Chapter 3: Pain
“Are you ok?” asked Abir. Mishti was about to respond when they heard a knock on the door. Abir turned out to check while Mishti stood still. It was Kunal.
“Abir! I don't want to talk to anyone right. I just want to be left alone for sometime.” Mishti requested. Abir nodded and walked towards Kunal. Kunal told Abir that Kuhu had informed him. He asked Abir how Mishti was doing and whether he should talk to Mishti since his and Mishti’s situation was similar. He had loved the way Mishti had shown him the path towards acceptance and he would love if he could do something for her. Abir felt glad for Kunal’s gesture. His little baby brother had finally grown up. There was a time when Kunal wanted to hurt Mishti. Abir had hoped that Kunal would have turned around and he did. And now he wanted to help Mishti. Abir couldn't be more proud. He placed his hands on his shoulder and hugged him tight.
Abir thanked him. “Kunal. Mishti just wants to be alone right now. Maybe come by tomorrow? Let’s give her some time. Ok?" Kunal nodded in agreement as Abir continued to talk. Kunal understood Mishti’s need to be alone as he had felt the same then.
“Sure Bhai! I understand. Just call me whenever you need me.” Kunal left the room after taking one last glance at Mishti. Abir walked towards the porch and stopped by the door and rested his shoulder on the door. He understood her. He knew when she said she wanted to be alone, she wanted him to leave her alone too. He hated it but it was what she needed. He was dying to comfort her, but only when she was ready. And he had no idea when she would need him. So he stood by and watched her from a distance to make sure he could just go to her whenever she needed him.
Mishti stood still with her eyes closed. She had probably closed her eyes for her tears to not fall. But it wasn't helping. The sudden reappearance of her mother brought back so many memories. The sudden reappearance acted like a key to a box, placed in some corner of her brain, where she had stored all her memories. Everything that had happened in her life was playing in front of her eyes like a flash movie. Her time with Singhania’s, with the Maheshwari’s and the Rajvansh family. Every good and bad memory.
A smile appeared on her face when she remembered her good times with Singhania’s. A very loved and a pampered child. She was the only child in the house for the longest time since Akshara and Naitik had moved to Cape Town with their kids for a while. She was the light and sunshine of the Singhania household. At least that's what everyone told her. She felt a little ignored by her parents then but it never bothered her. Her grandparents paid full attention to her. A small smile crept on her face as she remembered how many times her dadi and badi dadi had saved her from her parents wrath after all her mischievous ‘helps’.
She let out a small chuckle as she remembered how disastrous all her ‘helps’ had turned out. Even after the return of her Tayaji and their family, nothing changed. She was still loved immensely by everyone. In fact she became Akshara’s favorite. Mishti smiled continuously as she thought about her. She knew Akshara loved her the most. She could bet anything to prove that. Even when her parents were outcast from the house for their mistake, Mishti stayed with the Singhania’s. Akshara made sure that Mishti was never judged or punished for her parents' mistake. Even Mishti loved staying with her taiji. She could not remember any moment where she felt she missed her own parents. She definitely felt bad that her parents were not around.
She remembered how after that separation from her parents, Naman and Karishma had become extremely possessive of her. Especially Karishma!! Karishma had always disliked the fact that Mishti was more close to Akshara than her. “Why do you always want to stay with your Taiji Mishti! Stay with me. Play with me.” She remembered Karishma’s words as she recalled that time. She remembered how time and again Akshara was there for her. How Akshara opposed and never let Karishma send Mishti away to boarding school. As she remembered the moment, she recalled her taiji’s words. “Yes Mishti! You will always stay with your Taiji”. She even recalled Badi dadi’s words for her. “Mishti is a thread who is keeping this family together.”
Things were still ok for her even after Naman’s arrest. She was still with Singhania’s. Her perfect family. Akshara had made it a point to make sure Karishma and Mishti were never judged or punished for Naman’s actions. Karishma also paid utmost attention to her. She felt like her bond with her mother was improving then. The distance between them was finally decreasing. And having Kartik as her new BFF also made it very easy for her. Her Kartik Jiju! “Pretty Lady!! Only you can understand me”. Kartik’s words reverberated in Mishti’s ears. She remembered how she had to help Kartik in getting his love story straight. She chuckled thinking about how she had to be the mature one out of the two.
