Why do men behave so petrified if you ask them something concrete

I really wanna know this. If you ask a man what are your future plans…he would never give s concrete answer.. he would say this is how it is right now and let’s see how it goes later. Nothing is fixed and things can change anytime. Which is tbh an unsettling answer. Like as a prospect for marriage I understand that you might not be able to tell me details about how things will be placed exactly but for a question as simple as “in which city you would be working for the years to come”.. their answer would be right now i am in city A, but you never know i might go to City B if there’s an opportunity but also i might stay in City A, but also i have an office in city C too so that’s also an option. And if you say that you want to stay in city A, they would be like but post marriage you have to adjust.

 I feel baffled…Like they wont give you any clarity and then expect you to blindly walk with them risking everything in the name of adjustment. If as a girl you show any of your preferences you’re probably lab-led as being too picky or unadjusting or someone who doesn’t want to step out of her comfort zone. Though the truth is as a girl she is already stepping out of her comfort zone too much by agreeing to move to her husband’s house. And if she adds some minor preferences to it she probably is too demanding. What kind of high it gives to men in believing that if a girl is ready to risk it all for his fancies, then only she is a worthy partner? 

Because future isn't concrete. You can have a long term vision on where you want to see yourself in 10 years but to make it concrete, at an arranged marriage meeting, is stupid. Because you know the woman is going to hold that against you forever. BTW didn't know people still did arranged marriages.To spend the rest of your life with a stranger!! Scary Stuff!!

Men don’t have answers to hypothetical situations.. ask better questions maybe you’ll find your answer 

This is not a male problem per se, it’s a flaky people problem. 

But your frustration is justified, OP. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into believing otherwise. If you are looking for someone to marry, expecting your spouse to have concrete goals is literally the bare minimum.

I see some men answering those questions with expected answers 😂 But seriously why is answering something like that so tough …Just want to understand your opinion. Like if someone asks me a question like where i would want to work or live for the rest of my life i would have a definite answer because as a woman i always think about what a happy life looks like. Whether my happiness is tied to a job or a place or to some people or to some ambition. I would know that and i would want that. I would know what i want. And if it’s the thrill of uncertainty that you want, then be clear on that too. 

Originally posted by: Supari_khala

But your frustration is justified, OP. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into believing otherwise. If you are looking for someone to marry, expecting your spouse to have concrete goals is literally the bare minimum.

Ah i am glad someone said that! It kind of feels like despite being well read, responsible, earning well you still aren’t enough just because you aren’t giving into the uncertainty people want you to live with. 

I don't think it is a male or female problem. Some people are very clear about their future and can answer things in depth. Some people live in the moment and have not given any thought to the long-term future and get stumped by deeper questions.

But that being said you have every right to expect a partner with clarity. If they are unable to give you the clarity you expect move on and find someone who does. 

Sometimes people make exceptions because their partners have other redeemable qualities. For some people, kindness and thoughtfulness cancels some flakiness, but for others, it doesn't. You do you.  The point is don't change your standards because others say it is too high or wrong. But do what is right for you. 

Originally posted by: _symphony

I really wanna know this. If you ask a man what are your future plans…he would never give s concrete answer.. he would say this is how it is right now and let’s see how it goes later. Nothing is fixed and things can change anytime. Which is tbh an unsettling answer. Like as a prospect for marriage I understand that you might not be able to tell me details about how things will be placed exactly but for a question as simple as “in which city you would be working for the years to come”.. their answer would be right now i am in city A, but you never know i might go to City B if there’s an opportunity but also i might stay in City A, but also i have an office in city C too so that’s also an option. And if you say that you want to stay in city A, they would be like but post marriage you have to adjust.

 I feel baffled…Like they wont give you any clarity and then expect you to blindly walk with them risking everything in the name of adjustment. If as a girl you show any of your preferences you’re probably lab-led as being too picky or unadjusting or someone who doesn’t want to step out of her comfort zone. Though the truth is as a girl she is already stepping out of her comfort zone too much by agreeing to move to her husband’s house. And if she adds some minor preferences to it she probably is too demanding. What kind of high it gives to men in believing that if a girl is ready to risk it all for his fancies, then only she is a worthy partner? 

thats coz most men r really clueless abt future plans at that age 😂
My hubby told me we will move to our hometown in 2 yrs..that was a recurring statement every 2 yrs and soon enough it will be 20 😀now I dont want to move.

agree with everything u said in 2nd para

Originally posted by: _symphony

 but for a question as simple as “in which city you would be working for the years to come”.. their answer would be right now i am in city A, but you never know i might go to City B if there’s an opportunity but also i might stay in City A, but also i have an office in city C too so that’s also an option. And if you say that you want to stay in city A, they would be like but post marriage you have to adjust.

 

How can you get a more crystal clear answer than that.

Person is clear that job might take him to places and is not false promising you something he might not be able to standby with it.