does Simran still loves Astha? - Page 4

Originally posted by: innocentindian

sure vazz

maybe i didn't word it well

that statement isn't a generalisation. I actually don't know too many people that have adopted, so can't discuss it to great lenght.

But what i have noticed is that there are some parents that take their kids for granted....being a parent is an immense responsibility. It's not just about taking the kids to football/cricket/dance etc, but it is also about instilling (or attempting to) as many good and wholesome qualities as one can. And this applies vice versa as well. The parents that i have seen take their kid for granted don't seem to have the time for them. They are tooo busy in their own lives. It really seems they don't want to do anything for their kids except keeping the kid with them.

On the other hand, there are people i have seen that are craving for kids. People that are doing so much to try and have kids, yet can't. They want to be parents. Yet they can't. Quite often (here anyway) a lot of those people are affluent as well. They have a lot of material sukh to offer the kid and are craving to give a kid love and patience as well, but just cannot. I just cannot help but wander that these people would make good parents and if they can't have their own, then why not adopt. That's all.

As I say, the statement was not a generalisation, but it was a personal observation.

I completely agree with you innocenindian. In order to be a bad parent, one does not have to adopt a child. The very own flesh and blood can be equally ignored.

My own hubby's father is a prime example. He used to be so busy in work that he did not even know which class his kids studied in. He did all the duties, sent them to right schools and colleges, got them all the material things that he thought his kids should have,but he never ever played or spent quality time with them. He never fed them, played with them, nor was he ever there to advise his kids when it was required. So the whole burden of bringing her kids fell on my Ma in law and unfortunately she was not a strict parent. Thankfully both her kids turned out well. She as a wife too got pretty neglected and died early due to a very late diagonisis of breast cancer. In fact he is the only father whom I have seen not take pride in his son's achievement and keep comparing as to how much success he himself achieved in that age, and if he did not, it was because he had a difficult life and my hubby has had it too easy. I have actually seen my hubby hanker for that small appreciation from my FIL which never comes.......

My hubby is just opposite to his father. He spends his every moment of free time with our kids and with him and generally loves to be around and participate in any kind of important function that my older son participates in. He does spoil them a lot but my FIL used to discourage him a lot saying bringing up kids is only a mom's responsibility, redicule him all the time, till the day my hubby got very angry and made it clear that he did not like to be told how he wanted to bring up his own kids, and that because he neglected them does not mean his son should do so too....... I felt bad for both of them, but that's reality......

Another interesting thing i feel like sharing. I have the most wonderful father ever. But it's a fact that he gives this tiny weeny bit more preference to my younger sister. Similarly, I am the apple of my mom's eye. Both me and my sis know this, and in fact at one point in our growing up period, this had become a teenage issue, like I used to keep cribbing how Papa loved my sis more and my sis complained how mom favoured me😆 ......and the most surprising of all that both my parents are kind of embarrassed about it but never have really vociferously denied it.......Yet we both know how much both our parents love both of us to desperation.....

Like wise, for some inexplicable reason, I am just this a little more protective towards my older son than I am to my younger one.....😳

wawa ....but appreciate that she isn't complaining about her ma in law ....😃

Originally posted by: wawahehe

Minnie

Stop complaining about your father in law......😆😆😃

Sure sweety, Thanks for pointing out.................

Originally posted by: innocentindian

wawa ....but appreciate that she isn't complaining about her ma in law ....😃

Thanks for sticking out for me my friend🤗.....I wish I had known my ma in law to complain about her, she passed away before my marriage, though I do have a sister in law to complain about, the only problem is that the meany weany me just can't find anything in her to complain about.......she is so good and such a genuinely good human being that even a complainer like me gives up trying to find faults😉 😆.......so instead we have become best friends......😳🤗

I know I am joining this discussion rather late but wanted to add my two
cents. I am an only child and I remember my parents asking me whether I
wanted a sibling - yes, I know it was immensely nice of my parents to
consider my feelings 😊 - I was always against that idea. Even as a 5 yr
old I did not want to share my parents. I can understand how Astha feels
especially because she has just one parent. It is just natural for an only
child to resent the fact that their parent loves some other child, this
however is not the fault of the parents. It is the childs view of life that is
skewed. A parent very rarely differentiates between children whether
adopted or their own. You dont love your child just because you have
borne it. Infact, I believe that adopted children are more special since
they are born from their parents hearts and are an answer to their parents
wishes and desires.

Simran has made mistakes and hidden the truth from Astha but that is
not because she loves her less. Infact, it is because Simran loves Astha
too much that she does not want to hurt her. It is not possible for any
parent to intentionally hurt their child. Yes Astha is angry and hurt, but is
that because Simran has given Astha's love to Sia? No. Simran has infact
asked her own daughter to sacrifice her love and friendship with Sid so
that Astha is not hurt. As for saying that Simran adopted gudiya only
because her daughter was lost to her is not fair. We in all honestly do not
know whether Simran would have adopted Gudiya if Astha had not been
kidnapped. May be she would have we will never know.

