What will happen if? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Snowdrrop

According to me all of this started because of financial norm of our society in where men were used to work and women used to take care of household.

In joint families a man started taking part in business from a young age or he stabilise his business before marriage. Now if after marriage he shifted to somewhere else how was he supposed to take care of his wife and kids.

Now when these terms are changing where both man and woman are working. Now both didn’t stays with their parents. They only look for their working conditions. Both stays at their parents home for mostly 10 to 15 days in year.

Oh is it?

But then who used to look after the girl's parents if she had no brother?

Also, now when there are no kids or no one around, then how parents manage themselves after reaching old age? I want to know about both sides ke parents

Originally posted by: whatthelife

It’s not the same anymore … my husband and I are born/brought up in bengaluru … when we got married, we both were in different countries … he moved aboard to study, then had his own start-up, and I had moved to work… he moved in with me because it made sense career wise “for me” … he made accommodations to move in with me, never was I asked to give up everything and move in with him …

Have seen similar such cases around me, and some amongst my friends who I grew up with …

so, I would say “it depends” on many things … the man, the mentality of the couple, the man’s ego, trust in one another, most importantly the families who don’t condemn the decision the children make, and even if they did condemn your decisions/actions, you should still be able to do what’s best for your little family and explain to them that you are doing it with a lot of thought and have trust in you … if they don’t understand, it’s up to them!

So do you both live with your parents?

Originally posted by: surabhi01

Not necessary khuch log jamai raja ban ke bhi rehte hain

There was pahadi family where wife become widow usko apne beti ki shaadi Karni thi us widow wife ko husband ke place oe compensate ground pe naukri mil rahi thi

But uske damed ne bola ki agar aap compensate ki naukri muje de dein to Main apni beti se shaadi karne ko tayar hoon

To mother in law ne apmi naukri usko de di aur woh damed apmi SaaS ke Ghar rehne laga

To khuch situation mein log jamai ban kw rehte hai

Now why this practice follow kyonki bahut se log specially parents from bridegroom side ki agar hum damed ke paise ka, khaayege ti Hume paap lagega hum narak jaayenge Ya phir beti ka paisa,ka khaayenhe to paap lagega

Doosri baat yeh hai jaise karwa Chauth khucj aise festival hai jo sasural ke bataye ritual ke hisaab se follow karna hota hai kyonki aise maana jaata hai Agar waise ritual follow nahi Kiya bahu ne to kul devi naaraz ho jaayenge

Jub bahu ko sasural ka tradition hi follow karna ki kaise karwa Chauth kaise Sakat rakhna hai to maayeke mein rehne ka koi fayda nahi hai isliye unko sasural bheja jaata hai

oh accha

Originally posted by: surabhi01

Another reason ki parents ne kanya Daan kar diya Matlab Jo apne Daan kar diya To phir woh aapke paas kaise reh sakta hai

Parents ne kanya Daan Kiya to kanya phir parents ke paas kaise rahi gi

Agar apne paas hu rakhna beti to kanyadan ke ritual ka matalab nahi reh jaata

haan vahi mai jaanna chahti hoon ki kannyadaan hi kyun hota hai?

Originally posted by: myviewprem

this has changed in last 20-25 years

nowadays its mostly daughters and son in law taking care of daughters mom-dad

Because most bahus do not want in laws to stay with them

But why so? Why sons don't want to live with their parents?

Originally posted by: ShahH8er

Would suggest you to read up basic concepts of matrilineal and patrilineal systems before further discussions on patriarchy and oppression. Preferably from educational sites/webpages and not social media. Worldwide, most societies are patrilineal though one does find isolated societies which follow matrilineal structure such as in Meghalaya

Can you recommend me a good source? or can you explain me?

Yes, even in some parts of South India matrilineal structure is followed.

Also, I have a question, it is veryyy long, toh please last tak padh lijiyega although in law books I have studied about domestic violence and harassment, but I have seen something new on social media.

I have a situation, will this be considered as harassment? No sarcasm, I am not married so cannot understand all this.

So it goes like this

Situation 1

after 1-2 days of marriage a MIL asks her DIL to take bath before entering the kitchen, DIL gets offended and says that she is dictating me

situation 2

After marriage a MIL asks her DIL to get her a glass of water, make tea for her, etc DIL says why should I do all this?

Situation 3

MIL has 3 DILs, she gets expensive gifts for her 2 DILs but a cheap gift for her 3rd DIL, the son gets offended and walks off with his wife

Situation 4

After marriage MIL asks her DIL to wear bangles or the "suhag ki nishani,"

The situation is same, however this time the DIL is working, matlab office going.