Losing Akshara was the biggest hit Mishti ever experienced in her life. Akshara was no less than a mother for her. In fact everyone knew she loved Akshara more than anyone. Even more than her own parents. Not only for Mishti, but it was the biggest hit for the Singhania family. Everything started falling apart one after the other. Things changed between Karishma and her immensely. Karishma had started worrying about Mishti’s looks and heights and for that reason, Mishti and her always remained distant. Mishti hated Karishma’s constant bickering about that. She wished she had her taiji around. Maybe she could have helped Karishma in understanding that good looks and height were not the only necessities in life. Her cousins became busy in their life and hence she was distant from them as well. She knew they never intended to ignore her. But things had changed. Whatever she thought she had, she felt like she was losing it slowly! One after the other. “I wish you were here Taiji” Mishti looked towards the sky and wished upon a star.
She felt another such hit in her life when Karishma left her. “No mom! I can't stay here anymore. I need to leave. I am leaving. Please take care of Mishti”. Mishti couldn't forget that day. The visual of Karishma saying that to Devyani and leaving with her bags constantly ran in front of her eyes. Mishti closed her eyes with pain again. She was lost. She wanted comfort. She wanted support from her grandmother. She couldn't understand why her mother suddenly chose to leave her. First it was her father, then her Taiji and then her mother. She felt like the sand was slipping off her hands. But her grandmother chose to send Mishti away to Maheshwari’s. “Please Rajshri Behen! Take Mishti away from here. I can't take care of her”. Devyani’s pleads to Rajshri constantly reverberated. The sand had slipped off her hands. Her hands were empty. She had nothing. “I will never love anyone. I hate everyone. I hate mom, dad, dadi, tayaji.” She remembered her own promise when she was little. The loss had hit her hard. She had lost everything. She was deprived of everything. And she couldn't even figure out the reason. She felt she was being punished.
Mishti cocooned herself in her blanket, by folding her hands, trying to compose herself from the tears that were constantly flowing down her tears. Her new life with Maheshwari’s was no less than another struggle. Probably another life long fight. It wasn't that she didn't know the family. She knew them well. They were her Taiji’s family after all. But there was a lot of difference between knowing a family and staying with them forever. It was normal for kids to be sent away from home for schools or colleges. But the way Mishti was sent away left a huge scar on her mind, heart and soul. She felt as if she was unwanted. She felt unloved. Her life had turned around. From being the most loved and pampered child, she was now the loneliest child.
Adjusting in Maheshwari family was difficult for her. She knew if she didn't have Vishambhar and Rajshri by her side, she wouldn't have been able to adjust in that family. “Mishti! You are my daughter”. “Mishti! Can I be your father?” Mishti recalled their words with a smile on her face. She loved how she never forced themselves on her. She loved how they were kind enough to give her space and time for them to be accepted as her parents. She knew she wasn't really welcomed by all the family members. But her badi ma and bade papa made sure to not only help her out of that but become the person that she is today. They were exactly like her Taiji. Or she could see where her Taiji got her kindness from. But after whatever had happened, Mishti was always scared of losing her badi ma and bade papa. She knew she had no one if she would lose them. She knew she had nowhere to go. She always tried to hide her fear from them and always tried to become the person they had carved her into. She knew she couldn't be perfect. So she made no efforts towards that. But she tried her level best to give her 100% in whatever she wanted to do. She knew she was going to struggle to trust again, to love anyone. But she managed to pull herself together. She had her Taiji’s teachings that stayed with her. She had her Badi ma and Bade Papa’s guidance. All of that stopped Mishti from falling into darkness. In fact she managed to learn to light a candle amidst her own darkness.
Another life changing moment happened for her when Abir entered her life. She felt she got everything. She felt that she didn't need anything else until and unless she had him. He was her family! Her love! Her life! He was her everything. She felt she could actually be happy without being burdened about any favors. He taught her to look for love beyond favors. She was able to fight for the right on her own. She was strong enough to do that. But having him by her side, double her strength. Knowing that she had a shoulder to lean on made her even more confident. Her cravings for family ended. She had accepted that her badi ma, bade papa and Abir were her only family. And their family was hers. Their responsibility was her. She knew what it felt to be snatched away from a family. So her constant effort was to keep their family together and not become the reason for breaking the family like few people claimed her to be. His happiness became her happiness.
After years, she felt another major hit when Abir broke up with her. She never believed him. She came back for him, tried fighting for him. For them. But the events that transpired after, took an emotional toll not just on her and everyone. She closed her eyes. She wished she could just forget and remove that period from her life. But she knew she couldn't. It stayed with her. All she could do was to remember it as a mistake and never repeat it. She could never forget anything from her past. Either the situations or the people made sure that Mishti would never forget her past.
