does Simran still loves Astha? - Page 3

Originally posted by: innocentindian

Minnie

great stuff u wrote there - out of interest, can u tell us whether the brother was adopted as well?

And whether he was or not, how did he react to the situation..?

cheers

No, the brother was not adopted. He was their own. He did not know his sister was adopted either as he was very young when she was adopted. I am not really sure the circumstances of her adoption, but I did see some very twisted mind try to brainwash her that her mother was strict with her because she was adopted......

I also have little idea what went through the brother's mind. But whenever I met him, he used to behave as if nothing had happened. He even shouted at her few times for somethings, the only difference being, that earlier my friend used to shout back but now she would just become teary eyed and go from there and her brother would keep shouting after her even louder and look frustrated and sound as if the truth of her being adopted was more incovinient because she refused to fight with him anymore 😆 ....In fact amidst the wedding perparations, once I saw him standing over the rangoli preparation and say forlonely how empty the house would be after my friend was gone......it makes me think that knowing his sister was adopted made no difference to him. But I saw her parents pay so much attention to her. During her vidaai, Uncle broke down and cried like a child. Everybody was crying and beleive me, her being adopted was the last thing on anyone's mind. Today, every year, either she travels down and stays with her parents for a month and then they make a trip to her place and everything is back to normal. But yes, now herself being a mom of a daughter, she tells me what a tough time she gave her own mom and what a wonderful mom Aunty had been to her. The exact same way today I think of my mom......yet there was a time when I simply went against anything that my mom said....

There might be parents who might love their own child more than the adopted the one, but largely, THAt is the exception, not the other way round. I might love my own child more than my friend's child, but if I adopt a child, give him my name,be with it day in day out, clean him, bathe him, feed him, play with him, he calls me his parent, looks upto me, thinks of me as his protector, calls for me when he is afraid of the dark,I wash his wounds, soothe away his fears at night, take him to swimming/badminton/soccer/theatre/drawing/karate/cricket practice, beam with pride if he scores an A in Maths and scream at him for getting a C in English, take pride in his success and become dissapointed at his failure, why and how in the world a truth known to me when he first came into my arms when he was so tiny and depended on me start mattering to me after I go through so much with that human being? Any answers?

Hi Minnie,

That was an exceptional example of love that you narrated.I believe every word because I have seen it happen too.

It is very unfair to say that adopted childern are loved less...not fair to the parents who love them and raise them as their own.Infact they are the chosen ones.Infact if couples have their own child/children after adopting one,The adopted one is considered lucky and loved even more.This is what I have seen.

I have known children who have been illtreated by their step mother but that's because she could never accept them as a responsibility,not to speak as her own.She was only interested in the husband and did not want liabilities.

I have friends who adopted a baby girl as their first child on principle.The couple had planned this before marriage.They have a video of the place she was born or rather found(Lathur, an earthquake stricken place in Maharashtra,India) so that she knows her roots.It's amazing to see the resemblance between mother and daughter.

One thing I can say confidently is that when parents don't tell adopted children about the adoption,they NEVER mean to cheat the child.It may be wrong according to Psychologists but the intention is never devious.

I think Simran loves Astha just like she did before. Talking of not replacing Astha,Simran made that statement when she was grieving and mourning her daughter's death.Give her a break.

Once she accepted Gudiya,not really by force,only when she got attached to the baby and she herself started to love her and miss her,I don't think she has ever treated Gudiya any differently from her own child to this day.

Vazz and Victory you made some very good contributions to this topic.

Cheers

Akshata

Thanks for that reply Minnie...

It reminds me of the film Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham....in which - apart from that one FORGIVABLE outburst by Amithabhji, it was obvious that for both amithabh, jaya annd hrithik (forgot their sceen names), shahrukh (👏) was ALWAYS as if he was their own blood (and even for Daija)...

Personally, me and the mrs have even discussed adoption although we have our own 2 kids....but as it is this is hard enough...but i think it is just GREAT when people adopt and are able to give that kid a good home. What is better then giving everything to someone who potentially had nothing, whether this is material, or love , or both.

I've also noticed, that potentially, people who don't have kids are v.likely to make good parents, as opposed to the ones that take their kids for granted. Kids are an image of GOD yet some people don't appreciate that. It is hard as well - as we can see from dr. simran - she is an excellent all-round person, yet even she brought up a spoilt brat...

Before i start replying to this topic, i want to congratulate all who have taken part in this discussion, i do not want to name a select few. All have done well to put forward your points, yes, all have different views. This helps to bring about Great Discussions.

Sorry for being late in replying to this topic. I could not do it earlier due to personal work. I have read this long thread, feel i have nothing great to convey. All have covered all possible points. Some have even grabbed words from my mouth, same things which i would have written.

This is how i will reply. Simran brought in Astha into her life when she was in a dejected, depressed phase of her life. In life, many things do take place with or without our knowledge and willingness. We have to fight it out, weather the storm. Simran also has faced many a testing times in her life. One such tragedy in her life was that her Astha was kidnapped. This is when Gudiya came into her life, then Simran started to see the brighter side of life. When we think of Simran naming Gudiya as Astha, one should definitely get bells ringing in the ears, for just one reason. Simran saw Gudiya as her own Astha. So the very fact that Simran named Gudiya with the name of Astha reveals to one and all that Simran considered both as the same.