Yes she is spending more time with Abhi and Sia these days but isnt that
natural? Even after Astha insulted Simran so much did Simran ever bear
any resentment towards Astha? Isnt it rather insulting to all mothers who
have adopted children to assume that the mother would love the adopted
child less?

Hey frosty,

Good to see you back.Better late than never. Well said my friend!

Cheers

victory wrote

Guys, Deep Breath!

They're not going to tell Aastha because she has shown countless times that she can' t handle any sort of change.

I totally agree, Astha or gudiya has proven time and time again that she really cant handle the truth, the point remains however that no matter how much simran delays she will ultimately have to tell astha the truth and the more she delays the more difficult it will be for her.

Originally posted by: Minnie

Please forgive me, but what makes you say that? That statement itself is an insult to every parent who has adopted a child for whatever reason. If he does not love the adopted, he is guilty, if he does, then he is covering up tracks? How many adopted child have you come across? Bringing up a child takes a huge lot more than just giving birth to him. Do you have a dog? If you have and love it, you will understand what I am trying to say. Loving someone is not subjected to blood relation always. Yes, it is possible to love one child more than the other, but it is not fr the reasons that you have stated above.

My best friend is an adopted child. She was the most difficult of teenager that I have come across. She had huge fights with her parents,especially mom, her brother, and I saw Aunty and her making up and making merry soon after, exactly what me and my mom did after every fight. She ruled the house, pampered silly and being a very beautiful girl, invited a lot of trouble for herself.

She got engaged young and married in her graduation year.Just before her marriage she came to know she was adopted. I saw her world tumble around her, become formal to her very parents and brother whom she made dance to her tunes all her life. I saw the pain that fine couple, the valiant brother went through to make her come back to her original form. My friend used to cry nights on my shoulders, even stayed at my place two successsive days after knowing the truth. She was hurt, let down, angry, yet at the same time grateful to her parents that they brought her up the way they did.......and beleive me, I saw Aunty cry and cry not because her daughter was angry, but because she had suddenly started feeling grateful to them........Aunty could not bear that she had become so formal.....

Unfortunately the marriage did not survive. She had to come back to her parents house. From there on the relation started coming back to normal.

Fortunately, she met someone whom she got married, and her parents were so happy that they made that the wedding of the town, and now she has two loveliest of daughters and their nani dotes on them......

The brother married too has kids and it's so nice to see the brother sister camaraderie back. I do think the time everybody was busy assuring that she might not be flesh and blood, but she is a daughter of the house none the less, the brother got neglected, probably felt angry even, but today I respect both of them even more.

The way Astha has behaved in the past has sent Simran into the backfoot. Has she not loved Astha, she would have breezed in happily with her own daughter on her arm, announcing it to the whole world and it's family that her daughter is back.......astha and her feelings be damned........

That she did not, is keeping her own daughter's happiness incomplete shows how much she is scared of loosing Astha. It's a fact that no time is right time, that no matter when Astha is told, she would react in the same selfish manner. And that is what Simran is afraid of, so she is just stalling the time so that she could at least enjoy some of Astha's love meanwhile and perhaps even hope that she would actually be mature enough to handle it.....

That madcap Radha has done a bad number on that spoiled brat......

Minnie you have said and explained it beautifully!!!!!!! It is Simrans love for Astha that has her taking all these precautions and also her procastinating in telling astha the truth, if she did'nt care for Astha she would'nt go thru the pain of keeping Sia in her house as a guest, I am a mother of two myself and athough parents love all their kids the same the compatibility issue does crop up from time to time, some kids are easier to get along with , some a bit more difficult, more kids are more clingy and needy , some more independent, your approach towards them may be different but no mother can love her kids differently, the love for each child is the same and Simran being a step mother has shown that even though astha is not her biological child she is just as precious to her as SIa, i DO NOT think that simran differentiates between the two, just her dealing with both of them is different because sia obviously understands more and doesnt jump to conclusions right away without listening to the other side of the story.

Originally posted by: sree_20

Before i start replying to this topic, i want to congratulate all who have taken part in this discussion, i do not want to name a select few. All have done well to put forward your points, yes, all have different views. This helps to bring about Great Discussions.

Sorry for being late in replying to this topic. I could not do it earlier due to personal work. I have read this long thread, feel i have nothing great to convey. All have covered all possible points. Some have even grabbed words from my mouth, same things which i would have written.

This is how i will reply. Simran brought in Astha into her life when she was in a dejected, depressed phase of her life. In life, many things do take place with or without our knowledge and willingness. We have to fight it out, weather the storm. Simran also has faced many a testing times in her life. One such tragedy in her life was that her Astha was kidnapped. This is when Gudiya came into her life, then Simran started to see the brighter side of life. When we think of Simran naming Gudiya as Astha, one should definitely get bells ringing in the ears, for just one reason. Simran saw Gudiya as her own Astha. So the very fact that Simran named Gudiya with the name of Astha reveals to one and all that Simran considered both as the same.