Situation 5

MIL asks her DIL to cook for everyone,.

Situation 6

MIL does not behave in a same way with her DIL as she behaves with her son, she discusses everything like about the relatives and all.

I found all this on quora, even you all can search and you will get all this, I don't know whether I chose right platform to go and search about harassment against DIL by in-laws and also about the issues between DIL and MIL in marriage on quora, but this is what I found, so please tell me, can we consider all this as harassment or not?

This question is for everyone, so try to reply

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

It's not really fair to be judgemental or question anything and everything that is being done and followed over time without proper investigation and knowledge.

Jo nahin badalti toh woh yeh Satya hain ki Stree and Purush ek doosre ke Poorak hote hain.

That's why I want to know the reason, I don't want to do the same mistake jo log kar dete hain ki bina reason jane kuch bhi criticize kar diya.

Earlier I use to question each and everything practiced and followed in India, the biggest question was that

why can't girls go to temple in periods, then I found proper reason for this practice in fact, if you want a practical example then go and touch tulsi plant during periods, it will start dying because of the energy being released from the body.. Now, may be many would not believe this, or my source of research may be incorrect but tulsi plant wala toh people can actually try.

Since then, I started reading about what we practice and why.

And my latest question is this.

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

Dekho, jo convenient hain aur sahamat hain woh kar lo.

It's not really fair to be judgemental or question anything and everything that is being done and followed over time without proper investigation and knowledge.

Kaal aur yug ke hisaab se Paribhshayein badalti rehti hain.

Jo nahin badalti toh woh yeh Satya hain ki Stree and Purush ek doosre ke Poorak hote hain.

That's why I want to know the reason, I don't want to do the same mistake jo log kar dete hain ki bina reason jane kuch bhi criticize kar diya.

Earlier I use to question each and everything practiced and followed in India, the biggest question was that

why can't girls go to temple in periods, then I found proper reason for this practice in fact, if you want a practical example then go and touch tulsi plant during periods, it will start dying because of the energy being released from the body.. Now, may be many would not believe this, or my source of research may be incorrect but tulsi plant wala toh people can actually try.

Since then, I started reading about what we practice and why.

And my latest question is this.

Edit:

I have written same thing twice, please ignore.

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

But why so? Why sons don't want to live with their parents?

i have seen that happen in many city of india mumbai bangaore delhi sons do not want to live with parents as wife do not want to take care of his parents

they think aged ppl will restrict their modern life style too the sons as they work in MNC and get friends for party over weekends etc

even grand kids do not like aged grand parents around nowadays as they may object to party etc

As far as i see in city most as independent family with hubby wife and kids, aged parents are left in native village or back in other towns alone

In my circle in 1000s of educated working family hardly i see 50 family having sons parents staying with them permanent that too they have separate apartment not in sons home mostly but near sons home

Parent just visit 1 month a year thats all mostly for others

And if parents get sick son calls sister saying go take care of parents or get them to your home and take care or they appoint aservant maid to take care back in native thats all

Daughter in law i never seen taking care of in laws in sickness at least in bigger cities with educated working ppl

Daughter hubby too do not want her parents sometimes but are forced by wife to get her parents to take care

both hubby wife working and kids going to school college so no one wants extra burnden to cook and take care of aged.

Rarely 10% in city have parents with them at home

Originally posted by: NiharikaMishra

But old people sometimes do need help and company, don't they?

Now think, will a son's mother ever tell her daughter that she is ashamed of being a burden on her son's wife. Rarely!

I personally feel that the couple should live with the set of parents that need more care, if that is an option at all.

Some people say, live with both sets of parents together. While a great option, it's often not feasible in real life. A typical middle class family usually rents or purchases a 3bhk to accomodate the couple, parents and kids, unless they are filthy rich or living in an ancestral house in a small town. Two sets of parents will need more than average space and it can also cause arguments due to difference of opinions.

PS the movie Maai is available on Youtube, you can watch trailer here,

https://youtu.be/fWplbv1XTrc

Wow, I am getting to see different but great opinions

That was my first question, if no one will live with parents then who will look after them? This goes for both sets of parents

Also, although this is an exception but what if the girl is a single child and so is the boy, phir kya solution hai? Then what can be done?

Both sets of parents living together is a dangerous option for everyone's mental health, roz kalesh honge because both may follow different cultures or small practices may differ,, this will also cause fights between the couple.

So wat is the solution?

and sorry, I forgot to tag you in the above question, please try to reply to that as well, yahin upar hai, jahan sabko tag kiya hai aapko karna bhool gai.