The Train journey 

Rakesh boards the train with all the girls. Six of them. Shanti mam follows. Rakesh orders her to close the door so as not to allow any stranger into the compartment. Nanu settles down in his seat in another compartment and asks Sameer, Munna, Pandit to be careful. The trio are dressed as Anglo Indian  girls in skirt and top and stalking and shoes. As the three boys walk towards Naina's compartment, they hear some loafers whistling and ogling at them. 

Munna: abe cherta hai! Ek jhapad doonga

Pandit: Ughhh! Doonga nahin...bol doongi...tu ladki hai ladki hai ladki hai

Munna: Sorry mistake ho gaya. I make mistake.

Sameer: Dekho aise mistakes karoge to hum jaldi pakde jayenge. Ab chalo ...gadi chootne wali hai...

They rush towards the compartment . The guard blows the whistle. The three boys start banging on the door.

SMP yell: Kholo koi please darwaza kholo

Shanti mam looks around. She does not see Rakesh and assumes he is in the bathroom. She opens the door and the boys come barging in. Each one tries to explain to her at the same time. Hearing them, the girls rush towards them. The boys start talking in feminine voices.

Sameer : Madam, our Uncle lives in Bombay. He is really sick and is admitted in the hospital. We want to visit him. Since we booked the tickets in the last moment, we did not get reservations. As you can see, we are just three girls...traveling alone...can we please be in this compartment...looks like (he actually looks around)...you have all girls here. We will feel safe here...please

Pandit: Yes Madam...please please

Munna: Look Madam...we be good...we eat promise

Shanti mam: Kya?

Pandit looks at Munna angrily and whispers to him: Abe Angrezi nahin aati hai to Hindi mein bol

Sameer: Madam iska matlab hai hum kasam khake kehte hain hum kuch aisa waisa nahin karenge...please Madam. It's urgent madam...

He looks towards Naina and winks. She is puzzled and is about to say something when Rakesh comes out of the bathroom and walks upto them.

Rakesh yelling: Koi circus chal raha hai yahan? Aur yeh teen namune yahan kahan se tapak pade

Pandit: Tapak nahin pade. Hum is darwaze se ghuse hain

Munna (shyly smiling): Aur hum namune nahin hain. Hum teen deviyan hain.

Sameer: Oh God! Humne to socha tha yahan sirf ladkiyan or auraten hai...par yeh to mard hai...

Munna: Aur humein mardon se badi sharam aati hai...(he pretends to blush)

Pandit: Aur mujhe dar lagta hai mardon se. Kahin yeh humari izzat par humla to nahin karenge (Points at Rakesh)

Rakesh lunges towards Pandit. Pandit screams: Police...police.koi police ko bulao. yeh aadmi meri izzat par humla kar raha hai...

Munna runs to the window and pretends to looks for a police.

Rakesh panics.

Rakesh: Chup..chup...maine kuch nahin kiya...

Shanti: Sir, rehne dijiye in ladkiyon ko humare compartment mein.

She explains to Rakesh about the "girls' emergency" and convinces him to let the girls stay. The train starts to roll out of the station.

Sameer: Ab to train bhi chalne lagi. Aap humein dhakka to nahin de sakte. I mean de sakte hain...par soch lijiye...khoon ka ilzaam aayega aap par...

Munna and Pandit smile surreptitiously. Having no other option, Rakesh reluctantly allows the "girls" to stay.

Rakesh: Ek ghante ke andar sab raat ka khana kha lo. Phir chup chap apne apne bunk pe jake so jao. Subah hum Bombay pahunch jayenge. Hotel jake fresh hoke competition ke liye jayenge. Jao abhi sab.

Rakesh settles down on his berth. Shanti madam shows the "three girls " their berths. The three empty berths next to Naina, Swati and Preeti's berths.

Preeti: Shanti mam khane mein abhi der hai. Tauji ne ek ghante ka samay diya hai. Tab tak kya humlog kuch khel sakte hain?

Shanti: Haan. Par zyada shor mat karna. Warna tum log to jante hi ho Rakesh Sir ko...

All girls: Nahin mam. Hum zyada shor nahin karenge.

Shanti mam settles down in her seat in a corner.

