Chapter Four - Month Four

Miss.M

@Miss.M

Month Four 

Shiva was the first to notice the secret glances between Gautam and Dhara. At first, they were subtle that had he not been watching them as Gautam gave him instructions for the new shop construction, he would have been oblivious. Wondering what was happening, he decided to observe them before asking them about it. 

There were small hints, a wink, when he thought noone was looking, Dhara raising her eyebrows and once he'd even almost walked in on them hugging in the kitchen. Had it been Dev who had caught them, he knew there would be endless teasing but that went against his entire being, so he continued watching and wondering. It was only four days later, when he had to drop the bori he was carrying and run to prevent Dhara from fainting to the floor, did he find out what was happening. 

He was going to be a kaka. After years of mindless gossip in town, harsh words and endless tears, Gautam and Dhara were finally pregnant. They were waiting for the blood test results to come in before telling the rest of the family as they didn't want any disappointments. Finally something positive was happening, a sign that everything would eventually be okay; they would be okay. 

It had caught him by surprise when they had willingly shared the news with him. Their relationship was still restrained but after months of being angry with him for the steps he had taken, they had slowly reverted to treating him the way they used to; with love and familial authority. The ache of regret that had dulled and become a constant occurrence had diminished with their slow acceptance, making him realise how much their disappointment in him had actually hurt him. 

***

She was studying for a test and had taken to pacing the length of the room. Each time she turned, she explained a new titbit of information to herself. Looking at her textbook to make sure she had her facts right, she walked into the warm wall she associated with the man in her life, who caused her many sleepless nights. Looking up from her book, all the information she had understood and remembered flew out of her mind; he was smiling and what a bewitching smile it was, it lit up his eyes and his changed features had her enthralled. He was beautiful. 

"What are you looking at?" 

"You.You look so happy. What happened?" 

His smile dimmed slightly and as he turned back towards the door, saddening her that he would not share his happiness with her, till she heard the door click. Looking back at him, she was most surprised when he picked her up and twirled her around, 

"I am so happy today. Really happy. I'm going to be a kaka. Dhara bhabhi is pregnant. I'm excited and I can't wait till we can tell everyone."

Her grip tightened on his shoulders and realising what he had done, he slowed down, coming to a stop. As he lowered his arms to put her down, she was conscious of the heat that trailed down her body at every point of contact and the fire within lit a little stronger when he didn't move away. 

"Congratulations Shiva! That is great news. Let me go see Dhara di and Gaumbi to wish them." 

Even as she loosened her hands from behind his neck, where they had subconsciously ended up, he pulled her into him just a little more,

"Ae ghadheri, are you trying to get me killed? Bhabhi and Gaumbi told me not to tell anyone, but remember what Yashasvi had said, we need to communicate, so I'm telling you. Don't. Tell. Anyone." 

"It's so exciting though. I need to make sure that Dhara di isn't exerting herself.. Maybe Rishita and I can split some of the more exerting work. But if she doesn't tell anyone then how will I convince her to let us do the work." pacing again her jumbled thoughts poured out of her mouth a mile a minute and her textbook hung loosely from her fingers all but forgotten. 

The book fell out of her hand bringing her back to the present and she noticed that he had left the room. She picked the book and sat on the bed, then thought back to the instance he had given her the news and how close they were. A shiver ran down her spine and the faintest tinge of pink appeared on her cheeks. 

***

Yashasvi sat down after dinner with the journals all her patients had dropped off. She had made it a point getting them to write their innermost thoughts; ones they didn't want to share with anyone present, random thoughts, those that they thought of but couldn't say and sometimes even those that they didn't wish to discuss with her. She normally read them to gain insight on how to help them further and would usually make reams of notes to bring up during the next session. After an hour of reading and making notes, she came upon Raavi and Shiva’s journals. 

Stretching she freshened her pot of tea and sat back down. Their entries were always interesting and gave her the insight of what could be. She had previously seen some very creative name calling and complaints in the journals; as of yet, she barely had any notes on their journal entries, since they followed the same pattern as the journals in the three sessions they had had so far.

