They had come a long way despite the slow and cautious beginning to their relationship. While no long term commitment to a relationship had been made, it was sort of implied. The word love was used sparingly, but both were agreed they definitely were a couple. While each had their accommodation, it became the norm to spend the night at each other's homes a couple of times during the week and all of the weekends. It made routines more difficult to establish but it brought with it an additional frisson to their illicit romance and it also meant less frequent goodbyes. He felt happy she had finally admitted she felt the same about him as he did about her. Sukhi felt needed and loved as well as having someone to confide in and support her. Even a casual observer would have remarked that they were very comfortable around each other. In addition, Pervaiz had acquired a busy social life thanks to Sukhi. She had introduced him to a whole new circle of people. In Leicester where multicultural relationships and marriages were common, outsiders considered their affair unremarkable. Only those more familiar with the diversity and dynamics within the South Asian communities might have acknowledged mixed faith relationship could prove problematic. For that reason, in larger gatherings Sukhi and Pervaiz remained discreet about their affair, but among friends they were less cautious. When the first major challenge to their relationship eventually came along, it was from an unanticipated quarter and precipitated friction between them.
"Why didn't you talk to me before applying for the new job?
"Would you have consulted me if you were applying for promotion? Sukhi fired back.
"Yes if it meant moving far away like your new job does.
"I haven't been offered the job. I've been offered an interview.
"Yes, for a job miles from here. What possessed you to apply for it?
"It's all very well for you. You're on a senior officer's pay grade, but I'm still on scale 3. I applied for the post because it amounts to a significant promotion and additional pay.
Her finances had been tight and she was embarrassed that on most occasions Pervaiz paid for meals, visits to the cinema and clubs and even once helped her out with the cost of a major car repair. Although he had never complained nor even mentioned it, she was embarrassed by not being able to pay her own way. It undermined her sense of independence.
"You shouldn't have to worry about money. I have sufficient funds to take care of the both of us.
"Did it never cross your mind that I might not want to be a kept woman? I want to have my own money. Besides, I've career ambitions of my own.
"I'm not out to stifle your ambitions Sukhi. Honest.
"It sure doesn't sound like that to me. Why are you so against the idea of this job if I'm ever offered it?
"Do I have to spell it out for you?
"Yes!
"Fine, I will. What'll happens to us if you're working so far away?
"It's not a job offer. Just an interview.
"You're ducking the issue. What if you get the job?
She didn't answer right away. That gave him time to make his point more directly by asking "What happens to what's going on between us?
"Other couples manage to make long distance relationships work. Why not us?
"Most of those couples are married. In any case the norm is when the husband moves, his partner goes with him.
"Why must it always be that the woman has to up-sticks and follows the man? Isn't she entitled to a career too?
"Of course she is. But usually the husband earns more and he isn't the one having the career break to have the babies or playing the role of being the main childcare provider.
"How conveniently that works out for you men.
"I don't make the conventions, Sukhi.
"They're conventions not laws of nature. You don't appear to have any qualms about being in a relationship with me even though it breaks several conventions.
Pervaiz didn't know what to say. He just sat on the settee looking miserable.
Even though she firmly believed what she was saying, she also couldn't bear to see the man she loved looking so dispirited by the whole conversation. Perhaps she should have at least alerted him to the fact that she had applied for the job. Feeling a little guilty about that, she moved closer to him and put a comforting arm around him and kissed him on the cheek.
"You forget I know you too well. So, this disagreement can't be just about me moving further away. You must know if it comes to it, we'll both try to make a long distance relationship work. So level with me. What's really driving your opposition to this job interview?
"I don't know what you mean.
"Yes it will be hard for us both if I get the job and have to move. Believe me, it worries me to. But you appear to be more worried about it than I am. Why is that?
His reply was a single name. "Ghazala.
"Your ex-wife Ghazala?
He nodded and Sukhi immediately understood. He had told her about the reasons for his divorce. She just hadn't made the connection between their current conversation and that event in his past
"I'm not Ghazala. She was unfaithful because she was already in love with someone else when she married you.
"What if you meet someone else in Cambridge?
"What are the chances of that?
"Do you have a clue what effect you have on men? And lots of them are younger and better looking than me.
"Just because some guy gives me the eye, or makes a pass at me, I'm not going to fall into his arms.
"My head know that, but my heart worries, he said pointing to his chest. She was married to me but I found her in another man's arms.
"Well my heart wants to say something to your heart. She put both arms round his neck and looked directly at him from up close. "My heart says I love you and I will never cheat on you. Understood?
