Chapter Two

K-Shandra

@K-Shandra

Anurag got into his vehicle and made to start it, only to stop midway. He turned to look at the house. A frown again marred his forehead.He had not even been away form Prerna for that long and already he felt strange, edgy. He for a moment considered their situation, along friendship and the bond that had been formed in childhood. She both intrigued and irritated him. When she had been younger, it had been more of the latter. But recently…

He had no idea whether his father was even aware of the conditions they found themselves in. Anurag shook his head, certain that if his father were aware of their situation he would have done something. Mrs Veena was after all the widow of his father’s best friend and the man who’d helped establish Basu Publications. Their friendship would have compelled his father to look out for the man’s widow and daughters – at least until the girls were married and settled. Anurag started the car, intent on finding answers to these contradictions.

He entered their home, where his mother stopped him with her usual, “Anu, I was wondering when you would get home. You know you really should let your wife know of your movements.”

“Mom.”

“I’m serious Anurag. You are married now. You cannot just come and go as you please, you have a responsibility towards your wife.”

“Mom, please, I need to speak to father, do you know where he is?”

“Anu first go and see your wife, your father can wait.”

“Mom…” he started but then thought better of it, he knew it was pointless to try and change her mind. It was simply easier to do as she said. He nodded and turned from her. But as he walked away from her, he realized that since running into Prerna he no longer felt the desire or need to speak with Sonalika as often.

“There you are,” Sonalika’s greeting travelled towards him, for some reason causing his spine to stiffen. However he could not quite fathom the reason why.“I was waiting for you to return, I thought we could have dinner together and you could tell me about your day.” Her voice the method of delivery seemed too sweet and grated on his nerves. They were not a traditionally married couple,something she knew only too well, and he had no desire or intention of pretending that they were.

“I just came to let you know that I’m home, but I really need to speak with my father.”

“Can it not wait? I haven’t seen you all day, you should spend some time with me as well.”

For some reason her words sounded clingy, something he had no need of. He held up his hands as she approached him and said, “I need to speak with my father.”

Sonalika pouted,something that seemed irritating and manipulative, yet he fought his instinct to place as much space as possible between them. Both Sonalika and his mother had a tendency to hear only what they wanted to hear, especially when it came to things he wanted to do.

“You can speak to your father after dinner. Come, I had the servants make your favourite.

Anurag had no desire for food. His stomach twisted as he forced himself to accompany her since he knew it was the best to maintain the peace in the house. His family members would not understand his discomfort and it was best not to involve them.

They passed Anupam as they progressed down the stairs. The man’s expression was something between discomfort and tolerance as he greeted them in passing. It served to confuse Anurag even more. Anupam has always been easy going, sometimes bordering on being a clown, causing Anurag for a moment to consider whether it was his marriage to Nivedita that had saddened him. Much like Sonalika’s proximity to Anurag cause a strange sensation to crawl over his skin. Anurag looked after Anupam, wondering for a moment if he should not discuss the matter with him, but then the ease with which he and Mr. Bassu got along, along with their apparent alliance on matters concerning him and Prerna, confused him.Perhaps there was something he was simply not seeing.

Anurag settled for their meal. The day’s events and revelations continued to churn and swirling his mind, rendering him incapable of settling or processing on any particular topic. Sonalika spoke, however the words went right over his head.Her voice grated on his nerves. It seemed almost too saccharine, too artificial. His skin actually started to itch.

“Please excuse me, there is something I need to attend to.” Anurag said when he could no longer stand it. He rose from his seat and checked for his car’s keys. He had no idea as to where he was going, only that he had to get away from there.

He drove around for some time, unseeingly, following some unknown guide. It made no sense, but as with so many things after his return,he simply accepted it. Whenever he tried to oppose it, a twisting sensation settled in his gut, threatening to regurgitate his meal. He stopped outside an old temple. He looked at it, confused. While the restlessness he’d felt was still there it, seemed less.

He got out of the vehicle and made his way up the short flight of steps. There was no one in the temple, other than the idol of the Goddess Durga. It had been some time since he had visited a temple. He came to stand before her, folded his hands and lowered his head before he spoke,“Goddess, I don’t understand things anymore, even my close ones confuse me. My mother always says that when one faces a problem you do not have an answer to,one should turn to the Goddess for guidance. I ask for your help with this.”

He opened his eyes and lifted his head. Then jolted. The temple seemed familiar, yet there was no actual reason why it should be. He looked at the idol of the Goddess, his gaze dropping to the Goddess’s feet covered in sindoor.

There was a flash across his mind, an image of Prerna in wedding dress. She looked beautiful as a bride, simple but beautiful. He swallowed at the uncomfortable sensation that settled over his heart. He looked around the temple and wondered if Prerna had gotten married there, with him attending her wedding. “Why then can I not see her husband?”

He reached down and picked up some of the sindoor. Another image flashed across his mind: One of him holding sindoor in front of Prerna. Anurag shook his head, immediately discarding the image. There was no way he could have married Prerna and not remembered it.Also, his mother would have ensured some fancy wedding with full rituals.Moreover, had his flash been real, what would have driven them apart?

He placed the sindoor back on the idol’s feet and stepped back. If anything, his visit rendered him even more confused. He took his leave of the Goddess and left the temple. Once outside his uneasiness returned,increasing whenever he started towards his car. He clenched his hands and fought the irritation he felt building. He looked about and tried to assess which direction made him most comfortable and then followed his instincts,allowing them to guide him.

Just as he was about to give up and proclaim the entire exercise futile, he noticed a hut off to the side. It drew him. He knocked on the door but there was no answer He pushed against it and it swung free.Entering the room he called, “Is there anyone here?”

Silence answered him.