In this section, there was another topic, Who is the better mom? I could not reply there too. I will like to include that too in my reply. Simran loved Astha more than anybody else. She dedicated her life to AStha's upbringing. Yes, she pampered her a lot, she kept her over-protected as Sia puts it. But what is wrong in protecting one's kid? All mothers try to do this, i am sure. I do agree that Simran did not allow Astha to have any struggles in life. She always stood as her shield. But here, you have to understand Simran's mentality. She lost her kid when she was small. Now her world begins and ends with Astha. So she pampered her a lot, protected her which resulted in Astha growing up as a so-called Spoilt Brat. This attitude of Simran gave a laid back feeling in Astha.

I also agree that Simran could have been a bit strict with Astha. She could have sternly told Astha to get her priorities in life straight, become more responsible. But, i would like to view this aspect like this. Simran always saw Astha as a boon given to her by Neha. Simran never ever forgot the dying wish of Neha's. So she very well had in mind all the time, that she has to do good for Astha, she has to fulfill Neha's desire. This might have been the Big Big reason behind Simran's laid back approach to Astha.

I can give you a example for this. Consider that you have a kid in your house who is the kid of a very close relative. The kid is here to spend some time with your kid. Now, you will definitely show more affection and love towards the kid who is a guest. It is human nature. We will always have in mind that the kid should be taken care of, should not miss and crave for its parents. So this is the same situation in which Simran brought up Astha.

Now, to the question whether Simran still loves Astha or not? I do not think a mother needs to prove to the world at regular intervals, how much she loves her kid. This is very unfair to expect from a mother. In Simran's case, people might feel that she is avoiding or rather spending less time with Astha as soon as she got her Sia and Abhi with her. The answer is a big NO. Come on, Simran is also a human being with emotions. What if, she forgot the whole world for few days when she got back her presumed to be dead daughter back? What if life stopped for her when she saw Abhi again? This does not mean that she has forgotten AStha. Even now, her happiness is not complete bcos astha is not there with them. Even though, she craves to tell Astha the truth, she is not able to tell her bcos of Astha's strane reactions to situations. Yes, we might now blame Simran as responsible for this again. But we have to understand the situation in which Simran brought up Astha.

Simran and Abhi waiting for the right opportunity to tell AStha everything is not wrong at all. Above all, Simran is now happy that Astha is showing positive changes for the good. So situations are getting tough for her, as Astha is pretending to be nice. Simran very well knows that Astha lacks the power to think on her own. She can be brainwashed very easily, this she could have seen after Radha did that to AStha.

I can go on and on like this if time permits. But, i have to put a full stop somewhere. So i conclude by saying that Simran has always been the best of mothers to AStha under the given situation. She always has loved Astha, nothing can change her love for Astha. Her family is complete only with Astha.

VERY WELL WRITTEN.

Originally posted by: Minnie

I completely agree with you innocenindian. In order to be a bad parent, one does not have to adopt a child. The very own flesh and blood can be equally ignored.

My own hubby's father is a prime example. He used to be so busy in work that he did not even know which class his kids studied in. He did all the duties, sent them to right schools and colleges, got them all the material things that he thought his kids should have,but he never ever played or spent quality time with them. He never fed them, played with them, nor was he ever there to advise his kids when it was required. So the whole burden of bringing her kids fell on my Ma in law and unfortunately she was not a strict parent. Thankfully both her kids turned out well. She as a wife too got pretty neglected and died early due to a very late diagonisis of breast cancer. In fact he is the only father whom I have seen not take pride in his son's achievement and keep comparing as to how much success he himself achieved in that age, and if he did not, it was because he had a difficult life and my hubby has had it too easy. I have actually seen my hubby hanker for that small appreciation from my FIL which never comes.......

My hubby is just opposite to his father. He spends his every moment of free time with our kids and with him and generally loves to be around and participate in any kind of important function that my older son participates in. He does spoil them a lot but my FIL used to discourage him a lot saying bringing up kids is only a mom's responsibility, redicule him all the time, till the day my hubby got very angry and made it clear that he did not like to be told how he wanted to bring up his own kids, and that because he neglected them does not mean his son should do so too....... I felt bad for both of them, but that's reality......

Another interesting thing i feel like sharing. I have the most wonderful father ever. But it's a fact that he gives this tiny weeny bit more preference to my younger sister. Similarly, I am the apple of my mom's eye. Both me and my sis know this, and in fact at one point in our growing up period, this had become a teenage issue, like I used to keep cribbing how Papa loved my sis more and my sis complained how mom favoured me😆 ......and the most surprising of all that both my parents are kind of embarrassed about it but never have really vociferously denied it.......Yet we both know how much both our parents love both of us to desperation.....

Like wise, for some inexplicable reason, I am just this a little more protective towards my older son than I am to my younger one.....😳

Oh minnie, how awful for your husband and as for your sister I can so relate, I am the eldest out of us three siblings and my sister is the middle one and I too have at times seen a wee bit more concern for her but then even i worry for her too, theres 13 years between us, but when you do see that extra concern sometimes it does hurt but again i would say it is just concern i am sure my parents love all three of us the same and yeah sometimes we are bit more protective with one of our kids, My daughter is 7 years older than my son, she has tons of friends but my son is on the shy side, in that case it is natural to feel a bit more protective towards him when he is lonely and insecure but I love them the same , that could never waver.