When he nodded, she kissed him on the forehead.
Then to lighten the mood, she added teasingly "I might check out a guy if he's got a cute bum, but I swear I'll never be unfaithful.
That brought a smile to his face.
"What if I -
"No way! I may be faithful to you but I'm also very possessive about my man. Just remember that. The only body you're allowed to check out is mine. Understood?
"Perfectly.
"Good. Can we now please stop arguing about the job in Cambridge?
"But you still haven't said whether or not you're going to attend the interview.
"I think it wouldn't do any harm to attend, don't you? I mean, I'd gain experience of the kinds of questions they ask for such a post. That'll be helpful for when I apply for a post nearer home.
"You might have a point, conceded Pervaiz grudgingly.
Ten days later both knew the outcome of the interview. The previous argument resumed and matters came to a head.
Internally she was in a panic. She was going to be alone soon in a strange new place. She desperately wanted and needed his love and support when the change took place but he gave the impression that her move to Cambridge effectively spelt the end of their relationship. Sukhi needed clarity after the argument had gone round and round in circles for an hour.
"Are you breaking up with me?
"No. You're managing to do that all by yourself.
"I'm taking a new job in Cambridge - not going half-way across the world.
"And how long did it take you to get to Cambridge by car for the interview?
"A little under two hours.
"Not exactly commuting distance then, was his surly rejoinder.
Sukhi tried hard to salvage the situation. "But we'll be constantly in touch on the phone and we'd meet up every weekend.
It was obvious from the look on his face he wasn't mollified by her response.
"Weekends are not enough. At least for me. As much as I want that kind of arrangement to work my love, it won't. We've got to face the facts. Long distance relationships usually fail.
"Not always. I have faith in our ability to make it work. Don't you?
"But what if we try and it doesn't work?
"Then we'll face that problem together and find some sort of solution.
"Sukhi, I love you dearly for mending my broken heart, really I do. But what's the point in making it strong again only to break it all over again further down the road?
"And don't you think if we parted, I'd be broken hearted too? Before you came along my life wasn't exactly a picnic. Now that I really really need you, it sounds as if you're abandoning me.
He looked away from her, uncertain of what to say next without repeating what had been said several times over.
Sukhi was not willing to give up easily on what they had together. She made him face her before saying "Why don't you come with me?
She noticed his expression didn't change much. He remained morose, his eyes now downcast.
"You could play housewife for me until you found a job in the area.
Her attempt at injecting a little humour into the situation fell flat.
"You know I can't. My direct line manager is definitely retiring in six months' time. I've a very good chance of getting his job.
"But I thought his early retirement was just a rumour.
"It was a rumour until last week. Now it's official. Don't you see how important it is for me to stay here?
When he chose to prioritise his own ambitions and dreams over hers, she felt bitter and resentful towards him.
"So your job is more important than mine?
"I didn't say that, Jaan.
"But from all your behaviour it's obvious that you believe it's true.
"It "
"As much as I love you, I'm not going to turn down a golden job opportunity like this just because of your ego issues.
No one had ever accused him of that before. He had no idea what to say. Instead he reached out and tried to take both her hand in his. He wanted to defuse the situation not escalate it. Sukhi simply pushed his hands away.
"You want me to give up this job to stay with you but you won't say that to my face. Because what this argument is really about is your needs. I'm just an appendage to you. I can't have dreams and ambitions. And if I do, they have to be secondary to your needs. That's what it all boils down to, isn't it?
Again he reached out to take her hand in his. This time she didn't pull away but her hands felt lifeless.
"There's nothing I want more than for us to be together permanently.
She disengaged her hands at that point. It was obvious she wasn't convinced.
"That's easy to say. You're not prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to make a long distance relationship work and that's why you say a long distance relationship won't work.
Pervaiz knew it was a pivotal moment for them and their relationship. He was very conscious that he needed to be mindful of what he said or did next. Even though he was unsure where their relationship was headed in the long term, he couldn't imagine a life without her. Whatever it takes, I can't afford to lose you, he reminded himself.
His demeanour was very matter of fact when after a brief silence he asked "So when exactly are you expected to start your new job?
Sukhi was so down-hearted that she was convinced he was only asking in order to calculate how much longer they would be together.
"I have to work my one month notice period, bar a few days leave owed to me, before I start the new job.
He gave a heavy sigh. That was a very short period before she left Leicester.
