PART NINE
In the depths of slumber, Armaan was ensnared by a vivid dream...
Abhira's form... an elusive mirage on the edge of his consciousness... He reached out, fingers stretching toward her, yearning to bridge the expanse that separated them... Yet, there was a barrier, an unseen wall that stood between them, intangible but impenetrable...
Desire surged within him, a primal force driving him forward, urging him to breach the divide... The ache of longing echoed in his soul, a relentless yearning that threatened to consume him whole... Every fiber of his being burned with an insatiable hunger for her touch, for the warmth of her embrace... It was as if his body was on fire, craving the intimacy that had eluded them...
But despite his fervent desires, Abhira remained just out of reach, her silhouette dancing tantalizingly beyond the veil of darkness... The sense of distance only served to intensify his longing, casting a shadow of despair over his heart... He could feel her slipping away, like grains of sand slipping through his fingers, leaving him grasping at wisps of memory...
And then, like a haunting melody, Abhira's laughter rang out, a sweet symphony that echoed in the recesses of his mind... It was a bittersweet reminder of what they had shared, a fleeting moment of joy in an otherwise tumultuous existence... Yet even as the sound echoed in his ears, it served as a cruel reminder of the void that now separated them, a chasm too wide to bridge...
And then, that laughter disappeared... haunting silence now pervaded his dreams... She was broken now, her spirit shattered by the weight of his mistakes, her laughter silenced by the pain he had inflicted... And with each passing moment, the realization of his role in her suffering weighed heavy on his heart, casting a pall over his longing...
As the dream unfolded, Armaan was caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions... He was consumed by the tempest of desire, his heart pounding with a fervor that threatened to overwhelm him... Yet, amidst the chaos, there was a profound sense of loss, a yearning for something just beyond his grasp...
And then, as abruptly as it began, the dream ended, leaving Armaan to awaken in the cold light of dawn, sweating profusely, his heart heavy with the weight of longing...Haunted by the memory of Abhira, he was left to grapple with the remnants of his subconscious, the echoes of their ephemeral connection lingering in the recesses of his mind...
Armaan had been tormented by these feverish dreams ever since their encounter at the courthouse. The memory of Abhira's pained eyes had lingered in his mind, a constant reminder of the girl she used to be. He couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that gnawed at him, the weight of his actions bearing down on his conscience like a heavy burden. What had he done to the once lively girl who had laughed and loved so freely? How had the girl who chirped away all the time, become so reserved and guarded?
Armaan longed to bridge the chasm that separated them, to erase the barriers that kept them apart. His yearning manifested in his dreams as a physical ache, a relentless craving that consumed him from within. There was something different about the way she had carried herself that day - a newfound strength, a quiet resilience, and an understated grace that drew him to her more powerfully than ever before.
How he wished they could have had more time together. It was as if they had been separated as soon as they met, leaving him with an insatiable desire for her presence. There were so many words left unspoken, so many emotions left unexplored. He longed to hear her voice, to listen as she poured out the thoughts and feelings she held so fiercely guarded within her now. But it seemed as though time had conspired against them, whisking her away from his reach... Yet again.
Even though a month had passed since, the events of that fateful day continued to echo in his mind.
He had bumped into Charu as well on that very same day, just as he was leaving the courthouse, and she was going in to file a case. His chest had swelled with pride to see that she was soon to become a full-fledged lawyer. His baby sister... so grown-up!
As she filled him in on the latest news from the family, he could not help but feel a pang of sadness for Rohit, who was now also in the course of divorce proceedings with Ruhi. Despite Rohit's efforts to navigate the situation with dignity, the process was marred by complications arising from Ruhi's demands for alimony and her attempts to blackmail the family. This further exacerbated the family's already raw emotions. The revelation of her continued affection for Armaan despite being married to Rohit, had already left the family reeling with disgust, and her pursuit of alimony from Rohit and the outlandish claims she had made in support of her demands, only served to reinforce their aversion towards her.
Charu had urged Armaan to return to Poddar mansion, insisting that, now that the family had seen through Ruhi's facade and understood the extent of her manipulative tactics, it would be evident to them that Ruhi must have preyed on Armaan's compassionate nature, exploiting his kind-heartedness to further her own agenda. In retrospect, they would have understood how Armaan could have fallen victim to Ruhi's schemes, his inherent kindness making him susceptible to manipulation, for, surely, they knew Armaan too well to believe that he could have intentionally betrayed Rohit and the family.
"Just come home, bhaiyya," Charu pleaded, "Just come home once, and you will see. Everything will be forgotten, everything will be forgiven. We can live together as a family once more."
Family. The word struck as alien, as Armaan's longing for the warmth and familiarity of Poddar Mansion warred with the doubts and insecurities that lingered in the depths of his mind. While he yearned for the love of those he still held dear, a nagging feeling persisted that his place within the mansion's walls was always conditional. It seemed contingent upon his adherence to their standards and expectations, forever subject to scrutiny and judgment.