She opened up Shiva’s first and sipping the warm peppermint tea, she started reading the messy entries:

This mami ki behen ki beti is going to be the death of me. How can one be so ignorant of their surroundings? Normally when it's someone else, it's like she has eyes all around her head, but when it comes to taking care of herself she's so negligent. She would have gotten hurt if I hadn't pulled the shelf back. I can't even scold her like I used to because she just gives me the look and asks me what right I have….At least she's safe. This time. But after the divorce I won't be there. 

***

I had to drop her to college today. She was running late because she was trying to finish all the work at home. I don't understand why she cares so much when she's only got a couple of months left in the house. She's going to leave so everyone needs to get used to it. 

***

We've been talking everyday recently. It's nice. The fights are still there but it reminds me of when we got along, the simpler times; happier times, before Sneha and her other friends showed me what our reality is. 

***

Dhara bhabhi is pregnant and I knew that chipkali would be just as excited, which is why I told her. I held her in my arms after four months. Four months of wanting her, wanting to touch her, hold her. It was so difficult letting her go. What if I had leant forward instead of letting her go? Would we be in a different situation by now? 

***

She is beautiful. Inside and out. What I feel for her cannot be watered down by calling it love. But she can never find out. 

***

Interesting. She wondered what had brought about the last entry, from a couple of days ago. He hadn't written anything else apart from those twenty five words and she wanted to know what he had been thinking about. He was an enigma. His deep thoughts were only understood by him, but she wanted to know what made him the way he was. Sighing, because she knew some mysteries remain unsolved, she picked up Raavi's journal:

Shiva dropped me to college and I didn't have to sit away from him. Holding on to him tight brought back those feelings. The warm butterflies in my stomach. Till I saw those first years looking at him. How dare they? He's my Shiva, even if only for the next two months. 

***

Pagal! Ghadedha! How could he tell me the good news and then expect me to keep quiet about it? Oh how my stomach aches. Hopefully writing it down will appease the need to tell someone. I want to talk to Dhara di and Gaumbi, but I have to wait, otherwise that bhootnath is going to make my ears bleed. She's pregnant! I'm going to be a masi. Kaki. No, I won't be able to be a kaki. Shiva's wife will be. Wife. Why does this make me feel uneasy?

***

This work is so hard, I'm struggling to manage both college and the housework. I know it's only short term but it is so difficult. But I won't let Dhara di do the difficult work. She needs to take care. I hope my results are good. They come out next week. Oh God please don't let me fail like I did my marriage. Well the way we did. 

***

I watched him at the shop today. There was a truck outside and he was offloading the goods. I never noticed how hard he worked. He is always working. I remember Rishita laughing at him when we had gone to the haveli and I was angry about it. Ashamed that he was doing manual work. Not now, not anymore. It is with pride that he does such work and I am proud; of him. He's easy on the eyes too. I want to see more. But so do others. I never knew how many girls, no women, stopped to look at Shiva as they neared the shop. 

***

There were a couple more entries about college and her studies, that she quickly read and then turned to her legal pad; and thought, then thought some more Raavi's thoughts though more clear than Shiva's still left her scratching her head. She wasn't as deep as Shiva but her thoughts held just as much mystery as his did. Her tea had gotten cold and the bitter taste brought her out of her thoughts. They were unique and didn't conform to any of her methods of counselling. 

She knew it was normal to have couples such as them, but they were rare and far in between. If only she could find a way to get them to talk to each other about their feelings instead of the superficial things that they discussed when they came in. She would have to think of something else before they came in after the weekend. 

***

Dhara had a suspicion that Shiva had told Raavi. It had been a week since he had found out and ever since then, every time she tried doing anything Raavi appeared like a ghost taking over the work. She felt like a thief in her own house, checking round corners before attempting to do any work. 

She loved Raavi to pieces and Shiva had always had a special place in her heart, which was why, she had begged for him to get married to her and then she prayed to every supreme being to keep them together. Her prayers did not have any fruition and that was a disappointment since she had seen the compatibility they had. 

At least if nothing else, her pregnancy had managed to get them to be civil to each other. She looked at the mandir and sent out a small prayer as she was prone to the past four months, that Shiva and Raavi don't go ahead with the divorce. 

***

Gautam saw Shiva smiling as he put away some stock on the shelves. There was something light about his demeanour that made Gautam relax. He knew his brother would be okay. After all he had seen the glances that passed between Raavi and Shiva when they thought the other wasn't looking.