Chapter Three - Month Three

Miss.M

@Miss.M

Month Three

It had been raining earlier that day, leaving a cooling breeze in its wake. Obliviously to the cold, Shiva leant against his bike waiting for that one face to come in line of his sight, that was etched deep in his subconscious; one that he knew he no longer disliked, but was still the bane of his existence. He listened with one ear, to the flitting conversation around him of dinner plans, assignments and college gossip, his mind going back to the more interesting conversation from over three weeks ago. 

***

She had cornered him early in the morning, just outside the bathroom, when he’d come out from having a bath. Being awake so early had its advantages, getting bathed before anyone woke up meant he had been slacking with getting dressed inside the bathroom, instead he walked out with just his tracks on and a towel, drying his hair; the hitch in her breath was what caught his attention first before she looked at him gaze steeled, not backing away at the mild anger he had set on his face. 

“I need to speak to you Shiva. It’s urgent; and necessary. I have received a letter from my lawyer, the court has finally allocated a couples counsellor and the date of our first session is in two days. Did you get one? I'm sure you did. I'll meet you there as I have a lecture finishing an hour before that. Please don't be late."

"Okay."

He had waited for twenty minutes for her to arrive that day, before going in at the allocated time. At least he wouldn't be blamed for anything this time round. 

***

For the first time in her profession, Yashasvi Pandit had counselled a couple with only one half of the couple present. She had read the court case notes and it had intrigued her, that two people who had known each other since they were toddlers, yet despised each other to the extent that they couldn't even give their marriage four months before calling it quits. Curiosity made her want to find out what exactly had happened, so she had been looking forward to meeting with them. 

"Hi, umm I'm Shiva… Shiva Pandya. I'm not sure where Raavi is, she said she'd be here from college on time."

"It's okay. Let us get started and she can join us when she gets here." 

He nodded, silently, waiting for her to continue, 

"So, Shiva, you've known Raavi for how long exactly?" 

"She's my mami ki behen ki beti, her parents passed away when she was only a baby. I remember her from when I was a small child." 

"Okay, so why did you get married to her?" 

"My bhabhi asked me to." 

"Can you elaborate?" 

"She was supposed to get married to my brother. He loved someone else, she tried to commit suicide. My bhabhi asked me to marry her, so I did." 

"And your feelings for her? What have they been since you were young? And after you got married?" 

"I have always disliked her. She irritates me. And she always wanted to marry my brother."

He became silent again; thoughtful, looking at the painting she had hung behind her chair. It was one of her favourites, if you looked closely at the burst of colour, it was symmetrical but when not focusing there was utter chaos. She waited patiently, knowing eventually mostly everyone spoke up.  When he didn't she gently prompted him, 

"Do you still dislike her?" 

"I can't." 

"Do you want to tell me why?" 

He paused again, glancing at the painting once more. She could see the swirling thoughts as his eyes looked over her, then he blinked and all those thoughts were reined in and he looked composed before he replied,

"She's different from what I had thought of her. She was always this bubbly personality, always willing to help everyone. But before me she acted differently, so I guess what I had always seen made her seem shallow and superficial. Then I started observing her everyday after we got married; everyday she had a determination on her face, then she would gather herself and live the day trying to forget the feelings she had for my brother. Her birthday was when I realised she had won that battle, she was genuinely happy to be friends with him and to see me, I guess."

"You like her don't you?" 

"What difference does that make? Her friends made me realise that what she wants is very different from what I am. The only thing I regret is the way I chose to end things. The bitterness has seeped into all my relations and hers too." 

Yashasvi was surprised. This was not what she was expecting, usually in the divorce cases she handled for court there was always incompatibility or infidelity and in some extreme cases, abuse. Never had she seen a divorce for the betterment of a spouse. Now that she knew one side of the story, she wanted to know the other before making a plan on how to tackle this couple. 