The tearful outburst that Abhira had had on the bench after their divorce hearing had resonated with him on a deeply personal level. Her words had echoed his own feelings of being misunderstood and overlooked within the Poddar family.
Despite the outward facade of unity and affection, Armaan too had often felt like an outsider, grappling with the pressure to prove himself and meet the family's standards. He too had been relegated to the fringes of acceptance, perpetually striving to bridge the divide between himself and them. With time, he had learnt to do exactly as what he was expected to do and fit in their mold of the perfect son. And yet, he had never truly belonged. He was always one misstep away from being rebuffed and starting over in his attempts to fit in.
Yes, he had made many mistakes, wronged and deceived, and hurt his loved ones. He could never forgive himself, so he did not expect anyone else to. But had Rohit done the same... would he have been so easily cast out of the family too?
And had his mistakes not been rooted in, as Abhira had said so aptly before the Judge, his sense of duty towards his family and his compulsive need to please them? In normal circumstances, when he learnt that Rohit's marriage was fixed with Ruhi, he would have told his family that he and Ruhi loved each other. He would not have sacrificed his happiness for his brother's, and in the process, ruined so many lives. But he had felt compelled to do so, because he had always been made to feel like the family's acceptance of him was a burden to them, a burden he had to be grateful for and live up to. Never before had he identified so strongly with what Abhira must have felt when she was was made to feel that she was only Armaan's "responsibility."
As much as he craved the familiarity of home, Armaan could not deny the truth that lingered in his heart. Poddar mansion was not truly a sanctuary for him, but rather a battleground where he would continuously fight to assert his identity and worth. The weight of expectations and the burden of familial obligations had become too heavy to bear.
However, there was more to his reluctance to return home than just a sense of alienation. Armaan had spent what felt like a lifetime striving for acceptance from those who seemed determined to keep him at arm's length, and he had gotten used to it. But, while he could forgive the harsh words and occasional slights directed at him, he could not overlook the injustice that had been inflicted upon Abhira.
Abhira had not come to Poddar mansion by choice. He was the one who had brought her, and that too at a time when she had lost her mother and everything she held dear.
And yet, she had tirelessly looked out for the well-being and happiness of each member, standing up for them in times of need, even if it meant taking on Dadisa's wrath herself. She had strived to fulfill her familial duties while balancing the demands of her work and studies. With grace and humor, she had attempted to conform to the regressive expectations imposed upon Poddar women, all the while yearning for recognition and acceptance for the person she truly was.
But she had only been met with indifference and neglect, disdain and hurtful remarks from those she sought to please.
Yes, Abhira was not the kind of person the family had been used to having in their midst. She was courageous and outspoken, unafraid to challenge conventions and stand up for what she believed in, and represented everything that the other members of the family, who had been conditioned into silence and submission, were never allowed to be. But had there been a need to disparage her character, besmirch the memory of her late mother, and taunt her for not having a family? Did they really have to stoop so low? Could she not, at the very least, have been allowed to sit with them at mealtimes?
Instead of acknowledging Abhira's good intentions, the family had chosen to compare her unfavorably to Ruhi, the epitome of the perfect bahu in their eyes, who clearly had deserved none of the accolades bestowed upon her after all. Now, in comparison to the unmasked Ruhi, the family might begin to recognize their past misjudgments and mistreatment of Abhira, but why had it had taken them so long to see her worth? And in the meantime, why had they subjected her to such pain and humiliation?
It had surprised Armaan to see that even a year later, the scars of their indifference and disdain had continued to bear upon Abhira. As the memory of her tears came back to him, his heart burned with anger and indignation for her, and he struggled to contain the storm of emotions raging within him. And he realized that he could not see himself living among the people who had wrought so much damage to Abhira's spirit. He remembered how Abhira would clutch at the back of his sleeve for reassurance whenever she had to face the family. He had not realized then how anxious she must have been, although he had tried his utmost to protect her, albeit, that there was so much more that he should have done.
But is family truly something that she should have needed to be protected from?
In his heart of hearts, as these tumultuous thoughts crossed his mind, Armaan realized that he was no longer able to associate the Poddars with his understanding of what family ought to represent.
He had looked sadly at Charu's expectant face, and taking a deep breath, poured out the reasons why, while Charu could always count on him as a brother to be there for her always, he could not see himself going back to Poddar mansion.
As Armaan stood by the window of his apartment, gazing out at the bustling streets of Delhi below, he reaffirmed to himself that, although he was alone with his thoughts once again, he had taken the right decision.
..........
Part Ten
Edited by whimsical - 5 months ago
I'll find a way to address this better in upcoming chapters. 
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