Sameer: To hum kya khelenge ab

Kamya: Isse pehle tum log apna apna naam batao.

Sameer: Main Ena, yeh (pointing towards Munna) Meena aur woh (Pandit) Deeka.

Pandit: Haan..aur hum teeno D'Souza

Munna: Yaane ki humlogon ka surname D'Souza

Naina: Kitne ajeeb naam hain

Sameer: Kyon? Isme ajeebwali koun si baat hai?

Preeti: Aisa lagta hai jaise tum logon ka naamkaran karte waqt tumhare gharwale Kishore Kumar ka gaana sun rahe the...Ena Meena Deeka...

Pandit laughs and says: Bilkul sahi pakda aapne. Aisa hi kuch hua tha.

Shanti mam demands attention.

Shanti: dekho ladkiyon, agar tum me se kisi ko dress change karna hai to kar lo. Raat ko pehnne ke liye kapde laye ho? Agar nahin hai to phir inhi kapdo mein raat ko so jana. Hotel jake change karna.

Naina: Main layi hoon kapde.

Other girls: Hum bhi

Shanti: To thik hai tum sab change karlo. Ena, Meena, Deeka, tumhe change karna hai to karlo.

Sameer, Munna, Pandit look at each other, nervous. They blurt: Je...je..

Shanti teacher goes back to her seat while the girls start to change. Sameer, Munna and Pandit close their eyes.

Swati: Kya baat hai? Tum teeno change nahin karoge?

Sameer (smiling shyly): Mujhe sabke samne change karne mein sharam aati hai.

Munna/Pundit nod: Humein bhi.

Swati: Are kyon sharma rahi ho? Hum sab ladkiyan.

Munna: Par woh sir phira sa aadmi baiha hai udhar ..(he points towards Rakesh who was sitting at the other end of the compartment).

Naina: Accha thik hai tum log bathroom mein change kar lo.

Sameer, Munna and Pandit proceed towards the bathroom.

Pandit (laughing): Ena didi pehle aap jao.

Sameer enters the bathroom and drags Munna /Pandit.

Munna: Arey bhai yeh kya kar raha hai?

Sameer: Chup. Ghuso andar. Mujhe kuch kehna hai.

The trio somehow manage to fit in. Pandit holds the door as they are unable to close it.

Sameer whispers: Dekho sab se pehle humein us Safari suit ka kuch karna padega. Warna safar ka maza pura khidki se bahar

Munna: Kya kehna chahata hai?

Sameer takes out something from his pocket. Munna and Pandit are shocked!

Munna/Pandit: sone ki goliyan? Isse kya hoga

Sameer: Ise hum Rakesh Sir ko denge. Woh aaram se sari raat sote rehenge aur hum apni apni heroines ke saath kuch meethi meethi baatein karenge...gaana gayenge...

Munna: Tu pagal to nahin ho gaya!

Pandit: Sameer yaar..tere plans itne khatarnak kyon hote hain? Tere khatarnak plans and Safari Suit se milti hai dardnak sazaa...

Sameer: Arey yaar kuch nahin hoga. Accha us flask mein se thoda pani is bottle mein dalo.

Pandit pours some water from the flask. Sameer mixes some sleeping pills in it. Suddenly they feel some movement. They get tensed. They turn around. No one is there. They feel relieved as they are unaware that Preeti has come to know about their plan. Preeti goes to the girls , all excited. They huddle together and  Preeti tell them all.

Kamya: Wow! Maan gaye Sameer ko. Apni mehbooba ke liye jaan hateli par leke aa gaya.

Hema: Sacchi Naina tu kitni lucky hai.

Swati: Humare jijaji jaisa koi nahin.

Preeti: Jijaji zindabad!

Naina: Accha to yeh woh teen bandar hain. Abhi maza chakhati hoon unhe.

Preeti: Tu pagal ho gayi hai kya? Tu khud hi to chahti thi ko woh humare saath aaye. Ab apne Hitler Papa ke haathon unhe marwane ka irada hai kya? Aisa hai to bol de..main apne Ponga Pandit ko bacha lungi.

Swati: Main bhi apne Munna Raja par aanch nahin aane doongi.

