Chapter One

K-Shandra

@K-Shandra

Anurag was restless, but he always seemed to be when she’s not around recently. He had hoped that by taking her home he would at least meet her husband and so get to size up the man who owned his childhood friend’s heart, only to be brought face to face with the stark reality of her family’s situation. Since then, he’d been unable to find peace.

In recent month she’s leaned to accept the inevitable, along with the fact that no one,including Prerna, was willing to help him recover his memories.

She had lied about being familiar with him, but then could he consider it a lie? From his family’s actions he could deduce that she knew of his condition. So she might have acted under instruction. But how could he make her understand that even though the doctors had said it was inadvisable to push him, he knew and felt that he was missing out on something important, something he needed to remember.

Anurag could not understand or explain what he felt… it just was. And somehow Prerna seemed connected to it all. She had to be. There had to be a reason as to why he felt such calm in her presence or why it was so easy to touch her and feel close to her when he could not even share that with his wife. But then he had no idea what he actually felt for his wife, he just knew that he did not want her close to him, touching him.

It was this restlessness that had driven him to her home, and while her mother had greeted him with a thinly veiled air of tolerance, she remained civil throughout his enquiries.

Veena had stated that Prerna was most likely in her room and then gestured him it the general direction before resuming her work. The action had confused him. But when he considered the manner in which everyone treated him, he simply put it down to the fact that it was how things were between them, before he had lost his memory.

He welcomed the calmness that swathed him as he made his way there. It was that sense that drew him to her, time and again.

 It was the only way he could explain it – to himself. He knew he looked for reasons to see her, or to talk to her, when she was not around him. And whenever she was at his side he would just simply bask in her presence. It seemed right – normal even, as if she was a part of him somehow.And that in itself was confusing. Had her husband been about he would probably have felt different about it.

He still could not understand how anyone could leave her. How could any man simply not be around? She had a presence that commanded attention and yet the man failed. And what type of a man could allow her to live in such conditions… she was expecting his child, how could he simply just leave her like that? Anurag entered her room, and just like with her presence immediate calm engulfed him. Her scent lingered, her presence felt.

The unmistakable presence of another could also be sensed… one not yet there but whose impending arrival would become her world He knew that once she’d given birth she would betaken from him, and he had no idea how he really felt about that. He had no idea how he even felt about the fact that she, Prerna, his non-stop chatter patter was pregnant with another man’s child.

Anurag wanted to know who the man was that had full rights to Prerna and her baby. The man she allowed that close to her, because he was certain it would answer the questions that lingered in the back of his mind. It would also explain to him why he found it so hard to be close to anyone. Intimacy seemed impossible, proximity just as hard – unless it was with her.

He’d been conditioned for so long to understand what society expected of one, that it stilted him. But with Prerna he knew he could simply be. He could touch her without restraint, would instinctively reached for her, and for some strange reason is appeased him. Other girls irritated him, yet he felt safe and at ease in her presence. Sometimes she challenged or teased him, leaving him with no idea as to how he should react to her.

His lips curved into a smile, only to slowly fade away…

He remembers mischief in her eyes as a child… how challenging she could be - but that was no longer there. It was as if the playfulness had given in to a weariness she wore around her like a cloak. But his memory also haunted him with reminders that she had been a far more playful and carefree person.

He looked about her room. It was uncomplicated and straightforward, much like Prerna. He found himself drawn to the baby cot. He stood there looking at it. Somehow it felt right, it

was something he could not explain or even begin to comprehend. He stood next to it and felt as if he too should be at that stage of his life… and then wondered how she managed to carry on with her heart broken.

Prerna has always been a romantic.

A frown formed on his brow. He had no idea where that thought had come from, only that it was there.

His attention was drawn to an odd piece of string that hung from the end of the cot- it appeared to be holy thread tied at two points. He thought it an odd place for something like that. It seemed so unnecessary, so out of place. He reached for it.

On touching it a memory momentarily flashes. A temple. But as quickly as it was there it was gone. He loops it from its place and lifts it for closer inspection. He remembers having a similar one, along with a few other items. Although he could not remember why he’d hung onto them. The string was important, he knew that without a doubt, or she would not have held onto it.

He checks it again, it seemed similar to the one he had. Both of them having such string signified something important… only he had no idea what. He placed the string back, but it made him uncomfortable to let go of it. He should ask her about it, but knew that like with everything and everyone else she would not tell him. Sometimes it felt as if everyone wanted to purposely change or rewrite things, and he could not understand why.

Why would anyone want to do that?

He thought it over for a moment and then realized that it was one of those things he should not fight. The doctor had said his memories would return when he was ready to accept them… just as his instinctive knowledge of who and what Prerna was had. He also remembers her stubbornness…

Why that seemed to come to mind he had no idea, but for some reason it made sense, it seemed important to remember.

His attention was drawn to a parcel that lay on her bed. He approached it as it seemed strangely out of place while at the same time right where it should be. He drew it closer, knowing that it was not right to check her things, but somehow it drew him. It contained baby clothes which caused his heart still for a moment, his body to turn cold. They were a stark reminder of her condition, her life, something he was not a part of. The reality of her condition only seemed to super impose itself on him.  It had been easier not to think that it was a little human being growing in her body…that soon she would have different priorities and that she will think of someone other than him. At the same time, he could not understand why that thought disturbed him. Even more so than the fact that he was married and he had no rights on her, or she on him… well other than those he gave her.

He heard something behind him and turned to see who it was.  His entire body went ice cold at the though of being caught, red handed, with the baby’s clothes.

Prerna moved farther into the room, towards him, and demanded, “What are you doing here?”

He did not like her tone. It was obvious enough for anyone who knew her that he was infringing on her privacy. “I… um…” He could not remember why he had actually come there for only that he needed to see her.And for some reason, that, in itself, had been reason enough.

Prerna placed the clothes back in the bag and held out her hand for those he still held.

Anurag looked at them for a moment before finally asking, “You having a boy or a girl?”

She answered him outright, “I don’t know.”

Disbelieving her replied, “What do you mean you don’t know? They would have told you.” He handed her the clothes, for a moment confused. With all the developments of science…he knew that he would want to know. But perhaps it is better if he did not…that would make it easier to keep a distance from her and the child. But then placing any distance, for any period of time, between him and Prerna was easier said than done.

“I did not want to know.” She said as she placed the remainder of the clothes back in the bag.

He tilted his head for a moment trying to establish as to why she would do such a thing, and then blurted out, “But why?” It was not that he questioned her reasons, he only wanted to know why she chose it that way.

“I am thankful for whatever the Goddess gives me.”She said turning towards him. “Is there a reason why you came here?”

“There was but now I can’t remember.” He knew it was a lame excuse, but it had to do. He liked keeping her close to him. Correct that,there was an instinctive need to keep her close. And whether that was from their shared childhood or the fact that their fathers had been such good friends, it felt right and he had quickly learned that one should follow one's instincts.