Chapter 3

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Chapter 3 : Unfold your own myth 

A night full of talking that hurts,

My worst held back nightmares

Everything has to do with hating and not hating,

this night shall pass too, 

then we’ve got work to do

The lightning threatens to strike the ground with a ferocious force, steering clear from where we stand, almost as if it knows that tonight belongs to the fire within us. He stands before me like a man possessed by the ghosts lurking in his darkness. 

I look into his eyes and what I see baffles me momentarily.

Reverence. 

He averts his gaze, almost as if snapping out of this madness that were both witnessing.  

“Why did you call me here?" I hear him speak in a strained voice, almost in an agitated rush. 

"Why did you agree to meet me?" I ask, with a sudden need to hold him by his collars and slap him for his misdeeds.

But the moment is not right, and so, I hold his gaze.  

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As the lightning graces the sky once again, I catch a glimpse of her eyes. Her pretty eyes. Her deep dark orbs, where I foolishly hoped to find my home. I don’t know if that’s what I hoped to see one last time tonight but the moment has long passed as she looks at me with her deadpan eyes. 

Unfathomable. 

I avert my eyes, for I cannot be vulnerable, not again. 

Why did you agree to meet me? She asks. 

Speechless. The anger in me threatens to unleash with a sudden urge to hold her by her shoulders and shake off the stoicism.  

                                                                        ***

It rains. The thunderous night no longer lonely. And with it, comes the tears, but only to be washed away in vain, for they shall not be seen by the person who caused this torment. 

                                                                         ***

I close the gap between us and hold her arm slightly and carefully.

“It’s a storm, let’s move to my car”

“Don’t touch me!” She hisses and me off herself, as if I am diseased. 

A foreign feeling stings my heart, her coldness hurts. 

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“Speak to me all the seamy lies by looking into my eyes, 

Talk me through the nights that gave you the right to walk over my pride, 

I’ve been ousted from the only place I called home, now, tell me this; 

How did I hurt you so gravely that you felt no pain walking over me like a dead body? 

Did I not please you right all those nights?”

Possessed by her wounded pride, she taunts her way through my lies. Her words pierce my heart for I cannot hear her speak so lowly of herself. I’d rather die, than look her in the eye and utter those cruel and unbecoming words one more time. The conviction has long left me, ever since I walked out on her. My soul aches with her pain, and I find myself asking, what have I truly gained? 

But my pain overcomes her pain, suppressing the constant niggling of my heart. 

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“Do not feign ignorance! You have no right to speak of honor while you malign women whom I cherish with my life! 

You are a vile woman who doesn’t honor another woman’s pride, yet you have the audacity to stand before me and question my methods?

You masquerade as an honorable woman, reeking of hypocrisy and hate,

I cannot stand your name with mine,

Do not dare see us in the same light!"

She looks at me bewildered by my outburst. Why is she bewildered? Does it shame her that I’ve caught her in her lie? Neither fear nor shame I see in her eyes. My head is spinning, I can’t fathom the current unfolding of events. Did I make a mistake? The niggling continues. 

“Keerthi and Jaya aunty? What I have I done to them?!

 Do not speak in riddles, I do not wish to entertain your presence. How have I been vile?"

She speaks to me with utmost rage, her eyes spitting fire at me I could almost feel my face on fire. Fear engulfs me yet again, have I really erred in understand this woman before me? My world is spinning out of control. 

No, I shan’t fall victim to her innocent eyes again. I must walk through this fire. 

“I shall not dishonor my sister once more in the presence of her offender. 

Do not deny your foul play for you’ve hit below the belt,

You deserve every bit of humiliation awaiting your path,

Don't have me repeat your despicable cast!" 

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There’s a upsetting jot in his eyes as he speaks to me the unspeakable. I do not understand his stance but he seems to be consumed by uncontrolled rage. As the fire of vengeance burns him, out of no fault of mine, I inevitably burn with him! Yet, he makes no attempt to look at me. Does he fear to relive his sordid lies? He seems to swing on the pendulum of a preposterous belief. 

In spite his hate and disgust, I shan't leave until I speak for myself. I must walk through this fire. 

“The truth is like light, it cannot be hidden for a long time. 

You take pride in punishing me by disrobing me before my world.

Know this, I reject your humiliation and your accusations! 

As I leave you to wrap your head around your follies, I forever bind you to my hurt and destruction. 

I will reside in your conscience, until you do justice and undo this myth you’ve come to believe as the truth.

As I walk away from your pitiful life, I free myself from the shackles of your ignorance!

I release myself from the onset of a strange feeling I found in my heart for an impulsive and selfish man like you!

I hope you find in you the peace and forgiveness after the fire of your vengeance has been tamed, better, extinguished." 

                                                                                  ***

I stand up, and this one of me 

Turns into a hundred of me.

They say I circle around you. 

Nonsense. I circle around me. 

Farewell, whom I almost loved.

It's a pity, we could not be!

 ***

I stand in this cold night, watching her retreating back as she walks into the darkness of this long night. Her parting words have immobilized me, heart and soul. I find myself at a complete loss of words as she spoke. Her words spelled nothing of a vile woman. Why am I questioning my intelligence?! I've never felt so muddled before and a sudden urge to run after her ignites within me. Run and stop her for one last question. This does not fit my anticipation and I'm slowly loosing my footing. 

“Sulochana Deshmukh and the delivery boy arrested. They’ve confessed to the crime. Make your way to the police station, we’ll file an F.I.R. Farhad is here, make haste, I cannot hold a woman past another hour" - Inspector Swami. 

You have said what you are 

I am what I am

Your words in my head

My head here in my hands

With something circling inside 

I have no name for what circles,

So excruciatingly!

Sprawled on the cold floor, I’m losing sight of the stars and the sky. But why do I feel her close to my heart, almost as if I’m holding her fragility in my arms, with a promise to protect her from all harm? Is this how people die of heartache and separation? Then, I’ve died a thousand deaths in this one moment. 

I am filled with you, 

Skin, blood, bone, brain and soul

Love comes into my body

Looking for the center, 

Unable to find it, draws a blade

Strikes everywhere. 

 ***

The night is dark and cold, as two souls embark on a journey neither chose. Fates intertwined; freedom and captivity both lie side by side. This is no time to die. 

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