"Well in that case we'd better get started on finding you some accommodation in Cambridge, hadn't we?
His apparent shift in attitude took her by surprise. She was glad they weren't arguing anymore.
"You'd do that for me even after all that's been said? she asked, her eyes brimming with tears.
"I'm doing it for the both of us, my love.
Momentarily she was confused by his reply. Was he just being helpful or was he committing to her despite her relocation? She need clarity.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?
"I'm saying we'll visit each other at weekends.
Her smile burst like welcome sunshine on a gloomy day. She drew closer and didn't hesitate in enveloping him in her arms and hugging the life out of him.
"Not so tight, Sukhi. It feels like I'm being crushed by a bear.
She loosened her grip on him and but then proceeded to smother his entire face with kisses repeatedly uttering "Thank-you. Thank-you.
"Once we find you a flat, my advice is you buy a sturdy new mattress.
"Yes, they're good for back support for older backbones like yours.
"No. I mean the mattress is going to take a lot of punishment at weekends, he explained without any subtlety.
"Is that a threat or a promise, old man?
"Soniye, that's a promise.
She wasn't very convincing when she condemned him for being besharam.
********************************************************************************
Living apart and not seeing each other during the week took its physical and emotional toll on both of them. In some ways it was more difficult for Sukhi since she had moved out of her comfort zone. Cambridge despite being a university town, was not as multicultural as Leicester. She knew no one in Cambridge, the temporary accommodation she had secured was far from ideal, and the new job took some getting used to. So in the beginning during moments of weakness she made numerous late night phonecalls to Pervaiz. On other occasions, Sukhi called him just to complain how she hated her life. But even vulnerable as she was during those phonecalls, whenever he pleaded with her to quit her job and return to Leicester, all she said was "I can't. Please believe I love you, but I can't come back. Not now. What she wouldn't admit to him was that she doubted the wisdom of her move to Cambridge.
After some four months in her new post, their routines became bedded down. One or two phonecalls during every work day and weekends spent together became the norm for them. They ate in or out as the mood took them. On the weekends they stayed in Cambridge, Pervaiz would sometimes take her some Indian foods like samosas, dhokla or ras malai. They went shopping more often when she stayed over in Leicester. Sukhi missed her home town and the familiar foods and clothes shops. Leicester was the India of the Midlands and her fortnightly visits reaffirmed who she was, gave her the opportunity to talk in her native languages, eat the foods she enjoyed and without apology be who she was. Of course the most important part was that she was in the company of the man she loved.
One Friday she arrived at Pervaiz's house around seven in the evening. After some hugs and kisses, she sat snuggled up to him on the settee, relaxing with a mug of cardamom tea. The long drive from Cambridge had become wearying as he had predicted although he never said "told you so when she mentioned the subject.
"Don't get too comfortable, he warned. "We've an 8.30 dinner reservation.
"Can't we have food delivered? I'm too tired to go out.
"Trust me. The dinner will be a bit special and worth it.
Truth be told Sukhi just wanted some hot food inside her and then go to sleep with his arms enveloped around her.
"But I don't have anything to wear. All my good outfits are in Cambridge.
"No they're not.
"I think I know my wardrobe better than you.
"You do but I think you forgot one item.
"What item?
"The one next door on the bed.
"Have you been rifling through my clothes to pick something out for me?
While Sukhi often advised him on what to wear when they went out together, she always decided without any input from him what she wore.
"I thought you knew me better than that.
"Then I don't understand what you're on about.
"Instead of arguing with me why don't you just go next door and look, Pervaiz urged her.
"OK I will, she announced in a tone that meant I'll show you who's wrong'.
She got up and wandered off into the bedroom.
Pervaiz smiled to himself and audibly started counting off the seconds. Twenty-two seconds later, there was a scream of joy from the bedroom. Five seconds after that, Sukhi came rushing out of the bedroom clutching a package containing an item of clothing. She was beaming with pleasure. She made a bee-line for him, stopped up close and kissed him theatrically.
"Thank you, Jaan. It was very thoughtful of you. Did you know it has the same colours as the saree I saw in that shop a few weeks ago?
"And if you recall, at the time I told you to buy it.
"I couldn't. The shop was asking far too much for it. No way could I afford it. But this one is just as nice.
"In fact Soniye, if you take it fully out of the package and examine it closely you'll realise it ily ut any input from himim on what to wear when they went out together, she always dtermined s the saree you saw in that shop.
She gasped in disbelief. "You're kidding!
"No I'm not.
