjun's Gandiva, Nakul's sword Asi [3] and Sahadev's Tikshanashu, we can claim back our kingdom. How could you forget that, we are Kshatriyas and doing these penances does not form part of Kshatriya dharma."

I knew it had no meaning, yet once again I tried to reason out with Bheem, "But Bheem, how could I return before completion of the exile period. I haven't yet completed my repentance."

Bheem said in an enraged manner, "What kind of repentance are you doing by listening to the stories from every passing monk? It was you who played the dice game by staking our kingdom, us, and even our wife. Why should we repent for the sins committed by you?"

Sahadev immediately interrupted, "MAJHLE BHAIYA!! Do you have any idea of what you are saying?"

Bheem said in a shattered tone, "Sahadev, tell me what should I do after knowing that my little brother is subsisting only on air since last 10 months? Do you realize the life-threatening situation of Arjun. How would we face mother, if anything unfortunate happened with him."

Bheem broke into bitter sobs. His sobbing was like a torture to my ears, but I could not take a single step towards him, to comfort him. After sometime, he somewhat composed himself and said to me, "Jyeshth, fine you want to repent, you may repent. But please allow us to leave for Hastinapur. We will have to arrange our army, and plan our attacks. And this will take time. As soon as your exile gets over, you may return to us. Till then we would have secured our lost territory"

Saying this he stormed off the hermitage and Sahadev followed him to bring him back. Realization dawned upon me. My brothers don't need me anymore. And why should I blame them? Is it not me the who is gravely mistaken. Whatever, Bheem said is 100% true. What has my Dharma given to my brothers? Nothing, absolutely nothing. My Dharma caused me to get my brother's wife married to all of us. My Dharma caused me to accept the invitation to the dice game, and silently witness the humiliation of my family. My Dharma caused me to send Arjun in the quest of celestial weapons. What will I answer to mother, Subhadra, Abhimanyu and Madhusudan, if anything happened to Arjun? Should I give up the path of Dharma I had followed so far?

Thoughts like this kept on passing by my mind. I was brought to reality, by a sudden voice, "ALAKH NIRANJAN!!" I immediately came out at the verandah to see a short and stout monk with a smiling face standing near fenced gates of our cottage. He was dressed like any other monk and in his one hand he was carrying a kamandal and in his other hand he was carrying the yoga dand.

I went near him bowed down to touch his feet. He blessed, "Dharmaraj Bhavah!!" I asked him in a humble tone, "Munivar, who are you? My heart which was heavily distressed just before your arrival is suddenly feeling at ease with your mere presence."

That monk gave out a loud laugh and said, "The wheel of time is very unique. If you know the trick to turn it, you can win over all your distress. Vatsa, I am Sage Brihadashva."

I was taken aback by the monk's statement. Time was like a constantly rotating disc whose movement cannot be intervened by anyone, then how could one turn the wheel of time. But before I could ask him, Panchali and Nakul came to take blessings from him. Even Bheem and Sahadev had also returned.

Sage Brihadashva blessed all of them and then said, "When a forest is on fire, it needs water, not air. The uncontrolled gust of wind inflames the forest fire so much that the entire forest turns to ashes and innocent animals had to pay for it with their lives." [4]

Then we served Rishivar with our hospitality and requested him to have dinner with us and stay at our residence for the night, to which he gladly agreed.

That night when, our special guest as well as our other guests had been served with the dinner, Kalyani called all of us for dinner. The moment, I stood at the threshold of our cottage, entire afternoon episode flushed into my mind. My appetite was gone. I apologized, "Please forgive me for I have no appetite. Please you all eat." I rushed out of the hermitage towards the woods. While going, I heard Sahadev's voice calling me from my back.

Sahadev's POV

Thank God, that Sage Brihadashva came, or else God knows how would I have comforted jyeshth. No matter how dire the circumstances, jyeshth had always managed to calm his mind. But I was wrong. That day a fierce battle was going on in jyeshth's conscience. Somehow the battle got halted with the arrival of sage Brihadashva. But again, at dinner time the battle seemed to resume and jyeshth left without having his food.

Since, last few months, jyeshth's concern for chhote bhaiya was not letting him to eat or sleep properly. I could see his restlessness hidden under his façade of calmness. Day by day he was losing his confidence. He had started hesitating to take any decision for us. If this continued for any longer, I was sure that we will lose our jyeshth.

I tried calling him, but he paid no heed to my calls and just went into the woods. I was about to follow him, but sage Brihadashva stopped me, "Vatsa, sometimes strong winds bring storm even in the calmest deepest oceans. At such a times, only mountains can break the fierce waves of the sea. Leave him alone for some time."

I understood Rishivar's words and giving one last look at the path, which jyeshth took, I went inside the cottage.