In this section, there was another topic, Who is the better mom? I could not reply there too. I will like to include that too in my reply. Simran loved Astha more than anybody else. She dedicated her life to AStha's upbringing. Yes, she pampered her a lot, she kept her over-protected as Sia puts it. But what is wrong in protecting one's kid? All mothers try to do this, i am sure. I do agree that Simran did not allow Astha to have any struggles in life. She always stood as her shield. But here, you have to understand Simran's mentality. She lost her kid when she was small. Now her world begins and ends with Astha. So she pampered her a lot, protected her which resulted in Astha growing up as a so-called Spoilt Brat. This attitude of Simran gave a laid back feeling in Astha.

I also agree that Simran could have been a bit strict with Astha. She could have sternly told Astha to get her priorities in life straight, become more responsible. But, i would like to view this aspect like this. Simran always saw Astha as a boon given to her by Neha. Simran never ever forgot the dying wish of Neha's. So she very well had in mind all the time, that she has to do good for Astha, she has to fulfill Neha's desire. This might have been the Big Big reason behind Simran's laid back approach to Astha.

I can give you a example for this. Consider that you have a kid in your house who is the kid of a very close relative. The kid is here to spend some time with your kid. Now, you will definitely show more affection and love towards the kid who is a guest. It is human nature. We will always have in mind that the kid should be taken care of, should not miss and crave for its parents. So this is the same situation in which Simran brought up Astha.

Now, to the question whether Simran still loves Astha or not? I do not think a mother needs to prove to the world at regular intervals, how much she loves her kid. This is very unfair to expect from a mother. In Simran's case, people might feel that she is avoiding or rather spending less time with Astha as soon as she got her Sia and Abhi with her. The answer is a big NO. Come on, Simran is also a human being with emotions. What if, she forgot the whole world for few days when she got back her presumed to be dead daughter back? What if life stopped for her when she saw Abhi again? This does not mean that she has forgotten AStha. Even now, her happiness is not complete bcos astha is not there with them. Even though, she craves to tell Astha the truth, she is not able to tell her bcos of Astha's strane reactions to situations. Yes, we might now blame Simran as responsible for this again. But we have to understand the situation in which Simran brought up Astha.

Simran and Abhi waiting for the right opportunity to tell AStha everything is not wrong at all. Above all, Simran is now happy that Astha is showing positive changes for the good. So situations are getting tough for her, as Astha is pretending to be nice. Simran very well knows that Astha lacks the power to think on her own. She can be brainwashed very easily, this she could have seen after Radha did that to AStha.

I can go on and on like this if time permits. But, i have to put a full stop somewhere. So i conclude by saying that Simran has always been the best of mothers to AStha under the given situation. She always has loved Astha, nothing can change her love for Astha. Her family is complete only with Astha.

"Even in familes with more than 2 kids, the middle children most of the times feel neglected at times. "

I am an only child... so cannot comment on my childhood... but I have two kids... right now the elder brother feels that I am being partial to his sister. He does not understand that a 2 1/2 yr old cannot be compelled to do things that I make the 5 yr old do. If my son feels neglected... it will be my responsibility to explain that it is not that I love him less... but it is time he started behaving like a big boy.

Astha will feel neglected, because all efforts will be made to make Sia comfortable.. that does not mean that Astha is loved less. Each child will have a different personality and will be dealt with differently. The tactics I use with my son will not work with my daughter. My son will listen if I give him a reason as to why things have to happen in a certain manner.. but my daughter cares a damn about reason. I have to raise my voice with my daughter... but that does not mean that I am being partial to them.

It is our outlook that comes out on whether simran will take care of both them equally or not. If I think that my elder one is adopted and my younger one is mine.. I cannot treat them differently. These are my feelings alone.

I've also noticed, that potentially, people who don't have kids are v.likely to make good parents, as opposed to the ones that take their kids for granted. Kids are an image of GOD yet some people don't appreciate that.

Can you expand on that II...

sure vazz

maybe i didn't word it well

that statement isn't a generalisation. I actually don't know too many people that have adopted, so can't discuss it to great lenght.

But what i have noticed is that there are some parents that take their kids for granted....being a parent is an immense responsibility. It's not just about taking the kids to football/cricket/dance etc, but it is also about instilling (or attempting to) as many good and wholesome qualities as one can. And this applies vice versa as well. The parents that i have seen take their kid for granted don't seem to have the time for them. They are tooo busy in their own lives. It really seems they don't want to do anything for their kids except keeping the kid with them.

On the other hand, there are people i have seen that are craving for kids. People that are doing so much to try and have kids, yet can't. They want to be parents. Yet they can't. Quite often (here anyway) a lot of those people are affluent as well. They have a lot of material sukh to offer the kid and are craving to give a kid love and patience as well, but just cannot. I just cannot help but wander that these people would make good parents and if they can't have their own, then why not adopt. That's all.

As I say, the statement was not a generalisation, but it was a personal observation.

I understand you better.. now. Kids are a great responsibility, I agree... when people who are pregnant ask me about labor pains, I always tell them that pain is nothing compared to the responsbility factor that sets in the second the baby is in your arms... or rather when they conceive. We are responsible to them for the rest of our lives

I have not come across parents who take their kids for granted. I guess I have been lucky....

Originally posted by: vazz

I have not come across parents who take their kids for granted. I guess I have been lucky....

oh i have! and believe me it is sad 😕 (i'm not talking about child-abuse etc - dunno anything about that).... but i mean just not taking the care to do the best for their kid...

Yup I think simran still loves Aastha but I think she's just trying to make up for the 18 years during which she was unable to bestow her love on Sia by focussing more on her instead of Aastha.