"Why did you forked out all that money for it?
"You can get annoyed and ruin the mood for the rest of the evening. Or, just accept the saree gracefully.
"I accept your very generous gift, kind sir, she said submissively and curtsied for dramatic effect.
"Good. Now go bathe wench, in preparation for supper, he intoned keeping with the role playing.
Both of them were amused by their silly antics and hugged.
Looking up at his face, Sukhi became a little more serious and asked him why he had gone to so much trouble in buying him the saree and organising a fancy dinner. When he said it was a very special day, she was flustered.
"It's not your birthday and I'm certain it isn't mine. It's not any anniversary that I'm aware of. So, what did I forget?
"It's the festival of Eid.
"Oh God! I'm really really sorry for forgetting, Jaan. It's just that in Cambridge there aren't any people who are likely to remind you of something like that. God! It's our first Eid together and I completely forgot! Can you "
Pervaiz interrupted to tell her she was rambling and that she needn't get worked up about forgetting. Then he added "You needed something smart to wear to tonight's dinner, so I bought the saree.
"An Eid present?
He nodded. Her cheery expression didn't last long though. After a few seconds of thought, ever so slowly her brow wrinkled in puzzlement.
"But how can it be an Eid present? Didn't you explain once that the tradition is adults generally don't give presents? That parents and other elders give young children some money as their Eidi?
"Yes, but there an important exception which is also a tradition at least in my family.
"What tradition?
"Let's sit down for a moment and I'll tell you a story about my Abbaji.
Apart from the obvious love he had for his deceased parents, sometimes he shared anecdotes about his family. She was convinced that it helped him to come to terms with his loss, just as she came to terms with her loss by speaking about her own father.
"So tell me the story, she urged excitedly.
"When I was in my mid-teens, one Eid my Abbaji took me aside to explain something I had been observing for several years.
"Explain what?
He gave Sukhi a look of irritation as if to say "can I tell the story my way?
"Sorry. You were saying?
"Well for Eid Abbaji always bought Ammiji either a new Eid outfit or a piece of jewellery. He said it was his duty, a tradition and a symbol of his love for my mother. He explained that when I became a grown-up I was expected to carry out the same tradition.
"That's a lovely tradition but I still don't understand how I qualify for an Eid gift.
"Think about it. Who does a man give a present to besides children in the family?
"His wife.
Pervaiz waited because Sukhi still didn't make the connection. Maybe I've been too subtle, he thought.
"Well? he prompted.
"But we're not married.
"Legally speaking we're not. But my heart is not ruled by the law.
It took a few seconds for his message to sink in with her. When it finally did, her eyes filled up. She leaned in, wrapped her arms around his back and buried her face in his chest.
He heard her mumble "That's the most loving thing you've ever said to me.
When she began to cry and get his shirt wet, he didn't mind because he knew her tears were of happiness. He wished there were more moments like this.
A few minutes later she looked up at him and said "I know I don't say it enough but I do love you.
"I know. Why else would you drive for two hours to see me after a hard week's work?
"You didn't let me finish, she complained.
"Sorry. You were saying?
"I don't have the words so I'm going to steal some from the movie Chaudhvin Ka Chand, if you don't mind.
He indicated with a nod of the head she should continue.
"Jo bhi ho tum, Khuda ki qasam, laajawab ho.
At a loss for what to say, he just smiled at her and couldn't help thinking how far they had come since her initial refusal to have coffee with him.
"I can't wait to try on my outfit, remarked Sukhi excitedly.
"And on that note, we'd better get ready. Asif and Aleena are expecting us at 8.30.
She had never met the people he was referring to and felt disappointed they weren't going to be alone. She didn't feel like sharing him with other people, not tonight.
"I thought it was going to be just the two of us. You never mentioned us having company.
"Just like Vaisakhi, after the worship part, on Eid special foods are cooked and enjoyed with family and friends. At least that's the proper way to do it. Asif and Aleena invited us to Eid dinner at their house.
"But we'll be going as a couple. Do they know I'm Sikh?
"Of course. I've told them all about you. Believe me, they understand. After all, they defied their own families and respective biradaries to have a love marriage.
"That was awfully brave of them.
"Yes. Maybe we ought to be less secretive about how we feel about each other. What d'you think?
"Mujhe pyar karne waale, tu jahan heh main wahan hoon.
He knew that her movie quote was only partially true and he fervently wished that it was true 365 days a year. If only he could find a way for them to be together 24/7.
(End of Part 3)
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