Kamya: Aur hum sab milke Sameer ko bacha lenge...

Naina: Hey bhagwan maine kab kaha ki Sameer ko pakadwa doongi. Mere hote huye koi Sameer ko haath lagakar dikhaye. Apne pyar ke liye mujhe ladna aa gaya hai.

Preeti: To phir?

Naina: Arey unhe thoda sataenge, thoda masti kerenge, Ena, Meena , Deeka ke boyfriends ke baare mein puchenge...nirmal anand ka maza lenge hum.

Hema: Par Rakesh sir...

Naina peering at the far end of the compartment: Papa dur hain. Upar se train chalne ki awaaz. Unhe sirf lagega hum batein kar rahe hain. Shati mein bhi kuch dekh nahi payegi apne seat se. 

In the bathroom, Sameer, Munna and Pandit are trying to change clothes.

Pandit: Yaar Sameer, agar goliyan hi laani thi, to nashe ki...I mean bhaang ki goliyan lata. Safari Suit ko nashe mein bandar ki tarah nachwate hum, jo zulm unhone aaj tak humare upar dhaye, unka badla lete.

 Sameer: Idea bura nahin hai. Ugli baar nashe ki goliyan...par ab chalo...nahin to un logon ko shaq ho jayega.

The three boys go back to their seats.

Naina goes and sits next to Sameer. She looks at him intensely. Sameer gets nervous.

Sameer: Kya dekh rahi ho?

Naina: Tumhe. Tum bahut khubsoorat ho. Tumhara koi boyfriend hai?

Sameer: Boyfriend? Haan, hai na.

(Munna/Pandit laugh).

Preeti: Tum log hans kyon rahe ho? Boyfriend hona kya hansne wali baat hai?

Munna: Nahin..nahin..aisi baat nahin. Iska boyfriend nahin, girlfriend hai. Boyfriend...no..girlfriend yes

All girls: Kya?

Pandit nudges Munna and whispers to him: Arey yaar..maar khani hai kya tujhe?

Sameer: Arey yeh Meena to pagal hai. Kuch bhi bolti rehti hai. Uske kehne ka matllab hai..meri bahut sari saheliyan hai. 

Naina looks at Sameer: Waise Preeti ne baat to sahi kahi hai. Tum kitni khubsoorat ho. Aur aisi khubsoorat ladki ke to ek nahi, balki kai boyfriends ho sakte hai, kyon ladkiyon?

All girls: Haan..haan...tum bahut khubsoorat ho.

Naina to Sameer: Tumhare yeh baal...kitne lambe, kaale aur silky hai

Pandit , excited: Baalon ki dukaan!

Girls: Kya?

Munna tries to find some excuse: Nahin ..nahin...iska matlab hai humari mummy kehti hai Ena ke itne sundar baal hai..pura baalon ki dukaan dikhti hai

Preeti: Ajeeb hai! Waise humare Tauji...I mean woh jo waha par hai (pointing towards Rakesh) woh Naina ke pita aur mere tauji hain. Naina ke boyfriend ko baalon ki dukan pukarte hain.

Kamya to Sameer: Waise Ena yeh to batao tum baalon mein kya lagati ho? Kuch beauty tips de do taki main bhi kisi ko pata sakoo

Girls: Haan haan please batao ..

Sameer: Kuch khaas nahin..wohi jo shayad tum sab lagati ho...dahi, ande, nariyal ka tel...

Naina tries to touch Sameer's hair. Sameer jumps up, crying: Nahin...gir jayenge!

Naina: Kya???? Aise achoot kanya ki tarah kyon uchchle tum? Main koi sherni hoon jo tumhe khaa jaungi?

Sameer mutters : Tum sherni nahin ho par woh tumhara baap bhooka bhediya hai..woh kha jayenge

Naina: Tumne kuch kaha?

Munna, tries to divert: Hair fall. Ena apne baalon ko lekar bahut obsessive hai. Kisi ko haath nahin lagane deti hai. Mummy ko bhi nahin.

It was Swati's turn now to pull Munna's leg.

Swati, coming close to Munna: Waise tum bhi kuch kum nahin ho.