He stepped into the simple home and looked about. Just as the temple it seemed familiar, comforting even. He moved about it and tried to understand the reason for it. He lowered his hand, touching the side of the cot, only for there to be another flash, harder, stronger than the others before it. He stumbled back a step or two, waiting for his mind to make sense of the flash. A nauseous sensation took hold of him as an image formed, one which started him far more than he would have thought anything could. His body flushed with heat at remembrance. His heart sped up, mere moments before his blood seemed to run cold. The sick sensation in his stomach increased and he wondered if it was somehow the Goddess punishing him for something.

A sense of warmth, love and connection filled him as images of Prerna flashed in his mind. His body instantly responded to the images, the memories of her holding him close, of being so close to her. He closed his eyes, his hands covered his nose and mouth as he fought the sickening sensation that assailed him. He lowered to the ground, shaking his head in disbelief. He had wanted to know whom the person was she had allowed that close to her… It had been him. A band tightened around his heart at the realization, the possible consequence of that memory. He sat on the ground, his heart racing,finding it difficult to breathe… it would imply that, could mean that, the child she was carrying… no he should not think such things… but the thought would not relent. 

Certainly his family would have informed him of such, she would have been living in the house, certainly. They would not cast out their own grandchild.

He shook his head. Everything only served to confuse him further. He needed answers. He had to uncover the truth. Anurag made to rise,only to realize that the truth was not something anyone seemed too keen to divulge to him.

And were the flashes true, a far more important question loomed in his mind: Why would they allow him to marry Sonalika?

He ran through the various people whom he could ask… He knew Prerna would not answer his questions, he had seen the weariness in her eyes when he had asked her about her husband. His mother was out of the question because she would only divert the question onto something else, as she usually did when she did not want to answer a question. His father… he remained uncertain as to whether his father would, because he still had no idea as to why his father would treat the mother of his child in such a manner –especially if it were Prerna. The only one left was Anupam. Anurag released a pent up sigh. He would ask Anupam, however he doubted that the man would be able to comprehend the importance of the answer. Perhaps he too would sidestep things, just as the others had. But he had no other option.

With his mind made up, Anurag got up and made his way back to his vehicle.

The drive home did not take as long, but it was only when he reached home that he realized the hour. He made for the stairs, then caught movement out of the side of his eye. He stopped to look in the direction it had come from, his entire body stiffening as Sonalika demanded, “Where have you been? I called you so many times.”

Anurag patted his pockets before replying, “I must have left my phone somewhere.”

“You haven’t answered my question. Where were you?”

Deciding that a half-truth was better than nothing he replied, “I went to the temple.”

“What were you doing there?” Sonalika demanded.

He quickly replied, “I needed some time to think.”

“Were you alone?”

Anurag felt his brow furrow at that but decided to answer her question with one of his own, “and just who would I have been with?”

“Never mind,” Sonalika quickly, dismissively said, sweetly adding, “Come, let’s go to bed.”

Anurag shook his head and said, “No. I need to speak with Anupam first.”

Disbelieving Sonalika said, “At this hour? Can’t it wait until morning?”

“No it can’t.”

“I don’t know if Nivadita would be too pleased with that.”

“It won’t take long. So go up so long, I’ll join you shortly.” And with that Anurag turned back towards the stairs.

He knocked on Nivadita’s door, waiting for some response. Several moments later he knocked again only to hear Anupam murmur, “I’m on my way.”

He waited for Anupam to open the door, before reaching for the man’s arm and stating, “Come with me.”

“Hey! What’s this? Anurag!”

“I need some answers and you’re the one who stands to lose the least in this equation.”

“Anurag, what are you talking about?” Anupam demanded as they entered the study.

“I’ll make this easy, you only need to answer yes or no.”

In disbelief Anupam asked, “What?”

“The questions are simple enough,” Anurag said as he came to a standstill in the middle of the room.

“Prerna…” Anurag said, and then drew in a deep breath to steady his nerves.

“What about Prerna?” Anupam asked.

“Prerna and I were married?”

Anupam looked at him for several moments before asking, “Who told you this?”

“I said yes or no,” Anurag firmly edicted.

Anupam shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his expression wary before he finally closed his eyes and nodded, “Yes.”

Anurag was tempted to ask what had happened but instead reined in his curiosity, asking instead, “The child she is carrying, it’s mine?”

With less hesitation this time Anupam replied, “Yes.”

A thousand conflicting thoughts swirled in his mind, Anurag however gave voice to the most prominent, “Why is she not living here then?”

“She was asked to leave after your return.”

“What? Why?”

“We were told you needed space, that you should not be pressurised to remember anything. And with Prerna here, everyone thought you would feel pressured to remember things best left forgotten.”

“It cannot be that bad.” Anurag countered in disbelief.

Anupam only shook his head.

“But why would mom allow me to get married again if I was already married?”

“It is no secret that mother in law dislikes Prerna, she would willingly… no I had better stop there.”

“But that means that my and Sonalika’s wedding is void.”

“Much like your marriage to Komolika was.”

“What?” Anurag demanded.

“Just forget it,forget I even mentioned it.”

“No! You can’t do that.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. Komolika is dead so it’s irrelevant.”

“But Prerna… No,I can’t even begin to understand this. And how do I, I mean how will I know how she feels about this. She is distant enough whenever I ask her anything about the baby and the father.”

“She is the only one who could answer you now.”

“She won’t,she’s stubborn like that.”

“I’m going to bed, I suggest you do the same.”

Anurag looked at Anupam in disbelief, demanding, “And just how do I do that? I can’t get in tobed with a woman who’s not my wife.

“You’ve been doing it up until now.”

“I didn’t know then.”

“Sleep in one of the guestrooms then,” Anupam dismissed the subject, “I am now going to bed.” Then left.