“Mishti! You are the life of this house. We will never let you go anywhere”.
“Mishti is the one who is holding this family together”
“I can't stay here mom. Please take care of Mishti”
“Rajshri behen! Please take Mishti away from here”
“Mishti! You are my daughter”
“Mishti! Can I be your father?”
“Mishti! You are a homebreaker. You will only break families.”
“You are a charity case”
“Your father was a thief. You will turn out like him”
“Did you find me in a trash can? Am I trash?”
“I love you angry chorni”
“Mishti, you are very different. Stay the same”
“I don't love you Mishti. I don't trust you”
“Mishti! Your suggestions will break the family”
“Mishti! You will break Rajvansh family like you broke Maheshwari family”.
Everyone's words echoed in her eyes. From being called as someone who held the family together, she was now being called as someone who would break the family. And also not because of something she had done. It was because of something her elders had done. She felt stuck. She felt suffocated. Her eyes were closed. Her forehead had wrinkles. She was having difficulty in breathing. Her head moved in various directions to find peace but nothing helped. Her lips trembled. She was diving deeper in her zone. She had no idea if she would even come out. She struggled to find solidarity until a hand on her shoulders snapped her out of her zone. It was Abir’s.
She breathed heavily for sometime. Abir wanted to check up on her but didn't turn her around until she wanted to. Her back still faced him. He reminded her that it was quite late and also apologized if he had interrupted her alone time. He politely asked if she wanted to talk about it. Mishti took some time in digesting Abir’s words. She wasn't sure if she had any strength to share or answer any questions. She just shook her head in disagreement.
“Lets sleep Abir”. Abir could feel the tiredness in her voice. He felt helpless. Seldom has it happened that Mishti hasn't shared her worries with him. But even after that Abir always knew how to distract her. He always knew how to make her smile. But this time, he was struggling with the same too. As he saw her walk towards their room slowly, he just wanted to run and engulf her in his hug. But he chose not to. Abir could understand her silent pleas of not wanting any type of confrontation or discussions and he obliged. She wanted her time and he was ready to give her that.
She laid on their bed and swaddled herself in her blanket again and closed her eyes. After an emotionally demanding and draining day, Mishti passed out pretty quickly. Abir walked towards her side of the bed, covered her with another blanket, caressed her head and kissed her forehead. He walked on to his side of the bed, laid down. He caressed her hair again. Sleep was miles away from his eyes. He was bothered. For the first time, he had no idea how to decrease her pain. He knew she wanted him to leave her alone but he also knew that he couldn't leave her alone forever. They would have to talk sometime. Abir kept thinking of ways to make her own up and didn't realize when his sleep caught his eyes.
On their way back to Kapoor Mansion, Karishma remained quiet. Mishri continued to chatter with Shekhar and shared how amazing she found the Rajvansh family to be. Shekhar noticed Karishma’s constantly fidgeting with her fingers and the look on her face. He was understanding that something was bothering her. But just so that Mishri doesn't notice and question Karishma, he continued to talk to Mishri until they got home.
As they settled in their own rooms for the night, Shekhar noticed Karishma by the window and walked towards her. Her eyes were filled with tears. He got concerned and asked her if she was ok. Karishma tried to turn around but Shekhar didnt let her. He urged Karishma to share whatever was bothering her. Karishma turned towards Shekhar but still tried to not meet his eyes in guilt.
“Shekhar! I don't know how to say this.!” Karishma asked Shekhar.
“Karishma! Don't think too much. Just say whatever you have in your mind” asked a confused Shekhar.
“Shekhar! You know I have always been honest with you. I have never tried to hide anything from you regarding my past. You knew I was married earlier. That I had a child from that marriage. You never judged me when I decided to leave her behind. You never questioned me about her or never tried to find out anything more other than what I had informed you” Shekhar nodded as Karishma continued to speak.
“I never wanted to look behind. When I decided to leave her, I had accepted that I will never get to meet her again. I just wanted to leave behind everything related to my past. I was also scared to face her and so I never kept any tabs on her. I accepted that she will be taken care of properly by her grandma. I guess I was trying to run away from my past. But i guess it caught up to me. One can never run away from their past, their mistake, their truth.” Karishma started crying.
Shekhar got concerned and cupped her face. “What do you mean? What are you intending to say?”
“Shekhar!!” Karishma took a few seconds to form words. “Shekhar!! Mishti…….Mishti is my daughter….” Karishma choked after saying that and bumped herself on Shekhar’s chest and hugged him tightly.
“I knew it.”
Edited by BB_CallmeC - 4 years ago
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