Munna, getting nervous: Kya matlab hai tumhara?

Swati: Tumhara figure..hai...bilkul 24-26-36. Kya dieting karti ho?

Pandit: Dieting aur yeh? nahin...yeh to bahut khati hai. Petoo hai

Swati: Phir bhi...yeh kamar..(she tries to touch him)

Munna: Nahin nahin

Swati: Kya nahin nahin ..itna bhi sharma kya...hum ladkiyaan hain...yeh tumhare..dress ka neckline to bahut sundar hai..zara dekhe...

Swati touches him. Munna starts to roll on the seat, on the ground...

Munna: Mujhe gudgudi ho rahi hai..please...please...sab gir jayenge

He tires to hold on to his tennis balls wali izzat.

The more he cries, the more Swati tortures him. Other girls jump in. Sameer and Pandit try to stop. 

Sameer: Please aise mat karo. Woh asthma patient hai. Asthma attack aa jayega.

The girls stop. All go back to their seats. Still giggling.

Sameer to Naina: Humare baare mein to bahut kuch sun liya tum logon ne. Ab tum batao...tumhara koi boyfriend hai

Naina: Haan hai to.

Sameer: kaisa dikhta hai

Naina: ek dum bad soorat

Sameer in his mind: Accha waise to kehti rehti ho main bahut handsome hoon, salman khan hoon, Prem hoon...

Sameer (aloud): Kaisa hai?

Naina: Ek number ka darpok

Sameer self talk: Accha ji...tumhare ghar mein jake tumhare us rakshas baap ke saath kaam kya, itne taane sahe, phir bhi nahin bhaga..aur tum kehti ho main darpok hoon

Sameer: Tumhe pyar to bahut karta hoga

Naina: Pata nahin..

Sameer: Aisa kyon keh rahi ho?

Naina: Aur nahin to kya kahoon? Abhi tak usne mera haath pakad ke sabke samne ILU nahin kaha hai.

Sameer self talk: Itni baar keh chuka hoon ILU...jhoothi kahin ki

Sameer aloud: ILU nahin kaha?

Naina: Mera matlab hai ..kaha hai..par chupke chupke...darpok jo thehra..himmat hi nahin hai..Ishqbaazi kya khak karega

Sameer: Itna underestimate mat karo...shayad aane wale dino mein woh saree duniya ke samne ILU keh de tumse...Waise kya tumne use kaha hai ILU ...sabke saamne

Naina: Nahin abhi tak to nahin par...lagta hai bahut jald keh doongi

The girls continue their sweet banter with trio. later, Rakesh shouts from his seat , asking everybody to have their dinner.

Pandit: Yeh tumhare tauji ko chillane ke alawa kuch aur aata hai kya?

Preeti: Aata hai..bahut kuch aata hai...safari suit pehna aata hai, humare school ke Principal ko humesha dhamkana aata hai, Naina ke boyfriend ke upar thappado ki barish karna aata hai...aur boyfriend ke doston ke kaan khinchna aata hai...

Sameer, Munna, Pandit laugh.

Sameer: lagta hai tumhare tauji sarvagun sampanna purush hain...balki main to yeh kahoonga ki woh purush nahi hain

Naina stares at him.

Sameer: woh to maha purush hain.

Naina serves dinner to Rakesh. Everybody share their food with each other. After dinner, as Rakesh gets ready to sleep, he asks Naina for water. Sameer gets up. He takes out the water bottle in which he has put those sleeping pills. Preeti grabs the bottle from him.

Preeti: Tumhe jaane ki zaroorat nahin hai. Mujhe do yeh bottle. Main deti hoon.

Sameer hands her the bottle. Preeti winks at him. Sameer gets puzzled. Preeti bends over and whispers in his ears: Jinke aage ji, jinke peeche ji, jinke aage peeche ji ji...plan aapka badiya maan gaye hum jijaji.

Sameer realizes that why Naina had been pulling his leg all this time!

After dinner, the girls wait for Rakesh to fall asleep. And he does.

Shanti Mam: Ladkiyon..ab tum bhi so jao. Subah jaldi uthna hai aur jhat se ready ho jana hai.

Preeti: So jayenge...par thodi der baad...