End of Sahadev's POV

[2] I kept on going inside deep woods until I was sure that none of my brothers were following me, for I did not want to break infront of them. I sat unceremoniously on the ground. That day the pain of my heart crossed all it limits. No matter, whatever I did, my decisions always had the opposite results. I sent Arjun to get the celestial weapons so that he can face against imminent archers Pitamah and Guru Drona in the impending war, but unknowingly I pushed him into such a life threatening situation. Slowly, a belief started taking roots into my mind, that whatever Bheem said is true, and Dharma that I preached practice so far is all false. Unknowingly, tears flooded my eyes and I started sobbing bitterly in the dark silent woods.

I never knew, how much time passed like this, but I was brought to reality by a soft touch on my head. I raised my eyes to see sage Brihadashva standing infront of me with a sympathetic smile. I fell at his feet and kept on crying until he lifted me to a sitting position. He too sat infront of me and wiped my tears. "Do not grieve vatsa, do not grieve."

I replied, "How shouldn't I grieve, Munivar? Have you ever seen any unfortunate person like me who has been robbed off all his belongings and causing his brothers and wife suffering for the lifetime like this."

The sage silently replied, "Yes, I have seen. Infact, the one I am talking about was more unfortunate than you." I kept looking at him with curiosity. He continued, "Long time ago, the King of Nishadh, Maharaja Nal, who was brave, dutiful, and virtuous king just like you, had lost all his wealth and kingdom in a gambling match and was forced to remain in exile for a long period of time."

I could see my own reflection in Maharaja Nal. I asked, "Then how did he get back all his fortune? Did he raise a huge army against his oppressor?" The sage replied, "No Raajan, the same gambling match which made him bankrupted him helped him earn back his fortune." I could not understand the meaning of his words, so I requested, "Can please Munivar, tell me complete story of Maharaj Nal, if you aren't feeling sleepy."

The sage, raising his eyebrows, said, "Well Raajan, I was actually worried about your sleep." I chuckled, "Munivar, sleep doesn't come to me anymore." Then the sage started narrating in detail the story Maharaj Nal and Maharani Damayanti. He told me about Maharaja Nal's marriage with Maharani Damayanti, losing all his fortune in the game of dice, his exile, his incognito life, the sacred mantra of akshahridaya, Maharaja's victory over the game of dice with the sacred mantra.

After listening to his story, my hopelessness was somewhat gone. I expressed my lament to the sage, "Only had I known someone who could teach me the sacred mantra of akshahridaya, Mamashree Shakuni or any other person, can never cheat me again in the dice game."

This time the sage said, "That's my whole purpose of coming to you. I have been sent by the Almighty to give you the initiation of Akshahridaya and Ashvahridaya. With the help of Akshahridaya mantra, the dice will always produce the number that you desire. thus will make you invincible in the game of dice. And Ashvahridaya mantra will help you to connect to the minds of the horses. But for that we will have to go to your hermitage for these mantras will put you in a deep trance of sleep and will take roots in your dreams." And looking at the surroundings he further said, "And though this place looks amazing for spending the night, but not safe enough to fall asleep."

I chuckled and followed him back to our hermitage. He made me seated on a hay mat on the veranda and started with the unusual midnight initiation. As soon as he had whispered the mantras into my ears, suddenly I started feeling drowsy. My body started swaying and it became difficult for me to keep my eyes open for even a moment. I felt sage Brihadashva supporting my body to help it getting laid. The last thing I remembered was my head touching the ground.

Next morning, I remember, Sahadev, crouching beside me, was waking me up. For the first time since the starting of our exile, I had a sound sleep. Sahadev informed me that sage Brihadashva had left before anyone of us got up. I closed my eyes once to that the noble sage. I heard him speaking in my conscience, "Don't worry Vatsa, very soon you will get some good news about your brother."

Having attained a strong beliefs on his words, I kept waiting patiently for the so called messenger.

Author's Note:

[1] – As per the original text, it wasn't Draupadi's decision to choose Khandavprastha as their capital. Infact, Dhritharashtra himself ordered Yudhishthira to accept Khandavprastha and give away the throne of Hastinapur to Duryodhana

[2] – The story continues in Yudhishthira's POV

[3] – This is name of the sword of Mahadev. In the Mahabharat, no where its is mentioned that Nakul had this sword. It has been inserted by me as a part of my narrative. My justification for doing so, is that I wanted to give each Pandava a celestial weapon and the name 'Nakul' is another name of Lord Shiva.

As a matter of fact, Bheem's mace was gifted by Mayasura, the one who made the house of tricks in Indraprastha. The mace's power was equal to 10000 maces and was initially used by King Youvanasha, an ancestor of Raja Harish Chandra.

[4] – I hope you understood who is this fire and wind. If not, then check the comment corresponding to this para.