He looked drained so she moved on to lighter topics, finding out more about him generally. Raavi hadn't turned up, so they had booked in the next session, which due to time constraints was not for another three weeks. 

***

"Why are you here? I told you I wouldn't forget and I'd come straight there." 

"Yes, like you did last time. I don't trust you to remember so I thought it's better that we go together. Come on, get on the bike; I haven't got all day." 

She huffed as she followed the rude instructions, wondering if there ever would be a time when he would speak to her properly. Holding onto her bag and the back of the bike, she maintained a palm width distance between them, making sure she didn't touch him anywhere. She had the best of intentions, till someone cut in front of them and he swerved to avoid hitting them, causing her to fall forward into him; he was warm and so very firm. 

Her breath caught in her throat, even as she felt her heart beating like a piston. She scooted closer as he started the bike again, wanting to savour the warmth that radiated off him, wishing she could place her arms around him and let it seep into her bones. 

She didn't have much time to think through that errant thought because they pulled up to the counsellor office a few minutes later. They walked in side by side and sat on opposite sofas in the waiting room, waiting to be called in. 

She was young; and very very pretty was the first thought that went through Raavi's mind when Yashasvi stepped out to call them. Shiva gave her a smile, making Raavi question what exactly happened in the previous session. She felt the first lick of jealousy in her stomach and tamped it down, walking quickly to catch up with Shiva. 

The action was not lost on Yashasvi, who had been observing them from her office. She knew the court mandate required both Shiva and Raavi to be present for the sessions, but she wanted to speak to Raavi alone, 

"Shiva, actually can you please wait outside for a while. I wanted to speak with Raavi on her own, if that's okay with her of course?" 

"Yes… I guess so. So long as Shiva doesn't have a problem with it?" 

"Go ahead. I'll wait here." he said, resuming his previous seat. 

Raavi walked in looking at the office interior, wondering why she'd been asked inside on her own and made herself comfortable on the sofa placed in front of the chair. 

"I just wanted to have a quick chat with you alone, since I had a chance to speak to Shiva on his own last week. I have a few questions to ask you, so, let's get started?" 

"How long have you known Shiva for?" 

"For as long as I can remember. He's always been a part of my life, rather his family has and by default so has he." 

"Hmm, why did you marry him?" 

"Because mausapa was unwell and he wanted me to. His whole family betrayed me...us, because they knew I wanted to marry Dev and that he had a girlfriend but no one thought it important to tell me. If mausapa hadn't fallen sick, I would never have married Shiva."

"Do you regret it? Marrying him?" 

"I am tired of the sham. This marriage has been nothing short of a disaster since the wedding day. It would have been better for everyone that this relationship never happened, but we're rectifying it now; and as soon as this probationary period is over, we'll go back to our pre-wedding lives."

"Are you telling me you have no feelings for Shiva at all? After all these years? And with the change in your relationship?" 

"I never liked him before our wedding, heck even immediately after the wedding. We'd always been at odds with each other; I remember telling him we're like oil and water, they never mix… But I got to see the real him, not much and not often and I started liking that Shiva. Unfortunately I cannot live my whole life with glimpses of what could be...Also he really hurt my feelings with what he said about me."

"Do you think you could have ever loved him? If he hadn't hurt you?" 

"What does it matter. My feelings will never be important to him and I don't know what his feelings are. At least earlier on I knew where I stood in his life, now I don't know if I even have a place, even one of hatred." 

They were so alike, yet so different and she knew exactly what she needed to do. She geared up for the roller-coaster ride she was about to experience, she asked Raavi to have a drink of water as she called Shiva in. 

***

They rode home in what had become a common occurrence for them; silence. He noticed the stark contrast to their life earlier, which was filled with constant chatter from her and sharp responses from him. Was it as simple as Dr. Yashasvi had made it sound? He would try his best, if for no other reason than to get back some semblance of normalcy in both their lives, because the truth was, he hated her quietness.