Shanti: Accha phir main so jati hoon. Zyada chillana nahin..warna Rakesh Sir uth jayenge and chilla chilla kar hum logon ka sar kha jayenge.

Sameer: Don't worry Mam. Woh to kharrate markar so rahe hain...hum zyada shor nahin machaenge.

The girls think of playing antakshari. Sameer pulls Naina near him.

Sameer: Accha to tumhe sab pata chal gaya tha. Isiliye meri taang khich rahi thi?

Naina caressing his cheeks: Oh mere taiji ke Bholuram, tum bhool gaye...agar tum..tum ho..to hum bhi kuch kum nahin...

Preeti: Accha to phir shuru karte hain...koi  bhi gana gao..par dil se gao...

Dil ke gaane

Naina to Sameer: Aap yahan aaye kis liye

Sameer: aap ne bulaya is liye

Naina: Aaye hain to kaam bhi bataiye

Sameer: Pehle zara aap muskuraiye

Munna, Pandit: Yeh jo public...yeh jo public hai yeh sab janti hai public hai

Swati to Munna: Haal kaisa hai janab ka

Munna: Kya khayal hai aapka

Swati: Tum to machal gaye oh oh oh

Munna: Yuhi fisal gaye ha ha ha..

Kamya in the middle of the berths..dances...: Aa...jane jaa...aa mera yeh husn jawa..jawa..jawa   tere liye hai aas lagaye, O zalim aa jana

Sameer, Munna, Pandit dance with her.

Swati makes faces. Preeti pulls off Pandit's wig.

Naina grabs Sam by his collar, dances  and sings: Jawane jaaneman, haseen dilruba, mile do dil jawan, nisar ho gaya, shikar khud yahan, shikar ho gaya, yeh kya gazab hua, yeh kaise kab hua...

Sameer, Munna and Pandit are shocked to see Naina's sensuous dance. Preeti pushes everybody away, grabs Pandit who is desperately trying to put his wig back on. Preeti does not relent and starts dancing: yeh mera dil, pyar ka deewana,

deewana, deewana, pyar ka parwana

Inspired by the sensuous mode, Swati gets up , goes near Munna and starts to pull her skirt knee high. Munna pulls it down. Swati pulls it up...as she sings: Piya tu ab to aaja...shola sa maan deheke, aa ke bujha ja, tan ki jwala thandi ho jaye , aise gale laga jaa...

Pandit , Sameer: Monica...Oh my darling...

Naina gets up again, lets her hair down and dances in her most sensuous avatar yet: raat baki, baat baki, hona hai jo...ho jane do...

Pandit: Yaar Sameer, tune in logon ko bhi goliyan to nahin de di..cabaret Goli

Munna: Haan yaar..achanak se sab Cabaret dance kyon rahi hai?

Sameer, Munna, Pandit decide to calm down the girls before they completely go out of control. They make the girls sit down.

S, M. P: Pyar humein kis mod pe le aaya, ki dil kare haye, koi yeh bataye kya hoga

As they put the blankets on the girls, S. M. P sing: Lalla lalla lori, Dhoodh ki katori, Dhoodh mein batasha, ladkiyan karein tamasha.

They switch off the lights and go to sleep.

Next morning, everybody gets ready. Pandit manages to get his wig in place, albeit with some help from the girls. As the trains pulls up at the VT station, Rakesh starts ordering them all. The train finally stops. S, M, P get down. They walk over to Rakesh who jumps and says: Wahi door se baat karo..warna phir kahogi ki main...

Munna whispering to Sam and Pandit: Ki meri tennis ball wali izzat loot raha hai yeh...

Sameer (aloud): Actually humein thank you kehna hai. Agar aap ne humein..

Rakesh: Haan thik hai thik hai..ab jao...

He goes back to the compartment to check. Naina comes near Sameer.

Sameer: Kyon hero ki heroine, dekh liya

Naina: Hmm...dekh liya..aur dikha bhi diya humne ..bahut kuch...aur ab

Sameer: Aur ab ...ILU...puri duniya ke saamne...intezar...

He winks at her and manages to slip a note in her hands. Sameer, Munna, Pandit walk away...

 

...to be continued...